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Ira(girl) and Eleah(man), 20 y.o.
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As long as it's not all the time, or it's causing you to treat them in a way that's toxic or abusive, then absolutely no, a little reassurance is fine. And as long as you're putting in an effort to learn how to gain confidence, that's even better. I'm hesitant to date men who have issues with insecurity because in my experience, it starts out with me reassuring them but it ends in them controlling me (or verbally abusing me to keep my own self esteem low).
Don't look for a woman to fix you. Look for a woman that inspires you to fix yourself. You should never depend on your partner for your mental well being.
It’s fine, I don’t need to put them in your bin, would probably be a bit far to travel
Because you decided to tell your bf about the sexual relationship between you and your friend/ex, that will always be in the back of his mind now. No guy, especially a bf/husband, wants to hear another guys had sexual relationship with you. Every time you bring it up, he knows that you are thinking about your sexual relationship with this friend/ex. Anytime you text your ex or hang out with him he will think of that sexual relationship detail you told him. Best thing you can do is lose contact with your friend/ex even if your bf said not to. He might want you to show that you put him and his feelings before anyone else without making you feel like you have to and that you are serious about your relationship with him. If you can't or don't want to then good luck with the relationship.
?? you’re right
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She wants to get married so bad probably thinks it’ll fix their problems lol nothing changes after marriage so why do it
Yes he would. I’m better then her.
I guess my point is that you can’t put it all on your wife. You’re right there’s nothing that can be done now but ultimately you both played a role in that happening.
Falling in love with someone else isn’t a concern I have. Throughout our marriage, I’ve learned to cherish the love for my wife despite our sex life. If anything, it will just be a need to fill physically.
I have zero sympathy for you my dude. She’s obviously horrible and you just enable it. I once was talking to a dude I was head over heals for. This was back in the day so no Tinder but Myspace was still a thing. He had his comments and his top 8 hidden. When my friend showed me you could copy and paste their friend code to see all that stuff and I saw his profile was full of very hot women flirting with him all throughout are fling I was instantly done. And I was CRAZY about this dude. I couldn’t fathom allowing not only that but confining to go back and forth with her after she treated you like shit multiple times after that.
Like some other poster said: grow a fucking backbone, Jesus. I know your down but this is just pathetic man. Maybe you need some therapy or something because putting up with this kind of treatment and begging for an apology is NOT NORMAL.
So you were left by the guy? ?
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted lol. Grooming is when you build up the confidence of a minor so that when they are a legal adult, you have quicker and more immediate access to them. OP isn’t a minor, so he isn’t being groomed by definition. I think the word people are looking for more so is an age gap manipulation.
It’s creepy behavior on her part obviously, but nothing that men don’t already do literally the time with younger women; and in many instances when there’s actual grooming involved and they’ve already been speaking to said woman since she was 16/17 (a minor.)
My advice to OP would be to avoid this situation due to the age gap and risks of an uneven power dynamic, but at the end of the day he’s a legal adult so if he wants to hook up with her, he can.
huh?
sure if you don't feel like it don't do it but I have no idea about this whole “sexual/not sexual” thing, sounds like a pointless argument
You forgot to drop the mic and say goodnight to Detroit. LOL
PH1251 wrote the only comment you need to read.
The fact that she hides it is the issue.
It’s ok to be friends with exes.
When I was in my early 20s, I dated a girl who is still my friend 15 years later. When we were together, I helped babysit her little sister (who was 10, my gf was 22, i was 20). Her parents loved me. Her sister loved me.
Over the years, I was invited to the sisters high school graduation, college, etc.
I’m very close to her family. Heck her mom sold me the life insurance policy I wanted and helped me invest in china with her.
But the women I date, I tell them about her. And if they’re not cool with it, they’re not for me. I’m not going to stop being friends with someone or their family just because we stopped having sex. (That’s actually why we broke up. We stopped having sexual attraction towards each other).
The tone of this coupled with the unsent messages has me believing that he may have made a pass at her and she rejected him. Or perhaps they hooked up and she didn’t want it to go any further.
The kind that marries a woman 14 years younger and then decides she's too old for him cuz he's a creep.
Always go with your gut as your subconscious usually picks up on tells that may not be obvious to our natural senses. These stories usually end badly due to the trusting partner not digging and investigating the situation thoroughly. Call the company and get the particulars of the party and the particulars yourself. Say that you are a spouse that needed details for babysitting purposes as you were going to join and see what they say. Better yet, demand to go anyway and see what happens. Something tells me that parts of her story are fabricated and you should t take no for an answer.
Bottom line is that you’re fighting for the integrity of your marriage and you can’t act naive to your concerns. Tell her you’re going and if they turn you away at the door you’ll go to her hotel and wait for her. If she refuses then something is going on.
Oh honey, he’s not a good man. None of this is your fault. You didn’t invite being spiked and gang-raped by simply existing. And for him to think he knows your safety from long distance better than you in place, assessing the risk and deeming a 20 minute well-lit walk as safe is pure manipulation (to tear you down and devalue you to accept fewer and fewer crumbs of affection and kindness). Seek support from other friends/family/therapy and please break up with him.
Whatever you do, if you want to pursue a long term relationship with him you gotta tell him, maybe before, maybe after, you can follow everyone else's advice or not, but the crucial thing is to not hide it from him forever.
If you end up feeling unsafe and don't want to tell him then that's alright, but in that case don't pursue the relationship further, but as long as you plan to continue the relationship it's gotta be shared.