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WOW and i just read your comment that she was on birth control before you so she didnt even need the condoms to protect against pregnancy. you really are mad they got to raw dog her and you didnt.
Clearly she has a secret door behind a bookcase in her house and she's been letting in a random man through a secret passage. Your doorcam wouldn't catch that.
The thing i’m worried about is that if i leave she’ll kill herself, she’s tried doing it multiple times before already. I don’t feel like i’m trapped in the relationship because i really do want to be in it but it’s just her metal health, i don’t think i would be able to leave cause of that.
If you wanted to take big risks like taking out $100K on loans and losing an income for 2 years, you should have done that before you had a child. That’s just the truth. Your wife is right to be concerned. By your own admission, this will be your third career change. How does she know you’ll stick with this one?
Why not just take some additional part time education in medical to move up where you’re already at? That’s more reasonable.
Thank u. I was writing the same thing.
Girl I don't mean to be rude but WHY did you marry him after 6 months of dating? And it's creepy for a 30 year old man to be dating a 19/20 year old.
That aside…the extra phone line and little white lies are very suspicious and I would seriously sit him down and ask him what's that all about.
Do what Wednesday would do, dump a bag of fire ants over his head and leave him lol
I think you should either tell her but make it clear you respect her sexuality or try to explore other options.
You aren't compatible.
Divorce and move on
First, I think you should dump the guy, or at least not give up your cat. I’m sure that echoes other comments, though.
I also want to talk about the three cats v. two thing. I had two for ages, and did not plan on more. They were older cats, and one of them does have some slight behavioral problems from being separated from litter mates too early. I ended up with a kitten last year when my older cats were 9 and 10. I thought it wouldn’t go well. I thought the older ones would hate her or that she’d disrupt the dynamic too much.
To my surprise, having a kitten with the older two improved life for everyone. The one who had behavioral problems has calmed down and she actually has seemed to learn things from the youngest one, they both like the kitten more than each other, and the youngest one sometimes helps police the others. She’s helped them become better cats, and I would have expected some protests and backtracking. The dynamic among the three is better than when it was just the two. You really, really cannot predict how these things will go. Having three cats is a lot of work but it’s soooo much better than I expected in other ways.
People who do what they say and say what they do are SO important in society
that they are given a special label: “Integrity”. This label cannot be given to oneself
by themselves. It can only be bestowed by individuals who watch your behavior.
So…the question is really whether or not you have “Integrity.”
Think you missed a part, she doesn't wanna take the kids just her
So if two lesbians use fake cum then it's not gay anymore? Or if a straight couple doesn't have penetrative sex then it's not heterosexual enough? Lol
Well no duh, you don't understand the reason why I said it. Go back and read my comment again for why
I've been there before. ( I didn't cheat in the end either ots gross and not worth it) There isn't any working out after cheating. Relationships are built on trust, and cheating destroys that. Staying together will only cause you anxiety, do you really think you can trust him to not cheat again? If you could then he wouldn't have done it the first time. If he cheated the relationship is already over because he killed it.
He is not worth it. He is not worth the constant doubt and worry. A relationship with no trust is like a house built on sand it won't last, it will crumble.
It will hurt breaking up at first, but I know from experience one day you will look back and know you did the right thing.
But my thing is he should actually trust me, not just “trust” me with a guy because that guy is gay.
yes exactly.
maybe OP's fiancé should marry his friends! he seems to trust them more
You just literally said that pedophiles pursue children, because children wouldn't find out that they are pedophiles.
This isn't making the argument that you think it's making lol
Her brother might be okay, but would still be weird. Parents and stuff probably not. Just an unfortunate situation and will have to develop my own “family”.
The mask probably fell off a while ago, and you chose not to notice it. He isn't lying either, so don't believe him if he magically reverts to his old behavior. This sounds like the kind of guy who would have no problem raping you, then threatening you to keep you in line. All I can say is believe what you heard and saw; get out with your kids before he decides he overplayed his hand and let you see too much behind the curtain. Do WHATEVER you need to do to remain safe. You can always find another husband, preferably one that isn't so self-absorbed.
Woooow, can’t believe you let it get this far. Can’t believe what I’m reading!
Well, I come from an Indian family. I think they are right to be worried and angry because anything could've happened and I got lucky that they were quick to respond. It's just that, as long as it was anger over the incident it was understandable.. I just don't know how it came on to questioning my loyalty and character
This not super constructive lol. The age gap portion is relevant for context – obviously because it makes his feelings more valid – but that’s not the issue here. The issue is: “how long is it generally reasonable to wait before you’re introduced to your SO’s family.”
Well we work evening shift. My boyfriend does too. So we’re all up fairly late. Not on the same schedule as 9-5 ppls.
I need some popcorn, plot twists everywhere
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The one that she asked me about was who was the guy who spent 3k on strippers at a bachelor party but didn't get laid. It was just weird coming home and the first question was who spent 3k at the strip club at your brothers bachelor party? Again it's not something I would hide from her, but it was something we never talked about … Because it was a friend of a friend. So it feels “icky” because reddit feels more like a anonymous forum where people can talk about anything, but I'm my situation it feels like I am not anonymous anymore and what I say can now affect me outside of reddit.
There is no – as in none, zero, abso-fucking-lutely NO – reason I would ever get my sister's man a gift.
That's your hangup, there's literally nothing wrong with it, depending on the nature of the gift.
I’m a male and can say with authority he is wrong.
It's not meant to make it “more appealing.” It's meant to show that people who don't have it are the ones with fewer options, not the people who do have it.
Run. Now.
You literally described doing additional/extra work. You literally described taking control of everything so she doesn’t have to
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I get wanting to fix it, but you’re still not thinking of her and just of yourself. She TOLD you want she wanted, and you’re ignoring it. She told you she doesn’t see getting back together as possible and she’s blocked you so she doesn’t hurt and so she can move on. So let her. Her telling you she still cares for you, doesn’t mean she wants you back. It simply means she still cared for you. And she could be saying that so as not to hurt YOU as much when she blocks you.
Also if you didn’t show her enough how much she meant to you when you were together, showing her now doesn’t mean much. Too often people treat someone well when they can’t have them but then go back to neglecting them when they get back together. So let her go, and learn from this to do better in your next relationship.
Don't worry about your ex. Focus on the future. Also, your confidence shouldn't depend on someone else's opinion. Find someone that accepts you for you.
So you sabotaged the guys rep and you don't care if you were wrong or not? Talk to the guy to see how you can make amends and do what he asks. You owe him.
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Why be with someone who clearly has no love or respect for you? Time to move on.
Do as she asks. Grow as a person. Focus on friends and family. Crush your career. Work on being a better you. Also don’t get trapped later down the road if she comes back. You owe it to yourself to experience other relationships and grow as an individual
I respond in the beginning of the thread when i had like 5 people supporting hiding, tf u on
Heading a lot of this
I've had my fair share of drama with my ex, but nothing as weird as this.
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That’s not any better OP. At the age you are now, would you even consider dating a 16 year old? No because they are a child.
This man values sex more than he values you, he’s made that very clear. You are also sexually incompatible. Why are you still with him?
Sorry about your conditions, they sound painful. Hopefully, you will find a partner who understands your needs and can be there for you when you are in pain.
She doesn’t want me to hear her conversations and thinks I judge them, which just sounds like an excuse to me cuz most time I’m playing my game while she’s talking otp. I did check and she really just sits in her car talking. I’ve walked out before to catch her and she was talking to her friend. It’s just weird af.
Depending on where she lives, age of consent being 16 doesnt necessarily even mean that it’s legal for a 24 year old to hook up with her.
In many U.S. states, age of consent being 16 means that 16, 17, and 18 year olds can all legally consent to have sex with one another, but if there is more than a 2 year age gap then it is considered statutory rape on the part of the party over the age of majority (18).
I agree with you that legal≠morally okay, but if OP is in the US, then there is a good chance her “boyfriend” WAS breaking the law when she was 16 and 17.
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I never said she was racist for tanning, I don’t know what mental gymnastics you’re talking about since I was fairly clear. She is however darkening her skin for a specific look and and is now looking to cosplay as a dark skinned character. Typical rule of cosplay, unless you’re dressing up in a unrealistic skin tone stay away from altering your skin just to match a characters.
You're not judgemental at all. You see that someone like her can have a negative effect on your lives and you want to prevent that. It may br a bad analogy, but friendship with a cheater is like having a friendship with an addict. Are they gonna wreck havoc in your life? Hurt someone due to their addiction? Rope you and your partner into doing drugs? No one knows, thats why people avoid them (cheaters and addicts).
Your bf HOWEVER. He has told you openly that he condones this behavior. He has no problem with what this girl is doing, and doesn't mind keeping her around. Make what you will of that.
Maybe he's hoping to reap the benefits of her loose morals since she is already a cheater just saying ?♀️
There are plenty of horror stories about all of the options on the table. She should talk to her doctor.
He hasn't had the surgery. I didn't say he had. Having the options of condoms forever/vasectomy/ or no sex at 24 is not a fair position to put your partner.
There are other effective methods of birth control where they can practice safe sex and not put her at risk.
Your “principles” are outdated, mysoginistic and frankly ridiculous. You're supposed to be equal partners.
That sucks that u got tied up in red tape, I guess I just wanted to clear up that nothing incredibly heinous didn't occur tho I doubt you'd mention it if u did but the phrasing of your words tells me you're a person with a fair level of empathy. Sorry to pry
I'm glad that u have those skills and tbf she's probably in a bad state mentally due to everything so it makes sense that she's been selfish and verbally abusive. I can be the same when I get in a bad place hormonally (legit medical reason on my part also but still not good)
I wanted to say you're incredibly patient for dealing with the whole situation in general. Maybe u can establish a rule that you step back when she starts taking it out on u again (which hopefully won't happen in the same frequency or extent as before). I'd also recommend writing things down, what exactly was said, context and time/date so u don't question yourself. Sounds like overkill but it allows us to remain objective
You can also encourage her to put her thoughts into words better so things can be talked out before they boil over in her mind and so she can have a sounding board to identify if her thoughts are being distorted due to her mind set
Idr exactly what u said she's already done but there are several SSRIs antidepressants that are safe for pregnancy in lower doses (only risk is mild withdrawal for baby, some cases have been more severe and required medical intervention for baby but this is very rare). If she's interested mothertobaby.org is an excellent resource and definitely more accurate than the info most Dr's will have (some Dr's are painfully unaware of current research on the subject unfortunately)
Anyway, I'm glad you're having progress and you're right, progress is still progress. Thanks for taking the time to respond. Also, if you stick it out and help raise this child, you're in a position to set that little human off on the right path in life and have the influence than so many fail to fully appreciate, take for granted or even abuse. What really helped for me was to learn what and infant, toddler and child is actually capable of comprehending or might be experiencing emotionally in that particular instance. (sorry for this bit of unsolicited advice, parenting is the world's most important job so I wanted to give some perspective)
At the same time it's a huge amount of responsibility that most people would not voluntarily take on
I hope she works on her self esteem and leaves you. She's not a piece of property for you to own. If you don't see and value her for the unique person she is, then leave her alone. She had sex with you , is that supposed to devalue her in the eyes of her next partner ? FOH
He definitely very influenced by porn, hentai at that… so yeah, not the most realistic vision. I don’t know exactly HOW experienced he actually is, but I know that he’s definitely had sex before. He told me as such when stating that he’s “good at head” and “never had any complaints before”. He says a lot of questionable stuff actually, but it’s usually in jest. I’ve definitely been thinking with my heart, and not my head on this one
Wow…. this dude is a piece of work. And he's 37?!? You can do MUCH better. He's a walking red flag.
The problem is that I never do these things on purpose. It’s kinda stuck in my unconscious.
You brought your ex GF into your current relationship, and she has gleefully destroyed it. Learn from the experience and don't go around your current GFs back with your exes anymore.
She said she’d help with rent. From that I understood that’s all she’d do from her side
Given that it’s his entire feed, extensively and wouldn’t doubt he follows them as well
This sounds some much like grooming that I can't help but wonder about your relationship and your mental health in this relationship. Maybe your friends see that too.
I would go to a individual therapist and discuss this with them first. I would not try to discuss this with your bf.
Please do this. Grooming can happen by manipulating you without your being aware of it. Please talk with a therapist about this.
You got married at 19 to a man you'd been dating for 2 months. Wow, what could possible go wrong there.
Ummm you need to stick to your guns a bit more, it sounds like she is getting away with a lot. If I didn't have all the gifts I was planning in hand yet when I gave my BF the “first” part of my supposedly string of gifts, I would tell him straight up “Hey I'm sorry I don't have the rest but this is just a little gift in the meantime!”. You had to tell her you were hurt, for her to tell you that she would be hurt too in your place and that there's actually more gifts coming? Nah, if any of that was true she would have told you herself long before you'd have time to start typing this post. Not gonna lie, sounds like she enjoys getting her stuff paid for via gifts and doesn't really feel like returning the generosity, cause to her it's just about profiting off of yours.
Hey, I’ve been married to the man I started dating when I was 19 for 28 years now. Same age gap. He had also been my boss for the preceding year.
I do understand how many red flags strangers would see in that statement, but he has never treated me with anything other than immense love, courtesy and respect, has cared for me through horrific illness, has given me every opportunity to grow and has been the most amazing life partner I could ever have imagined.
What I’m trying to say is that only YOU know whether this relationship is healthy and happy. You’re smart enough to be on the lookout for anything that raises suspicion, just don’t let oxytocin blind you to potential issues. Name them early and talk about them. Good luck ❤️
I was love bombed. Op just sounds like a considerate guy.
If your LDR is a healthy one, I can't see why it it would be a problem to mention it. Maybe you need to give some thought to why you're reluctant and what it says about the relationship.
Ok I'll I guess , Do you think its okay if your girl told you that?
This recently married man likely doesn't reciprocate the feelings. Don't sexually harass him in his workplace.
Get some self-control or remove yourself from the situation.
You're not owed forgiveness. If you understand how awful your words were and the damage you have caused to the girls family, as well as the relationship between your parents and them as well, you should also understand that the needs to be given to those who you say sorry to process. It's their choice to forgive be you, and there is no expiration for how long it takes for them to make that decision, if they ever decide to.
Yeah and we've talked about that. Neither of us really want kids but we both want a serious relationship. I'm ready to take that next step in my life but everyone is telling me it's too soon. If I do it now I'll regret it. It's getting in my head about what I want.
Who told you about the technician thing?
After years of this, it feels normal but I try to remind myself that it’s not.
The dog isn’t really house trained because no one lets the dog out during the day. When they do, he goes outside pees or poops and comes right back barking and pounding on the door to come back in.
What other questions do you have?
I think it's a shit or get off the pot situation. It's experience and he's applying how he experiences life with the relationship that he wants. So there's the conflict. uncertainty gets in the way of relationships, sowing doubt anytime you guys are separate to the point it may become a mental dis-ease. So be honest, if you like the dude give it your attention, if your eyes are still wandering, call back when they aren't and you're thinking about him. Nothing wrong with options, but he obviously isn't on the same page with you, real talk
A lot depends on his personality. Be very careful in making that assessment.
All of your cons/reasons for leaving are huge giant waving red flags that you should absolutely pay attention to and definitely leave him over.
If your cons list is bigger than your pros list why the fuck would you even consider for a second that you should stay? Love is not enough. If you stay you'll regret it in the future.
He's too old for you, leave him.
I would not stay with someone who disrespected my bodily autonomy or someone who stressed me out so much I was having panic attacks. This isn’t healthy. If you feel you can’t tell him no safely, just ghost.
>” it was a moment of weakness because we had been drifting apart and he was going through some depression”
It doesn't bode well when they justify it because they're having a bad day
It's very hot to break off such a longterm relationship, but you won't ever trust him again (because he's not trustworthy). He's put you into a tough spot, and he's banking on you not having the strength to leave since he got away with it before.
Wow, sounds like he’s a really lovable guy!
You didn’t do anything wrong. She realized that she needs to figure out who she is and to address possible mental health issues. That’s actually really healthy. I’m sorry you’re hurting.
At first I thought you were putting her on a pedastal (you still might be by the way) but after that it just seems like she doesn't like you and just likes that you like her and will put your own wants and desires aside to do what she wants.
If I were you I would have a talk with her and make her aware of this stuff. From a purely objective point of view though, this woman is not for you for a relationship.
Someone made a comment but I can't see it, what does it say?
The first step is to not allow yourself to be tarred as “transphobic” for having a gender preference in dating. Your desire for a male mind and body is every bit as valid as your girlfriend's new identity and you shouldn't be shamed for it. The “LGB” part of the acronym is every bit as important as the “T” part. Just tell her that it's because you respect her identity as female that you can no longer date her. It's naive on the part of anyone in gender affirming treatment to not take their partner's (hardwired and innate) preferences into consideration. No on can fault your partner for wanting to live their true self, just as no one can fault you for wanting to on-line your true self. No one's at fault here. You and this person are simply no longer compatible. It's the kind of breakup though that does allow for an actual platonic friendship to develop later since no one really did anything wrong.
To answer your question about “being explicitly told”, this is a good life lesson for you: If something is important to *you** then you need to explicitly communicate the importance of it whomever you want to participate in it*
No one is psychic. And just because it’s obvious to you does not mean it’s obvious to others.
Someone needs to talk to Steve about what really happened. I know what happened. Cheaters act how she acted. Dig deeper.
Not the op’s problem but if the mother gives up her parental rights sometimes the rapist can sue for custody. Anyone in the situation should talk to a lawyer before making any decisions.
so should Christians report everyone at work who also doesn't follow their religion? what about Buddhists? or Jews?
should everyone who says “god” in a way that is negative lose their job? or just people who arent muslim?
i don't see anything hateful here. i only see someone who said something that hurt your feelings and instead of talking to him like an adult about it, you are contemplating trying to get him fired over it.
You broke up. He can do whatever he wants.
You need to let it and him go. It hurts. It sucks. You'll be ok. Don't try to analyze him. You won't get the answers you want.
Yall are pessimistic af
Wow. If it were my wedding I'd just let him embarrass himself. It's not funny, He and his parents will be amused but everybody else is just going to go “wow, that guy is an idiot”
You're not very smart, stay with someone smart enough to take care of you even if they cheat
This is called a trauma bond.
Feeling threatened and being threatened are two different things. Is she making moves on your husband? Is she being inappropriate in any way that would cause issues for your marriage?
If not, I’m afraid you’re going to have to learn how to sit in discomfort while you work through why you are feeling triggered or threatened. This is a you problem, and you can’t change your external world and the people in it over an internal feeling that has no physical merit being there. You are feeling from your past, not in your present. You feel threatened, but are aren’t actually being threatened by this person. Just because we have feelings, doesn’t mean they are always right. It’s a very hot but necessary skill to learn; sitting in feelings that are unpleasant and not acting on them.
Our insecurities and hurts are what kills so many wonderful relationships because we act out on our feelings instead of logic. You were betrayed in the past, it’s easy to assume it could happen again. But your fear and worries are no reason to control your husband in his workplace. If he was helping someone who had abused or violated you I’d understand, but it doesn’t sound like this woman is doing anything against you to make you feel threatened other than just existing and being in the same room.
Yeah, I had a therapist before, they were great, I did plan on starting again either way though not that my job covers it. It just got too expensive before.
And thank you 🙂
Put yourself in the head space of 5 years time.
Will you have cut them off?
Will you have happy memories of the wedding
or
Will you have happy memories of the graduation?
If you are still in contact they will bring this up at every occassion
So the problem is do you want to live in the shadow of your brother and with disappointing family for years? That is a nude path to follow for many, so I understand your choices are not as easy as just go or not go. The problem is what you can on-line with, are you ready to cut them off?
They never checked with you their dates and yet your “loving” brother went and agreed to do their wedding on the one day after many years of work for you. Have a think about that. What does that say to you?
I know there are many more layers to this than just one decision, small changes are easy to make, large ones are harder.
What will bring you the better feeling years to come? A photo of you at the wedding or a photo of you at the graduation?
He raped you. I’m so, incredibly sorry. He knew you had a boundary, and he violated to the point that you started screaming out in pain. What you need to do is drop him.
How long have you guys been dating. If it’s over a year and his symptoms are as severe as you say they are, you probably would have known of this before. Plus his response was emotional and drastic further speaking to the fact he was probably high….why didn’t he just you know, tell you the truth??
you have two options. You either address it now or you address it when he tries again.
if you don’t want to address it now, next time, just say “this makes me feel uncomfortable, and you know I have trauma in the past” it sounds like he will get the picture.
That’s why I asked. You started dating in October. You brought it up a month later.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have a discussion now, but what kind of events are we even talking about at this point?
Alright!
Break up with him. He is emotionally abusive and manipulative.
My boyfriend said he’s fine with me going or not going after I told him that I’m uncomfortable because his grandparents don’t like me. He seems rather neutral with the whole situation…
Maybe even 1 milkshake was for his dad. Are u gonna do a lie detector test on them, OP? How about a dna test while you’re at it, he MUST be lying that that’s his real dad, right?! Go home and get therapy luv.
Dump anyone who plays stupid games.
Looks like the grass wasn’t greener for him ?
Genuinely curious, does it change your perspective on if this is irresponsible to know OP was living and in a relationship with another man until only two months ago, this new man lives across the country, she has only met him in person once, and spoken to him live for a month and a half?
Next time he asks you to get on the scales you should respond with “You first, let’s see how fat you’ve got”. See how he likes it. This is controlling behaviour and it’s not a sign of a healthy relationship.
thankyou I really needed to hear something like this. I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt but im really struggling with it.
Lol well it certainly added to the list of things that bothered me.
It's okay to not like change, it's okay to be indecisive, and it's okay to be concerned about the future. You have your whole life ahead of you. You are not a failure and you shouldn't listen to anyone who says you are, and I'm not just saying that. Sometimes the people we love and the people who love us say things that make us feel like shit, and frankly sometimes life just sucks. For most people our age, or even much older, all over the world, the day to day tends to range from shitty to mundane. I'm sorry if this is a tangent, but you're not naïve and you're not a faker pretending to live a perfect idyllic life- you're a real person facing real problems. For what it's worth as an internet stranger, I respect the hell out of you, and you should also respect yourself. Your mom doesn't know what she's talking about. You're going through the grind. You can do whatever you want, and it's all okay- any path you want to take, whether it's sticking with this job, or going back to your old job, or trying to find something new, or even reverting back to something old. You're okay and everything is going to be okay. You're way too nude on yourself. This is the real world and we have to take it one day at a time and really hang onto and cherish whatever happy moments we can.
IMO it doesn't matter dad or step-dad. Its hurtful to be ignored.
Maybe you should have stepped out of this room for real.
You should tell him that you love him but you think you need to live separately for a while. He needs to leave and find another place to on-line. Hopefully within a month. Get a roommate to pay 1/2 the rent or move into a smaller cheaper place for just you. This will bring his little ‘no paycheck’ situation come to a head real quickly as he will find he actually needs cash and not experiences to be able live!. Real grownups should support themselves and you are allowing him to on-line a very fun but juvenile life. You are not his mother. He should feel awful about taking advantage of you but it seems like not only does he not feel bad but instead he sees this as something he expects. Nope.
He wouldn't be hiding it if there wasn't anything inappropriate to it. Say, those billings, are there times when you would think he would contact her, but does not? I mean during time when he would be in hotel. You know, if they were together at points in time, there would be no need to call.
You can't convince him, because he knows exactly what he is doing. The question is what are you going to do with that?
Yeah, I'm not even thinking about other women. The thought of me meeting another woman and having a new girlfriend… That's just completely inconceivable. I don't think it will ever happen. I don't bond with people easily, and this girl was special to me, even if we had our differences. Now she's gone… I've got nothing. Just back to being a lonely loser.
If she has depression, there is a good chance other people do know how she feels in general better than she currently does.
I'm not chasing him. As I mentioned I talked to his neighbours about what happened mainly because I didn't want him to pass out and I left anyway. The experience was shocking
There's a reason why the saying
“Do as I say not as I do” exists
A lot of people find ways to mental gymnastics their way into doing stuff they say they would never do because “my situation is different!”
Yeah, birth control takes a toll, horrible toll on our bodies. But she should be talking to her doctor about all this and getting on different birth control. I had to stop taking birth control pills, because of the kind of migraines that I had, but the IUD that I had worked great.
It sounds like you're both in this relationship because its your first one and you don't know how to get out of it.
Break up with her. You're going to feel miserable afterwards. This is part of life.
Later, you and her will each feel joyful as you find people who are better for you.
You've only been seeing her a month. I think that she is not your girlfriend this early and can do whatever she wants. If you choose to cut her off that is your call. I think it is hasty, though.
No it doesn’t apple to only people with darker skin
If you stay with a cheater, you deserve to be with a cheater.
People make an effort with people important to their spouse, even if they’re not, intrinsically, important to them. You are not overreacting.
I do feel setting boundaries is fine, asking to stop is going far. I will say that hormones are making it seem a bit extreme but the fact that she's still touchy is something you are completely justified in asking him to stop with. I would let him know that you've noticed some things and while you trust him and know he is all about you and your future kids, that with your closed relationship now, you would appreciate it if his therapist would stop touching him in those ways. Regardless of they used to be lovers, a patient/therapist relationship does not involve cuddling, massages, etc. You're fine with them being friends, but it now needs to get to that point that the “relationship” part is over, you two made that clear.
Okay but what does she want to do about that situation now? It is not like you can unsleep with those people, so what is the plan? Does she want to sleep with someone else to even the field? Does she wish you try a little brain trauma hoping you lose all memories of a time before her? Does she want to have a list your previous sex partners so she can go on a murder spree?
How can this be made right in her mind? Can it? Or is her solution to scream at you until you tell her she was right all along, you have been comparing her to others and you have came to the conclusion that she is not a good enough partner?
Ok this is on your bf to handle bc it is his family. If he doesn't want to handle it, then you should seriously consider the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who prioritizes and defends you. If not, your entire relationship will be plagued by his family and his inability to have your back.
Start a getaway plan…start living below your means…and start putting away money…don't buy things you don't need only essentials and even that try to buy on sale and no name brands…you'll be surprised how much money you can save. Make coffee at home if you drink coffee. Eliminate dunkin or Starbucks. Sell clothes and shoes you don't need on Facebook marketplace or Mercari or poshmark. Sell gold or silver jewelry that you don't wear. Etc etc… maybe get a part time job or put an ad up for dog walking or dog sitting…house cleaning…when there's a will there's a way. Look for apartments that accept pets once you have some money saved…even if it's in another town or a little bit longer drive for you.
OP,
I totally get where your coming from and your beliefs.
I totally get where she is coming from and her beliefs.
If the two cannot afford a place together with the high costs with renting they need a third and if the only option is a male, that is what there going to take. I am sure she is on a time crunch and without this male moving in she could be homeless. So what are you going to do to make sure she is not with out a home?
Too many people have kids just because they want to or have a timeline without thinking about the reality of actually having kids. You're being incredibly reasonable, IMHO. She is the one that's put a very fast timeline on this. Now, there is some truth to the “you'll never be truly READY to have kids.” But you can set yourself up for success by waiting until you are more ready. Don't let her timeline force you into something you're not comfortable with.
What she's going through? You're a side piece. She's not leaving him.
About 80% of the adult population has herpes. You only know two people who are open about discussing it, but i bet you know many people who have it but prefer not to talk about it. Herpes is in no way a sexual death sentence. Find an understanding doctor to prescribe an antiviral suppressant medication. Never be physically intimate with someone without telling them you have it. If they reject you, that's their decision and has nothing to do with your self-worth. Also, dump this guy before he gives you an STI that can't be treated.
To quote one of my fav movies: it's not your job to make him feel like a man.
Who cares if he comes back go sleep with someone else and forget about this loser.
Your 20s are for learning all these things! Please don’t think of the year spent together as a waste. Not all relationships have to or will end in marriage. This was one of many Luce experiences and learnings.
*ho. Hoe is a gardening tool.
Yeah see that’s something I absolutely do want to try to do for he and I! I’d love to try an find a game we’d both enjoy that we could bond over, as well as ways we can connect without his games being a factor. Thank you
Guys like this seriously overestimate their sexual market value lmaooo
Flirting can take many forms. Does she refer to smiling to a stranger randomly on the street as that could be an innocent flirting or to giving out her number to a dude she met at the bar?
My first thought is to clarify with her what exactly she means by flirting and state your boundaries.
Cheating knows no gender. If you want to salvage this relationship, she blocks this friend and goes NC.
She also stops going out drinking for the foreseeable future. Open phone. She has to rebuild the trust she tossed out the window for a few hours of pleasure.
My partner was always late and it was super frustrating. Turns out it’s adhd. Medication helps a lot. Have him contact a doctor for a diagnosis.
Then walk away, you aren’t married, you don’t have kids with him, you don’t have a shared view of budget and finances.
I like to dip fries in a ketchup/mayo mix. 🙂
Tell the police or fr fr just block her weird ass
How did I emotionally manipulate her?
“a year ago you said you wanted to do [this thing], so you have to do it now”
Consent can be revoked at any time. Whether [this thing] is having a baby or having sex, you should be able to see how the above statement is horrible
He doesn’t want a relationship. If you have feelings for him you will definitely get hurt. He doesn’t want you enough to make it work. Sucks but true.
Not every asshole is mentally ill
Either way which ever wedding you choose you need to let the other couple know. They shouldn’t have to pay for your food if you aren’t coming! But I think you should go to your friends and your girlfriend should go to hers.
It really doesn’t matter if the frog comparison would make random redditors feel good. It made OP feel bad and she told her bf that, so he should have apologized. Also, horses and dogs and polar bears are all super adorable but that doesn’t mean it’s a compliment to tell a woman she looks like one.
No, but since I think I can see where you're going with this, just because you are complaining about someone to someone else, doesn't mean they have a right to see it. If I complain about my friend to my wife, he doesn't have a right to see the conversation, and vice versa.
Google BPD Favorite Person and see if any of that info resonates with your situation.
Nope. He is importanr wnough fir ger to lie to you, and she will continue to do so. Her words are worthless.
Leave her. If she insists on staying with you tell her you will only do it, if she quits her job, and cuts contact with him.
Just tell him you’ll go then show up wearing all black.
nah dump him i’m sorry but that’s gross
It’s not your fault, people are deceiving, even the sweetest person who appears to be an Angel can backstab you in the most horrendous way….talk about trust issues, I too have been cheated on, be prepared to go into relationships having that in the back of your mind, it kind of prepares you for the worst, I now just think “if it happens it happens”, my current partner is also showing many signs but I just don’t wanna believe it . Fuck humans, I’m done with relationships if my current one ends in betrayal.
Thank you!
I once had a guy I had been dating a few months turn up at my house the day before my birthday with a cake, party hats and streamers. I thought it was the most romantic thing as it was so unexpected; anyway, we woke up the next day (my birthday) and he tells me that he's ending things, it's not me, it's him, yadadada. A week or so later I get a text from him “checking in” and seeing if I would like to be friends. When I said no he berated me. (I'm sure he was just trying to add me to his FWB list).
The point of that tragic ramble was to explain that break ups can seem to happen completely out of the blue, and the dumper will say all sorts of crap to make the whole experience easier. It sucks but it will do you no good dwelling on it. Take a deep breath and let it go! You will be fine soon, I promise.
she does – but the argument is that they are not local.
Ultimately, there are 3 hours away as she moved in with me. We are looking for a place to be more middle ground.
you don't have a house or kids ma'am
It absolutely might be. A lot of fiction stories on here are pretty blatant. This one makes more sense given how COVID affected a lot of people and their relationships. Don’t be so quick to jump the gun and if you do, why bother comment. If this is true and you say that you completely negate everything this person is going through as “lol that’s not real”. So when it’s iffy keep it to yourself and politely, fuck off.
It is your 100 percent your choice. You have to decide for yourself. i had an abortion when I was younger – actually the first time I ever had sex I got pregnant. I was very young – 17. No way could i have had that baby – No way could i have told my parents – I went alone and had the abortion – it was one of the hardest things I have ever done but it was the right decision for me. I also have two children now, one with special needs – I love my children – I would die for them but raising children is very hot too. You need to weigh all your options abortion, adoption or raising a child and pick the one that is the best for your situation.
I’m concerned at how often you mention in your post and your comments that you are “terrified” or “scared “.
You really lacked boundaries with a vulnerable friend over a decade younger than you who you met in rehab. This friendship absolutely needs to end or be cut back on. I'd call it codependent, but that doesn't even begin to describe it. I have no idea how you found a girlfriend willing to tolerate any of this, but it sounds like she wasn't a catch herself.
You need to move on from your friend. She needs that, too. It sucks, it hurts, but it was not a normal or healthy friendship.
Please contact your local mental health center or church and see if they can refer you to a counselor. They can help you develop skills in how to better resolve disputes with your significant other and how to process you feelings.
Make a list of what you think you can do to respond better in these situations and keep it with you always (on your phone maybe)? When a dispute starts with anyone, force your self to look at the list and follow those principles.
Do not buy a house until you know exactly where MIL will live and it is not with you. In your position I'd be very sensitive to how my boyfriend reacted to this, because everything here points to a situation where your boyfriend gets to on-line with his mum and you are allowed to be there too. If he prioritises his mum's wants over yours then you have a problem. If he agrees then get him actively working with his mum to move her out of your current apartment and only then think about buying a home, conditional on his mum not moving in with you again.
I'm confused. It sounds like you two are already dating – next time you see him, just ask if he wants to be official. I know that can be scary but it's literally the only way to know whether or not he's interested in an exclusive relationship.
I'm not sure what other advice you're looking for unless you want to build some sort of elaborate mouse trap.
This is a dayglow red flag with LED lights attached. Is this the sort of person that you really want to be married to someday? Eject, eject!
Any lesbian who hears a sentence like that come out of their guy friend's mouth would be instantly disgusted and offended (at least all the ones I know). This is so disrespectful.
Let's hope op drops this guy. Then he will be faced with the reality that he emotionally cheated with someone who will never hold the same feelings for him. And he will be alone.
you are 22. please put yourself first.
Right?! Is this what 18 years are calling it these?!
You gotta own it. You may also have a drinking problem if you can't control yourself while drinking. Pretty lame excuse, and there is no way you can say it will never happen again – if you continue to drink yourself into stupidity.
You should break up with him, and tell him why, primarily so he isn't stuck in a lease with you… and if you really wanted to redeem yourself, you'd find him a decent gf to replace you. Easy peasy – shouldn't be very hot if he is as nice and sweet as you say.
“I truly believe that a female having a male best friend isn’t the same as a male having a ton of female friends”
You want her to be in the right because she is a woman but you’re just seeing what you want to see. They both have the same rule that neither want to abide by.
Kick her to the curb.
Same experience here except allegedly according to her I only caught them at their first date “kiss” stage but still dumped her. We agreed she’d eventually get me into her company and she promised me she would because we had to move to a different coast for her job. I had to leave my family behind. Sure enough a few months in “trust me you wouldn’t like it” and my suspicious rose to eventually discover the affair.
Just read the title. Never forgive anyone that cheats…NEVER
You and your wife are kind people. If you want to help then just give her weekly or monthly tips but put the cash away
I know I'm in the minority here but I believe it is ALWAYS disrespectful to your SO to remain in contact with an EX. ESPECIALLY if that EX still has feelings. You do have feelings and you are disrespectful. Leave him alone. He has been more than clear as to his wishes and you are just being selfish.
Can’t see comments but I can on email. He did not cheat. He handed the phone right over when I found out. Was not messaging anyone just getting his fetish needs met. I combed through his whole phone.
You're comparing apples to oranges, the statement that you made is a huge leap in logic. No need to get defensive.
He shouldn't have said he was OK to watch the kids.
There is a possibility he didn't want to disappoint his wife as things are likely already very tense in that house. Also a possibility there would have been yelling due to said tension. This is why people inside a marriage should not reach out for advice from anyone outside of said marriage, especially the internet.
It’s not fair at all by any means but I would probably move. You should be able to tell him hey you can’t handle keeping it cordial with me so we’re just going to have to keep away from each other but the chances he’s gonna start negotiating that are pretty high. I would maybe look into a new place and not mention it to him. It could escalate his behavior if he knows you’re getting out.