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Open the relationship.
You are allowed your own boundaries, there’s nothing wrong with bathing or showering with your kids (I’ve bathed with all three of my kids from birth and still do sometimes with my 4 year old) but there’s also nothing wrong with not wanting to. We have all girls and their dad would never bathe or shower with them and there is nothing to do not with that
Absolutely. Knowing how using such an app will be perceived while in a relationship I would definitely let my spouse know in advance if I was going that route to make some friends.
he took it well seems like i was worrying over nothing. going to be more careful in future lol
Yeah, not going to see the justification of keeping tabs on who your partner messages. Comes across more like an over bearing parent than a partner.
Yeah, 29 is way too old to be saying sexual abuse means you “lose” your virginity. OP, do not budge on this or feel like YOU did the wrong thing by telling him. He should not have reacted angrily to you, PERIOD.
Even if we ignore the fact that it's a charged topic like sexual abuse, he's claiming you lied when you told him your truth! Even if he thought you didn't say the truth, he should have considered it a very simple disagreement in definition, not this big mark against your character. If I was him, I wouldn't even be mad if i did think it was a lie, because I would understand why my girlfriend wouldn't tell me about CSA that early in a relationship. Dump him, he's a dud!
Firstly, I think its highly commendable that you are sticking around despite the awkwardness of this situation so bravo for that. Secondly, I think perhaps you should consider giving it some more time. I get that that must be extremely frustrating to deal with when you think about the things he is saying and feeling towards his ex, but perhaps he just needs time himself to get over it. It may also be that he jumped into another relationship too soon, but at the end of the day, I think you also need to consider your own feelings and welfare. Don't become someone's backup plan because their original plan failed. Take your time, but think it through. Is this the right situation for you?
“Well someone has to have something thicc…”
Eh…what did you expect. At your age that like asking
“is it colder in the mountains than it is in the winter”.
At your age you have no idea what relationships, friendships, bonds and
connections are all about so you trump-up these contrived dynamics
trying to replicate real life.
How about if you just take a time out to look around and see whats
happening, yes?
Um no. That’s totally weird if he refers to you as his neighbor when she has met you before. I know it’s early on in dating, are you guys exclusive?
I could see if her or the son didn’t know about you but him leaving the room to talk to her rather than just saying he’s busy and would speak to her later, and honestly unless he HAD to speak to her, why is he still talking to her? I don’t talk to my kids dad unless I have to .
Sounds like he needs to sort out who and what he wants and in the meantime I’d be planning my exit strategy. 3.5 months isn’t long at all! Find someone who isn’t going to make you feel bad when you’re around, especially on your birthday. Happy birthday btw.
You should probably confirm if she actually lied. You haven’t actually tied the provocative snap to her lying. So far you’ve only setup a reason to be suspicious. Maybe you left out some info that would connect the facts and your belief she lied.
As someone who practices non-monogamy hanging with exes can truly be platonic (sometimes not depends on the individuals and the situation) but unless you ask her you won’t know and will just be throwing around accusations with no proof.
Either way you should talk to her cause this situation is clearly making you feel insecure and if you don’t want it to manifest in a toxic way you should address it.
He doesn’t. We online together and he spends money on himself all the time. He doesn’t have credit cards or loan payments.
you should break up
How many came in a pack? More than likely some were used. Its not a joke and not funny. You might as well assume that when she came home the other times that she used it. Put condoms in your pocket in front of her and tell her “If I used it you wouldn’t have found it right. “When she gets upset, tell her exactly and that you are over.
“
Listen, let her go. If she can’t show you compassion for what you’re going thru and work thru this with you, she’s not the one.
That would definitely sting me, especially 10 months in but I feel like sometimes people say flippant things to avoid explaining how they actually feel. Not necessarily defending him but you have to think after 7 years of a good relationship, try to think of all the things has done right in that time, not one thing he did wrong.
It is odd.. When I was 20 I dated a 30 year old. I remember thinking I was doing good because he was an older man! And he was my boss too.. All of my coworkers told me it was so creepy because of our age difference. They also said it was weird because why couldn’t he find a woman that was his age? That statement rings true. We stayed together for a few months and broke up in a terrible fashion. We were at different life points completely. I wanted to drink and start partying and he wanted to buy a house and settle down. We got along but that didn’t change the fact we are different phases in our life. Eventually, you and this boy will not work out. You can nip it in the bud or you can suffer through the emotions. Some have to touch the stove to realize it’s naked.
I think whatever your standards and expectations are for a partner are valid for you, and if he doesn’t meet them then you have some decisions to make.
The red flags here for me are that he doesn’t seem to be able to really hear or see you, he just doesn’t get you, and your self-esteem is too much based on your income disparity.
There’s no reason for you to feel less than in this marriage because you don’t make as much money, unless that’s an issue that already existed before you ever met him. And if that’s the case, earning more isn’t going to fix whatever the real underlying issue is or the fact that he doesn’t seem to respect you, it’s just going to be a bandaid.
This is a very sticky tough spot.There's so many variables here. Reddit can't make this decision for you. You have to.
He's probably just wishing you well. You don't have to respond if you don't want to though 🙂
Floyd is a 45 year old Grandad so duh, yeh..
Sounds weird to me; personally, using the rings as kind of financial interaction isn't my cup of tea or part of my culture.
According to this, I should have given my husband a 2000 € ring he wouldn't enjoy wearing, and not getting one myself (since he doesn't have any income). Sounds really weird to me.
So how do the in laws treat you when you are around? Do they treat you like shit?
The second time? You didn’t bring any after the first time? That’s your own fault
He needs to go back to biology. Brown eyes are a DOMINANT gene, meaning even if there’s been idk two or three generations of only blue and green eyes, there’s still a chance for that ancestral brown eye gene to pop up. Obviously I don’t know the specifics so science people dont come at me, but I understand it enough to know that you very well could have a biological brown eyed kid between you two.
INFO: are there stains on the bed?
Well time to send that picture onto his mom and tell her to tell her son to knock it off
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I’m 26. His comment mentioned that his friend was being courteous by letting him know and that he owes him nothing. Being possessive over someone you’re no longer dating is creepy, and no different than getting pissed that someone you never met is dating someone other than you.
Your comment said consider yourself lucky we aren’t friends or know each other. I would be courteous to let you know I will be sleeping with your ex and crushes. Might even be courteous to let you know the day too.
Soooooo unless you’re just being sarcastic and it’s going over my head…I’m confused how I’m lacking reading comprehension and missing the point because I basically read back his comment and yours almost verbatim, and you said you’d sleep with a friend’s ex. Plus I was commenting on what you said, not him. So what he said doesn’t really matter to me.
have you actually heard him ask the other team this, or is this what he’s telling you?
by your own definition, your BF worships Kobe, a notorious ballhog. he only cares about winning. he will do whatever it takes to be the center of a team because he thinks that’s the best idea. he was extremely vocal about benching the only trans player, and when he lost, he immediately became extremely vocal that Jacob’s transness was the only reason he won.
that’s not someone who gets chosen as “male athlete of the year”! he might get best male athlete of the year, or MVP, but from everything you’ve said, this is more of a sportsmanship/effort award. your boyfriend is a dick, plain and simple. being competitive explains him being a dick, but it does not excuse it.
Bro.. move on this shit is sad to read.
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Why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free?
You probably can’t. But it does sound like your therapist might be stirring your wife into blaming you for her problems. I don’t know which state you’re in, but there is a governing board over licensed counselors and therapists, you might wish to check online in your state and possibly file a complaint.
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Sounds like he has been cheating with his ex GF during your postpartum. So he projected his cheating on to you. She was hoping it wasn’t his.
This is totally your insecurity . There’s no doubt about that.
Your whole post is about you. “ She seems to think …..” And you are totally playing the blame game.
Do you think you have retrospective rights to a persons life ?
You have a responsibility to deal with this in your mind and if you can’t to walk. Already your response is doing damage .
Go to the friends (preferably the married one who gave you that gift, which is very thoughtful of her), and plan to spend a few hours of your free time with her. Either that, or exchange numbers and chat. Ask her what she knows about what's going on.
Something about his perspective sounds rather off to me. I also figured those guys are not his friends anymore, but they have a valid reason. Definitely look into it, but not from your bf. Get information from his friends at that party.
Something must've happened that you weren't informed about.
And he needs to brush his teeth/wash his mouth regularly. I couldn't put up with someone who puts little to zero effort in their personal hygiene.? Maybe it's a cultural thing, but refusing to take care of your health and body should be a deal-breaker in a relationship. It's a sign of disrespect.
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As a parent of two adult sons, I’m so happy they’ve moved out and enjoying their lives and choices. It’s my time now and I’ve earned the right to sleep through the night.
A lot of friends are grandparents and happy to donate their retirement to their grown kids and grandchildren but I agree with OP. You owe no-one an excuse. Maybe a couple of times a year offer a weekend to let them have a break but don’t get sucked into losing your freedom. Your grandchildren will look forward to time with Grandma and vice versa.
Your time is now, don’t compromise your future happiness to indulge your selfish daughter.
I also feel like if she doesn't like me enough to go with me then I don't know if that's someone that I want to be with as I really feel the need to feel valued and if that decision is taken then I don't know if this relationship is right for me.
I understand that it hurts, however, her change of mind isn't unexpected. I work with teenagers your age, and plenty of my former students have taken gap years before heading off to uni or doing an apprenticeship.
While travelling with one's bf is great…. travelling solo is great too, and it's definitely something I'd recommend anyone.
Why not try to do both? You could both do some solo-travelling for 4-5 months, and do 1 month or so together.
I dated someone who was like this, they did have experience with women but they just got really stupid and rough when they were horny.
I got injured… a lot. Always covered in bruises or getting micro-tears. At one point I nearly blacked out because they were trying to roughly steer me around by my throat.
We broke up for unrelated reasons, but I always felt unsafe when we were intimate and it really affected the relationship.
This guy sounds like a loser, and a manipulative one as well. Ask yourself: do you truly want to suppress who you are? You are 21, do you want to suffer in this 'relationship'? Somebody that is mean, that makes you think less of yourself?
I hope you won't! I hope you break up and take time to heal. I wish you all the best, and don't ever doubt yourself
My wife and I have been married for about a year and we waited till marriage (we're both religious).
Thus why waiting for marriage is a terrible idea. Knowing how you online together and if you're compatible (including in sex) is needed to make sure you pick a partner you are happy with.
You two also put sex on a pedestal so now it's very hot to talk about the subject. You're used to your hand and being able to make any position feel how you want so of course sex where you can't control everything will not be great.
There's also the frequency problem: we usually have sex once a week, maybe twice in a good week.
That's pretty normal. She probably also has a lot of pain associated with sex. I don't see a frequency issue. Sounds like you got used to your hand every day so thing it's weird you're not getting it every night- once again an issue of putting sex on a pedestal instead of being based on reality.
She outright told you she'd be fine with no sex. You either got to accept that or leave. Trying to push someone into sexual acts isn't ok.
You're not wrong to want more sex. You would be wrong to pressure her. Either accept it and stay, or leave the relationship. Next time don't ignore one of the most important aspects to match with someone on. This is why people avoid religious types.
Not really, because I’ve never had a guy say that to me. I’ve heard them say it to other women and I have met multiple women who’ve experienced that. But those women always had similar things in common man used to say would be bad in a marriage. Although when I hear the reasons, they were stupid like she dresses a certain way, or she isn’t submissive and a lot of other stupid things.
Also means no kissing probably. OP literally asking to wear a paper bag. Hope she can work through it. Conventionally attractive is only one way to be attractive, and overrated at that.
Nothing sexier than self-confidence.
Girl you are really in the fog, he’s not a good bet for someone to build a life with. You can and will do so much better.
Nothing to try snd fail. I already lost him the moment I decided not be honest from the beginning. I just postponed the monent and bought time out disgusting delfishness.
I'm not hiding or anything. I knew knowing the truth could hsve destroyed him. What I wanted was a way to let him go without destroying him.
You do realize how dysfunctional your relationship sounds from this post right? She is too insecure for you to talk to friends from your hometown because one of them had a crush that led nowhere, but she is talking to someone she has slept with and refuses to cut contact. The fact that she deleted the prior texts suggests another problem in the relationship. Aka, she was sending him messages that she didn’t want you to be able to see, so it was likely something you would be pissed over her for. Do you still trust her after this? If not I would suggest ending things between you as she has broken your trust. If for some reason you still do trust her, you need to get her to come clean about her texting this guy that she said she would cut off. She lied to you about this, which to me would be seen as disrespectful towards me. I would not be with someone who betrays my trust and disrespects me personally and hope you can see where I’m coming from even if you disagree with me, if only to be able to see these as problems to be mended within the relationship. This whole situation stinks like a disaster of a breakup waiting to happen as you are resentful of her insecurity and demand that came from said insecurity, as well as her hypocrisy. She is actively hiding things from you because she knows that you would not react well to them, but that is not justification for lying in a relationship. I hope you can sort this out or cut ties. Best of luck.
I don't get why this is concerning….you have practically had a functional relationship with this man for 6 years….what changes if you put a label on it?
From the sounds of it you are already monogamous with this man. He supports you and your family. You trust him. All elements of a good relationship.
Ask yourself if you could handle reverting to strict FWB where he has sex with you and is not involved in your life anymore.
Or he freely pursues other women.
Anyone?
Is someone cleaning the cat box daily? Does the cat bury his poops? My housemate has a cat with rancid poops that she refuses to bury so we use the litter scooper and bury it for her to get rid of the scent. If you wake up to a “surprise” in the morning, leave it for your partner to clean; just because the mess is there doesn’t mean you have to clean it. I will say though, while the medications help him be “stable”, it worries me that he has to be force-fed multiple times a day. 🙁
Not saying she will but I felt it needed to be said considering her situation.
Not saying she will but I felt it needed to be said considering her situation.
If OP is ever in a situation of a work conference away from home again, give yourself some boundaries. Limit drinks. If you are the last one standing out of your team, leave immediately.
Ghost him- the relationship is ending and you owe him nothing
The classic “I took psych 101 so let me analyze you” technique. Yeah that person is an idiot who cracked open a textbook one time. Glad she’s enthusiastic about her studies but this type of crap happens with psych students all the time.
Hopefully she looks back and cringes on this.
Anyway it’s not love bombing, you sound like a very considerate partner. Maybe a bit overboard at times based on the stories but nothing crazy.
Sleep aid from your doctor? Gummies? After work nap? Talk to your doctor about earplugs? Get the Bluetooth headband speaker (on Amazon) and play guided meditation? Sleep separately during the week when you need the sleep and on weekends sleep together when you can stay up later?
The most obvious answer would be that you learn to self soothe and go to bed by yourself and he sleep in another room when he’s going to bed later. But you say both of those things are off the table.
My partner likes to go to bed at 8 as we get up at 5 (well I don’t have to be up til 8 but I wake up with him). I have a naked time going to bed that early but I try and when I can’t, I sleep on the couch so I don’t wake him.
If you're not 110% into this situtation you better not. You should be #1 in his life, not #2.
It'll require a lot of rules and boundaries regarding finances, privacy, activities, etc . and you'll probably always get the short end of the stick . Just to give him kids? Think deep and naked, and when having the slightest doubt : don't do it .
When you say new family I thought it was because you re-married another woman and had other kids with the new wife, but this is literally her blood related mom and blood -related siblings, it's just that there's an age gap between her and her siblings.
Anyway the choice she made to not figure out another transportation option including to ask her friends or the bus or even an Uber driver, is on her.
I do agree an unexpected hefty car repair bill sucks, but people figure a way through it all the time
Just to be clear “I had to drop off some people” is equal to at least 2 people. You had to drop off 1 person.
Im not demanding forgiveness though.
Little tidbit: it shouldn’t take over a couple months for someone to get serious if you’re into eachother. You were just sex
Your goals aren’t compatible to hers.
Neither of you are wrong but just a wrong fit together.
Well no. Im not that big of a loser. I wouldnt do something so stupid.
It's not an age thing. It's one year. Libido due to age won't decrease that much in one year.
I wonder how you can be so certain that he's not cheating. Unless the STD can only be gotten through sex and isn't something that goes into remission, then the chances are high he's having sex with other people.
Even if he's not cheating, something is causing his libido drop (it's not age). If he doesn't go to a doctor to get checked out, I would break up with him.
Even if he's not cheating, if he doesn't get checked out, this isn't a relationship you want to be in.
You ever tell a drunk person not to do something? Or that they were acting inappropriate?
It probably didn't work
The next day is absolutely the most appropriate time to bring up any drunk behavior
I think you're right about seeing a therapist and I really really want to believe that it's not a big deal, I've just never felt this way about a person and she has had more serious relationships than me with men that I consider to be better, if it was a few months ago I wouldn't have been worried her leaving me, I just feel very vulnerable now.
There was a reason your marriage of 6 years ended. Remember that. “Oil and water” you say.
Her “knowing” you doesn’t mean you should get back together. Find someone else that’s good looking.” Block her.
@ u/bbcdestroyer696969
Looks like we have a cowardly moron here, who's too scared to stand by his declarations against Feminism.
Feminism is a movement about the EQUALITY of the sexes, not the superiority of women. Secondly, troglodyte, this little boy thinks he's entitled to his wife's body at any point and that's bullshit. If she isn't interested in sex, he doesn't get to demand it and force it on her. She has every right to be put off by his behaviors and refuse to have sex until he either shapes up or they divorce.
True, but guys can be cruel about it. If they're in sports on opposite teams, the likelihood of 'how's my dick taste?' is near 100%.
Yeah, sounds like you should break up 🙁 there's other guys out there, closer to your age too
Nah. First off, don’t assume sexuality and gender. Should say partner. I’m gay, secondly I’m poly, sooo. I would probably take a deep breath and try to communicate. Anyone who “looses their shit” probably needs to do some inner meditation.
Grieve the loss of your relationship and then use this opportunity to grow. Pick up hobbies. Meet people. Date. Like a lot of people have said, your 20s are times of growth and relationships that started before you were a fully formed person don't always last because you grow in different directions. There's also the feeling some get of missing out on experiences. Yea, it sucks, but having your first heartbreak is normal, and it probably won't be your last. Remember the good parts of the relationship, learn from the bad, and take this opportunity to expand your world.
So, here is the 1 sentence answer:
This is cheating. We are married which means we do not sleep with other people, for any reason.
(repeat as needed to make yourself clear)
The bigger question though is, does she want to have sex with another woman more than she wants to be married to you? And you need to figure that out and decide how you respond.
Good luck.
Did your bros also tell you that men in their 30s are also less fertile or are they all just blaming your ex?
Your swimmers started decreasing the moment you hit 20, by 35 your swimmers are more likely to cause mutations in pregnancy, but yet you blame your ex.
God I wish I was in a legal state
Bachelor/Bachelorette parties are a cultural event in which cheating is for the last time permissible and even encouraged.
She needs to go to a doctor.
So.. the guy you are talking about, is it the same guy from your first post? Just curious
This feels like you’re really unnecessarily placing blame on op here. She was blindsided by a request by her husband out of nowhere to sleep with other people while she was freshly postpartum. No script for ethical non monogamy would recommend that. “A lot of guys lack tact” isn’t a valid excuse.
When someone shows you their true colors always believe it. He clearly showed that he can’t be supportive ever. And he has also showed that he is can gaslight you by turning the tables on why “you are distant” even though it was clearly his actions 5 minutes prior.
I am so sorry OP. As someone who was heavily groomed from the age of 5 I really really have an aversion to it.
I can’t imagine the pain you are feeling.
I would advise to completely cut her from everything and get some therapy. Spend time with your friends and good people so you don’t have to feel like everyone is shady.
This shit fucks you up for ages, try not to bring it to the next relationship
Even in how you are writing this I can see that you are not getting the point.
Stop asking him questions about why he likes or doesn't like you.
You know he is an asshole.
Next time he says something rude you say “yeah, you're still not funny.”
They key is to grey rock the shit out of him… give him zero attention other than reacting to his jibes.
Realky calm and loose: “Why are you being an asshole when you're drinking?”
There are a lot of better scripts here.
Why don't you create a few invites and don't include him.
“Why do you keep insulting me. Is this like high school, but instead of pulling a girl's hair you want to suck my cock? I'm flattered by the attention, but no thanks.”
JERRY JERRY JERRY
She's probably in love with you so the dumb shit you say doesn't bother her because of her rosy glasses. She probably even thinks it's kinda cute when you are being an ass.
Youth is amazing.
I have a particular ex who never got fully committed to me that I eventually moved on from. He always claimed the problem was him. If I heard he got married I would probably be hurt and upset. Even though I am super in love with my boyfriend of 2 years. Even though I no longer want to be with him (he actually disgusts me), it would still feel like a confirmation of all of the insecurities I felt during that time. That his inability to fully commit to me was due to my flaws. Ego isn't logical.
That sounds like a good plan. I, too, am a generous and caring person and also had to learn how to balance my generosity vs feeling emotionally responsible for others. Pulling back and giving yourself some space to think clearly is smart. I hope you and your friend will find equally generous and financially stable partners in the neat future. Never settle for less than you deserve. You deserve as much as you have already given to others.
It sucks that this revelation from him has made you feel that way, but it has and he can’t take it back now. He sounds selfish and immature, honestly. People lived in to their 80s before now and were still in loving happy marriages at that point.
He didn’t just suggest sleeping with others, or ask for a hall pass to hire someone or something. He asked you if you’d be happy with him having full blown relationships with other people. That is not something most people would take lightly, and I totally understand why it’s given you this feeling of betrayal.
I am the same way as you, I would want to exhaust every option before calling it quits. Just make sure you’re not giving in to something (like a hall pass) that will further degrade your connection in the hopes of saving it.
I'll take “What didn't happen” for $500 Alex.
Yeah this point is just gross. He brought up a sensitive topic at her moms BDAY Dinner. Who does that? She tried to get him to change the topic as everyone was uncomfortable with that as it wasn’t the place nor time nor business. He refused to listen to said boundary and instead doubles down and then yells at her to shut up? I don’t know what planet it is okay to do all this towards your partner especially in a public setting.
Been there brother. My biggest regret was telling coworkers because it hindsight I couldn’t see how pathetic and dumb I was being.
I honestly don’t see how this is a betrayal. And if this is your reaction due to insecurity that used to be even worse then I imagine that’s why he didn’t mention it before.
Unless they are photos of people he knows, I don’t see the issue. And he is smart to store them in an app like that so they don’t accidentally pop up.
Bro why would you say this lmao
I dont have any way to hide the dog really. Oof hopefully this doesnt turn out to be a thing
Find something he says or does that’s objectively unattractive and magnify it. Imagine him with stomach flu, or a booger in his nose or something always in his teeth. Bad breath. Screaming at his kids for no reason. It’s actually possible to flip a switch and get past a crush as quickly as it started. You just need to find a trigger that will work, and triggers can be things that are actually really silly sometimes.
Their relationship shifted to a friendship very early on when they were together. His friends all said the same about it. He was not attracted to her and they were definitely not sexually involved
He's got unconditional love for his cat – for you – not even close lol
Y’all just aren’t compatible. Bob cannot be forced to share his feelings, bob cannot be forced to step up and become emotionally mature enough to have a healthy mature relationship. There is no mending this, it’s been years.
Ild tell her husband. He has a right to know that his wife is sleeping around without using protection and he needs to get full STD testing and a divorce lawyer.
And find out how long your wife has know that her bff has been cheating.
If you are ok with continued disrespect, stay with her. I would end it with her.
Sounds as if he learned something there. Nice.
Was a throwaway dude. You don’t need to delete it.
Not in my experience.
Well, it just happened… Time to get off my face
Everything should be discussed. People don’t always like to cuddle or have people in their bubble. It’s a matter of respect and love.
My 11 year old knows that forcing kisses and hugs are not acceptable. He would know this is wrong. OPs boyfriend is 22!
Definitely bring this up with her. Tell her how embarrassing it is and how you feel awkward.
Make sure you mention the fact that this guys GF felt the need to sit between them.
Don’t bring up cheating or anything, just dig in a bit and make it clear that her behavior makes you really uncomfortable.
Your wife is 29. She’s old enough to have the social awareness that her actions are inappropriate, no matter what her intentions are.
So, who's dildo was it?
He is having problems with himself . It's not you . He needs therapy . He is just reacting to the fear he feels from the members of his family who don't accept him for who he is . Be patient . Keep loving him and keep letting him know that you care .
Cause he’s a piece of shit?
The first thing to do is to get it in writing. Text your bf from work. Tell him you're exhausted couldn't sleep, because his dad said he wants to spank you and bf said it was just a joke. Then save that chat. It could come in useful for the divorce.
I second this I think she should be take a break from dating people and focus on herself care with therapy
Given current global conditions it's more “self centered” to “hangout” while “feverish” than anything you did. However, if you're going to be more than about 15 minutes late to anything you do really need to inform whomever invited you.
I’m a total germaphobic person. I had to look up scat, and it grossed me out,but I didn’t realize people put it in their mouths. That would totally freak me out. I don’t care how long ago it was. Maybe being a nurse it freaked her out more because she knows the dangers of it, more than the average person.
For sure. If she would not have married him having known this, that's not great to know, but it's her right. Maybe it's something she can look past, but she had to be aware of it first.
Like the one giving her the clothes. ?
You can work on enriching your life outside of your relationship with him. Make more friends, plan more outings, etc. Fill your time yourself and remind yourself that your partner isn't supposed to fill EVERY need you have.
This is such a marriage destroying red flag.
The leading cause of divorce is finances. I think you understand that this person would destroy your life if you marry them.
I don't think she is. She is loving and caring and honest. I can understand her point. But it does make me feel some type of way.
Move on.
Does screenshots of text conversations count? Also, should I get a receipt of everything I bought for my child over the years, in case they try to falsely accuse me in court of not buying anything for her?
If you're thinking about the relationship possibilities with another man you shouldn't be getting married. Everyone is different, but 2 years is a short dating and engagement period and I'm not confident that you and your fiance know too much about each other by this point. It sounds like you like your fiance enough and you're settling, IMO. Which doesn't usually foster a great marriage/relationship in the long run.
Clark might be the one, or he might not. But, the fact that you're left wondering what your relationship would have been should he ever proposed means you've at least partially checked out of the relationship with your fiance. It's not fair to him to keep being strung along while you're trying to figure out how to feel, while he's all-in on the relationship. Honestly, perhaps being on your own and working on your own feelings and wants would do you some good in figuring out what you really want. I'd advise you cancel the wedding and either end or take a break from your fiance, work with a therapist or counselor to help process your feelings, and focus on YOU without being with anyone else for the time being.
Dump the trash and find someone who won’t lie to you
Showing someone a ring followed by I was going to propose a decade ago is not moving the conversation along
I'm going to try and make it work
As someone who frequently advises people to walk away, I think you have arrived at the right decision for the right reasons.
I hope it works out for you both.
No
You’ve been wasting so much of your life already.
I don't get the distinction between family and mutual friends
I mean, if you have mutual family with your spouse, or if you're at risk of an emotional affair with family, that's a whole nother set of issues.
Family is different because 1) usually there's zero chance of it becoming inappropriate on either side, 2) they usually have your best interests at heart, and 3) they're semi-permanent fixtures in your life who have known you long enough that you're not able to hide who you are from them.
That's not to say family is the only ones to go to for advice. A religious leader, therapist, or an older wiser married couple are all similarly good choices.
Just not your buddies. Especially if they're of the gender you're attracted to. It's asking for trouble.
Oh hell, son. That's just porn. Mainstream as hell.
Okay yeah that's abusive.
He's a grown adult, he can control what he says and when. He chooses to use abusive language to belittle you and cut you down.
I bet he doesn't speak to his boss the way he speaks to you. Its a choice.
Lol it's always like tht.. he's sooo perfect. Then proceeds to describe manipulative asshole.
When people tell you who they are, believe them. He has told you in no uncertain terms he’s an immature douche and has no plans to change. He is telling you the truth. Believe him. Oh if I would’ve known this when I was 23 and was on the brink of possibilities at my fingertips. Trust me, you’ll only regret the minutes you try to keep him in your life.
When people tell you who they are, believe them. He has told you in no uncertain terms he’s an immature douche and has no plans to change. He is telling you the truth. Believe him. Oh if I would’ve known this when I was 23 and was on the brink of possibilities at my fingertips. Trust me, you’ll only regret the minutes you try to keep him in your life.
You literally said you want to talk to them about how this impacts your relationships. If that’s even a thought here outside of being a general catalyst/wake up call for you, then that’s a red flag. The issue isn’t them negatively impacting your relationships. The issue is them being shit people.
It sounds like there's a pretty big incompatibility between you two – you're an introvert, and she's not, or at least not to the same degree.
Do not buy her the puppy. As of right now, you two are not in a relationship (it sounds like) and that's far too much money to spend on an ex or a friend.
You two got together pretty young and for her, at least, it was under duress (lost her housing). She seems to be feeling she missed out on some things by getting into a relationship so young and all through her twenties.
It's a mistake for you to have no friends other than her. People need friends, though they don't all need a lot of friends. Five or six is plenty for some, 30 or 40 is right for some. If you only have one, you likely overburden that person with your needs. So try to get some small degree of social life going, for your own sake.
He said he'll try, if he shows no signs of improvement you'll know he doesn't care.
some rich kid that went right into a job at their daddy's business?
1st time my GF now Wife said i love you, i replied Thank You. I wasnt ready. To each their own on the timeline….. and others are just emotionally shut down and this could be a red flag.for long term? We dont know you'd have to diacuss it with him….
Thank goodness for some sense! There's absolutely room in the parents' life fir all of them.
(I agree with your first two boundaries, but not so sure about the third. The baby's not going to say to its Dad: “I wish you were still with your ex-girlfriend rather than Mom!”)
Damn! That’s what’s so crazy…this sub is for relationship advice and you asked for some. It doesn’t specify the type of situation needed for said advice! I’m actually glad to see a need for something wholesome for a change. It’s nice you don’t want to hide anything and you know what she might be thinking. I bet y’all will have a laugh about this all said and done. You should also show her this thread. Also, we gonna need an update about all this too! I hope the best for you both!
No you wouldn't be making a fool of yourself. Just don't get your hopes up too high. Typically if a guy is into you, it's very obvious.
I have an AirTag in my fiancés car but he consented and I do it because I worry about him and his safety while he drives for work (his job is all driving)- not because of him cheating. Definitely not cool of her to not ask your permission. It might not be for the reasons you’re worried about? Definitely talk to her
Well, fuck that guy then, he’s guy a boring old misogynistic hypocrite.
damn thank u for your effort in this comment. i think we both know this and just holding on bc we are very close and comfortable but we have never just been “good and calm” and thats what i am sad about. i really haven’t been happy. he also said it’s upsetting that i always look happier in those photos. i said well it’s because i was happier and you picking at things like this make things more negative. if he’d just say something positive to the photos or neutral, it would be one less thing to be upset about. also we’ve came close to ending it a lot but decided not to bc we make up. but i need to think about it. i can’t do this for the long run if it continues.
Religion is a tough one. But it tends to be more important as relationships develop. This is why people tend to date within their religion even when the two people are not religious. It becomes a very cultural thing. But stay hopeful! It’s not unheard of!
Do you know what religion she is? Are her parents very religious? Are you very religious? And don’t worry so much about friendship. A lot of times friendship can return to normal after a little bit of awkwardness. You both will eventually move on if it doesn’t work out.
I love it! Deviously creative! I would also add bullfighting, alligator wrestling, and taming tigers.
The guy told a mutual friend. She knew I would find out lol
Look, I am also a woman. I’m all for the me too movement, but I agree with most of what the gentleman said. I can’t say that OPS bf is being toxic or not cause I am not in the relationship. I do think his puppy eyes thing is manipulative but only the OP knows this person. I do, however, think you seem to be an angry individual based on your response and you fallaciously accused this guy with random buzzwords. I see no sign of rape culture or anything within what he said. I do think it’s important that OPs bf respects her boundaries and hopefully they will be wise enough to protect themselves. If you wish to respond to me, which I’m sure you will, whatever. Do your worst. But I do think we should all be more thoughtful when reading responses (and the original post, as you will note it’s not about only sex but !!!mostly!!! about physical affection).
Not all attraction is a call to action, if that makes sense. What you describe definitely sounds like a form of attraction to me. Just because you recognize it, even if you don’t know what kind (romantic, platonic, intellectual, etc.), doesn’t meant you have to date the guy—or even want to date him. If that’s something you’re interested in, you can choose to take that next step of flirting/shooting your shot.
Ask him. Ask them, if you can.
It’s not that out of line to talk to more than one person at a time while you try to find a partner, and then you choose one. Maybe he plans to choose you Maybe not. No idea. And maybe he’s talking to seven girls, maybe not. No idea. So you’ll have to ask him.
For your part, I’d be wary. If he’s talking to a bunch of girls, then don’t let yourself become too attached to him. And if he is talking to a bunch of girls, feel free to stop talking to him. It may or may not be a red flag, but you don’t have to stay either way.
C. Rumors she already has it
Dumb question, what is the manipulation? Like what is he doing thats manipulative, and why what he said is like illogical or doesn't make sense?
I know it's dumb for me to have to ask you to explain it but for my sake can you break it down and explain it to me
Is this normal behavior for when someone with ADHD becomes dysregulated
ADHD Dysregulation feels like low tolerance for frustration or annoyance, temperamental or prone to sudden outbursts, feeling completely overwhelmed by your emotions, difficulty refocusing your attention away from the emotion.