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That's fair I get you too
100% choose the cat over him. Such a lame excuse that he wants to get his own but yours are too much or aren't good enough. He's the one with the issues.
Op you need to prove it to him. It’s going to hurt and going to take time but if you actually love that man you will change. And he will change if he actually loves you and doesn’t just feel stuck.
It's normal. Kids change the dynamic of a marriage altogether, especially when you used to have total freedom to do as you pleased.
You guys are in the trenches of parenthood 100%. Two kids at that age are stressful because they both demand tons of attention, can't be left alone, don't let you sleep at all, and make you feel guilty for having tough moments and interactions with them. All of this takes your marriage from being two lovers to being two prison guards. You're coworkers and roommates right now.
Date nights have to be a priority. My wife and I get to feeling cohabitants often, but going out together to just window shop or hike or something without the kids for even just a few hours does wonders to reset us. We've tried just staying up late to talk. It doesn't work. Family not helping you blows but is there anyone you could ask for just one night?
Darling, looking over your comments, it's clear you're experiencing a big conflict. The fact is, you posted here because you're not sure how to proceed and this isn't a thing you can compromise or meet halfway. You have sex or you don't. Either way, one of you will be unhappy and that will hurt the other.
I'm a bit concerned about how you view this relationship as whilst this man may be a great person and treats you well, that doesn't mean he's the man for you. It's clear he's very special, but he doesn't feel the same way about sex as you do. He may not feel the same intimate connection you feel during intercourse. This feeling during sex may have occured because it's the 1st time you've actually been an equal partner in the relationship and truly consentually connected with the other party. I've had friends who have been in some awful relationships and sex is a massive deal met with incredibly complex feelings, including the feeling of “being truly loved/lovable” when in face sex shouldn't have to prove that ever. It's a part of it, but not all of it.
This is unlikely to be the only time you and your BF will have incompatible values. It's still a pretty young relationship, so it's uncertain what else may occur. This doesn't mean you need to compromise or go with needs unfulfilled, because in the end sharing values and sexual needs are important parts of relationships. Similarly, your BF shouldn't ever have to compromise his either. Neither of your needs trumps the other, they just don't work together.
I wish I could say there was a way to make this work whilst making everyone happy or fulfilled, but there's not. I also hope you realise you deserve to be treated well, like with your BF, but also don't need to hurt yourself or dismiss what's important to you. He can a special person but not the one.
thank you, it was this fear of pain that made me really spiral!
Your mother sounds like she has mental health issues that need to be addressed. It also sounds like she is spiteful and hateful, and sprayed bleach on his lobster on purpose. You need to say something to your mother and stand up for yourself and your relationship. You are no longer a child. It's time to start thinking for yourself.
Honestly, while it does seem gross, if you didn't notice it for a year, then it probably isn't that big of an issue.
This is an odd quirk, but, unless its is accompanied by smell, poor health, or other hygiene issues, then you should probably just leave it alone.
If you do bring it up, don't tell her that “women should…” There is nothing more obnoxious than men who are not health professionals preaching to us about how we should care for our vaginas.
Excellent point….. also….. a 50 year old guy wants to start parenting and living with a couple toddlers? Especially having lived/living the musician lifestyle. It just feels off. I don’t want to jump on the whole pedo bandwagon, but it’s naked not to. At best he is living this romantic fantasy and in three months after moving in together, he’ll realize how difficult it is living with toddlers. And he’ll be gone….
Poor kids.
He was interested and then he wasn't, that's normal. Just lost feelings or whatever.
By that logic…wouldn't he just marry someone else and have kids with them down the line? And probably cheat there too. The other woman is rarely believed by the gf, much less a newly engaged woman who hasn't caught on in all these years.
Yes thank you!! This is what I think is a normal healthy response. I told him i think his request is unreasonable but he just can’t understand why I don’t understand… we are at a standstill
No prob! Good luck!
I had to work my ass off to get a scholarship and still work to pay off what was left. But that's besides the point.
You are way off base here, and with the entire post. If you are being robbed of tuition, she was robbed of your father's presence in her ENTIRE life. Which of those two is the most selfish?!!?!?!
Time for Mom to grow up and realize that Dad has other responsibilities of equal weight. MOM HAS TO SHARE, AND SO DO YOU. It it the two of you who are being selfish in this.
Your expectations for Dad are unreasonable, not to mention the utter lack of thought and consideration you have for your half-sister. She is innocent in this! I feel like this should have been posted in r/AmItheAsshole because would be a resounding “YES!” from this redditor.
You can ask, but I doubt you’ll get it back
She literally said she's sick of men thinking they don't have to take abuse. What an irredeemable piece of fucking garbage that person is.
My bf offers to pick me up all the time because I hate Uber’s. As long as he isn’t forcing you to leave when he wants and isn’t just showing up to where you are, I don’t see it as controlling. It’s ok if you want to go home on your own too if you don’t want to inconvenience him, but I’m sure he’s just worried about you. If he isn’t showing any resentment, I think you’re fine.
Give the cat away. You are both incapable of looking after it and are both responsible for its miserable fucking life.
Do not get any more pets. Ever.
Me: lying to your partner is bad
You: you’re a gross person
Exactly. Just because she isn't blowing dudes, doesn't discount the intimacy in the act. Cheating is cheating.
If they won’t talk to you write them a note. But they need to know you feel violated, that you no longer trust them and that you are an adult with your own autonomy. Let them know HOW creepy it is to go hunting for clues of sex. That is NOT okay. They’re employing emotional abuse on you with the silent treatment. Don’t allow it to get to you. Your parents are wrong. The cult of Jesus says to love and accept right?
Thank you for helping, I know it’s toxic and I knew it from the start I just wanted to try help him because he has helped me become more of myself and not let anyone else make my decisions.
I mean, is that all Anna has the money for. Pretty much every single thing you’ve described could be explained by her simply not having the money to pay for more stuff. That would also explain her preferring to host. Gas ain’t free. If you are a person with more money complaining at extraordinary length about your friend’s failure to cater to you, and it’s because she straight up doesn’t have the money, you are beyond self centered and really should take an honest look at yourself as a person.
If you know for a fact she has the money, then something else is up. That kind of frugality comes from somewhere. Because she’s not just being a “bad hostess”. She herself is eating insufficient food when you’re there, and going to extraordinary and a lil bit troubling lengths not to spend money. But it seems like you’re only thinking about it in reference to yourself, which fits with the extremely self centered tone of your entire post. You should talk to Anna. And not about anything in reference to you. You should talk to Anna about her money thing because you are at least in theory her friend and something’s wrong.
Also, learn to drive. Instead of being appreciative that your friend does ALL the driving to Anna’s house, EVERY TIME, you are complaining that she is not acting as your door to door chauffeur. When you have a car, and money for gas, and have passed your driver’s test. But can’t be arsed to figure out how to get to her house. In your car. Which you have. And yet, somehow, you have decided that this is her problem. Hint: It is not her problem. She is being extraordinarily generous in repeatedly driving your ungrateful ass.
Boomer alert
Wow you’re a shit doctor. Good fucking god.
He will never change. He will never go to therapy bc he doesn’t believe what he’s doing is wrong.
There’s no reason for you to stay with him.
I am you.
I have been emotionally neglected by an alcoholic parent and I think I have ASD/ADHD, and I definitely have problems identifying how I feel and what to do with it or even when.
I feel like a defragging naked drive sometimes, with a lot of lag.
I’ve watched many Crappy Childhood Fairy videos on YouTube, which helped me a lot.
I tell my boyfriend this is me, it stems from childhood, and I need him to chill with his comments/critique. He needs to accept me for who I am. The funny things is,… the nicer and more chill he is about it > the better I get with being vocal about my emotions and feelies.
good luck OP x
Ok yes there are some major pitfalls here to not being married. If you had been married, you might have had claim to some of the money he received from the first house even if your name wasn’t on it.
Having both your names on the current house is a bit of a double edged sword again since you aren’t married. You have equity in the house but you might not have any means of getting access to that equity.
Since you can’t divorce him, there is not going to be any court order to force a buyout. You both are essentially locked into this house unless you come to some mutual agreement about what to do. You can’t force him to leave since it is his house too.
Do you think he would willingly leave the house and continue paying the mortgage? Can you afford to buy out his equity? Would you be willing to leave the house yourself?