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OP, I'm sorry you're going through this – it sucks. What you need to understand is that you can not make someone love you. He will not love you no matter what you do or don't do. You just have to accept that, allow yourself to grieve for what you thought the relationship was going to be and try to move on. Good luck, and take some time to be kind to yourself.
Nope. Been there, done that, got a physical scar for my efforts.
I in no way “checked up on him” I got sent a picture from a friend and saw him in it and then saw two other from the picture walking home when I left mine for a walk like an hour later. Id honestly rather he did, i always thought we were close, if he thought either of us were a chore to hang out with I’d love for him to have the decency to say it He has no idea she likes him at all
That all depends on what she was medicated with. Just because I took a norco, oxy, Xanax or any other meds does not mean I’m not fully aware of what I’m doing and the decisions I’m making. Now if she was on other drugs that mess with your conscious mind then that’s different and that is usually something you can tell. If she is acting normal and full of her decision making faculties but just emotional as he described how in the hell is he supposed to not trust in what she is initiating? My point is if you can’t trust her to be in her right mind and to trust what she’s doing/offering then he’s not safe with her.
So you say you definitely want to report him, but also don't know if you want to work on the relationship?
You can't have both.
If you know you're going to report him then end things and do it, then walk away.
Seems like you may already have your answer.
No one can decide this for you. What do you want more?
Personally, I don’t put up with partners telling me who I can and cannot be friends with. I have been isolated in the past and suddenly found myself escaping from a terrible relationship with pretty much zero friends. Your girlfriend is making her insecurity your problem, rather than taking responsibility and tackling it. I also feel, either a partner trusts me not to mess around or they don’t. If they need to cut off my social network, then they clearly don’t. I don’t believe in relationships without trust.
However, I know I am in the minority with my stance and likely will be downvoted accordingly, but I still feel it is important to point out that there isn’t one right answer in these situations.
Ultimately the only right answer is in your heart and you will need to explore your own feelings to figure it out.
but this isn’t the same situation? it’s a hotel he took his ex there repeatedly who he broke up with less than a year ago? this isn’t a marriage i haven’t stabiles this relationship i’m still learning new things with him so i want to see if it’s worth continuing. because if he’s simply using me to replace his ex then that wouldn’t really be fair.
Sounds like it's over. Separate your finances now.
That is a sign of independence and a great idea. Why not offer to look at apartments with her?
I enquired about a coded door before, but besides the high costs, the landlord also said no. I'd be allowed to change my locks to another “normal” lock, but anything that requires electronics installed is a no-go.
Your gf has so many red flags. My guy, this isn’t something you can fix, she’s got some really bad toxic behaviors, that most likely only therapy and years of it could fix. One, the fact that things go badly when you bring up concerns, that’s defensiveness. Google defensiveness in relationships to understand how that messes shit up. Solutions for it are learning better conflict resolution skills, validation skills, and emotional support skills (all of which can be googled and sounds like you have and she doesn’t).
Two, when you don’t like one thing she does, she doesn’t self sabotage, she manipulates you with threats. Don’t have sex once when she wants it? Well then she won’t ever ask for it again. Dude, that’s a threat. She saying give me sex when I want it or else I’ll never ask or show interest again. Dude, fuck that. She needs to learn that she’s not always going to get her way and she needs to stop trying to threaten you into doing what she wants but ask and negotiate for it. Here again learning conflict resolution skills would be useful for her.
And three, another issue is, when she wants something, even before you say no, rather than ask and negotiate for it, she criticizes you. And it works, every time she criticizes you that you’re not doing enough you sacrifice more and do what she wants. Problem is doing it her way builds resentment or depression in a partner and will kill the relationship and often becomes abusive, if it’s not already. What might help here is again her learning conflict resolution skills, specifically how to turn complaints into requests (which also can be googled) and also familiarize herself with the magic relationship ratio (also easy to google) which you seem to already understand.
And you, not to get down on you, but you sound like a people pleaser, doing what ever it takes to keep the other person happy, regardless of it’s impact to you. And as much as it works at times, it makes you an easy target to manipulate and be taken advantage of. For you, you need to recognize that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s, and anyone who treats you other wise like your gf, isn’t someone you want in your life. You need to assert you needs are of equal importance and if she can’t respect that, then walk. Or else you’re just allowing someone to use, manipulate and abuse you.
Can I ask how much you make monthly approximately? If you don't mind sharing. Just curious.
To put it simply, end things with him.
Cheating should never be swept away, because not only is it a sign that the cheater doesn't love or respect who they cheated on anymore, but it's also a harbinger of things to come. This won't be the only time he does this, OP. Most cheaters don't cheat only once, and there's no guarantee that he didn't do something before the instance you found out about. And when it comes to the future, what other things is he going to use against you as an excuse for his cheating? I doubt you want that hanging over your head every day going forward.
Begin the process of untangling yourself from him in terms of finances and property. If you can, find someplace else to stay (friends, family, hotel room if you can afford it, etc.), that way you can have some peace to think things through more clearly on your own, without him trying to talk to you or potentially downplay what he did. It won't be easy, and it'll hurt like crazy at times emotionally, but once it's done and you've removed him from your life completely, you'll be able to start really healing from his betrayal.
Good luck, OP.
Just because you don't have the title yet doesn't mean you're not going to. I've been having sex with my husband for over 20 years and our best / hottest keeps changing. I mean it's good to have goals dude lol.
This should be a deal breaker for you. What other reason to keep them than to watch them?
I mean this is abusive as hell – I'm wondering if there are any other red flags floating around, because its impossible to imagine any healthy scenario where this sequence of events came about.
Thanks! One thing, she replies at like 2-3 hour intervals, that may be a red flag ( I am the type of person who replies in 1-2 minutes max if I'm not sleeping, so it might be annoying just for me)
Then he is really stupid because I would prob find 100X more people who wants to have sex with me than he would. women can get laid much easier, it is known. stupid man
Thank you I’m excited for the adventure, appreciate your advice as well
I’m not upset at all. I’m terribly sorry I made you think that
A lot of these responses espouse similar ideals which raised my eyebrows
But I never claimed that she deserved it. Girl you’re reaching. I even talked with a person here about how I dan help her. I never once defended his behavior
Just his wife right? That won't effect the kids lol.
By leaving. He has made his position about you very clear, and that is that he doesn't respect you, or your relationship. He's a liar, a cheater, and a manipulator. You gave him a second chance when he betrayed you, and he's paying you back by lying and sneaking around, and then trying to gaslight and blame you for his bad behavior.
Breaking up sucks, but there's no real way to fix this other than breaking up. Because continuing to be together, continuing to allow this treatment, only results in it continuing in this way.
Doesn’t sound like this is the relationship for you. It isn’t ick, it’s incompatibility. ?
So you think he’s treating me badly?
If you have to ask then it sounds like you already have reservations about it.
I've tried but she keeps telling me she's not into him he's only a friend and i honestly dont want to drive her to a point where she starts lying to me or stops telling me things. I am frustrated and the easy option is to leave her but we're very intimate with me which makes me hesitate availing that option. I know I'm not helping my own case here but if it wasn't complicated i wouldnt be posting it here for sure.
more like a groomed soul honey
Yeah, I know?
Is it the pregnant lady's wedding? Plan your wedding if she can't do the activities, she can ref them or whatever.
Bending over backwards and not doing what you want, is ridiculous.