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Imo, yea 2 months its abit too soon.. well it all depends on your partner of course everyone differs…and also respecting your partners' boundaries, i think you shld find some time to sit down and talk with your gf regarding this..best of luck
yea ive been doing other shit to at least numb it. It does sometimes but when im by myself it all goes to fucking shit. I just fucking miss her. I dont hate her. I just wish she would give me a chance but i get that she was hurt and she needs to heal. Ill listen to the audio book
Common law marriage is recognized in about 10 states. There are also very strict requirements to qualify. She's only been out of work for a year so she won't be getting financial support from a fiance.
Especially considering “barking at him” implies she’s behaving like a dog, of the female variety. Not too nude to translate to what he actually wanted to call her.
Manipulation at best, outright abusive at worst.
i just wanna say even though the way you got together was because of that but he obviously loves you if hes stayed for 6 years doubt it has anything to do with the bet i doubt the dude wouldve stayed if all you were to him was a bet i know it hurts that thats how your relationship started but he obviously has genuine feelings for you
You aren't living by yourself, your husband is also there and he has the right to intervene with your disrespectful decisions you are trying to make over his head. And no he's not obligated to allow your family to stay over at random times.
Every asexual is different. Some are okay with sex, but just don't feel the urge or desire for it, others actively dislike sex, and there's a huge range in-between.
I think an open and honest conversation with you gf is in order. Obviously she loves you and feels safe with you to come out to you. Make sure she know how loved she is, and also make sure to be honest about your own needs.
Is sex something she's still comfortable with? If not, is she okay with you taking care of yourself? Is that something you're okay with?
I think it's worth giving things a try, the key is to just be honest and open about your own needs and what you're willing to try
Couples counseling might help
At this point it’s basically intentional. There’s NO WAY she did it for a second time ‘accidentally’. Ugh. Sorry op you don’t deserve this
I don't really get what's up with so many people hating washing dishes like it's a crazy thing you need a reward for
Yeah it sucks, but like dishwashers have been around forever. I don't know how the solution can be right there and people choose to complain instead
Well sex is minimal, communication turns to an argument (not on my part, rather talk calmly then argue), I know my drinking played a part in things (12 years heavy drinker, recently sober), on and off again relationship, my toxic parents who tried a few things which I won't go into, my attitude and dumb life choices also doesn't help
They don’t want a long term relationship with someone who comes off as sexually inexperienced, but god forbid they find out the reason you make them tick comes from experience.
But nob fits this situation better
Yeah but it's not like she's asking him to go down on her (we don't know if that's something she wants from him), and it's not like he can't have penetrative sex with her.
He realizes you're a human being right? It sounds like he didn't value you as a person, more like a trophy wife/object. He doesn't love you. His actions say as much. Glad he's gone so you now have space for a man to treat you correctly.
Thank you
Your husband sounds like a jackass. Listen to me, don't subject yourself to unhappiness. I would suggest therapy separately and together first. If that doesn't work, then tbh, I'd divorce him. There are people out there who can and will help you. You can justify divorce because he doesn't sound like a nice person at all. I mean, he yells at you for no reason? Do you want your daughter growing up thinking this behaviour is OK? If friends abandon you, they were never true friends to begin with. You can get through this OP. Please, don't make yourself unhappy anymore.
Not only are you not to blame for this, many of us are seeing red flags that this could be bullshit and you may actually have been getting abused/gaslit/manipulated this whole time. Of course it's complicated and we can't be sure, but at the end of the day the simple facts are that you did exactly what she asked, she physically assaulted you (whether it's a true anxiety/trauma response or not), and you don't have to live! with that if you don't want to, which is okay.
Really sorry your otherwise happy long term relationship had to end like this. I hope you will find someone who doesn't treat you this way in the future (you will!)
That sounds like a lot more effort and expense than saying “no”
Why you with an old man?
No
What if I’m in the process of getting my shit together?
Honestly it sounds like he’s still angry and hurt that girl and the Tik-toks are a petty and superficial cry for attention. You have to ask yourself what you want from him and how much you’re willing to allow. If you really like this guy, it’s probably worth a conversation that goes something like “I really like you but your continuous posts about your previous crush on social media make me think you’re not ready to be in a relationship. I’d love to date but those posts need to stop for this to go further.” If you’re not really into him or on the fence, best to just move on and find someone who wants to spend time with you.
This is such a great explanation. I think I do the same thing as OP’s wife, without really thinking about it. But this is definitely the objective.
It is not ok for any gender to have a problem with their partner masturbating. Just because some people do it doesn't make it ok.
You got support. You just don’t see it.
Maybe he would’ve had an easier time waiting that last day if he hadn’t needed to spend the night there more than once. There was no need for that. You should have brought things to help keep yourself busy, not relied on him for company & entertainment the whole time.
Refuse to choose. Your mother should not be putting you in the middle of her relationship problems.
lol, why don't you bring it up? It doesn't have to be him you know… You want exclusivity then raise it. Communication from both sides is important in a relationship.
Some people think it’s pretty ridiculous at best and worrisome at worst.
I (44F) don’t think much of it. I tend to end up working with various teams for extended periods on projects that last 12+mos. I am often on the phone with these people for hours each day working very closely together. It’s not been uncommon for people to joke around about being a work wife/husband.
But all that means to me/us is that it’s a pair of people working very closely together. Other names too. On one of my last projects, there were 3 of us ladies and one of the guys called us “the angels”—like Charlie’s Angels. And my team of guys in Brazil call me boss lady, and answer calls “hello gorgeous”. ?♀️
If it makes you uncomfortable, tell her.
Great example. I love your confidence and I love his confidence. Maybe confidence isn't the right word — maybe, complete comfort? Like “yes, I love what I have…don't disturb that. ever.” It is a really great thing to see. Not easy to build. Takes an enormous amount of respect and love and trust between you two.
It’s it an accident
Nothing to see here, just a bit of OCD!
I married my husband when I was 22 and he was 30. We have a loving and respectful marriage with three children. Don’t worry about the age gap.
And really, won't he always be her baby?
Sorry but I disagree with this. I used to have a family member that would do this to me, they would set me off, and then force me to “hug it out” instead of giving me space like I needed. A therapist called it being “held hostage in an argument”. OP won't ever consider it him comfortingly her if it crosses her boundaries and isn't what she wants. Nor should she have to.
Would you feel the same if I claimed sexist memes about men were true because one dude was a bad boyfriend? You just sound like somebody who can't wait to get an insult out at all women.
To add to this, my husband has a suffix of IV. I didn’t find out the gender of our first child during my pregnancy because I was dreading the discussion that I would not name my son the same name with a suffix of V. My husband’s grandfather was 85 when our son was born and his name was (fake name) George Wesley Brown Jr. My FIL is George Wesley Brown III and my husband is George Wesley Brown IV.
My husband’s grandfather went out of his way to make sure I knew that he didn’t care what we named our child as long as the last name was “Brown”, which only made sense because I took that name when we married and it’s way more badass of a name than my maiden name.
My FIL also made it clear that they wouldn’t have given my husband that name he there not been a cute nickname they used based on the middle name so my husband never went by “George”.
The baby was born and it was a boy. We named him a very old fashioned quirky name that belonged to my grandpa. My FIL and GFIL were thrilled to pieces and expressed zero disappointment that we didn’t continue the naming tradition, despite being very traditional men.
Your FIL is a jackass and needs to get over himself.
Everybody is saying you are getting used. That's exactly what I thought also. I don't know why you are still here to clarify things. For us the things are crystal clear, but for you it still seems blurry.
She texted me. She said she’s reporting herself. I plan on talking about it in therapy and see if my therapist thinks I should
She's just being cordial. Don't turn it into what you wish it were. Appreciate it for the kind gesture it is.
Do you think a sincere apology could mend this? A big part of me wants to leave, disappear, block, ghost her because I felt humiliated. But another part of me obviously still loves her.
Stop dating men who don’t believe women are people. It’s that simple. He doesn’t think you are entitled to the same rights as men. Women are incubators to these men. Stop dating them.
You are doing the right thing. This is over, this is not good, this is done. Not to be blunt, but get your shit together. Get YOU together. Take deep breaths. Cry your eyeballs out. Then call a friend or make a nice meal or take a long walk or watch a favorite movie. Repeat as needed.
He may be a good person, he may have potential, whatever blah blah blah. But he is not a good partner for you. He may have potential but not on your time.
People get over heartbreak. Every person on the planet and you will too. It sucks, it takes time, it takes effort. You are 30 not 13. You can do it.
I mean her friend is right. So. She’s too young for you.
Ah ok well if shes a complete asshole and whacking off to vids of her fucking her ex then yeah idk what can you do shes literally the only woman in the world.
That's what happens when everyone finds out your a self centered careless fake friend. Nobody trusts you after that. Can you really blame them since you did that to a long time friend of yours?
TIL that the commenters of relationship_advice are capable of offering advice beyond “break up immediately!!!!”
She can love you and still be lazy and not contribute if she isn’t being expected to. Those are two separate issues.
Stay out of it. But this is going to come back to bite your friend. She's being used by a creep but doesn't see it yet. But she will.
The only thing you can really do as her friend is be there for her when this all comes crashing down (which it will).
Either calm the hell down and stop monitoring his social media or do him a favor and break up with him.
There's a lot of guilt, repressed emotions, desires and lack of clarity going on here.
Also neither of you seem truly happy, and are trying to find that happiness in someone else.
None of this adds up to a good future.
He clearly was tired. People get tired.
He probably is saying: “I’m so tired I won’t be any fun with you”
.. I want to be fun when I’m with you.
Not so nice when the shoe is on the other foot huh?
Some would say that you subconsciously left your phone open so she would read what you're afraid to say out loud. Maybe think about having an adult conversation about some issues you've been working through lately.
How about tell your wife that her friendship with her makes you feel uncomfortable and listen to her thoughts on the matter.
Get away from her
It's not that it's not a deal breaker. I am trying to process this. I am trying to understand that maybe he was sexually abused. I don't know. It's a lot to find something like this out
Sorry, misunderstood. ?
Info: are you going to put a camera on your bf, put a tag on him, measure his sperm everyday (and take every other measure) to make sure he’s not cheating on you and knocking some other girl up?
Because if he thinks you as his partner who presumably lives with him can get pregnant by another man, then the same can be said about him? It’s even easier for men to hook up on the side because statistically on average men go outside their house more than the average woman.
Why should you have his kids, destroy your body, and spend your prime years raising his kids, when you could probably be doing it with another man?
I would agree to a paternity test if he lets me put a cage on his dick that only I have the key for. He can have a paternity test every single day, twice on Sunday.
He has told me that every other woman he's been with has not had an issue with his intent to take the test.
That’s just a straight up lie he’s telling you in order to try to manipulate you. Infact you can do your own experiment, ask in the women’s forum how they feel about it. For me I would instantly block my bf of 15 years if he says shit like this
He's saying he's paranoid because he's seen stories of men raising kids that aren't their own.
Then either he needs a therapist for his paranoia, or need to find a woman who he trusts. At this moment this paranoid man is not fit to be a father or even a husband.
I'm here for advice because he claims all of his friends agree with him,
Then he should date his friends and have kids with said friends
but everyone I've talked to has said the exact opposite
Because every else has no reason to lie to you and is giving you the right advice. Your bf is trying to manipulate you because he has something to gain from it, aka the paternity, at the expense of your dignity.
How should I have reacted when he told me this?
You could ask him all the things I have mentioned before. Personally there would be no discussion for me because I could never get over the disrespect
Some guys won’t take no for an answer and basically pressure you into taking it so that they leave you alone
What is best for you to say and do? Say Hallelujah! Do a ? and move the fuck on with your life. You dodged a bullet.
This story makes no sense. The OP sounds completely detached from what is going on in his own life.
8 mos. Funny you mention bitterness he always does seem to refer to his past relationship experiences of he was done wrong by other women, it doesn’t seem fair that I have to pay for other women’s fault to him..
A marriage is not a deposition. Sharing every single sexual act you’ve ever done before them is a completely unreasonable ask.
There is a reason newlyweds are referred to as in a “honeymoon phase”. It’s because things seem so good they will likely change soon.
Being immediately in a full on terrible situation isn’t just a red flag, it blatantly clear that not only are they incompatible but want very different thing and are outright antagonistic toward each other.
Maybe… one of her childhood friends is a boudoir photographer and she’s going to surprise you with pictures? ???
I would call off the wedding until this is resolved.
OP. Don't marry a thief. You know what was agreed upon.
Yeah, she's lying.
The moment they wanted to hang out with the two of you to weasel the guy into her orbit is when she should have told you.
You need to set boundaries since she doesn't appear to have appropriate ones.
My wife told me that Amanda just had 2-3 drinks in total so she wasn't drunk. Hannah admits her mistake but says she never planned for it to happen and doesn't understand how she didn't say no.
Girl. No.
I think you should simmer down and look at this with fresh eyes.
OP you have to show her you mean what you say, and don't give in to things she's asking of/demanding of you.
-You said after I pay for a lawyer this is happening, so continue to make it happen. Ask your lawyer what the next steps are that can move things along. Set a court date -FFS, if you're serious about leaving stop having sex! -She wants a list of things that she can change? The full list, the only thing on the list, is her address. Too late for the rest of it, the relationship is over -Start living your life. No need to flaunt it, but also don't hide it, just start making plans and do what you want to do
In your post you’re making it sound like all you’re doing is complaining about the situation to him. That is not communication.
Is that what you’re doing? Or are you looking for a solution/asking yourself why something this minor should bother you this much?
I’m 35 and 100% would’ve done this shit at her age
Unfortunately it's her choice. My girlfriend came home one day with a face tattoo and I left soon after
You will need to allow him to go through his own grieving process for the relationship, until he comes to terms with it and move forward. Just be supporting, but start the breaking up process. You both know it is over, he just hasn’t accepted it yet.
Yeah some sort of YouTuber or streamer maybe?
You said you work as well. So you can do that just fine, you split the utilities and either split rent or pay proportion to income.
You have one joined account for shared bills and keep everything else separate.
Just make sure if you consider this route that you discuss with your boyfriend what your intentions are.
Like if you wanted to, tell him that you’re not ready for marriage. But you might be able to consider it if you guys took the time to protect both of you.
He really doesn't like to go out much at all hut did come to my birthday and then graduation family dinner. But im also big on family and that's the only 2 times he has come to any family event. Your question really had me thinking and I'm coming up blank, not sure if it's because I'm focusing on the negative or if there actually isn't anything.
You know how in airplanes emergency brief they tell you to first put your oxygen mask before helping others? This is the same, he is sick and needs professional help. We could even excuse his lying due to addiction being an illness, BUT you have to put your oxygen mask first.
Secure your finances, your mental health, have a safe space (moving out was a good choice). Then and only then you can start to think if your love for him is worth helping him through his addiction or not.
In all honesty, if it’s been a few years and he didn’t think to ask you for help I’d wonder if that relationship was solid to begin with. If I were to feel any kind of addiction or did something I’m ashamed of, sooner or later I would ask my partner for help
38 old man doing this? Come on, dude…
This is their family dynamic. Personally, I would find it way, way too much. You are not going to change it, so you either accept it or move on. They are always going to come first and you will never have a life separate from them. It would be too much for me.
No. Most college relationships dont. Especially one where she’s asking out to be open
The two of you are at completely different stages of life. You are completely incompatible.
It is also, and I hate to say this to you but it needs to be heard, absurd to talk about having children with a person you have only know for a few months of dating.
You don't need him to understand. He wants his partner to stay with him. Of course he is going to do whatever it reasonably takes to keep her with him. If pretending to not understand works (and it seems that it has so far) then he will keep pretending to not understand.
He doesnt want a baby with you. You're not going to convince him otherwise or make him “see the light” (a light that he already understands, I might remind you!). Break up. Move on.
very valid, i think i might message her about it if it keeps going or if she says anything else (which she will) and ill talk to him properly about it because its so unfair how shes treating me. The thing is hes dumb in social situations and thinks its just girl drama and that shes just being nice and wouldn’t do it on purpose (she acts really sweet). Any girl thats met her sees right through it though
I have ADHD and I do not act like this, neurodivergency isn't a blanket excuse to mistreat your partner. It's concerning that he is a therapist because learning how to regulate your emotions in productive way so you don't mistreat your partner (not hitting, throwing things, cussing them out) is generally a potential goal of therapy?
Not even close to what I am saying. Both were wrong for what they said, not for not being peaceful.
Your husband’s reaction proved the point she should not have made anyway