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I agree sometimes things happen and it can be very hot to get together with someone but 4 months is a long time & most people can make some time to within that timeframe to see someone if they really wanted to. I would maybe stop trying to make plans and see if she tries, or if she bails again i’d probably stop. I do have a friend who tends to cancels a lot on guys due to nerves, but still.
From this post I still wonder what your personal opinion is ? You only talked about others opinion and how to mediate.
If you share your boyfriend’s PoV maybe you should tell your parents that while you understand they want to protect you, they raise you good enough to know what you want for yourself, and you don’t need the men to talk about if it’s okay for you to move with your boyfriend, your brother didn’t have to ask for their permission nor his girlfriend.
If you share your parents PoV or the talk with them didn’t work maybe you could ask your boyfriend to talk with your father but not making empty promises ? You already have plans and timeline ! Speaking of his heart and saying think as he sees them is also a good thing. « I consider things serious with your daughter and while it’s too soon to talk about mariage, I hope out path will lead this way » seems good enough for me and true from what you write.
Don’t pressure your boyfriend, if you love eachother I’m sure you can find a solution that works for anyone. Maybe the talk can also happen with the two of you sitting your father and telling him that you want to have this talk together as your boyfriend values you ? This won’t be perfect but less scary for him.
I wish you well !
Sorry for formating I’m on my phone and english is not my first langage.
If that's your very hot limit that is your very hot limit and she needs to respect that.
But if you ever push her to try something, remember this when she says she's not comfortable with doing something.
My heart really does go out to you. My experience doesn't mean yours will be that way, but it's apparent something has to be addressed. Thinking of you OP. Sending hugs ?
She hasn’t communicated anything as of yet with regard to longevity, all I know is we’re into each other at the moment and when we’re together sparks fly, but over text it’s a struggle with her being blunt, maybe she’s just not a good texter which could easily be the case, but I always overthink stuff so that’s probably what I’m doing now, I haven’t had a real relationship in 5+ years and she’s just come out of one too like 3 months ago so that probably doesn’t help where my heads at honestly, you’re right she has chosen me for the moment, I’ll do my best to keep it that way
Went through something very similar with my girlfriend. As upset and angry as I was I could tell she was remorseful and as easy as it would be to throw in the towel and move on I just didn’t want that. It’s been rough for me at times but she has put a lot of effort over the years to prove her self and help heal the relationship. Just make sure you know your self worth, don’t stay because you’re desperate only stay if you truly believe this person can be better.
We were smitten and my lease was ending… it just made a lot of sense at the time. I think I’m going to take a year off dating, start back up in 2024 but I’ll make sure to give it more time to be so serious.
Thank you.
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It seems as if the bra and panties were for him. I hope you get an answer.
Since you’re here atm anyways, I would suggest to make the most of it. Things may have not worked out with her but this country is swimming with wonderful people for you to meet.
As an older guy with a lot of experiences under my belt, I can tell you life is full of things that don’t work out like you thought but its staying open in those times for things you never planned on or thought was possible.
I can tell you with certainty that this wasn’t the girl for you. She shut that door but more than that, after 4 years of talking with her, she froze you out rather than at least coming to see you even if only as a friend.
A friend wouldve at least told you not to come.
I imagine you’re heart is broken and that sucks. Im sorry. The great news is that you’re still a young man, a single young man in a country that has a lot of freedom and choice. Its not perfect by a long shot but when it comes to our women, I would put their intelligence, compassion and beauty, taken as a whole, up against any in the world.
So let yourself feel how you feel and then start going places and keeping yourself open to other people and experiences you also might not have expected.
This is may sound brutal, but you may need to tell him you're not asking him to cut her off. But she has no business in your relationship. That if things continue the way they are he's sabatoging the relationship. Considering your ages and what you've said. Maybe you never wanted to realize it, but it seems this wasn't what you signed up for by being with him. That's fine but at some point you need to also be willing to stop trying to change things and move forward.
I don’t know if I feel insecure really, at least consciously but I do agree it makes me feel better temporarily.
I’m never sure he actually means it, but it doesn’t feel great
This man is a leech. He doesn’t have a job or car because he is gonna use you or his parents. And that’s the thing-hes using you. He may genuinely love you and vice versa but he’s gonna drain every resource and positive attribute about you until it runs dry. His love is dependent on using you.
Good healthy love has each partner participating. Each give and take in their own way. He’s not doing his part.
I guess if you chose the job over her it was the right choice. But if you realize it was a mistake I would reach out to her.
People are able to repair relationships through some pretty crazy things.
The guy is totally obsessed to the point of hundreds of hours just to classify this shit, yet now he claims he will not look at it again. Yeah, OK.
Pedophilia isn’t a matter of difference of opinions.
Trauma bonds are real. When you’re treated poorly in the beginning and you are just looking to get back the guy you fell in love with, the trauma in your brain from the fluctuation between poor treatment/spurts of good treatment affects you cognitively. Then you begin to live in fight/flight mode for long periods of time. It does an absolutely number on your overall well-being. This increases stress and adrenaline chemicals in your system with no outlet.
Have you journaled? It is a good way to release cortisol.
Does your boyfriend agree that no boundaries were violated? Is he fully aware of the situation?
The odds of seeing that money again are really low. He’s a mooch. An honorable person borrows money and pays it back ASAP. Sometimes with interest! He’s pushing your boundaries to see how much he can squeeze out of you before you are ruined financially and he fucks off to the next woman/piggy bank.
Tell him flat out he must pay the money in 5/10/15 days. If he respects and loved you, he will move heaven and earth to get those funds to you so you can pay your bills. If he doesn’t, well, you’ve learned an expensive lesson.
This HAS to be a troll. No one is actually this obtuse. Nor is anyone ALWAYS right.
You owe him nothing. I wouldn’t make any room in my life for a toxic, abusive alcoholic. Protect your own mental health and keep that far away from your life. I speak from experience – nothing good comes from allowing people like this to be a part of your life.
So I think there’s a lot to unpack here.
One – cutting off your ex should have been your decision.
Two – since you cut him off he should not be trying to contact you he should respect that boundary
Three – you’re obviously dealing with existing issues in your relationship. You should definitely reevaluate if you want to remain in the relationship, and what positives, if any, it is bringing to your life.
Four – I would not trust your ex. He has motive for lying. You cannot believe what he has to say with no corroborating evidence. I’m not saying your current bf didn’t do these things or isn’t a jerk. What I’m saying is take it with a grain of salt bc of where it’s coming from.
I know, looking for anything I can do to rekindle it.