If only my mom were a soft spot for me? unfortunately for you I literally threw a party when I cut HER off. Nice job showing how triggered you are though, reading my lil posts đ shows someone cares
âŚ.letâs just say I have found social media accounts of hers and her family, through which I found photos of the baby, and I may or may not have requested an unofficial copy of the birth certificate since those are public record in my state because I wanted to make sure his name wasnât on it (or if someone elseâs name was actually on it, but the father was blank as I expected). My boyfriend knows none of this ? The baby was too young in the pics to see any strong resemblance and I got it from the only public IG account I could find from her family but itâs since been set to private.
Either your STBXW knew all along, and has finally found her courage, or she's known only recently, but has embraced it with the passion of a convert. Like the wife in the closing scene of Fried Green Tomatoes, she has discovered the wonderfully liberating feeling of swinging a sledgehammer fiercely into anything that reminds her of what she now sees as her former captivity.
The husband in that scene was predictably dumbfounded, but had the good sense not to stand in her way, or to say anything stupid. You seem to be at least as smart as that stereotypically half-witted husband, so with respect I humbly suggest that you keep yourself, and anything salvageable that you value, out of the range of Wife's sledgehammer.
If that means supporting her decision, you're entitled to do so with sadness for what you've lost, but that's about as much resistance as you can safely put up. Perhaps your support will be enough to maintain a close friendship. As for seeing your kids daily, it may keep Wife from demanding separate zip codes as well as separate living quarters.
Sobriety, it ainât so much the bad days we got to worry about but the good days and when shit is goin great. So good that we can justify us needs a âtreatâ
Well I mean, it can be a little unsafe, no? Youâre telling me you trust everyone on your friends list & everyone your friends come in contact with, with knowing where you are at all times?
Like thatâs how you get robbed. Or stalked. A few trusted people is one thing but your entire friends list youâre putting yourself in possible danger for literally no reason at all.
There's always the chance he puts on his big boy pants and makes an effort to move out sooner if you tell him now. He could throw a hissy fit over the next 4 months too. It's a high risk, high reward play.
That said, I think it's the kinder move too – it gives him more time to get his shit together before the lease ends so he can figure out his own housing solution knowing that he has a defined end date.
Im not saying you are angry but that you life in an angry society (im not english so it may sound weird to you, I mean in a very aggressive society where it seems that violence is the solution to the problems, that guns get solved with more guns and that peaceful protests should be dismissed with police force). I understand that you were scared but I also think that believing people are going to silence you for “knowing too much” is a very US way of seeing things, that or you are part of a mafia, which doesnt seem like it
Of course how can you not be scared, but I think being scared for that is too much, therefore why I suggested therapy
I just feel like society doesn't want that type of relationship to exist. What should I do ?
Way to blame society for your inability to remain loyal to someone you claim to “love”. This has nothing to do with society. He wants monogamy and you apparently can't give him that. Set him free and stop being selfish.
I doubt heâs making the profile changes as you post consciously. It sounds like you two are closer friends so maybe just seeing you active reminds him he hasnât updated in a while. Iâve noticed in the age of the internet good conversation can quickly devolve into just liking each otherâs stuff for a number of reasons, none are bad itâs just how it is sometimes. You have to tend to your relationships, itâs like tending to a plant. If you reach out for conversation your relationship will grow. Itâs probably not subtlety so much as it is social media anxiety/shyness!
1 – tell him that you've decided this year you're going to be fishing alone for your mental health, and you've had fun but aren't available at all in future
2 – pretend to be busy and hope he stops asking
No ideal either way but you can't keep arranging and cancelling
What about spending Christmas eve with her family and Christmas day with yours or going to her family in the morning for a Christmas brunch and then heading over to yours after? She doesn't have to go with you to yours but atleast stop in and show your face at her familie's get together. There are lots of ways to compromise and still get lots of time with your family on Christmas day. It's all about finding the compromises as a couple that works for you both. I don't love going to holiday gatherings for either of mine or my SO's families but we stop in I smile make small talk eat some food and go home. I'd rather stay home with my SO and daughter and just relax for the holidays but I take care of what I need to take care of so that I can kick back and enjoy the rest of it.
As someone who is now divorced after my ex-wife pulled something similar my advice is donât do it.
Either end your marriage and move on or accept what your marriage is with the love you have in it.
Contrary to whatever penthouse like stories youâve heard about ENM or Poly couples that shit never works. Resentment builds. Parties lose feelings for each other. It ends poorly.
Is getting your duck sucked a couple times a month isnât worth losing over a decade of a relationship and your kids and money in a divorce when it inevitably goes south?
Doesnât sound like a good match. He already told you to âback offâ. Just take it slow and you may have something but it doesnât sound like it would work in the long run.
I hope your kids are girls so that at least the world will eventually get 2 new strippers and/or pornstars. If they are boys than we will just get 2 new abusers and criminals. JFC why do all the idiots keep reproducing?
Honestly, this isn't something YOU can fix… SHE has to fix it. I know for her it's been six years but for you it all new. So she lied by omission, hid and rug swept her cheating but that doesn't mean she's dealt with it. Now that it's out and you know about it how is she dealing with fixing herself and making herself a safe partner for you? She's got to realize she's hurt you deeply, something in her allowed her to do that and needs to be addressed and she needs to figure out how to earn your trust back. You should both start by reading “How to help your spouse heal from your affair” by MacDonald. She likely needs some therapy also. Good luck.
Sheâs a grown ass woman. Like, so am I, and I live! alone – somehow I manage to survive when Iâm sick. I donât just keel over and die. What is there to even help her with? You canât puke for her.
I donât understand why these things even bring her to tears so much, much less puking.
So whatâs going on with her sounds like a health problem.
Have you tried bringing it up for a health concern POV? It could be mental health or physical health related. The not caring sounds like mental health, but the gain could be due to a physical health.
âSO, Iâm concerned about your health due to some changes Iâve been noticing. Can we take a doctors visit together?â
My guess is itâs about the sex. He wants to see if youâve changed your mind and will present the open relationship option heâs been hinting at, otherwise heâll end it.
Not everyone is kind and honest. Men who try to date much younger women often go in expecting tons of sex from a compliant, insecure woman lacking experience to recognize an bad situation.
Hopefully Iâm dead wrong, but my advice is to hope for the best as you prepare for the worst.
Itâs very unlikely if you go to a reputable surgeon but no people do regularly die from cosmetic surgeries in developed countries, so no, at worst she could indeed die.
Set the beneficiaries as your parents and discuss with them that it's for the kids. If the ex get custody and the money goes to them before their 18, I'm pretty sure she gets to possession of it as their guardian. And I'm sure that'll be great start up money for dirty Dan's new drug scheme.
Your boyfriend will hit you. Heâs building up to it. And when he does, that too will be your fault, according to him.
Your bf is abusive and no amount of you hiding your feelings, keeping your mouth shut, walking on eggshells, or no amount of your love will overcome his need to abuse you and disrespect you. He will never stop because like you said, he doesnât see anything wrong with his behavior. Heâs spent 38 years firming up this part of his personality. It cannot be wished away.
You know his vibes and how something is off because you have to. Itâs your survival instinct. That is not normal. Itâs a symptom of trauma.
Let me say this because you may not believe it after all the mental gymnastics your bf is playing with you. You deserve to be loved. You deserve empathy. You deserve to go through a rough time and come home to comfort. You deserve to have your needs met.
I know you think you love him but do you even like him? Do you like knowing that at any minute your day can go from great to shit because of his mood? Do you like that you have to respond to him immediately otherwise face his wrath? Do you like that you have to justify your grief to someone who claims to love you?
Really think about it, and make the best choice here. Love isnât meant to hurt you like this. It shouldnât make you afraid. Your partner is someone who should give you peace in life, not take it away from you.
No matter what you decide to do next, donât ever believe that youâre alone. You will always find help if you seek it.
Iâm sorry youâre going through such a tough time and I hope you find your peace.
He may be seeing himself as a mentor, which is fine.
I wouldnât date this person. If you want to hook up with a nude much older man, thatâs your prerogative and you can likely pull it off. Iâd personally only do this if we donât permanently live! in the same city so thereâs a strict expiration date, and it stays clear that itâs a hook up and not a relationship. But just know that the excitement often wears off pretty fast for either party, plus a real relationship like this is going to take you away from time invested in more viable long term relationships.
Interesting how intolerant you are. You should take a good look at yourself
Why ?
If only my mom were a soft spot for me? unfortunately for you I literally threw a party when I cut HER off. Nice job showing how triggered you are though, reading my lil posts đ shows someone cares
Or a fake screen shot as a friend being his âsisterâ as the contact name
âŚ.letâs just say I have found social media accounts of hers and her family, through which I found photos of the baby, and I may or may not have requested an unofficial copy of the birth certificate since those are public record in my state because I wanted to make sure his name wasnât on it (or if someone elseâs name was actually on it, but the father was blank as I expected). My boyfriend knows none of this ? The baby was too young in the pics to see any strong resemblance and I got it from the only public IG account I could find from her family but itâs since been set to private.
Either your STBXW knew all along, and has finally found her courage, or she's known only recently, but has embraced it with the passion of a convert. Like the wife in the closing scene of Fried Green Tomatoes, she has discovered the wonderfully liberating feeling of swinging a sledgehammer fiercely into anything that reminds her of what she now sees as her former captivity.
The husband in that scene was predictably dumbfounded, but had the good sense not to stand in her way, or to say anything stupid. You seem to be at least as smart as that stereotypically half-witted husband, so with respect I humbly suggest that you keep yourself, and anything salvageable that you value, out of the range of Wife's sledgehammer.
If that means supporting her decision, you're entitled to do so with sadness for what you've lost, but that's about as much resistance as you can safely put up. Perhaps your support will be enough to maintain a close friendship. As for seeing your kids daily, it may keep Wife from demanding separate zip codes as well as separate living quarters.
People will make character judgements about you based on the choices you make in life. Choose wisely.
Sobriety, it ainât so much the bad days we got to worry about but the good days and when shit is goin great. So good that we can justify us needs a âtreatâ
90 meetings in 90 days!!!
This is life or death
Woah, favorite comment on our side
Well I mean, it can be a little unsafe, no? Youâre telling me you trust everyone on your friends list & everyone your friends come in contact with, with knowing where you are at all times?
Like thatâs how you get robbed. Or stalked. A few trusted people is one thing but your entire friends list youâre putting yourself in possible danger for literally no reason at all.
There's always the chance he puts on his big boy pants and makes an effort to move out sooner if you tell him now. He could throw a hissy fit over the next 4 months too. It's a high risk, high reward play.
That said, I think it's the kinder move too – it gives him more time to get his shit together before the lease ends so he can figure out his own housing solution knowing that he has a defined end date.
My wife always accused me of snooping but she âaccidentallyâ always found things that were private âwhile cleaningâ
Smh.
Im not saying you are angry but that you life in an angry society (im not english so it may sound weird to you, I mean in a very aggressive society where it seems that violence is the solution to the problems, that guns get solved with more guns and that peaceful protests should be dismissed with police force). I understand that you were scared but I also think that believing people are going to silence you for “knowing too much” is a very US way of seeing things, that or you are part of a mafia, which doesnt seem like it
Of course how can you not be scared, but I think being scared for that is too much, therefore why I suggested therapy
I just feel like society doesn't want that type of relationship to exist. What should I do ?
Way to blame society for your inability to remain loyal to someone you claim to “love”. This has nothing to do with society. He wants monogamy and you apparently can't give him that. Set him free and stop being selfish.
I doubt heâs making the profile changes as you post consciously. It sounds like you two are closer friends so maybe just seeing you active reminds him he hasnât updated in a while. Iâve noticed in the age of the internet good conversation can quickly devolve into just liking each otherâs stuff for a number of reasons, none are bad itâs just how it is sometimes. You have to tend to your relationships, itâs like tending to a plant. If you reach out for conversation your relationship will grow. Itâs probably not subtlety so much as it is social media anxiety/shyness!
I think you have two options here
1 – tell him that you've decided this year you're going to be fishing alone for your mental health, and you've had fun but aren't available at all in future
2 – pretend to be busy and hope he stops asking
No ideal either way but you can't keep arranging and cancelling
OP hasn't given up his alone time from the look of things
What about spending Christmas eve with her family and Christmas day with yours or going to her family in the morning for a Christmas brunch and then heading over to yours after? She doesn't have to go with you to yours but atleast stop in and show your face at her familie's get together. There are lots of ways to compromise and still get lots of time with your family on Christmas day. It's all about finding the compromises as a couple that works for you both. I don't love going to holiday gatherings for either of mine or my SO's families but we stop in I smile make small talk eat some food and go home. I'd rather stay home with my SO and daughter and just relax for the holidays but I take care of what I need to take care of so that I can kick back and enjoy the rest of it.
As someone who is now divorced after my ex-wife pulled something similar my advice is donât do it.
Either end your marriage and move on or accept what your marriage is with the love you have in it.
Contrary to whatever penthouse like stories youâve heard about ENM or Poly couples that shit never works. Resentment builds. Parties lose feelings for each other. It ends poorly.
Is getting your duck sucked a couple times a month isnât worth losing over a decade of a relationship and your kids and money in a divorce when it inevitably goes south?
Austin Danger Powers over here
Doesnât sound like a good match. He already told you to âback offâ. Just take it slow and you may have something but it doesnât sound like it would work in the long run.
Iâm sorry bro
I hope your kids are girls so that at least the world will eventually get 2 new strippers and/or pornstars. If they are boys than we will just get 2 new abusers and criminals. JFC why do all the idiots keep reproducing?
Honestly, this isn't something YOU can fix… SHE has to fix it. I know for her it's been six years but for you it all new. So she lied by omission, hid and rug swept her cheating but that doesn't mean she's dealt with it. Now that it's out and you know about it how is she dealing with fixing herself and making herself a safe partner for you? She's got to realize she's hurt you deeply, something in her allowed her to do that and needs to be addressed and she needs to figure out how to earn your trust back. You should both start by reading “How to help your spouse heal from your affair” by MacDonald. She likely needs some therapy also. Good luck.
Therapy.
I think the point is more âif you would otherwise find someone attractive, itâs weird not to on the basis of race aloneâ
What would you tell your daughter if she said her boyfriend did this? Youâd tell her to leave, right?
Sheâs a grown ass woman. Like, so am I, and I live! alone – somehow I manage to survive when Iâm sick. I donât just keel over and die. What is there to even help her with? You canât puke for her.
I donât understand why these things even bring her to tears so much, much less puking.
Honey you are being groomed and abused. No 26 year old should be dating an 18 year old. T
So whatâs going on with her sounds like a health problem.
Have you tried bringing it up for a health concern POV? It could be mental health or physical health related. The not caring sounds like mental health, but the gain could be due to a physical health.
âSO, Iâm concerned about your health due to some changes Iâve been noticing. Can we take a doctors visit together?â
My guess is itâs about the sex. He wants to see if youâve changed your mind and will present the open relationship option heâs been hinting at, otherwise heâll end it.
Not everyone is kind and honest. Men who try to date much younger women often go in expecting tons of sex from a compliant, insecure woman lacking experience to recognize an bad situation.
Hopefully Iâm dead wrong, but my advice is to hope for the best as you prepare for the worst.
Itâs very unlikely if you go to a reputable surgeon but no people do regularly die from cosmetic surgeries in developed countries, so no, at worst she could indeed die.
I was giving you props. Jeez.
Set the beneficiaries as your parents and discuss with them that it's for the kids. If the ex get custody and the money goes to them before their 18, I'm pretty sure she gets to possession of it as their guardian. And I'm sure that'll be great start up money for dirty Dan's new drug scheme.
Holy shit. What a dirtbag.
No sheâs not. Restraining orders go one way.
Your boyfriend will hit you. Heâs building up to it. And when he does, that too will be your fault, according to him.
Your bf is abusive and no amount of you hiding your feelings, keeping your mouth shut, walking on eggshells, or no amount of your love will overcome his need to abuse you and disrespect you. He will never stop because like you said, he doesnât see anything wrong with his behavior. Heâs spent 38 years firming up this part of his personality. It cannot be wished away.
You know his vibes and how something is off because you have to. Itâs your survival instinct. That is not normal. Itâs a symptom of trauma.
Let me say this because you may not believe it after all the mental gymnastics your bf is playing with you. You deserve to be loved. You deserve empathy. You deserve to go through a rough time and come home to comfort. You deserve to have your needs met.
I know you think you love him but do you even like him? Do you like knowing that at any minute your day can go from great to shit because of his mood? Do you like that you have to respond to him immediately otherwise face his wrath? Do you like that you have to justify your grief to someone who claims to love you?
Really think about it, and make the best choice here. Love isnât meant to hurt you like this. It shouldnât make you afraid. Your partner is someone who should give you peace in life, not take it away from you.
No matter what you decide to do next, donât ever believe that youâre alone. You will always find help if you seek it.
Iâm sorry youâre going through such a tough time and I hope you find your peace.
He may be seeing himself as a mentor, which is fine.
I wouldnât date this person. If you want to hook up with a nude much older man, thatâs your prerogative and you can likely pull it off. Iâd personally only do this if we donât permanently live! in the same city so thereâs a strict expiration date, and it stays clear that itâs a hook up and not a relationship. But just know that the excitement often wears off pretty fast for either party, plus a real relationship like this is going to take you away from time invested in more viable long term relationships.