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First, it's important to seek help for your own mental health. This may involve seeing a therapist or counselor, who can help you work through your situation and develop coping strategies. No matter his intentions, he is by no means allowed to dictate if you stay in the relationship or not. If you personally do not wish to end the relationship, tell him you will be needing support for your mental health and this may be a difficult journey if he wants to take it with you.
lmao girl just leave it
he seems over the relationship and irritated by it as well
No worries!
You mean your ex boyfriend right?
Plus after 3 months, LOVE AND FUTURE ? Attachement issues anyone?
It will start with her nose then it will be something else
relationships should stay pretty private. issues between you two should stay that way. you should always be able to communicate and it seems like he lacks that emotional maturity. you said you tried couples therapy and didn’t work. have you considered you aren’t compatible? pls find someone who can act like an adult and do the basics of communicating to you and not confiding solely in others/strangers.
100%. If someone threatens you with divorce, you should divorce them. There’s only two possibilities: either they really do want a divorce, or you’re married to the sort of person who will threaten blowing up your marriage when they’re upset. Either way you shouldn’t stay married to them.
No kidding. I hope she never visits Hispenis, FL because his exes probably went there too ..
Thank you. I feel like I'm going crazy for finding this so thoughtless of him.
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Why are you trying to tell her when she can and cannot have a present? What weird rules are you setting? And $300 is an expensive gift. I understand that in your mind compared to something more high end it's not. But you also got three of then. You just dropped almost a grand on your friends who are rightfully very important to you, but then that makes her feel not important. Did she not support you at all? Emotionally? Nothing? No? Ok. Keep acting like her father and you won't be her daddy that's for sure.
Sounds like she has no integrity, grace or couth when it comes to being in social circles. Why is that her go to when she is around people. She is cringe. Its okay to be yourself but there is a time and a place for every conversation. You dodged a bullet. In a relationship each of you should be able to discuss your displeasure and work towards a goal of understanding. She wants you to except her as is but its so weird for her to say those things, especially to strangers. She needs some etiquette and grace classes. Her conversation is immature. Move on
I remember that post!
I'm so glad you are well away from him but want to echo what another commenter has said, it really sounds like you're rushing things with your new boyfriend. I would slow down if you can, don't buy a house with someone who you've only been with for about a year (afaik based on the timeliness you've given). Abusers can hide that side of themselves very well, and they wait to reveal it until they feel they have you trapped with commitment of one kind or another, a mortgage would definitely fall under that remit. I'm not saying your current boyfriend is or will be abusive, just that for your own sake you should be watching out for red flags and taking things slowly. Him not being okay with taking things slowly would be a red flag in itself. Please read “Why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft, it's available on-line as a free pdf because the author wants it to be accessible to abuse survivors, it will help you to understand the psychology of abusers and I think will help you going forward.
And I'm so sorry to hear about your poor cat(s)! Sending strength
Ok, I call full BS, but juuuust in case here it is in a nutshell:
if she had just said she wanted kids we wouldn’t have dealt with this.
Stop assuming she lied to you when she said she didn't want kids eight years ago / prior to marriage. Now, she does and it's not her fault. If you don't want kids, divorce.
That should be a nude no. Delete your boyfriend instead.
Seriously. Although all relationships require effort, good relationships are easy, bad relationships are nude.
As a former rape victim, i can say unequivocally, that, at some point, you gf will require therapy. I didn't get it until years later and i wished i had gotten it right away. I could have, but there is a sense of shame that comes along with it that is nude to overcome.
That said, I didn't have big issues afterward. I still got married, had children, etc, but i did eventually need to talk it out. I was gaining a ton of weight and i could not figure out why. Well that was why. It affects the subconscious in ways that you can't consciously realize.
He should have your back to them regardless. It's okay if he expresses disagreement to you privately. As long as he has your back in public to everyone else. If he doesn't, get a decent bf. The whole world is against you. You don't need your partner to be against you too.
ikr‽ they imagine alllllll the sex they’re gonna have, while imagining that their gf/ wife will remain monogamous, waiting for them at home…. good little wifey keeping the home fires burning…..
oopsie !
it’s almost malicious compliance.
They both have excellent qualities in their own way, and they both have not so good qualities but it’s negotiable
Sounds like she is not over the her ex, which kinda makes it a red flag. This is just my take from the situation, I can maybe understand a pictures with the ex but a full on sex video and she kept it then later hid it from you, I dunno? Better hope that ex don’t come back around, cause he might get that sneaky link special.
It’s not about exercise, it’s about eating more calories then you burn. If you don’t want to work out then don’t eat so much.
No body is perfect but you are trying to do your best and that's all that matters. We sometimes don't get to choose who we fall in love with. A true man will do whatever it takes to keep you and grow with you. Don't ever stay with a man who won't put in as much effort as you into the relationship. Your partner should build you up, encourage, support, love, care, and want the best for you.
Leave, now. Unless you want a kid at 21, which seems like you don’t. If somebody did that to me and it was against my wishes I’d never talk to them again. Imagine if the roles were reversed? Betting she wouldn’t be very thrilled. You’re 21 dude. On-line life, be happy, you don’t need this kind of fuckery in your life.
Sounds like you never really figured out how to enjoy life without a boyfriend.
The fact she kept saying we’re friends for now
Aww sweetheart… You're a teenager dating a grown man… You can't have much in common, you should be at entirely different places in your life… The only reason he is with you is definitely for your body…
This isn't going to be solved today. Keep reiterating your position again and again and again.
Tell him “her wedding is supposed to be a bride's special day,” and use that to justify having the kind of ceremony you want.
Especially the part about not wanting to be the center of attention, I so much identify with. If it's going to make you sick to your stomach to go through this, it's absolutely not worth it.
Since he wants a lot of guests, I think a workable compromise might be a tiny ceremony (your win) and a big, lavish party (a/k/a reception) afterwards for as many as he wants (his win).
um she doesn’t seem like a good life partner
Agreed, this age gap is more common than you think, people be seeing so many '40m and 22f' that it's become an easier finger to point nowadays. Gotta love Reddit sometimes lol
Yeah, yeah, block him. Tell him to go find someone else to cheat with….
Wait a minute. Where did you get the info that OP’s stepfather had “unprotected sex?”
I honestly can’t even imagine how terrifying it must be to be a trans woman trying to date. ? It’s scary enough as a cis woman.
Yeah. Say he would be ok with it if she said something earlier, but since she kept this from him would go since she hid it.
Please be careful before you get baby trapped.
Honestly, I don't believe you should be attempting to salvage anything other than the vehicle this woman stole from you. I'm going to speak to you as I would to any young woman who found herself in this situation. Please understand I mean no disrespect to you if something offends you.
First, violence is not acceptable in any way, shape or form. I don't care how drunk or angry a person is, you do not raise an angry hand to someone you supposedly love. Secondly, you may not see or want to accept it but the fact that she is 26 and in a relationship with an 18 year old, who is just starting to on-line life, is a red flag. A major one. Why is she not dating people her own age? I understand that in the eyes of the law, you are a man and you may have had some experiences in your life that forced you into adulthood sooner but there is manipulation and exploitation occurring that is not acceptable. And lastly, she stole your car. Just took off and what? She'll be back when she's cooled down? When will that be? And in the meanwhile, how are you getting around? Who is going to be responsible if there's an accident or it's stolen/vandalized?
Get your vehicle back -call the police and report it stolen if you have to. But let her go before you start suffering life-changing consequences for her actions. And try to reconcile with your sister at least, if not your whole family. Don't let pride or ego make you stand on a decision that was probably just a whim initially. Be safe.
(Sorry for the length, but I need you to think hard about everything. It would be a shame for you to end up bitter because someone else can't/won't bind their own wounds and ended up wounding you)
He’s your boyfriend. I think it would inappropriate to subsidize his living expenses this much. He also makes more money than you…
I think it’s appropriate to split living expenses proportionally to income, so for example if you make 40K and he makes 60K, then he should pay 60% of expenses. That includes taxes and insurance on your house. The tricky part is that your house mortgage is paid off and maintenance costs are built into rent prices.
What would your house rent for? What is your boyfriend paying in rent now?
This would be helpful to get a sense of just how big a discount 500/month would end up being. While I think market rate would be too much to charge a significant other, I think what you’re charging is an over-correction in the other direction.
I would rethink the living situation. If he and his parents are a package deal, and the expectation is that they will stay for months and take over the kitchen, separate living space makes more sense. Obviously housing is expensive and folk do as they must but I think you’ll find that a roommate scenario is likely far easier to deal with and your BF can adjust to life with his parents on his own. He’s asking far too much. You were eager and willing to host and in return you were treated like a guest in your own home. In your place I would begin a frank discussion about making this work by living apart from each other. Imagine if it were literally anyone else you were expected to host for months at a time. You’d never agree to that.
Stop being a doormat.
Ignore her and cut down your contact with her. Dont go to ” roommate ” meetings” with her.
She makes a remark like ” what is that supposed to mean “, walk away
As soon as possible find other living arrangements. Make sure your door has a lock that no one else has a key too.
It feels that she was taking advantage of you at the time, you were clear on what you wanted, you were there for her, but she totaly lied to you,
Leave her, don't put any more effort on this relationship.
Don't do shit tests. You are 25, not 16. If you're uncomfortable, say NO. And it would be my answer as well. Matter of fact, isn't it a little weird that her ex “traumatized” her yet neither her or her friends seem to mind that he tags along?
I'm sorry you're going through this.
There is one truth you missed: when life is shitty, know that it rarely stays that way for long. It will get better.
You will heal. Take care.
Just be careful because that's how some women get dragged along or played
They on-line in Toronto. That's not the “average” housing market, and her fiance is apparently a flashy kind of guy if he's the type that blows through $400K in a year, gambles away $100K in a year without blinking an eye, lies about how much he's saved by double the amount, and really wants to live! in a home over $1Mil.
If this is USD that’s more than double what I paid for my apartment! Imagine what I could have bought with a brother willing to loan me that much money!!
So an ours ours and mine system. Revolutionary.
Thank you for notifying me. And I will.
Referring to this other woman as 'a bitch', 'that bitch' is so vile – if your partner has gone against the agreed boundaries of your open relationship it's not her fault, it's his.
I'm not surprised he's asking to pause – he's right to.
What do you do now? Evaluate if you want to be in this relationship and if you're really ok with an open relationship.
Oh. Well, I think thats more for the potential younger women.
Or, nude take. She's okay with Nazi ideology
If you don’t mind sharing, I’ll go report it right now.
And I know that we were young but it all just came out of nowhere and changed my life in a really unhealthy, expensive, and damaging way. All so suddenly. If it were me I would have at least been more mature about it and honest instead of bittle it up until it became a breakup… and i really dont think its this complicated anyway. She left me to be with some hotter guy. All those years and she just left to be with some guy we barely knew for 5 months.
Some people are just like this.
Had an ex get annoyed at me for watching a show without her.
She found out because I saw her watching that show without and asked if she liked it.
The cognitive dissonance didn't even occur to her.
She also went through my accounts on reddit when I asked her not to multiple times.
Move on, find a better partner
Regardless of who he thinks is a good leader, different political leanings rarely make good relationships.
Politics are decided upon by personal opinions.
So someone who thinks “X, Y, and Z” will usually vote for the person who thinks the closest to “X, Y, and Z”.
So yeah, take a look at everything else your BF does and opinionates on and ask yourself if it's a deal breaker or not.
I don't think this is weird in the circumstances you describe. My late-twenties son and I will put on pyjamas and have all night TV binges in my bed now and then. My stepson does similar with his sisters. We've also shared beds (clothed) for purely practical reasons a couple of times in transit. I'd call it weird if it was the norm, but not for this.
Religion is a tough one. But it tends to be more important as relationships develop. This is why people tend to date within their religion even when the two people are not religious. It becomes a very cultural thing. But stay hopeful! It’s not unheard of!
Do you know what religion she is? Are her parents very religious? Are you very religious? And don’t worry so much about friendship. A lot of times friendship can return to normal after a little bit of awkwardness. You both will eventually move on if it doesn’t work out.
Walk away.
Ooof. So he's telling you he doesn't want you to go with him for his birthday so he can cheat. I guess at least he's being honest. He's been using you to pay his debts and now he wants to spend the day alone so he can see what else is out there. You're a financial placeholder.
Let him go. While he's gone pack your stuff, or his stuff depending on who's place it is. Get yourself out. Don't be there when he gets back. He doesn't deserve more than that. So paying for him, let him figure his financials out of l on his own now. He's a grown up, he needs to start acting like it.
You need to ask her if she would think this is “cheating” everyone has different parameters for what that looks like and you need to define those for your relationship with the person you’re in a relationship with
Not sure why the last part with your wife was necessary to this thread.
But yes op what he did was not okay and it’s disturbing he’s saying he should not be responsible for his actions while drunk
Very nice
Breaking up now would be the lesser of two evils. Trying to stay together and slowly building up resentment is worse than just breaking up and allowing her to find someone who's ready to settle down.
I dated a guy who told me he once matched with a woman whose profile pictures were only of the upper part of her body. When they met in-person, according to him, she was a big woman, which was not his preference. So, he never contacted her again. The woman was hurt and texted him demanding to know why he was no longer interested. He did not want to hurt her feelings, so he did not tell her the truth. So, even if you do ask for feedback, you may not get the truth.