Jesus Christ, the moment you said he considers himself a “high value man” you lost me. I'm sorry, but I don't think there's fixing this. You don't deserve the abuse and mistreatment. He's also a hypocrite and a list.
It's sad really, a lot of man are being bolden in their misogyny with the “alpha male” content. It's really sad and triggering to see. A 40-year-old man will not change
Just throwing this out- husband stitches don’t really work. It’s about muscle tone, not tissue. Honestly, it’s been at least 15 years since I’ve heard anyone ask for one, since a lot of people (dads) seem to have gotten the memo. OB RN.
id have the locks changed and when she got home tell her to go sleep with her boss again… are you fucking kidding me… what a lying cheating bitch…there is NO way this is the first time… people dont go out of town for sex on the first time… the first time was at home, in town around the house somewhere… shes completely bull shitting you because she knows shes caught…. do yourself a favor DNA test both kids…. i dont care if you “know” theyre yours… DNA test… if shes this comfortable in lying and cheating on you its most likely not the first or only time… get a std test…. bc whoever this “boss” is has been doing her before this which means you as well have been at risk for anything he may be carrying or passing to her. as for the kids… tell them and be honest. “mommy decided she wants to live with another man instead of daddy… she doesnt love daddy anymore.” itll hurt but you need to explain to them that this was HER choice before she tries to use them to play you….. they wont understand but tell them you love them and that you cant change their moms mind. good luck my friend… this is a hard situation
I’ve been with my guy almost 9 years and we’ve had this rule since day one. I honestly didn’t care either way before we made the rule. I have males friends but most of them were either married or in relationships by the time I got with my guy so I usually spent time with their girls too. I’ve had a few people say it’s toxic but he never once had to talk me into it and he’s never overbearing about it. I’ve had lunch with male colleagues with absolutely no issue and he’s done the same with female colleagues. I think it’s only really toxic if you had to be talked into it. The other way it could be viewed is that he (or even you) set a relationship boundary. Boundaries are healthy. If that boundary bothers either one of you then you should work through it or you possibly aren’t right for each other but it actually sounds like both of you get peace of mind with this boundary so it seems fine to me.
I understand him completely, I wouldn’t want him to be ashamed, but it’s like it is starting to get to him.
Tbh, this narrative is actually quite common….a lot of people become more conservative over time, for whatever reason. They have fun in their teens to mid 20s, and when they want to settle down….well, they end up with very different values.
You sound like a very understanding person, but you need to make sure to NOT forget about yourself. You need to have healthy boundaries, you need to focus on yourself.
You’re telling me you’d be comfortable with your family member wearing your underwear? And just because I haven’t worn them in so long doesn’t mean I never will. There are special pieces that I like to use in special occasions, that I paid a lot of money for.
My late partner and I had very specific legal reasons involving his country that meant we couldn't get married legally. It has royally fucked up my life now that he's dead and almost his stuff is eventually going to have to get thrown away because of the legal situation. So I do understand it in extreme circumstances and we did it wrong by not having me on the house. But in most cases yeah you're probably right and I encourage everyone who is in love to get married as soon as they can. Ours is an extreme outlying situation.
Sami is not in an ethical non-monogamy situation, she's doing what she can within the confines of her own compassion but she should leave Tom, he sucks; but that isn't the issue here.
What I find concerning is that your husband seems to be pinning all of the responsibility for being open on Sami (presumably he knows the overall situation) and is directing all his vitriol at cheaters on the woman – who isn't even cheating. That is weird and problematic.
On top of that, even if Sami was in an ethical non-monogomous marriage (clarifying: she isn't) it wouldn't be cheating. Your husband would still be wrong to ask you to cut her off. He'd be valid in not wanting to be around them, but he can't ask you to cut anyone off because he can't comprehend a different type of relationship.
Your husband seems to have a serious empathy problem, and is stepping so out of line here.
Call your family immediately and ask them to loan you the money to move back home. Do not tell your abusive bf about your plan. Move back, even if it means that you have to leave your shit behind. GTFO of this relationship. Once you're home, get yourself into therapy so you can learn some life skills to help you not repeat this same pattern over and over again.
from my perspective as a guy. if i have been turned down so many times then I'll assume my partner is not that interested in sex. if we have sex once a month, then i assume that's the ideal amount for her. i won't push for more cos it might upset her.
does he know you're not happy with once a month? if he doesn't know then tell him. and try not to turn down sex. you can do rain check or probably just let him do all the work while you just lie there if you're not in the mood.
i've been in a situation where i was out of the house for 12 hrs straight from work and something else. got home and thinking im going to shower and lie down only to find out my wife is horny. i let her to go on top and do her thing and in the middle of it i started to get some energy.
I think that's something she should tell you if she feels that way. If you are feeling unwanted and unhappy, you should tell her this and not assume you are wanting too much. Each relationship is unique, and if you don't each communicate your feelings about it, it will get harder to understand each other.
No, this isn't true. She can say what she wants to try to use this as a way to hold you, but that's not love or even like for you. That's her wanting you to shower her with love, not voice versa, or she'd respect your wishes. Leave her be, she's got support, you're just going to make things worse by being loving if you're truly done.
BEING DRUNK IS NOT AN EXCUSE. There is a saying of “drunk words are sober thoughts.” This goes for actions as well. A good man will never take advance of you and blame it on substances.
a woman who regrets not coming forward after being raped by an adult when I was a minor.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My wife (36f) and I (35m) have been married for close to 10 years. We have two kids and a stable life together. She was a stay at home mom until our kids could go to kindergarden. This year she started working again and this brought some changes to our relationship.
She started paying more attention to her look, go to the gym more often, which is a change I really like. I’m happy for her and at the same time it made her more attractive too. But despite this the frequency we’re having sex declined steadily, to maybe 2-3 times a month. I was trying to initiate more and bring in some new elements like role play and toys and even though that helped for a short period, it quickly went back to the same level. She is tired after work and often stressed, which impacts her libido. I understand that it’s nude for her to find the way back to the 9-5 working life and that it’s stressful, but it’s been almost 5 months like this now. Our relationship is very good otherwise, we don’t argue much and we’re in sync with every other aspect of our lives.
I can see that she enjoys being among people again after being at home for so long. She is often telling me what is happening in their office. I started noticing a pattern though, that she often mentions a coworker who is sitting close to her. She tells me what interesting things or stories he said, that they talk about different things like history and philisophy and he even brought her a book (a historical romance) that she read and liked. In the recent weeks he even asked her if she wants to have a drink after work. She messaged me that she is going out to an afterwork, but she didn’t mention it was only with one colleague. She told me that later.
We always had a pretty open communication and trust in each other and I'm sure she never cheated on me before. So I asked her directly, if there is anything I should know about that guy, but she said they’re just friendly and there is nothing to worry about. I asked about the afterwork too and she said they had a beer in a bar close to the office and talked about different work related projects and other casual topics. She thinks he is a nice colleague, with whom she has some common interests, but there is nothing else to it.
I can’t stop wondering if this is becoming more than just a work relation and if it has anything to do with the challenges we’re having lately? I’m feeling jealous and hurt and don’t know what to do.
Tldr: title
Edit: typos Edit2: updating some words to be more accurate (sorry, not a native English speaker)
i can't tell if you're being sarcastic but i know she wants to trust me and believe in me but can't because of my actions (it's not any cheating realted stuff) so wants some space away from me. ill try and fix myself before i bother her with myself
I felt that way. Like I know he was like a little messed up and probably didn’t mean it, but I’m kind of done making excuses for the guy..
I wouldn't let your brother dictate your relationship. Its unhealthy.
You are in the right, going in to even more debt is irrational and a terrible foundation. Most people save for the wedding first.
Kiss that money goodbye, then wave goodbye to her. Education is expensive. Hoped you learned a lesson.
But what if he begs you to and freaky
hahahhahaha!! just wait until she finds out you've told the internet! she's going to loose her mind! I can't wait for the update
Why do women stay in relationships with men like this? For cripes sake drop him in the trashcan like a used kleenex
Jesus Christ, the moment you said he considers himself a “high value man” you lost me. I'm sorry, but I don't think there's fixing this. You don't deserve the abuse and mistreatment. He's also a hypocrite and a list.
It's sad really, a lot of man are being bolden in their misogyny with the “alpha male” content. It's really sad and triggering to see. A 40-year-old man will not change
Is this a trollpost? I havent seen OP respond to anything lol
Just throwing this out- husband stitches don’t really work. It’s about muscle tone, not tissue. Honestly, it’s been at least 15 years since I’ve heard anyone ask for one, since a lot of people (dads) seem to have gotten the memo. OB RN.
Well that’s gonna be a worry forever now.
id have the locks changed and when she got home tell her to go sleep with her boss again… are you fucking kidding me… what a lying cheating bitch…there is NO way this is the first time… people dont go out of town for sex on the first time… the first time was at home, in town around the house somewhere… shes completely bull shitting you because she knows shes caught…. do yourself a favor DNA test both kids…. i dont care if you “know” theyre yours… DNA test… if shes this comfortable in lying and cheating on you its most likely not the first or only time… get a std test…. bc whoever this “boss” is has been doing her before this which means you as well have been at risk for anything he may be carrying or passing to her. as for the kids… tell them and be honest. “mommy decided she wants to live with another man instead of daddy… she doesnt love daddy anymore.” itll hurt but you need to explain to them that this was HER choice before she tries to use them to play you….. they wont understand but tell them you love them and that you cant change their moms mind. good luck my friend… this is a hard situation
I’ve been with my guy almost 9 years and we’ve had this rule since day one. I honestly didn’t care either way before we made the rule. I have males friends but most of them were either married or in relationships by the time I got with my guy so I usually spent time with their girls too. I’ve had a few people say it’s toxic but he never once had to talk me into it and he’s never overbearing about it. I’ve had lunch with male colleagues with absolutely no issue and he’s done the same with female colleagues. I think it’s only really toxic if you had to be talked into it. The other way it could be viewed is that he (or even you) set a relationship boundary. Boundaries are healthy. If that boundary bothers either one of you then you should work through it or you possibly aren’t right for each other but it actually sounds like both of you get peace of mind with this boundary so it seems fine to me.
biteme
I understand him completely, I wouldn’t want him to be ashamed, but it’s like it is starting to get to him.
Tbh, this narrative is actually quite common….a lot of people become more conservative over time, for whatever reason. They have fun in their teens to mid 20s, and when they want to settle down….well, they end up with very different values.
You sound like a very understanding person, but you need to make sure to NOT forget about yourself. You need to have healthy boundaries, you need to focus on yourself.
Are you serious right now?
You’re telling me you’d be comfortable with your family member wearing your underwear? And just because I haven’t worn them in so long doesn’t mean I never will. There are special pieces that I like to use in special occasions, that I paid a lot of money for.
She can get her own.
I’ve watched the Walking Dead and there’s only one very short scene where a guy rips a girls shirt and makes suggestive comments then Negan kills him.
Yea nothing good happens in private rooms so I wouldn’t believe anything he told you
Also, our libidos used to be very closely matched. Unfortunately we both got older and life happens. ?
My late partner and I had very specific legal reasons involving his country that meant we couldn't get married legally. It has royally fucked up my life now that he's dead and almost his stuff is eventually going to have to get thrown away because of the legal situation. So I do understand it in extreme circumstances and we did it wrong by not having me on the house. But in most cases yeah you're probably right and I encourage everyone who is in love to get married as soon as they can. Ours is an extreme outlying situation.
There is literally nothing to be upset about here.
You should be jumping for joy that all of you have found happiness.
Doctor seems to say until about 3 months, it's still significant. Her mother had several and her aunt one too.
Get out now. Don’t waste any more time with this guy. Religion is nothing to push on someone and he clearly doesn’t get it.
Sami is not in an ethical non-monogamy situation, she's doing what she can within the confines of her own compassion but she should leave Tom, he sucks; but that isn't the issue here.
What I find concerning is that your husband seems to be pinning all of the responsibility for being open on Sami (presumably he knows the overall situation) and is directing all his vitriol at cheaters on the woman – who isn't even cheating. That is weird and problematic.
On top of that, even if Sami was in an ethical non-monogomous marriage (clarifying: she isn't) it wouldn't be cheating. Your husband would still be wrong to ask you to cut her off. He'd be valid in not wanting to be around them, but he can't ask you to cut anyone off because he can't comprehend a different type of relationship.
Your husband seems to have a serious empathy problem, and is stepping so out of line here.
Yeah.. that’s kinda how I’m feeling today.
The only way this will change is a change in the law or a dead rich relative
any advice on what to do?
Call your family immediately and ask them to loan you the money to move back home. Do not tell your abusive bf about your plan. Move back, even if it means that you have to leave your shit behind. GTFO of this relationship. Once you're home, get yourself into therapy so you can learn some life skills to help you not repeat this same pattern over and over again.
from my perspective as a guy. if i have been turned down so many times then I'll assume my partner is not that interested in sex. if we have sex once a month, then i assume that's the ideal amount for her. i won't push for more cos it might upset her.
does he know you're not happy with once a month? if he doesn't know then tell him. and try not to turn down sex. you can do rain check or probably just let him do all the work while you just lie there if you're not in the mood.
i've been in a situation where i was out of the house for 12 hrs straight from work and something else. got home and thinking im going to shower and lie down only to find out my wife is horny. i let her to go on top and do her thing and in the middle of it i started to get some energy.
did she get a tubal ligation or did she get the tubes removed? I just want to clarify before drawing up some thoughts
Snooping in someone else’s phone is objectively wrong even if you discover something in the process. This is common knowledge lmfao.
An expected response from a misandrist.
Well if it’s a LDR you can’t do anything about the root of the problem. Unless you move closer.
I think that's something she should tell you if she feels that way. If you are feeling unwanted and unhappy, you should tell her this and not assume you are wanting too much. Each relationship is unique, and if you don't each communicate your feelings about it, it will get harder to understand each other.
No, this isn't true. She can say what she wants to try to use this as a way to hold you, but that's not love or even like for you. That's her wanting you to shower her with love, not voice versa, or she'd respect your wishes. Leave her be, she's got support, you're just going to make things worse by being loving if you're truly done.
BEING DRUNK IS NOT AN EXCUSE. There is a saying of “drunk words are sober thoughts.” This goes for actions as well. A good man will never take advance of you and blame it on substances.
a woman who regrets not coming forward after being raped by an adult when I was a minor.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My wife (36f) and I (35m) have been married for close to 10 years. We have two kids and a stable life together. She was a stay at home mom until our kids could go to kindergarden. This year she started working again and this brought some changes to our relationship.
She started paying more attention to her look, go to the gym more often, which is a change I really like. I’m happy for her and at the same time it made her more attractive too. But despite this the frequency we’re having sex declined steadily, to maybe 2-3 times a month. I was trying to initiate more and bring in some new elements like role play and toys and even though that helped for a short period, it quickly went back to the same level. She is tired after work and often stressed, which impacts her libido. I understand that it’s nude for her to find the way back to the 9-5 working life and that it’s stressful, but it’s been almost 5 months like this now. Our relationship is very good otherwise, we don’t argue much and we’re in sync with every other aspect of our lives.
I can see that she enjoys being among people again after being at home for so long. She is often telling me what is happening in their office. I started noticing a pattern though, that she often mentions a coworker who is sitting close to her. She tells me what interesting things or stories he said, that they talk about different things like history and philisophy and he even brought her a book (a historical romance) that she read and liked. In the recent weeks he even asked her if she wants to have a drink after work. She messaged me that she is going out to an afterwork, but she didn’t mention it was only with one colleague. She told me that later.
We always had a pretty open communication and trust in each other and I'm sure she never cheated on me before. So I asked her directly, if there is anything I should know about that guy, but she said they’re just friendly and there is nothing to worry about. I asked about the afterwork too and she said they had a beer in a bar close to the office and talked about different work related projects and other casual topics. She thinks he is a nice colleague, with whom she has some common interests, but there is nothing else to it.
I can’t stop wondering if this is becoming more than just a work relation and if it has anything to do with the challenges we’re having lately? I’m feeling jealous and hurt and don’t know what to do.
Tldr: title
Edit: typos Edit2: updating some words to be more accurate (sorry, not a native English speaker)
i can't tell if you're being sarcastic but i know she wants to trust me and believe in me but can't because of my actions (it's not any cheating realted stuff) so wants some space away from me. ill try and fix myself before i bother her with myself
This!!!!