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Lol she’s gaslighting you my dude. Stop paying for her therapy. She’s fooling you. I had sexual trauma in the past and I never told my bf anything like that and I didn’t let that take over my life and stop my sex life. She just doesn’t want to have sex with you rather just wants your money. She said she had sex with her ex’s and it was bomb so
You “offered to cover the bills, her portion of the rent and household expenses.” You didn’t offer her a loan with terms that would see it repaid to you. You gave her a gift not a loan.
That money is gone and it’s probably time you start accepting that fact.
It’s a very tough and expensive way to learn the “don’t give money to friends or family that you expect back” lesson, but it’s the truth. She didn’t come to you asking for a loan and the way you presented the offer was very much a “I’ll just pay this till you’re back on your feet” and not a “I’m giving you $XX,XXX and I expect $XXX every month until it’s repaid.”
It’s not unethical to insist that someone pay you money that they owe you. It’s unethical to insist that someone owes you money that was given to them on different terms.
If you have any hole of getting money back the first thing you need to do is have an honest discussion with her. Not about your expectations but of the situation in general. Explain where you are financially and that you “apologize for not being clear previously but that I expected the money be repaid.” If she is willing to work on that then great, figure out the specifics and work towards that. If you really care about the money you’re best to not break up with her until after you’re repaid.
It doesn’t sound like she has any real legal obligation to pay you. If you break up with her you’re certainly never going to see any of the money and suing her is unlikely to be successful unless you have proof that she agreed to pay the money back before accepting it from you.
I do think this is to much to solve here and that you would be better helped by a couple therapist that could help you sort this out.
But some input. I don't think the idea of compromising and meeting each other in the middle is helpful here. It seems like you both have lots of emotional scars, where the bond between you have been ruptured, that won't be solved by compromising. It's better healed by both of you meeting each others needs. That's difficult, especially when both of you are hurt because it's hot to give when you at the same time are guarded because you also have needs that need to be met.
It also sound like you do, as most couples, discuss issues when in reality your trying to solve emotional problems. That's easier to work with in therapy.
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Honestly, that sounds like a very common marriage, I'd just start telling him I'd like to go on dates again and initiate being flirty. No need to admit something that didn't happen, she was drunk, got attention, got flirty and left before things escalated.
I didn’t even read the whole thing. This is too much drama so early in a relationship.
It’s a bad sign for a long-term relationship if she is punishing you with the silent treatment for her own lack of communication.
I don't think you should marry her.
The sex is not to come back all of the sudden if you get married.
And the fact that she is away and hasn't communicated with you is not good at all
Honestly, it's not just my parents and girlfriend. Society dictates that men don't cry
So, either you want her to be a part of the wedding party or you don't think it's wise to invite her…it cannot be both.
There is some really juvenile dynamics going on here and they can't all be blamed on your cousin. At first, she was clearly jealous and she admitted it. Is it mature? No, but emotions aren't always easy, especially if we haven't been given the proper tools to express them. It sounds like that may be the case here. However, when she admitted it, rather than move forward, the information was used against her.
Next, she admitted her mistake and tried covering up her pain with humour. Only to be rejected…again. if you knew the throuple comments were jokes, likely coming from a place of wanting to find a place in your world, that's a serious discussion worth having. We may need to explore our own insecurities though.
I mean, you don't live close to one another, you rarely see one another, you play games online and it seems one person is fixated on the points she made. I wonder if you aren't more upset that she was right about you and your partner from the beginning? Does it bother you that she may be the catalyst for your relationship and you do not want to give that any space? It is ok, you know, those two things can both be true and exist in the same world. You and your partner can be in love, wholly responsible for engaging in this relationship while also being thankful to your cousin for constantly pushing you guys to get together. The truth is, you dont know what life would look like if she hadn't. It's alright to take note of that. Wouldn't your relationship with her be so much easier and better if you let your guard down and remember what it was like to have her as a cousin/sister. After all, it shouldn't bother you to be reminded she and your partner have similar interests…its likely what attracted you to him in the first place.
Creating a healthy adult dynamic between the three of you can be done. Society doesn't have to dictate what your friendship/relationship is. We can be honest without being hurtful. If we find we are struggling with that, then some critical thinking and stepping aside for a fresh perspective may be in order.
It’s so complicated and so frustrating.
It is. Especially when both people still have love for one another and connected in so many other ways. But the physical intimacy was a big struggle for both of us and we had mismatched desires. I wish I could have sped up my progress or maybe started working on it earlier but I don’t think I fully realized the various factors right away.
So typical of a partner, that pays rent occasionally, to know they are a POS for cheating but want to walk away smelling like a rose. She is more worried about how the friend group views her and wants to sneak away and not face up to what she did. She will tell everyone this was an amicable uncoupling. Such a phony. All you need to do OP is show her the door and let everyone know why. She is nothing but a user and a two faced liar. Giving you all that grief when she is up to no good. Let her AP pay for most of the rent from now on. See how long he puts up with that.