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I appreciate you taking the time to give me this input. I guess it’s always nice to keep very few people in your life, but not the best when you don’t feel like you can talk to them because this sort of shit happens a lot to where it is a bit embarrassing! Thank you, I think I’m ready to accept these things, because In the back of my mind, you and me are on the same page.
you’re totally right. i’m working on myself, i think im pretty immature and childish. It’s my background and how i grew up… he’s also my first real love.
they aren't trying to get you to do their job, they're trying to get you to talk more about it. Just answer the question FFS. don't resist the treatment or shift attention.
Ofc don't act but more importantly stop spending so much time around this woman. You attracted and probably crave that endorphin rush. You can start by avoiding her on drop offs. Limit play dates and perhaps not stick around. If she notices and asks tell her – be earnest.
Obviously she's in love with a Smurf.
110% do it from a fake social media account. The wife deserves to know but cover all your own bases as well
I'm in a similar boat with my SO of 5 years. I am more of a homebody and she likes to go out more. I am a law student so it is already hard enough to find free time. But we try to dedicate a couple nights a week where we go out to do date-like activities, hang out with friends, etc., because it is important to her.
I think the key is communication and compromise. You need make clear to her that being active in doing things is important to you in a relationship. If she cares about you the way you describe, she should feel motivated to change and go out with you more, even if deep down inside it might not be her first choice.
I also get her wanting to be at home but I think her guilting you when you go out yourself is a bit of an issue. Regardless of how she might want to spend a night, she shouldn't constantly be keeping you from doing things you want to do.
Happens pretty often…..pretty much the way you have described it……
pretty much in the manner you have described it…….
and often for the reasons you describe.
I can tell you that it won't work….but thats not really
what you want to hear….so I won't say it.
I can't lie to you about your chances…..
but you have my sympathies.
FWIW.
Exactly “… I trust her”. Well OP, don’t. You deserve better. She lied, you know she’s more than willing to, especially when it comes to this dude. Trust me, it will always eat at you.
he fuck around and, to no one’s surprise, he found out.
I wouldn't trust the manipulation part rn. She is probably reading a bunch of things about narcisism and its symptoms, so she will probably think that her husband have it all even if she never thought he acted in such way.
Our mind does this, similar to when people read about zodiac stuff and are like “oh here it says that leo loves food, and I also love food so it's totally true!” In this case she's probably like “oh here it says that narcisists do X, and years ago there was this one time where he did something similar, he's totally a monster”.
It would be better for her to stop relying on Google and go see a professional for this case
Woah. He clearly is treating you like an object and doesn’t respect you.
I'm with everyone else here that says end it before she leaves.
Not because I think it's *inevitable* that she'll cheat/find someone else; but because having done a lot of solo travel myself, I know that coming home, and being expected to fit back into the space you occupied before leaving, is difficult. It can be frustrating and claustrophobic.
You're not the same person, your world view is different, and you learn things about yourself that you can't learn any other way. But everything at home remains as it always was.
By all means keep in touch if you want, but let go of the girl you know now, because she won't be coming back.
Online your life, let her live! hers, and if it really is meant to be, then if you meet up after her return, you'll know.
Damn he must be ugly as hell for his own GF to say he can’t get no one ?
So, talk with the counselor and get fired. Right. OP's friend is stupid.
Just a little info for you: personality disorders cannot be accurately diagnosed until a person is in their 20’s. The reason for this is that the brain is still developing until then. It is quite common for a person raised by parents with personality disorders to also develop the same or similar. That’s one of the reasons there are many debates regarding nature vs nurture in these dynamics. It’s hard to say if it’s truly genetic or learned.
There’s a saying that goes don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm. You aren’t responsible for her mental health, she is. Don’t settle for less than you deserve because she is unwilling or unable to seek help. I think you need to have a serious conversation with her about all of this. Tell her how you’re feeling and what you need to go forward. If you decide to break up with her then be prepared to call emergency services if she threatens to harm herself. That is your only responsibility. What she does after is on her.
This
14 hours a day is too much. Especially if you have a gf attending an 8 hour job each day. The house chores should be his responsibility while you work like that, no excuses, you should be able to come home and relax, if it takes you an hour to fix, there is litterally no excuse for him not to do thouse task while you are at work.
So seriously George, you're worth more than that, man up and face whatever you are hiding from, help out you girlfriend.
Yeah. Meh.
If you’re seriously considering hiding your actions from your gf of 8 years, probably a sign you should t be going. Then again, it comes across as you are a lot more stressed about this than she is.
You should also look into brown noise instead of white
Why tf would you stay with a man who hits the dog?
Info: wtf?
Who the hell… no. Just no. P.o.s. can f right off out of your life. You deserve someone who actually loves you and this ain't that.
Sounds like you need to take a serious break from relationships and let yourself heal for a couple of years. Which is hard. But aholes can smell a victim 10 miles away and they'll just keep coming for you.
What he's doing now is called “love bombing” and it's designed to mislead you into thinking you are safe and loved and he won't be a jerm again. But this was only the first time. It won't be the last of the worst.
You have to put yourself first, if you don't no one else will.
So you fucking tried nothing and you're all out of ideas, huh?
All this stupid blocking and unblocking and the “final” blocking and just all the drama.
It will not work unless you are willing to adopt his beliefs.
If he and his family are Catholics who embrace their faith fully, they will want you to convert, or at a minimum, raise your children to believe as they do.
People who believe it is morally acceptable to deny women their right to control their own childbearing often accept this because their religion dictates it. They do not come to the conclusion rationally or independently. The believe it because a church elder told them to believe it.
Him “not being outwardly disrespectful” about LGBTQ means he holds disrespectful beliefs about LGBTQ. I think you know this, but you want to find a way to be okay with dating him.
He will pressure you to “not be outwardly disrespectful” about his family's conservativism. He will ask you to not ppenly defend abortion rights or LGBTQ in front of his family and friends.
It is best for children to be raised by parents who will accept them and their friends no matter what.
You can find a more suitable partner, one that has the same morality as you do.
Put it this way. You’ve shown her you can be manipulated into big things that don’t suit you, and you don’t want. Whether her suicidation is real or imagined, or fake she will now use it to cause other changes from you. So there’s really no point in staying. You can’t help her mental health issues in any meaningful way. Partners can provide sideline cheer squad support, while the person goes though the professional work and builds a safety net with family, firnds and medical staff. You were doing that as her friend. There’s no benefit in putting your future and daily happiness aside, lying to her and giving false hope. If anything you’ll make it worse, and delay her getting real help.
Gently tell her that you care too much to do that, and hope she finds the help she needs. Alert authorities to check on her if she starts saying ‘I’m gonna do it’ again. Let her know the police have been called. Beyond that, it really isn’t on you in any way. Now now, not into the future. Don’t take guilt with you, she certainly isn’t showing guilt about her actions.
I'm barely older than you but you sound like a child.
The advice is that you're being childish. Yea the advice is to get over it. It's not fair to build resentment because she used to do things in her other relationships. That's not the relationship you two have. Sure, break up with her but honestly you'd just do her a favor.
This is entirely a you problem. Not a relationship problem unfortunately.
I can't get a read.
I suspect this isn't a case of mixed messages but rather his feelings are in flux.
We share our only friends, so leaving him means leaving them.
If you're looking for actionable advice, I would suggest trying to broaden your social circles because it's not good or healthy to be in a situation where your entire social life depends on a relationship with just one person. This isn't a criticism of you but rather it's a problem to be solved or a challenge to be overcome. Ideally two people in a relationship have their own sets of friends and associates, some of which may or may not overlap, but if there's 100% overlap and 0% difference in that group then that's not good.
I need to become better before even asking for him back.
Wouldn't it be better if he asked for you back?
So it sounds like you don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore and are trying to find excuses to end it (you don't need an excuse btw), and the only reason you're holding back is because you financially rely on her to help pay your mortgage…
Sounds like you made a silly decision by buying a home you couldn't afford without her support, should have bought it with her if that was the case.
You don't want to stay in the relationship, let her go to find someone who does want to be with her and enjoys her company and you can do the same. You can struggle for a while until you figure out your finances – your punishment for making a silly financial decision over buying a property you will struggle to afford.
Move on, mate, she keeping around till she finds what she wants
Ask her directly what the problem is. Tell her how you feel about being excluded and go from there. Don’t let her dismiss your feelings and be heartless towards you.
i know and i was so certain about not getting back but i miss him, idk i am just sad. its been over a month but i cannot get used to him not being in my life
Just do your best, my man
Thank you so much I needed to hear the last point
Trump claims to be a Christian. Just saying.
Let her go, if she can’t make you a priority and respect your boundaries that isn’t a person you’d want. She is lying, she didn’t know you were testing her, she wouldn’t send nudes if she knew it was a test unless it was to hurt you. If that was the case that makes her an even worse person. I’d be willing to bet if you went through her phone you’d find a lot of stuff you wouldn’t want to see.
Your friend isn’t really your friend so I’d watch out for him, and consider distancing yourself. Id say two things for yourself, you need to put in the work in your self esteem and work on developing more self respect and enforcing boundaries. If someone is doing something that you find blatantly disrespectful it’s up to you to choose to walk away from it. If you are feeling suspicious, and insecure and you don’t like that it’s up to you to make it known and let her know your boundaries. It’s one thing to have male friends it’s another to act suspiciously and send nudes to your friend. You gotta figure out what you’re comfortable with as a man and stand by it.
If you’re using your friends to test her that’s not a mature relationship to start off with. That’s a sign of some serious insecurities and if you’re ever in a position where you feel the need to do that you need to get some perspective and walk away, because you two just aren’t compatible. If someone can make you feel that way regardless of what they’re doing, then that’s not a good relationship. She should respect you more, you should respect yourself more, and you shouldn’t be with someone you can’t trust. she’s probably cheating.
Don’t grovel and don’t beg for her, let her know where you stand, how you’re feeling, and that if this is a deal breaker for you, you should walk away. Her reaction to this even though it might be a lie, is her trying to make it okay with what she’s doing while maintaining her innocence. Why would you want someone who is undermining your relationship by talking to other men flirtatiously and sending nudes?
You got this bro sorry you’re going through it.