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This is why I told my wife we can never live! in an HOA neighborhood. Unless someone is legitimately effecting your property values with permanent alterations to their own property which is usually covered by code then no one should have the right to tell them what decorations they can and cannot use.
Joining an HOA has no benefits and signs your rights over your own property over to a committee that can easily use their power to make your life less pleasant.
I hope this is a troll post but if it's not the husband and neighbor girl are probably right to roll their eyes and ignore the whole thing as best as they can. Sadly since HOA agreements are voluntary and legally valid there is no way out short of selling the house and moving elsewhere.
Maybe they've spent those 5 months together almost every single day. And some people talk and do a lot of things together.
5 months can be enough for sure.
If your mom raised your step sister for a long time, then yeah, you are an asshole for not even bothering to inform her.
I wouldn’t be mad
It’s nice to take suggestions for gifts. Gifts are just that their gift tokens of affection. I would never tell anybody I didn’t like their gift.
He sounds really negative towards you and the relationship. In addition to looking for apartments, see how much it would cost you to break your lease or if it is possible for someone to take over your portion of the lease. There is no need to live! with that type of energy.
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My friends tend to have this “all men are the same” mindset, which can be a bit tiresome at times. But I do trust his story, he’s a very sensible guy. Also, thank you for the advice! I appreciate it! 🙂
There's only one simple answer to this. It all depends on how important it is to you, that your partner is more fiery like you.
Here is an example of a list of values one might consider to look for in a potential partner:
Just a couple examples:
– Emotionally intelligent (emotional, empathy) – Knowledgable and experienced – Handsome/Cute – Loyal/Truthful – Matches your personality – Has long hair or a certain color of eyes – Is a sexual person with a high sex drive / libido – Confident and willing to step up for their partner – Isn't afraid to share their opinion
Now, in the end we all choose for ourselves what we find most important to have in a relationship. Is it really important that we have a hard girlfriend or boyfriend? or is it more important that they are loyal and speak the truth?
Is it important they match our personality?
All these questions are given value by one person. YOU. You decide how important it is to you. And to decide whether or not it is a dealbreaker if your partner lacks any of these values.
Don't try to add things to your partner that they don't have. If this truly bothers you and you feel yourself uncomfortable seeing a future with this man, then perhaps you cannot truly accept him for who he is. And that's okay. He may not be the right one for you.
If however you are comfortable with the way things are, then you should learn to let certain expectations go 🙂
Maybe. Not up to me or you at this point.
I’ll ask you this, when was the last time you came away feeling happy, heard, and loved after having a fight with someone?
It’s gone both ways enough here that he just wore down first.
Whether you get back together or not, recognize the patterns you mutually participated in to get here.
So when you lose it, or they give you the invitation to fight by raising their voice what exactly stops you from walking away and coming back to talk about it when no one is worked up?
You set the tone for your relationship dynamics. The energy you give is usually what you get back unless someone’s a total pos.
I’m not not telling you are wrong to be stressed, or grieving, or falling out of love. I’m not saying it’s wrong to call out things you don’t like.
I just hope you make different decisions moving forward so you being happy in a relationship is a possibility because you gotta learn how to say the things you need to in a way someone wants to work with you and feels supported and part of a 2 people team.
He said that this doesn't count as gambling. That this was just a one time thing. I don't know, it doesn't make any sense to me. I was thinking maybe I'm overreacting.
Wow lots of prudes in these comments. What she said isn’t even that bad
My ex wife made similar claims once she started cheating. Made up all kinds of things.
She even claimed once that we never really were married, I just made it up. To people that were at our wedding.
You should feel guilty because you did a bad thing…
Anyway, 2 weeks into talking to him (one week innocent— 4 songs written—, one week heavily flirtatious—
It took you two weeks of working with a stranger to start cheating? Regardless of the state of your marriage this is gross.
He asked for couples therapy and I wanted to punch him (but didn’t) as I had begged for couples therapy for years and he had repeatedly declined.
This is reasonably frustrating on your part, you asked and he declined however, YOU still cheated. That's not the appropriate response to him saying he doesn't want to do marriage counseling. You aren't the victim here.
but my guilt at upending my children’s lives is really difficult It should be. You should feel bad that you couldn't grow up and divorce him, and you instead chose to cheat and reck your kids lives. They don't understand what's going on and there were so many ways you could've done better.
but I know this is coming from an unhealed codependent side of me.
Or maybe you feel guilty because you did something vile and your actions had consequences.
I’m really looking forward to my kids witnessing a healthy relationship even though it was born out of a mess.
Yeah. Because your kids will love the homewrecker who got with a married woman and “stole” her from thier dad. Really healthy and respectable to run off with someone 10 years older than you. Great example for your young kids. Does he even want to be a dad? Does he want anything to do with your kids?
You aren't the victim here. Quit acting like this “happend to you” and it wasn't your actions crashing down and having consequences that you didn't like. Grow up.
I find it hard to believe that you are just now finding out about this after marrying her. That said, this is a you issue, not a her issue. This behavior is very common and perfectly healthy.
Thank you. People are so weird here.
He obviously needs something to be able to say to explain to his girlfriend, so that she won't think getting tickets for another concert would be great because…….
…. he already enjoyed the last one so much.
She may not even have gotten how much effort it must have cost him to go.
Btw… citing OP: “but HATE crowds and lots of noise (I have severe social anxiety).”
That IS called Agoraphobia. Really wonder how he has gotten the better over that issue to be at all able to go there.
Just sounds like a wild party at the beach.
I get why you’re bothered by it, but I would also get why you wouldn’t be. Kudos to her to come clean, though. I’d say listen to your heart. The is no rational decision that can be made here.
Almost 4 kids in an 8yr marriage – is there any chance this is mental illness eg. PPD or PPA presenting strangely? Can you see from the messages how and when it escalated.
I would do more digging, and examine your relationship as you see it.
You say you want to save the relationship so I think you need to dig more before confronting her.
And then decide if you’re going to confront her, the friend or both.
Your gf is being an asshole especially saying her family won’t love the child as much. What about her?? I mean the compromise here is her egg and your uterus. But there are other red flags here
It's a whole parade of ????? you are right!
Children don't have to be abusive when coming from abuse of homes. I didn't say he was abusive; I said he is toxic. He could have called his mother or gone over to talk with her – WITH OP – to get to the bottom of the situation. Where on earth did you get anything about his brother?? OP never even mentions that her ex has a brother. How did the ex prove that the accusations were false by the way; by just saying “oh no that's not true”?? That is not proof of anything!! You know what you can do with a narcissistic parent?? CUT THEM OFF!! Cut them right out of your life. I'm saying your glorifying abuse – from the mother to be specific – because that's exactly what you're doing. You are glorifying toxicity – from both the son and the mother -as if it's completely okay. How was the ex supposed to prove that what his mother was saying isn't true?? How is OP supposed to trust that something like this won't happen again and or won't actually become reality?? Meaning how is OP supposed to trust without a shadow of a doubt that her ex will start being physically abusive?? How is she supposed to feel safe after this?? Honestly, that doesn't make any sense. She didn't just automatically believe everything; she confronted him about it and when he was dodgy about the entire situation and wanted to just gloss over it like it was no big deal; that's when alarm bells went off even more for her. That's when she questioned the truth of the matter.
You and I are definitely not going to agree here. OP isn't wrong to end things with someone she no longer feels safe with. Tbh isn't required to justify why she left him regardless of what ANYONE thinks. She doesn't HAVE to stay to “hear him out” or anything like that. Even if she did believe the accusations to be false. The moment she no longer felt safe in the relationship was the end of that relationship.
All depends on the length of the relationship. A year? Two years? Yea I’m deleting all pics to help me get over it. If i was with somebody for 10 years, I doubt I’d delete everything. But probably a big portion, like 80%?, just so I can move on without being tempted to look at them
She lied to get what she wants. This isn't a simple trust issue it's a moral issue. She will lie if it suits her, she will lie to get her way, she will lie to protect herself, and she will lie to you when she sees fit.
She's only telling you the truth now because you're invested. It's a tactical use of being “honest”. Do what you will but just know she will lie to you again.
Ending up on the floor and not on the bed and not knowing why screams drinking problem
Nope break up with her. You want someone who values together time and she likes being alone. Dump her and find someone who wants to spend time with you.
Yes I agree- but from her perspective I acted like a complete coward, which is understandable but common sense always prevails- no use ending up being arrested or stabbed or something
Your girlfriend shouldn’t be acting like a spoiled, bratty child at 27.
You offered to tell her first, she declined.
To be honest, I don’t get how she feels she’s in the right.
And for the love of god he needs to be in the correct protective gear at all times. Helmet, correct jacket, correct pants. This is a huge deal. Riding a motorcycle without a helmet is a massive deal and tons of people do it.