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Happy to see this edit. Be glad it was only 6 months.
Go see a doctor now. If you're watching porn stop now.
If she has stayed with you through 8 years of this, she's a keeper. Take this more seriously than your job.
I guess? I dunno I'm old enough that 7 years doesn't sound particularly extreme, but that sort of gap could mean more when you're younger.
5 years and numerous women passing, where you rejected or being picky?
This suitor seem like a walking red flag. Does she have prenup? Try understand her financial situation before making any decisions.
Hey dude I hope genuinely that you are feeling better now and wish that you pass this phase very soon… I would like to advise you to go to gym I you can, read more books than you ever did, meet new people whislt picking new hobbies. Then try to define what you would expect in an relationship and what you would not accept then 2 or 3 months later give it a go
My cousins have 8 kids with 2 brown eyed parents, 6 of them have blue eyes. Both grandmothers had blue eyes.
Gregor Mendel solved this puzzle in 1865 with his research in genetics. Perhaps reproducing with someone that stupid is not such a great idea.
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Your boyfriend is an absolute piece of shit. I can promise you that you’ll be better off without him.
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Absolutely nothing wrong with voicing your concerns. At the end of the day your partner still communicating with their ex can be confusing for some people. That being said, it does definitely depend situation to situation too. For instance, in my last relationship I was still at a point where I was communicating with my ex, however we were nothing but good friends because we ended things years ago due to difference in lifestyles and goals and it was amicable. We never hung out together when I was with my current partner (at the time – now ex).
Don't sit on it with your thoughts. Best thing you can do if you have concerns is to voice them especially if you have trust issues. Everyone handles these kind of things differently and not having a conversation about this stuff will only make things escalate if not addressed as soon as possible 🙂
How so? OP just doesn't want little children in the house right after giving birth. It's a very naked time and her daughter's wouldn't be in the house either.
OP said she would be hurt but wouldn't mind doing a test if he came to her. Instead, in times of doubt and conflict, instead of turning to his wife and communicating, he went to his ex and they came up with a plan to go behind OPs back and do a test.
I don't think you're being controlling per se but I think you're only hurting yourself asking about what kind of porn he watches. My boyfriend and I both watch porn which was briefly mentioned at the beginning of the relationship, I have no idea what he watches and don't care to know.
Is he watching this while he's right next to you or otherwise how do you know when/what he watches?
my dude you are a door mat and she knows it, have some self respect for god sake.
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45k in credit card debt is ridiculous. That is not the person to start a life with. You will be the financial planner with someone who doesn't respect money. You'll be depressed, anxious, and inevitably you'll divorce and wonder how this all went so bad.
This is a huge red flag. Run.
Yeah… I think something that might help me see that this should end would be one date, and then being done with it if I feel like I’m on an audition lol. But I may end up hurt just doing that. Not sure if the risk is worth it.
Yep, the exact post a couple of days ago. It's a troll.
? this is just not a healthy relationship
Might be secondary vaginismus caused by some anxiety or other mental block.
Check out r/vaginismus
Great point. It will definitely be a mix of some advice I've been given here. I don't want it to be a full fled conversation, more so cut and dry, so to say. “This is why I'm done, I'm moving on. I wish you the best”
I told her she needs to stop wearing makeup until she accepts herself but she’d rather break up with me over makeup.
Why did this become an either/or thing? Yeah she clearly has some insecurities, but forcing her to stop wearing makeup is not the answer… it's also okay if she doesn't like the pictures of her without it.
He wanted to run away instead of dealing with his problems, and being back in Utah will not make those problems disappear—it’s likely only a matter of time before he finds someone else to text and meet up with there. He is not willing to make amends or properly confront what happened.
It sounds like he’s checked out of this relationship, and it’s become very one-sided. I think the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and your needs, and move on.
Why are you doing long distance with someone you cannot meet? That’s such a bizarre concept to me.
I was resistant
This means he didn't agree. Don't know why that's so difficult for you to understand.
How romantic can it be with you berating him over it? You've received flowers 4 times in a year? You do sound ungrateful. He's 19, how much discretionary income do you think he has?
Does he not show you in other ways he loves you?
Get rid of the man old enough to be your father? They tend to be controlling and think they know best.
This is precisely the kind of guy you SHOULD want to lose. He’s abusive. He gives zero fucks about your needs. All of this is so wrong.
I'm going to take a moment and point out that this woman is your GIRLFRIEND. Not your wife. Not your daughter's stepmom. Your GIRLFRIEND. Yes, you have been together for a considerable period of time, but her immaturity related to this simple act of kindness towards your daughter is really concerning.
Let me put this is perspective for you. I'm in my 65. I've been unemployed for two years because of the whole COVID thing and I'm broke. My 94 year old parents came to stay with me over the holiday. My Dad noticed that the flapper on my toilet was failing (toilet was running all the time). So, he took upon himself to go out, get the part, and replace it. He didn't announce it, he just did it. Toilet fixed. He's 94. I'm still his much loved daughter, even though I'm 65.. When they left for home, I cried. DO NOT give up doing things for your much loved daughter!
Did you confront her or did you talk to her? There's a difference. If my hubs confronted me about anything I'd probably tell him to kick rocks.
Do it, let's watch the world burn
I was literally going to say this. He just kind of DARVO'd her…
She needs harsh. Just block her and her family and be done. They can’t make you do it.
Can you ask her to go to therapy and do a background check too? I mean it's only fair. She could have abusive behaviors for all you know. What she asked is ridiculous and a breach of trust.
Wait. Let me see if I got this straight. You jumped up and threatened to punch your wife in a successful effort to intimidate her.
A full stay away order of protection against you, which you chose to violate by asking to have a message relayed to your wife.
Part of that message was a request that she drop criminal charges against you.
Definitely run away from this marriage. Because if your wife wants anything to do with you, or anyone like you, she is deeply, deeply disturbed and likely beyond redemption.
Obviously what he did was wrong, there isn't a question there and you didn't deserve ANY violence.
Who wants intimate touching while their eating? That's weird to me. That doesn't mean he had any right to react that way. It's simply throwing me off.
Either way, he probably wasn’t sending the dick pic to you. Given the speed at which your sister told you, that suggests nothing going on there so I suspect it wasn’t for her either but a mystery other woman.
I am so sorry, but you can do so much better than this xx
He’s definitely a narcissist, and I would blame nature (sounds like he got it from mom) and nurture (again, from mom).
To reiterate, he wants you to forgive him so he can move on, so that he could feel better. Typical.
I agree with your husband that nothing good will come from letting George back into your life. You’ve come a long way, successfully navigated marriage at a young age and with a lot of (undeserved) baggage. Congratulations on becoming better than the environment you grew up in. The past is now the past; some people deserve to be left there.
Run like hell
He tried to find my address recently since he doesn’t have it (my parents would have a heart attack if they knew I’m seeing someone who’s 32) but I’m keeping that away from him since he said if I ever ignore his message he would come to my house personally.
Tell him that you will be calling the police on him and get a restraining order against him if he does this. Then block him.
You are actually letting him 'silence' yourself. Because he doesn't even know where you live!. Your friends are right that you need to just block the guy and call it a day. Block all new requests too or calls from unknown numbers or even get a new phone number.
If your social media profile is public, private it. Block him everywhere too.
“For some reason”. Men who are bullies and want to carry a gun and scare people choose to be police bc now they can do those things and get paid for it.
I'd want to know.
What concerns me is that she doesn’t seem to care about the damage her words did. It sounds like she is getting what she wants and that’s all that matters to her.
You don't think that would make her feel insecure every time he looks at a naked girl? Or likes a nude girl's post on SM? Or watches nude girls on porn?
Really?
Reddit is full of married people who have been cheated on or dumped and you think that him wanting to marry her is just rainbows and unicorns skipping off into the sunset?
This is the kind of thing you keep to yourself. You don't mouth off to a friend that the girl you are calling 'homely' sees regularly. She's never going to be able to look that guy in the eye again knowing he knows her own boyfriend rates her a 2.
I'd typically say get the vasectomy, she went through pregnancy and birth. However, not even sure why this is a topic while separated.
I think her wanting it before reconciliation is extreme. For all you know, she just doesn't want you having kids with someone else…she could drop you once the procedure is done.
Table this conversation until you've worked through the other issues that led to the separation.
Well, I don't actually get lonely, so maybe that's why I don't care.
It is an unethical for people in relationships, treat others like their maids the pure laziness is totally unfathomable. I would not be in a relationship that I’m expected to do everything a partnership is equal, not one-sided.
Joking with his friends at his age? Girl, he’s almost 40, he ain’t joking. Maybe he wants to experiment, maybe he is bisexual, but it doesn’t matter, you’re divorcing.
Speak for yourself. My husband can go through my phone anytime he wants, and vice versa.
Asking isn’t pressuring. It’s just asking. Don’t overthink this. It could be fabulous!
He's a dumb fuck. Dump him. There are plenty of fish out there for you to choose from that will appreciate you.
I’m trying to get out of the lease. The issues are sewage issues and it smells so bad in there. I’ve figured out that he doesn’t want to move in with me. I’m just hurt, he invested money in all of this just like I did and he pulled this crap
Lycka till!
Your husband is the one alienating your son by pushing his right wing views onto your liberal son. If you and your husband want to have a good relationship with your son and his family you and your husband are going respect his boundaries and your husband is going to have to stop antagonizing your son and instigating fights by constantly bringing up his political beliefs. Your husband is creating this divide and you are too foolish to see it.
I thought the same thing for a lot of the same reasons you did. Also, how come this is the first time Sadie ever mentioned Jess as a separate person from Jake? According to the story, brunch wasn't the first time OP met Sadie. I find it very naked to believe that “Jess” wouldn't have come up in conversation or at least been mentioned any other time OP interacted with Jake and Sadie.
That, in addition to all the points you raised, have my Fake Story senses tingling. This is just a fairly well written anti-trans bait post.
You’re right. This is very helpful thank you! It is naked to find time to apply to other work but I know it’s what I have to do. I appreciate this.
OP, from that edit it sounds like you’re staying with him? No amount of remorse can make up for this level of a violation. He 100% knew what he was doing was violating your consent and he did it anyway for his own fucked up sexual pleasure. He’s not actually remorseful, he’s only guilty because he got caught
I mean it's possible she got it ages ago and hasn't had any flair up. It's very common. I think if she has a flare up get her to take the tablets and don't have sex.
HPV has a lot of negative connotations and I can see why someone who hasn't had a flair up might want to keep it secret.
Your best bet is just to talk to her about it, find out why she didn't tell you, but just as an fyi soooo many people have it.
It’s fine to want more intimacy. It’s not fine to expect it when you’re partner is currently unable to give that to you with any level of enthusiasm.
Love is wanting someone to be happy. If he has a better future in a different country, just try to be happy for him.
didn't get the chance. he scheduled all his days off before he told me anything about it
Well, she'll learn one way or another. The question is merely how many years she wastes before learning it.
Yeah she has, and she’s been taking her Lexapro more consistently lately. But that’s also a catch-22 because the side effects of her medication is a decreased libido. So, in a sense, she’s not sexually active because she’s depressed, but then in order to not be depressed she has to take medication that also keeps her libido low 🙁
Yes that's true, I really dont have anything in common with either of them anymore – hopefully this will pass over the next few weeks. Thanks for you reply!
I mean what’s she gonna do if she kiss a woman and she likes it? Has she or you thought about that?
If she likes it does that mean she’s going to break off your relationship and pursue dating a woman instead?
If that’s not the case and she won’t break up with you then why is she bothering to “test the waters”?
She can blame you all she wants but she did this to herself with her bad choices.
If she threatens self harm you call the police for a welfare check and block her.
Hell no. Why the hell would she even want to third wheel at a frat party? That makes no sense
He's not even your boyfriend so I really wouldn't worry about marrying him?
But also no, I wouldn't trust a relationship with someone who has normalized infidelity.
Yes. You are crazy. As you say, he has no idea what he’d actually do. You should be pretty glad his go-to isn’t murder.
So talking to one who took advantage of a girl and then ghosted her/ blocked her sounds like good advice?
It's shit advice, playing with a girls hope for betterment of a weak/ evil guy who has already proven to be untrustworthy and to rather avoid her than talk!
What would she do with such a personality other than hurting herself?
You pressured her hoping that the dopamine of sex would cloud her mind enough for her to agree which she did. It doesn't matter how much you want it. You should have never insisted or tried to talk her into it. She was in a position where she felt like she couldn't say no and that's a pretty fucked up place to be. You didn't make it safe for her to say no.
You realize how that doesn't make any sense, right? Like saying “I'm worried I'll go back to my heroin addiction so I'll just keep shooting up heroin”
I should mention more about this. Like I mentioned I was in a dark place meaning I was suicidal, I was ready to give up on life until I met whoever she was. My own family never game a damn about me and that is why I am having a naked time with this. I'm not trying to let this take me over right now, but that's 4 months of time and engery that I will never get back. I know it is stupid and I should jus move on, and I'm not saying anyone is wrong, I jus don't want to go back to that place in my life again.
Hi, thank you for your response. I ended up confronting her about this, but instead of showing remorse, she became defensive, got mad at me and gave me the silent treatment. Eventually, she herself said she will block him – so I let this slide (like an idiot). But today I found out that their SnapStreak is still going strong and she is still in touch with him. Today she is at her college re-union (even her ex is there), and she shamelessly told me that she has asked her ex to drop her off after the reunion because she doesn't want to spend money on a cab. She even planned this with him before going to the reunion and only mentioned it to me over the phone like it was no big deal. Apparently he is also coming super late and she is still choosing to stay and come back with him rather than just taking a cab. I didn't react during the call, but I've decided that I'm done with this relationship. I'm heartbroken, I hate myself and I wish I hadn't let this reach till here. But I'm done. F*** her.
Naked truth to swallow thank you.
I don't envy the position that you are in here OP, and I am not sure how things will go for you.
It might be time for one last “Hail Mary” heart to heart? (Not to put words in your mouth) It sounds like maybe, knowing how important it is to him, you tried to get excited about the big, expensive wedding because it makes him happy, but at the end of the day, you are deeply conflicted about the cost so as naked as you tried, you couldn't genuinely get on board?
What is it about this venue that is so important to him? e.g. the vibe (classic & timeless? Beach-side boho?), location? Are there cheaper alternative venues? Is it because it's the only one you can all fit in? Can you do an “off-peak” wedding, instead of a “peak” season wedding?
A friend of mine was originally supposed to get married at a venue that she didn't love, but it was the only option in that area, because of the size of the original guest list. So for her, in order to have her loved ones there, she just had to suck it up & deal. Another friend decided to get married in winter (instead of summer like she always wanted) because it was cheaper, so they didn't have to compromise on the guest-list and food/beverages. They also picked the 3 most important things to have, and ditched everything else (They had a small cake for cake cutting purposes which she made, didn't do wedding favours, used a friend of theirs as a “vendor” to supply all of the AV equipment).
Get creative with the possible solutions & ways to cut costs.
If you can't find a compromise or an alternative, then you may just need to accept that this is what is happening. In that case, you run the risk of resentment building on your end, which is not an ideal start to a new marriage.
She watched him while they drove off, how is it not her fault for letting them know?? Christ fuck
She sounds an idiot. Not respect for you. Maybe call her “Wifey” see how she likes it. Anyway they say we decided our names in Heaven that’s why Parents have such a naked job choosing them they are working against the Universe.
They leave tomorrow, from what I know.