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Does he know you cheated? Bet that would change his mind
Sure it’s your kid?
Get rid of toxic people from your life. He has no integrity nor concerns for your feelings. He knows how you feel but I guess he cannot help himself. He is not a friend, he only thinks of himself.
I think you are being a perfectly normal human being. He sounds like he isn’t taking this seriously and brushing off something that is important to you. I would definitely take a hiatus and figure out yourself. This will not only help you find yourself but also give him serious time to think and decide if he really wants to marry you or not. You know absence makes the heart grow fonder. I really feel for you. You could also try and have the most serious conversation with him and tell him: this is important to me because i dont want to waste more time if i could be finding someone who better fits me and takes this seriously. You dont have to say it exactly like that. And there might be other reasons more serious reasons why he is brushing you off but that is my advice. I hope it helps ☺️
You’re right
If she's still actively on a dating app, you're not dating. Maybe time to stop checking her page out.
Pressing assault charges on her is probably the ONLY way it’ll get through to her or your parents that this is unacceptable behavior. She is an abuser. She is violent. She is dangerous. Go to the police station. NOW! Show them the video. Show them the bruises. Press charges OR THIS WILL NEVER STOP!
No means no, and yes means yes.
If you don't give an enthusiastic yes, then it's a no. He's not dumb, he knows this. HE JUST DOESN'T CARE.
When my husband wants it and I don't, I may offer alternatives BECAUSE I WANT TO. If I don't want to do anything, he'll either cuddle me and sleep or take care of himself. He cares more about me as a person and what I want than getting off. That's how it should be.
Do you REALLY want to be with a man who cares so little about you he forces you into sex? There's a word for that, and it starts with R.
This isn't a problem with your partner. This is the problem:
I struggle with getting her approval and it is very important to me.
You're not getting her approval. EVER. Forget it and free yourself. No guy will be good enough for her. This will probably never stop. Getting your boyfriends to bend to her whims to make you happy is not the answer, never will be. Note i said “to make you happy” there and not her? Because she wont change and you're just doing this for your own discomfort. You have to get over this.
Accept that you're not getting her approval and live! your life.
At some point both you and your boyfriend should accept she won't accept him. You can't make her do so, but you slso do not really need her acknowledgement. The sooner you give up on bothering to care about her not caring the easier it will be.
“What can I do to make him take me back and trust me again? I’m so sad for myself!”
Congratulations, you married a lesbian
Tbh, I see a good amount of that here as well, especially the ones about “regretting” trying to open their relationship/marriage
Being open about cheating doesn't make you better. Rubbing your affair in his face is shitty, and quite frankly you arguing with everyone telling you you're in the wrong, WHEN YOU SPECIFICALLY ASKED, gives me the impression you're still proud of being a cheater and destroying your children's lives. Get over yourself.
If he has no other reason other than that, I'd be worried that this will continue even after you get married.
There's no compromise when one partner wants an open relationship and the other doesn't. You either need to learn to accept she's not interested, or leave the relationship. She's made it very clear she does not want to be open, and you have to respect that.
Honestly I stayed so long because half the time, I didn’t even realize he was abusing me to begin with. I just knew he was upset about it. It never clicked with me that it was abuse until way later.
Mama.. You are so right. People just don't get it. I dated a girl.. We had the greatest sex ever !! But outside of the bedroom, we were a 0.0 on the personality/compatibility scale.
I personally subscribe to the idea that exes are exes for a reason. This scenario is a big part of why. I'm not gonna pearl clutch about your coping mechanisms, as long as you're safe and careful knock yourself out. If you hadn't gotten back together it wouldn't matter. But now it's this awkward elephant in the room because yes, technically you did nothing wrong. But the timing looks extremely suspicious, add on your vague description of your break up and reconciliation. It comes across like you wanted to break up, be single but keep him as an option to fall back on.
Getting back together was his idea
It takes two to tango though. You're an adult and you agreed to get back with him. I'm sure he did want to get back with you, given that he was the dumpee and it was only 2 months. Were you two no contact or did you have regular contact with each other during those 2 months?
There’s no one right way to go about this but as a stepmom myself and as an admin of a CF SM group, I have a few thoughts.
1) for the initial meeting, would recommend some kind of side by side activity. A movie and pizza, a trip to the zoo and ice cream, theme park or bumper cars or laser tag. Kids feel awkward in face to face situations with a new person.
2) no, don’t “treat them like your own”. That’s going to cross boundaries with their mom and with them. Be kind and respectful. Understand that they are not your nieces and nephews. Their mom is likely going to have some feelings about this and they will too. Just be “dad’s GF” and play a fun aunt role.
3) 4YO will be a piece of cake. 10YO maybe not. The tweens can be especially challenging. Boys less so than girls typically but don’t be offended if he blows you off. Especially if your BF has introduced them to other women before.
Would also recommend the book “step monster” by Wednesday Martin. Good read for you and your partner. It was recommended to us when we saw a therapist who specialized in blended families.
Just take it nice and easy and don’t push things. You’ll be fine. Good luck!
There's a trend to shit on any age gap these days. It's ramping up to the point where it will be discriminated against to date anyone who isn't born in the same year as you. Then again I'm fairly certain this is just happening to a subset of people and should easily be possible to be ignored.
That’s easy, make it really clear you absolutely don’t want that at all, it’s a complete turn off and that it’s so bad it puts you off having sex at all.
Gets to the point of the issue you are certain of 100%
You can add if he isn’t careful and it keeps happening you will start thinking it’s intentional.
I also really want to break up with him but I know it'll hurt knowing we never even tried fixing it.
Just break up. It's OK to have a boundary of no porn. (there may be guys to respond to this who say its unrealistic, ignore them)
You have very valid reasons for not wanting to date a porn addictive indiscreet guy.
He can't or won't change. Even when he knows how much this upsets you and why.
You're both incompatible with each other and should break up. Sorry, but I can't see any other way.
At one point I suggested we just end things and he said something along the lines of “If we broke up you would never know if I dropped it” but the thing is I can never know if he does or doesn't.. all this time he didn't and lied to me.
GIRL I READ THE FIRST BULLET POINT: LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
One day he will even control your thoughts, do you really want that?
Sorry this happened to you; I can promise that you will get over it in time, but definitely move on.
This is exactly the advice I've been searching for, thank you so much. I think I wanted to hear if anyone else has been in some sort of similar situation. Of course I've done all the research and read all the books I can but that's no use unless he gets it too! I'll be using this over the next few days to try get things going a bit more xx
As someone who has had a high number of partners, I can tell your boyfriend he's missing out on nothing. Sleeping with randoms gets old very quick, and you soon find yourself yearning for a connection that doesn't just involve genitals. Cuddling up on a cold night, holding hands whilst out shopping. Having someone who is genuinely interested in your day and who feels that their life is made better just by waking up next to you is where the good shit is. He has everything he'll ever need with you, he just doesn't know it yet.
Just. Block. Him. Now.
A big fat no.
Tiktok is that meaningful to you that you are feeling hurt that she doesn't care to watch that crap?
Send her something that is actually meaningful once in awhile instead of just a bunch of forwarded junk.
You could be hung like a horse and it would knock you down a few peds. I'm wondering if she did that deliberately to hurt you.