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Babies I want to fuck my ass [Multi Goal]
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Babies I want to fuck my ass [Multi Goal]
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Her reaction to your concerns seems to me like she's prioritizing her relationship with her guy best friend over her relationship to her boyfriend, you. She cares more about him than you. It's up to you whether you can accept that or not.
Just let it go. Move on with your life. He has opinions on those guys and they've permanently cast a shadow on you, in his view.
It is what it is. Maybe you two can be friends again one day, but I wouldnt push it now.
You can be happy for her in private. Nobody has to know but you if you're happy for someone. However, you are not OBLIGATED to celebrate shit when you're left out of one of the most important events of her life after you took time out of yours to support her during her worse times.
I've cut FAMILY members off for similar shit. I'm still casual when I see em and genuinely happy if they're doing better. however, I refuse to hangout and continue the friendship like before.
Over time, I found new friends who are now like my family.
You can transition ppl who might've outgrown your relationship from friends into acquaintances. It's ok and you don't have to feel bad about it.
My new found friendships (over 20 years now) would never think to not invite me to an important event where they would invite their normal friends.
Two things. One: would you want Ryan to be with you if he felt the way about you that you describe here?
Two: no matter how much we may want to manage someone else’s feelings, soften the blow, avoid hurting them, we’re not responsible for anyone’s responses or feelings but our own.
It sucks to hurt someone, but it’ll hurt both him and you a lot more if you keep seeing if you’re lying to yourself about still being in love with him. I hope you see that feeling pressured to be with someone to avoid hurting them or because of timing of college, promise rings, your family, whatever is not where it’s at. An excuse not to break up with someone can always be found, it’s someone’s birthday or a holiday or Christmas or what have you. It sounds to me like you’re thinking about what everyone else will think and feel but you. Start there, put people pleasing on the back burner, start healing and allow Ryan to do the same.
She just met that guy.
You can start over at any age . I know the biological clock is ticking but you are 30 not 40 so you have lots of time ahead of you. Give yourself some space and I suggest a little break before dating again to find your feet and let the dust settle . Find your own version of happiness as an independent person – then being with someone is a choice where they can add to your happiness . And wait for someone who truly deserves you not the next one along in the line.
I’m saying it’s all about respect ?
Yep.
you know when you know
Literally everyone who moves quickly thinks that though. You got lucky but you don't actually know at 3 weeks, you are taking a gamble that has a small chance of working out.
Trap him under the covers and let one out lol no seriously though you married a dumbass. It's your home too so play your trumpet tunes whenever you need to.
And they can discuss it before deciding whether or not to keep it. It’s not like OP can force her to keep the car if she declines it. Did he make the smartest decision? No I never said he did I was commenting on the implication that he should’ve gotten the husband’s permission first.
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It's an awkward or uninformed person. Has negative connotation.
LMAO! Hold up there Ryan Gosling! While that drastic change in the movies works for the selfish pricks on the big screen you are not Ryan Reynolds! Hollywood uses this trope is unhealthy!! Let me break this down you sucked as a boyfriend, so you think reading a couple self help books and a couple sessions of therapy, will get the girl you treated like shit for so long? You will go back to your shitty ways. You will treat her like crap again because you never worked or anything. You feel entitled to her. Honestly if you do show I hope her new bf wrecks the crap out of you and you get a restraining order. You need some real soul searching bro. You are absolutely not in the right mind to be in any relationship. You are in love with the idea of being in love. Yet you think love is something you deserve. It isn’t! It’s earned? Have you earned her love or anyone else’s? Get yourself right and leave this girl alone! Let her forget her toxic ex. You are the toxic ex BTW.
Let me guess, the 44 year old loser who is trying to date you told you that? That's a pretty disgusting attitude, it sounds like this guy is already grooming and brainwashing you pretty hard. Get out of there before he has you completely under his control.
Might have to invest asap lol but i’m not gonna be able to come back home in time to set them up or anything
I think “exes” is the key here. He got along with your multiple “exes”, then you broke up with them and he had to break up also. Our kids bring people into our lives and want us to love them, then when they break up, they want us to break up with people we now have a relationship with. From experience I can tell you this is very heartbreaking for the parents.
I suspect your dad is just waiting to see if he should invest his emotions in another one of your boyfriends. You say it's been 3 years but he's still just a boyfriend. Maybe your dad's heart has been trampled one too many times so he keeps his distance. You really can't keep insisting that he form relationships with boyfriends if you have a track record of breaking up often.
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At some point if I kept willingly continuing a relationship I know had no future I’d think about if I was the problem. You can’t just stay because it’s a habit you leave because it’s incompatible and she will never want you like that
Are you a German citizen or are you an American living in Germany?
therapy and couples therapy
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It’s not that I’m not accepting her mental health. I just find it frustrating since I’m not a guy she needs to feel anxious with. I was nervous seeing her too for the first time and was worried if she’d like me. But she liked me so I’m not nervous anymore about my appearance.
She’s gorgeous and I’m below average. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Like she doesn’t need to be nervous around me at all. I don’t mean to sound rude it’s just that it was sweet and a bit flattering at first but there’s 0 reason for her to feel this way about me. I’m not anyone to get nervous about.
If you don't want to get married. That is fine. There sre ways around it where it still benefits everyone. But it is worth thinking why you are so against marriage. Is it commitment? Is it losing money? Status of someone who is divorced? You just don't want to marry her?
I'm not keen on the whole marriage thing. But when you plana future that seems to include kids, property, joint finances. You need to know what you are getting yourself into.
Prediction: they break up and within 5 years he is married with kids.
Yes? They are in their 20s not 13. What kind of “authority” do you think is required in this situation? He was freaked out and wanted someone to confide in. If given the same options in that situation (parents vs sibling), I’m absolutely going to go to my sibling first because having grown up together, there is typically a history of confiding information that doesn’t exist in the same way between child and parents.
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Straight up ask him and then let him know how this makes you feel. You two should be able to come to a solution.
My 24yo is very much the second one. I personally don’t care about country, am willing to move and am confident finding a job. I just have an issue asking others to adjust for my sake.
If you can, get social housing. You need your own space for a while. Lacking alternatives, do you have a spare bedroom? Just be peaceful until your baby is born. You could do with your mum helping you out in the first few weeks. Don’t do anything for husband anymore. He needs to earn his forgiveness, IF that is what you want. A man who doesn’t trust you isn’t a husband. Oh, and go and see Ali with a friend, or your mum and tell her what you think of her. Or write it down. I can’t help but think your marriage wasn’t rock solid in the first place, to cave in so quickly. Think about it.
Nothing here makes sense… Just be glad you have less dead weight to carry around with this irresponsible trash bag. Build your life, get a good lawyer for custody agreements and be done with his sorry ass. What a trashcan ?
Hey?
That doesn’t not means they are racist but he doesn’t even try the efforts to make the minor change to bring Asian bf to his friends event
Woman in question has had kids before and knows exactly how the process works. Her cutting contact would indicate that she has no interest in OP being a part of the child's life.
IMO it's time for a consultation with a lawyer. If she wanted OP to be a part of this, she wouldn't have ghosted him.
Likely she does have someone else lined up for signing the birth certificate, and I'd guess that they might be better able to support the child/she finds them a more suitable co-parent.
I exclusively breastfed and with my younger, I had TONS of extra milk. I wish I could dump it down the drain in front of you, you missing fuck.
i really appreciate your advice. thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
I mean. If he’s certain they won’t accept you, and you’re certain you won’t convert….. I’m sorry you already know the answer unfortunately
If you read, I said that it is the concealing part that has bothered me. Concealing things from your partner is wrong. But thanks anyways ?
If her being a prostitute in the past is not an issue for you then thats just it.
Wouldn't the correct comparison be you kissing your male friends
You’re living with someone after a few months of dating after being with someone for a good length of time!? Dude. No.
Lmao so you told thousands on Reddit?
I'm super sorry because I know it's a shitty thing to try and diagnose people over the internet and from a few lines, but is she routinely checked by a doctor? Those kind of huge explosions can be caused by physical problems, like hyperthyroidism.
I agree that we need to work on our communication and I'm aware that I'm not good at managing difficult conversations. I have talked it through with him though and accepted his apology. Thank you for the advice, it made me reconsider things and take a different, more healthy approach.
Totally agree she doesn’t seem jealous, just shocked. OP don’t let Reddit bully your reaction, this is obviously all a shock to you. Good luck moving forward with this. Your husband is not the person you thought he was but you can move on.
We’re moving into a new place together far away from her parents, going to get her engaged soon, can show 10-15k any day of the week, helping her ….every promise I’ve made, I’ve kept and acted on. Never left a card unturned…
Reading the post, I do not think you wanted insight. You wanted validation.
Being constructive, this is a four year relationship. This isnt the first time this has happened. Its also a four year relationship and everyone would think you would know if marriage is happening or not.
Advice being shit or get off the pot. Obviously dont do it just to fuck, but if you love her then put a ring on it. Its been long enough.
I accidentally connected with a love bomber on bumble. You could just feel it in his texts. Yowza
No. Get hard evidence for the courts.
if you’re talking about fucking around when I was younger I couldn’t keep track, I had fun but if you mean Exclusive? Serious? Meeting the family? Combining finances? That type of relationship? Ok all the I have to say, shit, umm, 1. Also still in that 1 but I’m not a psychic so not sure if it’ll be successful…
If you get upset a minor correction like that you're probably too sensitive to be on the internet ngl
r/nicegirls
Hey I’ve been married 15 years. He cooks, he clean, he looked after baby. When I was a sahm we decided on having the same “allowance” of discretionary funds. He then gave me 30% of his because he thought I needed to get out and about with baby and that I needed more of our fun money to do so. Monogamous, wholesome good men exist.
To say a man can’t be “loyal” is reducing them to a dog – men are so much more than their sex drives. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.
sometimes insecurities don’t come from within, sometimes your partner can make you feel that way. Or anyone. I’ve always been a very secure person but sometimes my bf makes me feel not insecure with myself but with the relationship. That’s why there’s reassurance.. it’s needed sometimes. Doesn’t make you or me a bad person
Just ask! Maybe you need to scrub better down there. Maybe her last bf insisted on the facefuck til you choke/cry/puke bjs, and she doesn’t realize it doesn’t have to be like that. Maybe she really likes giving head, but has had someone shame her enthusiasm. Maybe she has some kind of weird throat health issue. Maybe it’s trauma.
Definitely just ask, gently and with empathy. Her reason may be some really heavy, hard to talk about stuff. If you give her the space to be honest, who knows, you might end up getting bjs. I say this as a person with tl;dr extreme SA trauma and PTSD from it: being a safe person a partner can trust can totally open up and grow your intimacy together.
The cars her mom is picking, are they going to be easy to fix like the ones you are picking?
You can still support him and care about him while not being his girlfriend, hun. And it sounds like that might be a less stressful option for you.
I would say sit on it ,let the emotions set in, don't do or say anything hing what you mm ight regret.
You can. You just have to remind yourself that you choose it. You knew a couple months in that this relationship didn’t have it.
You aren’t choosing him for romantic connection and you said your other relationships were abusively unstable. So you are choosing him because he’s stable and checks boxes. It’s not enough but you are determined to settle.
Why feel guilty? What outcome could you possibly expect. There are too many horror stories out there of men exploding into a whole new enraged person that the woman didn't expect and their safety was put at risk. There's also the possibility that nothing would happen, but he could just be really hurt, or indifferent, or relieved you getting an abortion- in any scenario, what do you hope to get by telling him?
Guilt doesn't always have a useful purpose. It's your decision regardless whether you tell him or not, and he clearly has no interest in pursuing a relationship with you anyway. He by no means is your emotional support here. Just because you feel guilty does not mean you owe him anything.
So please stay strong and stay safe.
This is pretty embarrassing
Some serious projecting here.
No
Was it his first work trip, and how long was it?
Ohhh!!! Oh god! How will i online now? I don’t have the approval of a random stranger?
I think you two are so wrapped up in labeling things as traditional gender roles that you aren’t focusing on who does what based on what each of you are better at doing. Stop looking at the tasks as traditionally male or female responsibilities and just focus on each of you doing equal amounts of work for the household.
Find yourself a good divorce attorney. They'll point you in the right direction. If a PI is warranted, they'll be sure to ask for the right evidence to be collected. Divorce can get very messy and if your husband has assets and means, he could make this very difficult for you. A lawyer will help you safeguard yourself before your husband has a chance to make things difficult.
Kim come with drama in her past? Maybe Rebecca has experienced Kim make bad choices and get hung up in bad situations and Rebecca is leery of a man she met off a dating app, rather than a referral from another friend.
It is relevant where you met. You both just want to avoid that. But the reality is that you met in a place where active cheaters look to meet and mingle. You can't just side swipe that. It creates presumptions about you. It creates presumptions about her.
Rejection is part of life.
Staying silent is also encouragement for the cheating!!!! And exactly that op!!!! Exactly that!!!
I would like to point out that almost all system that let you send dick pics also allow you to unsend messages and pictures. If it WAS an accident he would have unsent it along with the apology.
I use textra for android. I was never aware of this “unsend” feature you're referring to.
This feels premeditated. You invite her to kick bsxk but everyone canceled so it’s just you two? & then you talk about how she’s more your type lol. You’re a terrible human
You two aren't compatible. I really don't think you are, I'm sorry.
I decided to gift him this book
It's his unless you ask about it. He likely still has it, depending on the break-up context
Never hurts to ask (well, it might)
Thank you
Thank you, and I'm sorry about your loss too.
Tell him the truth but be prepared for the consequences. It's very likely he will eventually dump you for someone who does want sex.
Honestly it sounds like he’s not that interested in you. Don’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t make you a priority.
You should have left long time ago. The moment you are lower in priority order for your partner then their friends is when you call it quits.
You have been excusing her lack of time for you many times, and this the result. Next time do not assume things will just get better by themselves, and make proper demands and leave should they nit be met.
You have stay where you are, for now at least, but it's only your own fault.
He wants a bang maid
Then for her it is really important. I am from Eastern Europe and my mom would be pissed if I didn’t wish her happy women’s day. I do think she overreacted a little because she should know most other places don’t take it as seriously.
Animal abuse is an indicator for future child abuse. Protect your animals, yourself and any future children. If you want to be with this man, do not share pets or children with him.
What do you think the odds are that all of these people are wrong about what you need to do?
Your daughter deserves better than this and so do you. Take the dog with you.
Cheaters cheat. I’d tell her, I’d want to know.
I mean we had been together for two years so it felt right at the time. Plus my roommate moved out and he needed a pls e so it seemed natural
This trip isn't going to save your marriage, so I wouldn't put pressure on the trip. I can tell you that you probably don't even know half of what's really going on between her and her coworker. I think you do need to sit down and share how you feel, how the way she has been acting has made you feel, and establish some boundaries that you need in order for the marriage to work.
Whenever you do don't play the pick me game or try to win over her love. You both made the choice to get married and it should be understood that you can talk about these things like two adults. Yes, you snooped, but her behavior with this coworker isnt appropriate and you have the right to call her out on it. The goal for both of you should be strengthening the marriage. It takes two to work on the marriage, so if approaching her to talk about this she responds with hostility, defensiveness, or paints you as an enemy, Tell her the boundaries you need in order to feel safe in your marriage. If she doesn't care how you feel, don't go chasing her around like a puppy dog and start planning to online the rest of your life without this person. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't care how you feel and doesn't want to work and strengthen the marriage.
Start reaching out to friends and people you trust , it's important to have a good support group of people who will be there for you. Best wishes
Tbh if I was you, after she leaves I would just block her and not speak to her ever again. Leave any stuff she has at your house on her doorstep/with someone she knows. She knows what she did.
Does she have anything at your place? Do you have anything at hers? It would be useful if you could do this all in a single go, wrap it up and block her completely. Maybe it's preferable not to do it at your house since you want her out and gone, more easily done when she's already left to go home. If she's there when you break up, while you just want her to go, it's possible she'd hang around to argue the point, throw these things back at you for going through her phone, resort to usual tactics to avoid being accountable for her actions. In this breaking up should be an action to take and not a discussion to have, don't make it one.
This is how I read it too-two partners who characteristically disregard their partners feelings suddenly get a wake up call when the those partners get their needs met right in front of them.
Do not light yourself on fire to accommodate his feelings.
You've been in a relationship with this guy for 5 minutes and he is already moving into a house you are paying for and trying to call all the shots.
He called your rape “having sex”. I'd never speak to him again just for that.
You aren't angry enough about this.
We all tend to trust and want to protect people we are close too., but he betrayed your trust and committed at crime against you.,,
You were a 40 year old who married your daughter's 18 year old friend. There is no way this doesn't look predatory.
I considered that but I actually know a considerable amount so I don't want to be dishonest by acting like I want to learn more/acting like I don't know a lot. We have had lots of conversations about cannabis before and we have also talked about our pets/our love of animals, our coffee orders, and just about life in general. I usually end up staying in store longer than normal when he is in store because we get caught in conversation.
The fact that you made a comparison of taste with sex is the shocking part…..well next time you have sex before you are about to release stop…. don't come and try to control it…..now if you have to stop eating a piece of pizza will you have the same difficulty??? I think not….
Yeah you've given him a chance and he's broken your trust, no going back now I'm afraid!
Please give us an update once you confront him.
Pretty self explanatory. I used to pride myself in my brutal honesty until I slowly began the journey of understanding that not every little white lie is bad. I did not have the awareness to realize that the truthful things I said were rude because I have autism, and people with autism often have an extremely low emotional intelligence. They also tend to prefer brutal honesty over sympathy.
I'm saying this not to normalize shitty behavior, it's still shitty behavior; but I really want people to understand, not every rude thing a person does is premeditated. I literally didn't even have the self awareness to be able to make the choice not to be brutally honest, it was just a part of my nature, instinctual. Again, people with autism can be very socially inept, to the point where you think “there's no way this person doesn't know they're being an asshole, there's no way they're that dumb”, but some honestly don't.
I just want people to understand because it was the ones who looked passed my flaws and treated me with kindness and understanding rather than contempt that actually helped me.
Just give each other a blowjob next time. It's less weird.
Why are you settling for thia garbage man who wont work for his kids??…Yeah you're a giver but OP, this is stupid move.
And wouldnt you still be with your ex if your hadnt broken up?
Well, if she didn't actually try it and seems adverse, there's nothing more you can really do. This is a big issue, one of you is compromising a lot and you need to ask yourself if this is really the life you want. It's okay to not want it, by the way, there's nothing wrong with ethical nonmonogamy but some people aren't built for it just like some people are.
Now as for going forward into trying polyamory with your monogamous partner, you should have really let it be a thing for you two separately. Finding a “third” or “unicorn hunting” is usually frowned upon for good reason, you can't expect to make the same bonds with someone on the same timeline as someone else. It really should have been a separate looking for partners thing.
She can't make you okay with being monogamous just like you can't force her to be polyamorous. This may be the hill your relationship dies on, it's a very large incompatibility one that doesn't have any easy compromise.
Haha, same thought from a fellow autist.
Fr. Online a little! (Still think it's fake af but it's a lovely daydream)
I don't think piss play falls into that cultures sexual compatibility development scale.
The fact that he was obsessed with your boobs and then completely turned off after he found out feels a tad bit misogynistic. Like the whole “I prefer natural women” thing just doesn’t sit right with me. If he can’t love you for who you are then you should let him go.
I don't disagree. But people should value themselves more. Don't be a doormat..
If your partner breaks you down 99% of the time, its time to move on.
This is sexual assault. It doesn’t matter who does it- Unwanted sexual contact- Sexual Assault.
This is a self preservation thing. I've done similar. Sometimes saying no puts you in danger, so it's easier to smile and comply and hope you don't see them again
Thank you for your input. Your second part has helped me view it from another perspective and perhaps the questions are a bit too dramatic and it doesn't mean that he doesn't care about me. During the past 8 years, I've talked about my parents bad marriage and express lack of trust to men growing under this environment, and he is always honest and open with his feelings when I speak of my past, but to marry me, no. Maybe jokes but anything serious or initiated by him? No.
A couple of days to cool off is totally normal.
The grass is green where you water it
Ive been thinking about moving in with a pal of mine who’s making the move to where we are. That’s probably gonna happen around June/July. Until then I’ve been focusing on myself and getting out of the house more.
She married you under the impression there was zero baggage, and then finds out you have a 13 something year old??? I would ask for a divorce as well.
What the fuck is a “penis exercise”? Cause I’m betting that’s the problem.
What the fuck is a “penis exercise”? Cause I’m betting that’s the problem.
Good thing you guys aren’t married yet. Why are you putting up with your fiancé stealing from you? You have to put a stop to his financial support for this friend before you’re married.
And separate your accounts
“I’ve been thinking about you since you left: you looked… amazing.”
If this is real; you're a petty, toxic child and you need to grow up.
He wanted to do something nice for his grandma and you ruined it all.
The first time we had sex, he initiated it, so I figured he was into guys and that I was just doing it to feel good, but he said he wasn’t gay and I ended up realizing I might be into guys.
This killed me. Being balls deep inside your bro didn’t spark the thought of ‘maybe I’m gay’. I like to feel good too, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna let my homie bust a nut inside me lmao.
Update 3: she just went to a local hotel with her mom. We agreed it's best she stays close-by to the kids who remain both our priority. I also asked her to give me all the facts in writing which some of you suggested even though I realise she may continue to lie and/or it will hurt more if she does respond. I read in one of the articles shared that full transparency is necessary at this stage. I'm also going to go into therapy myself to help process.
Thank you so much for listening / responding / sharing your experience.
Stop drinking, get therapy, leave your boyfriend. That is my advice.
You clearly can not see why drinking is an issue for you. Just think of it this way. If you don’t drink, you don’t do these “abusive” actions towards your bf ever again. Then go on to repent and try to mend the trauma you probably caused him.
If you continue to use drinking as an EXCUSE for your actions (sober or not) then there is really no helping you honestly.
Umm it's really simple. What is acceptable to you? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. All that matters is what you think.
She should let him read this post.
So he thinks a difference in values means you should put your life at risk? He has no clue what it’s like to deal with that level of fear and worry.
The boundary you've communicated is entirely appropriate and your boyfriend is risking the relationship by ignoring them.
He's keeping a back up plan. He needs to act like Cortez and burn the ships.
Two possibilities come to mind. The first is that he decided to make the best of an awkward situation he couldn't control, so he decided to relax and join in the group conversation, out of respect for the birthday friend. You were doing the same, no?
The other is that sufficient time has passed for him to cool down and get over whatever issue caused your falling out, even if he hasn't unblocked you on Insta.
You can decide whether or not you want to test those waters, or leave things the way they are with no private contact between you. Either way, I don't think you can assign much personal meaning to him acting in a socially-correct manner among mutual friends at a birthday party.
I know that you're right. But I mean is that I was blocked and she unblocked just to leave specific messages. Also it doesn't make it right but she used to stalk to my throwaway reddit after we broke up and now those messages she's leaving are specific to what I used to rant about.
That is absolutely sickening. Tell him If he doesn’t want to eat it, then to put it in Tupperware containers or something to give to a homeless shelter. Full stop. There is no excuse and no justification to just throw food in the garbage for Instagram likes when there are people, probably in the very city yall online in, who don’t have enough to eat. Your boyfriend really ought to be ashamed.
Just FYI, a baby will absolutely decimate the strongest couples. The first 3-6 months are emotional and financial carnage. The next 18 or so years are worse.
Emotions, finances, sleep schedules, tempers, decision making abilities, compromise skills and sanity are tested to the max with a baby. Please make sure you're BOTH ready efore making that choice. It's not just finances.
I'm not trying to get pregnant either.
We have a lot of unprotected sex,
LOL, so you're both just stupid. Enjoy single motherhood, I guess.
I’m asking for advice in a situation involving me, my boyfriend, his past girlfriend, and my co-worker
I hope you find yourself again and surrounding with supportive family and friends.
A person is a person no matter the gender, so they are just asking to cheat on a trial basis and if they like it more than being with you, leave you in the dust. Give her the same answer you would give if she wanted to try another dude and kick her to the curb.
What is good about this relationship? Man is controlling, manipulative, wants u to answer to him even when it comes to who looks after YOUR child! Guilt trips you, apparently doesn't trust u to not sleep with everyone you meet which says how much he actually thinks of you.. and you stay with him because?
Neither of you trust each other. A relationship without trust is built on whispers and shadows. It cannot last.
Pfft. Bad for him why??
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“hey are you into maybe getting to know each other better and moving past just being friends?” there your go. You will know right away..you are welcome.
uhmm when I used to go out clubbing and I was exclusively seeing someone…I danced alone. dancing is art and for me it feels more artistic when flowing alone. I would literally mount ledges at our table and dance like no one was watching…and when I was in our table area I would still dance alone even though there were guys to my left right behind and in front of me. it’s really not that hard to say no in a cute way and keep dancing. if I wanted for dance with someone I would dance with my bff who is a girl. not because I felt chained to my man…but because I had a man and I just simply wasn’t interested in having some guy who is not my man put his hands all over my body and have to feel his hard on up against myself.
all of what you’re saying is highly questionable. and even if it’s what she feels and she’s being a “free spirit” she is pinning this all on you. which shows what she’ll do in the future…
later down the road…and further into your relationship….be prepared to have her blame you for your emotions which is not fair at all. she’s not even listening to you…she’s literally being mean about it all and most guys wouldn’t even want their GFs in a club to begin with let alone out on the town without them.
You’re being sooo chill and she’s getting upset over you not wanting some guy “from her past” with a “history of cheating”, currently in a tiff with his GF, rubbing his hot on and hands all over her..YOUR GF.
Like uhhh…that’s an understandable request to me.
(28F)
than what was? I mean whats the complaint about a guy being attracted to someone his own age? like, are guys not allowed to like their classmates? I don't follow your reasoning here.
This is abuse and it’s been going on about 13 years too long. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life being manipulated by a man who seems to be looking for ways to make you feel shitty
Two months and it’s already at fake pregnancy stage, hmm… I’d ask her to get a fake abortion because you’re not ready to raise fake children with a FAKE PERSON
Well I would have but I just couldn’t remember your username. ? jk but I know the feeling
Fellow member of the CPTSD club here. First of all, from the bottom of my heart, brava for doing all of that hard, scary, frustrating, vulnerable work- the therapy, the meds, the disclosure, the self examination…you are brave and fabulous!
Now, on to your boyfriend….
He's shown his true colors-repeatedly.
Stop trying to repaint him.
If this latest episode you described was an isolated event, I would say “Find some good articles and videos that explain your diagnoses, how they can present and so on. It sucks that he wouldn't take your word but we know that we can be a lot and maybe hearing from scholarly or professional sources that what you're saying is not unique or exaggerated will help him understand “
But it was not isolated. It is a pattern. You'll be ok. You may flounder for a while because breakups suck and one of the things our CPTSD can do is make us very willing to tolerate a lot of bullshit if it's predictable bullshit that is less chaotic and less brutal than bullshit we've known in the past….but here's the thing- it's still bullshit we don't deserve and shouldn't have to deal with.
I just want to clarify that my boyfriend is pretty much amazing in every way except one.
This is almost exactly the same thing as someone with a peanut allergy saying that “Snickers bars are pretty much amazing in every way except one”.
He is kind, generous, and a goofball that I feel like I can be my weird self around
….until you are fragile, until it's hard, until being your “weird self” means that something raw, painful or just plain fucked up surfaces. You can only safely be parts of your weird self, the parts that are quirky, eccentric, interesting and amusing. The parts that are bruised, vulnerable, hot to explain & very hot to understand? Not so much. When it becomes inconvenient or uncomfortable, he lashes out at exactly what you need treated with care.
You are already doing a lot to heal and improve your life and you will manage to get through this.
I hope you absolutely thrive and I hope the next time you say “my boyfriend is pretty much amazing in every way except one. ” you're talking about how he likes anchovies on pizza or has a penchant for obnoxious, embarrassing ringtones on his phone.
That’s where my brain goes first. Like a cop is reading my messages but not answering the phone and they haven’t called me yet. I work in healthcare and my brain goes to the worst always. For the set up: A few nights ago literally, we were on a little staycation in a nice city in AZ & someone in the room directly next to ours is buying something from the dealer and it turned out to be a set up and someone got shot at right outside our sliding door which was facing the parking lot. He’s a black male & I hate to sound stereotypical ( I’m black myself ) but we all know how the world is towards them nowadays & also kno how black on black crimes work. He posted a pic of that package we got from the dispo and tbf it was a lottttt ( multiple kinds of 8th, 3 carts, 4 packs of edibles, 2 batteries for the carts, a stiizy cart & battery) and he wanted like $50. I could see how it could easily be and easy grab especially bc it was in line a mini cooler bag. Idk how to explain it.
Unless you put some distance between yourself and your ex, you are likely to have this problem with any future romantic partner. Your ex seems to have a huge amount of centrality in your life, which indicates to people around you that you haven’t moved on and you are still bonded with your ex in potentially an unhealthy way.
Damn how’d you find out
Dawg she’s 29, doesn’t pay her own bills, has a part time job and can’t spend more than a few days without seeing her parents. Sounds like she’s 9, not 29.
Yes, bring it up. Start by asking him again how this gig has gone. If he starts lying, just assume cheating. Lies mean something to lie about.
Even if he doesn't lie, he has hidden her from you. I would definitely drill him about her, and tell him to stay away from her. Not because she is a female “friend”, but because has hidden her from you.
Actions need to have consequences, he betrayed your trust, so he needs to overcompesate, if he wants it restored.
No honestly please block her before her behavior escalates. I'm in a similar boat where my boyfriends ex stalks me- she is extremely sick. She is married, with kids, yet has spent the better part of 6+ years 'watching' me to the point that her delusions became so strong she actually reached out to him to tell him she thinks I'm stalking her. Like she obsessively checked my social media for over 6 years so often, that she started to project and think I was actually checking on her, and that every post I made was about her. I didn't know her social media and this came to light a couple months ago but it has really got me shook up to be honest.
It gave me the fucking creeps and I've noticed since then, her husband had been viewing my posts as well for years. I recognized the user, but not as him, the user he was under was a name that isn't like their real ones at ALL so the whole time I had no idea. It's really made my skin crawl. This woman is very mentally unwell and you are lucky to see that she's obsessed with you early on enough to block her accounts. Don't wait any longer. She can make all the fake profiles she wants, that's true. But in my case at least it gave me great peace of mind (though I wish I's known sooner).
Bottom line is, if this woman is so hell bent on making herself sick by wasting her one precious life by checking incessantly on you… that's all on her. It feels icky and creepy but at the end of the day you cannot stop someone who is this obsessed. All you can do is block, pity, and hope they get better. Good luck!
Hi, thank you for your response. That totally makes sense. I ended up confronting her about this, but instead of showing remorse, she became defensive, got mad at me and gave me the silent treatment. Eventually, she herself said she will block him – so I let this slide (like an idiot). But today I found out that their SnapStreak is still going strong and she is still in touch with him. Today she is at her college re-union (even her ex is there), and she shamelessly told me that she has asked her ex to drop her off after the reunion because she doesn't want to spend money on a cab. She even planned this with him before going to the reunion and only mentioned it to me over the phone like it was no big deal. Apparently he is also coming super late and she is still choosing to stay and come back with him rather than just taking a cab. I didn't react during the call, but I've decided that I'm done with this relationship. I'm heartbroken, I hate myself and I wish I hadn't let this reach till here. But I'm done. F*** her.
I’m sorry, this sounds really hard. While your boyfriend does have every right to set the boundary that he isn’t comfortable talking about this topic, I think there’s something potentially revealing about the way he communicated that boundary to you. Making this huge pain you must be feeling about you leaving him, calling you stupid and selfish, these aren’t a compassionate way to talk to someone who’s really hurting. You obviously know your situation best, but he absolutely could’ve communicated the boundary in a way that wasn’t so hurtful
Red flags, red flags…. Good thing it's over. He sounds shitty. Make better choices gal.
I think you know the answer to this question. Don’t turn a blind eye. You got cheated on. Move on
Bud you're lazy and selfish. If you're not willing to put in sine work to make sex enjoyable for her, you're a trash boyfriend and all your GFs will leave you.
This sounds exactly like my wildly abusive ex, also almost 38, but like, down to that line “are you done being dumb”. He used to call me back or come into wherever I was literally hiding from him(closets, under bathroom counters, behind laundry and an open cabinet door ffs), and it was 50/50 if he'd come after me, or kick me in the shin because I was ignoring him and containing myself and ask “You fuckin done?” If he really wanted to manipulate me it was the sweetest voice asking “ya done bein dumb? Ya fkn done now? heh ?”
You can't relate to his life, in his opinion and quite frankly mine. He can find you hard and lovely, but it doesn't mean he would like the relationship dynamics between you if you dated, or feeling insecure/misunderstood. Be his friend and don't overthink it
This is hard….I would feel weird definitely and that strikes me as a red flag….maybe he was sexually assaulted as a kid and needs to go talk to a therapist…maybe he's a weirdo….I would never let him around the kid alone and if you do, set up hidden cameras in your home.
I have talked to her and told her I never want to marry. It's just not a requirement for me, and it's not unusual where we online either. Plus, we both always agreed marriage is just bs, but for the past 18 months she's been bringing up marriage and every time I talk to her about it she takes it very personally that it's a sign I don't love her if I don't want to marry her. Also lately she's limiting herself a lot by comparing herself to people that are her age (35) who already have a car, a house, are married. This is not the woman she was 10 years ago. She used to care about her dreams, she had ambitions, nowadays all she thinks about is comparing her life to her friends who are following a more traditional 30s path.
We are not in therapy. But there were times she expected me to spend quality time with her every single day and I was fully responsible for entertaining her. I have 100 hobbies, she has zero. She also has no friends and blames me for that. I'm an introvert and I don't socialize too much but I still have a very small circle of extremely good friends most of whom live! abroad.
She's extremely dependent on me and only very recently she's starting to finally even watch a movie on her own if I say I'm tired and prefer to do something productive (like drawing). In the past there were times where she would cry that I didn't want to go on a 2-hour walk with her after work knowing full well how tired I was…