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He added an extra year without talking to you first?
Nope. Do not tie yourself to someone who makes decisions that big without discussing it.
If it's really the case that he has no choice, then that would have become clear in your conversation, and you could have accepted together that this is the right thing to do.
You won’t be able to move past it, and why try
It’s over
While I think the age gap is gross on it's own and probably warrants the term just because it sets up for a power imbalance this is relationship sounds like it has a totally separate issue.
This is “grooming” as in grooming someone for an abusive relationship. This relationship is going quickly and nearly ended because he doesn't do anything at home. Instead of taking time to work on himself or doing therapy or anything to actually help the problem or prove a change, he has raced to make the relationship more concrete by proposing. He is also trying to get her away from her family and friends by moving. It's a way of keeping her from people that may validate her feelings about relationship problems they may be having. Once she is separated and financially dependent it will be really hard to leave because of money, distance, embarrassment, and potentially violence. At best he's really insecure and this move will help him have a sense of control.
It stated that if either of his children would pass then it would go to the next heir or something along those lines. I’m assuming he felt it didn’t need to specify me because of the wording. I’ve also not looked at it for some time.
She made it seem like it’s hers to do with what she wants. A lot of our interactions became very uncomfortable for me and stressful during that time. I think when I brought it up and asked why it wasn’t included she was very upset I was even saying something about it.
Yeah you’re right, I need to man up and stop dancing around this. I need to properly confront her and try to fix this myself. Thank you for helping me see that
He’s paying for it, he can eat it how he likes
There’s a song called “you’re somebody else” by flora cash that I couldn’t stop hearing in my head when I read this comment. It’s kinda on the nose but OP might vibe rn
Once a week dinners and offering once every 2 to 3 weeks as a compromise isn't “so much time”. She's not entitled to all of his time. The gf needs to grow up and see past herself. So what his mom doesn't like her, which he didn't even say in the post. She doesn't have to be around her. She's trying to say he can't visit his own mother once every week or even 2 to 3 weeks because it takes away from her. That's not love. Again, that's control and she has no right to lay that out and say he's breaking her trust because he wants to spend time with his mom, no matter how his mom feels about his girlfriend. Now, if HIS behavior is different after he sees his mom, and he's treating his gf shitty then she can and should say I won't be in a relationship where I am disrespected and remove herself from the relationship. Controlling who he spends time with ain't it.
His gf of 3 weeks honey you are not as important to his life and family as you think you are
Yes you did. You said there's a double standard, and OP is a male. And now you're saying you disagree with me, so clearly you think men are just treated soooooo unfairly ?
Wym
I'm not. I was like, “huh, this is strange.” Then you guys spelled it out for me, thanks!
Sounds like you played right into his mom's game.
Since he's an identical, he could have completely messed the party by showing up when his brother was supposed to, and acted like his brother for the surprise. I think if I were in that situation, I might have.