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She might not crawl back to him. That’s something you’ve got to accept
Move on….. Find a girlfriend who is financially responsible and enjoys her career working in it, splitting bills with you etc….
Enjoying doing things together and having hobbies separately and also hobbies and activities that you enjoy doing together.
So….. Run ?♂️ ?♀️ Forest Run. ………
I don't know what pics are on my phone right now. years worth transferred over.
Well, he wanted to get a PhD and become a pharmacologist or organic chemist, so it would have been detrimental to him to not get accepted into university.
I sleep train to create men who can care for themselves and self sooth.
Call the cops if the person tries to get in. Tell him he is not allowed in.
Talk to your mom about what's going on.
He’s using it as an excuse. The fact that he did it over text means he couldn’t face you. It sucks but it’s best to move on and find someone better.
Platonic friendships can actually exist, you know. =)
I do ask him a ton because as you said, treat others how you want to be treated. And although I was hesitant when he said he had very few emotional needs (that are really just basic human being needs: No infidelity, support his dreams, etc) it proved itself to be true. I, on the other hand, have a lot of emotional needs and I can see how it can be perceived as selfish when I ask for so much when he needs so little. Is this an issue of compatibility?
But no one has said anything about sleeping with him, is my point. Wednesday said that Amber is in love with him, but we don't know how (or if) OP responded and how the rest of the conversation went. That could be her trying to push them together, or she could be warning OP about someone they all know is a sexual predator, or for all we know she could just be pranking her friend. None of these are indicative of a good workplace, to be clear, but we don't know which it was.
But the rest of it just doesn't seem to me like it's people pushing a relationship. Amber came in and hung out for a few hours, it sounds like she was talking to other people, didn't really respond much when he talked to her, and stayed after he left. Other coworkers said she does this sometimes, so she's not showing up just for him. I don't know about you, but when I want someone to sleep with me, my first move tends not to be “sit in another room on my phone and ignore them”.
And the other coworkers really had nothing to do with this situation. One of them took a long break. Presumably we're supposed to assume that she was talking to Amber, probably about him, but OP doesn't know that. Taking a long break is annoying, but not sexual harassment. The other coworker asked how he felt about his coworkers in general. If she'd followed it up with “and are any of us attractive? what about Amber, do you like her?” then yeah, that'd be horrible, but she didn't. He just assumed that she was asking about Amber because she'd recently been in the same room as her.
This could be a group of women hell-bent on sexually harassing the only man in their office in the most passive-aggressive way ever, it could be a simple misunderstanding, or it could be a man who's convinced every woman is in love with him and/or out to get him. There's really nothing to tell us which way, and I don't think an HR department will hear this and do much more than tell Wednesday not to talk about people's crushes. No one besides her has actually done anything to him.
But it’s exhausting to always be consoling someone, especially someone who doesn’t take any responsibility for their own decisions. It doesn’t sound like she is being a particularly good friend to him, not because of her promiscuity but because it hurts to watch someone you love hurting themselves again and again.
If I’m fine with this, then why does that seem to offend so many people here.
Because those people are seeing red flags and problems you don't want to see. And that's understandable, a few days ago you felt like you were in a hopeless situation and now it seems like it might maybe kind of work out sort of and you want to hang on tight to that hope and focus on the positive. I get that. But the truth is there's not a lot of positive to grab, here.
Believe it or not no one here wants your marriage to fail. They're giving advice. Last time the advice was to talk to him, which you accepted was the right course of action, and it helped. This time the exact same people are seeing the results of that talk, and they're saying “this is worse than you seem to realize.” Now everybody must be wrong, because that's not what you wanted to hear.
I genuinely hope you're right and your husband will still prioritize you and the degree to which he does so will be satisfying to you. I really do. But I think what is infinitely more likely is that a few years down the line you're going to post here again acknowledging that they had a point, you were too defensive to listen, the situation has become intolerable, and now you need advice on how to get out of this marriage after having a kid.
You’re almost 30 years old and can’t handle that your mid 30s bf may have a friend of the opposite sex that he knew long before you existed in his life? Your reaction to his friend leads me to believe you’re more of the cheater type as they tend to be the ones who are the most paranoid about everyone else absolutely having ulterior motives. He had to cut off a good friendship for stupid reasons to accommodate your overrreaction, and now you’re mad because he misses his friend? You sound immensely selfish, and are so paranoid that you are hung up about the existence of about someone who does not even on-line in the same part of the country but clearly makes the man you claim to be so in love with happy. What’s your end game? To vet who he talks to, and approve of any conversation he has as long as it is always about you (and only you) and get daily affirmations that you’re super special? Perhaps you want him to cut ties with anything in his life that ever existed because you strolled in a year and a half ago and just want it?
The problem in your relationship, frankly, is you. As for resolving it, talk to a therapist and get a handle on yourself, because what you’re doing is unnatural, toxic, manipulative, and borderline abusive.
Thanks guys ? I just don’t want to make a move and then completely rejected haha
I want to stand up to her because I know he won’t stand up for himself.
Nope. Don’t. He’s not a child. In an unlikely scenario that this works, you create another dynamic in which he is passive and has no agency. First mommy calls the shots, then the gf.
More likely scenario is that it blows up in your face and she forbids him to see you entirely.
Of her feelings are valid than why can’t his be? Yes, the solution to his feeling is communicating with his GF for clarification but that shouldn’t invalidate his feelings
You can’t convince her. You’re doing what you can and showing her.
It’s going to have to come from her. It sounds like she is extremely insecure/anxious. Therapy might be a good idea!
All you can do is reassure her and continue being a great boyfriend in the mean time.
So… you escaped a violent relationship, alive. Only material things are lost? Most ppl don’t get out that easy… do the claims court sure. Maybe a restraining order first?
Then call the landlord and get locks changed if it’s your apt. If you’re on the lease then simply ask to have the locks changed and get a camera you can see from your phone…kick those psychos out.
Small claims court shouldn’t be the first stop of it’s as violent as you say…
This has to be fake
Honestly, it could be a weird hard-hit moment of nostalgia or a feeling about that time in her life without actually still wanting to be with him. Give it a bit and then discuss how it made you feel and what was going on for her, you'll get clarity.
He is probably not dating material unless you want the whole package. If he has never lived on his own, you will be inheriting her child should she pass. You don't mention anything about her health, and that can be a mitigator, but you're still inheriting problems you don't need.
Here's the thing. You can reach out and like your friends said it may not be well received. If you are willing to risk that then go ahead.
Based on what you've said here I tend to agree with your friends that it doesn't sound promising, but maybe being crushed again is what you need to move on.
I'd suggest sending a text to feel him out and see if he'd meet for coffee or lunch to talk. If he doesn't answer you definitely know.
Would you give a second chance to a person who betrayed your trust?
No.
Have you ever done it?
No.
Should it be done under a certain circumstance? Even if this person shows remorse?
Well you definitely shouldn't do it if they don't show remorse. But if they do it's up to you to decide whether or not to give them a second chance. There's no objectively correct answer.
Personally, in your situation I would not advise you to do so. Take it from someone more than twice your age, you're still very young, not even a fully-legal adult yet, and you just met her a month ago (I know it feels like “a lot”, but that's due to your youth and comparative inexperience). You don't need this. Be glad you saw her true side this early, and cut your losses and move on with your life.
I highly suggest you guys look up the bearded dietitian on Facebook and YouTube he is super great and the food is very affordable and good as well
I thought about it. would have to come clean to her first. stepping away seemed like the better option though.
And how will you do better? Go to church and repent your sins or maybe call his wife to confess and apologise for helping ruin her life? I hope someone does the same to you one day
Her kids were taken because she went to a metal hospital due to ptsd from her mother dying, mental and physical abuse
She can be a victim and an abuser at the same time. She had a responsibility to get you away from him. Instead, she kept you in that situation and essentially used you as a meat shield to make it easier on herself. You owe her nothing. Take care of yourself, and let her do the same.
Right??
So you're against borrowing money unless it's from a bank? Okay whatever
stay at home wife or partner in general.
This isn't a SAHP. She's not doing anything. A SAHP should be making sure everything at home done- cleaning, cooking, food, etc. Because a SAHP's job is the home.
The future you've been planning is with a person that doesn't actually exist. He's been dishonest about who he is and you've been happy to let him so you could believe what you wanted. He's telling you what he wants, and if you don't like it is sounds like he's going to do it anyway. Seems like a bad deal for you.
Top tier embarrassment
he has two baby mama… which he said they’re both amicable
imo this is the only red flag i need to break thinks up, once could be a mistake or a she was the reason but 2? are you looking to be 3rd and be amicable w the other 2?
Sounds like you've got some stuff to deal with because you're clearly inserting more context into this than OP gave us to work with.
And I saw what OP responded to you below with…
In her post she acknowledged that it's a team effort resulting in these dumb ass fights, but let's go ahead and place all the blame on OP…
Their SO doesn't get license to go AWOL. If your partner needs to disappear because of how upset they get, it's time to break up.
Cancel the card and cancel the boyfriend as well. He is blaming you for his own irresponsibility. Unless you want to be a scapegoat for his bad behavior for the foreseeable future, you need to break up with him.
He sounds like he is sucking the soul directly out of your body, I have a friend that is literally dying who requires less than this dude.
I would nope out of that in a heart beat, this is survival time, not poor baby time.
Why are you in a relationship with someone you don't like being in a relationship with?