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Just tell him what happened and let him make his own choices. He's a grown ass man.
break up???? but before you do give him a taste of his own medicine and see how he likes it.
This isn't about the sex work anymore. She cheated on you with a friend of yours. Even if it's just a “oh it's just a one-time sex it doesn't mean anything” it's still cheating and she doesn't have any respect for you. Leave and never look back imo
I saw the age difference in the title and I instantly knew that would be all everybody was talking about. This community is so predictable.
I got to say I'm impressed with your fiance still being this potent at his age though. I'm 15 years younger and already have a hot time keeping it up during sex.
That being said; it should be obvious that if you are not in the mood, you should not feel forced to have sex. Try communicating about this with your partner. Also; perhaps explain to him that it's okay to rub one out at the toilet if he just needs to get rid of an urge.
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Why are you tracking your girlfriend in the first place. If someone who said they loved me surveiled my GPS, that would be the last time they saw me. She's your girlfriend, not your child. Stop policing her.
I mean…it's time to put your big girl panties on. You're 33, get your shit together. Report him, break up, and move on. It's really that simple.
Is that a thing people used to do or something?
And you all sit around eating substandard takeout, feeling the cold comfort of a puritanical life where joy is sinful.
lol, you put this so well, thanks for that perspective.
It's just weird. OP says he thinks she solely and purely does it for validation. But even if we assume that hypothetical for a second: If nobody gets harmed (quite the contrary), why on earth does it bother him?
Only things I could imagine is oíf OP somehow does cause “annoyance” with her nice gestures(?), to BF (or others that she doesn't pick up on?). Like, does OP get grumpy if nobody comments on her food, does she poke around all “so, y'all like the food??” too much?
Or if her offering cooking for people is disturbing his plans/ideas, like when she invites his guy friends over to cook for everyone, maybe he doesn't want that (and this time with the friend's loss is only the tip of the iceberg of his built-up annoyance?
If none of these are the case, I really don't understand where this comes from. (Maybe he is jealous of the nice feedback OP gets? Or he just has no tolerance for any kind of love-languange that is different from his own?)
At any rate, if my BF suggested I was such a calculating snake that my nice gestures must be purely selfishly driven, I would question if this is really the person to be in a relationship with.
my fear is that he thinks I'm breaking up because of his weight
That's his problem, then, not yours.
It sounds like “fatphobia!” is just his lazy response to being called out as a selfish asshole.
He’s ghosted you. He’s ended the relationship without actually saying it’s over.
He’s not responding or answering & slowly removing you from things. He also picked up his stuff while you were not there & left his keys behind (that’s pretty damn final).
“If you’re not honest you lose the good ones”
This could be read two ways…
He’s not been honest, and he lost you, a good one.
You’ve not been honest, and you lost him, a good one.
Now which one is it?
It’s easy to answer.. if you’ve been 100% honest to him and your relationship, then he’s admitting that he hasn’t. If you haven’t been then he’s letting you know he knows.
While I generally believe that everyone has the right to be friends with anyone of any gender, it is important to note that you are in a fairly new relationship and it is during this time that the boundaries of the relationship are formed. From what you have stated, your boyfriend seems to not be comfortable with you being alone with other males, no matter the context or time. This is his boundary and probably a dealbreaker for him.
If you do not see this for the boundary that it is, then you two may not be compatible. If you two are having disagreements about the expectations that you have for each other, then you are likely not compatible. Neither of you are wrong for what you want or need out of a relationship, but if what one of you really wants or needs is not what the other is willing to give, then you don't have a relationship. If what I am saying rings as truth to you, then it is time to stop the relationship in its current form.
It may turn out that you two are great as friends, but lousy as romantic partners. It's not the end of the world. Crazier things have happened between two people.
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Thinks you cheated. Planning breakup without broaching topic.
INFO: Are you gonna be the one to pay all her bills, food and gas expenses if she doesn't work?
Even if so your wrong to try and control what she does when you've only been together a month! She's not a possession she's a person
What is so bad about being alone? You get to do what you want, when you want. You get to figure out who you are and what you enjoy or are good at. You are 21, who are you? Do you like to travel? School? What is your passion? You have never had time to grow and develop on your own. Love is not enough, and it does not conquer all. Be selfish, and focus on yourself. You deserve this time, you will never get your youth back- enjoy it and explore.
Since then I'm constantly overthinking that maybe I overreacted. Maybe I should've given her more time to slowly ease into how relationships work… maybe she brought her friend because she was too shy to tell me that herself…
I think you overreacted, but you're allowed to have your feelings. You're much more experienced with relationships than she is, so her feeling things were going too fast could be understandable. And her bringing her friend – don't assume that she's afraid of you, but maybe she needed moral support?
This situation comes down to a lack of communication. You both are young, so communicating with a partner may be difficult.
If you really like her, give her a call, apologize, and maybe start over by having a long, honest talk about wants, needs and expectations.
Take care. Go easy on her and on yourself.
Of course he does. She’s bringing up her problems with the relationship. If he has problems, he should bring them up too. If paying the bills alone is a problem, he should tell her instead of ranting to us
Do not engage with him anymore. The only thing you will hear is the lies he’s been working on since this blew up. This is a cluster and you don’t need to be a part of it.
Then what do you want from us lol
Ask him and see what he says
She should be helping with your finances are going over with him, so she knows where you are, and how to buy a house. The old adage of women being so stupid and letting them into all the finances is not useful in your relationship nor to her as an adult woman.
I think you’re right, I really didn’t want to change it. ?
This is your body. Don’t be afraid. Get even. He’s a piece of shit. Stand up for yourself. Tell his mom. Tell the Dean of his school. Tell his boss. Shit tell his fucking best friends.
Deleting pictures of your ex is breakup 101. Any boy that can’t respect that will never be a man.
Do. Not. Leave your own home.
You don't need to be stressing yourself about other people's life choices. Stressing is unhealthy too. If it's that bad, maybe separate and date someone as health conscious as you are.
I mean, you admitted yourself that you know you could be more attentive and care more, you only do what you feel is enough and not what she’s telling you she needs. I say don’t get back together unless you think you’re capable of meeting those needs to her standards not yours.
Lol, it is her fault that you’re insecure. But her outfit has nothing to do with it.
Look, you can’t trust this girl because she cheated on you, not because her titties are out. You’re too young to be staying a relationship like this. Break up with her, move on, and generally speaking, don’t tell women what to wear.
Your bf isn’t cute when he makes “jokes” or blurts out the dumbest things. That is him not being a mature adult and thinking sex jokes are great. You defending him is a big issue. You should be having an issue with him and not your dad since he thinks it’s ok to talk about your sec life with anyone when he has to pretend to be an adult.
No parent, especially a parent of someone who is barely an adult, wants to know about how their kid has sex. Your dad isn’t having an issue of you being a bottom. His issue is of your bf being a jackass who doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut.
? Move girl!!!
are you going to spam this every min in this sub?
That is a challenge of LDRs.
So much weight is placed on conversation. If you cannot converse, then you two disconnect. Talking, is literally your lifeline and glue holding your connection together.
And look, sometimes my own reletionship experiences the same thing.
We can run out of things to talk about. And with my friends, I can be on the phone for hours with. Why? Because my friends and I have more base level shared interests.
My gf and I… we have very little in common when it comes to interests. But the chemistry of our personalities is the glue for us. Additionally, I get so much more from my GF that I cannot get from my friends that is beyond conversation.
You're not receiving that side of the reletionship because your person is unattainable in your day to day life… The LDR is a massive wall for you two.
Good questions to ask:
How often do you see each-other? How long have you been dating? What are you plans for closing the distance? When can you realistically remove the distance factor?
I already was thinking I should have counted the condoms that same day, but before I heard the explanation I was so sure I was done it wouldn't have mattered, so I didn't bother.
These TikTok or wherever the hell you got it from “games” are obnoxious. As the guy who gets asked these, I now intentionally respond with offensive answers.
For your scenario I’d answer that adult humans can self-extricate while animals may not be able to. And then over night allergy? Sure. I’d get a hypoallergenic one.
I’d be irritated if I was him.
You didn't need his permission to divorce though.
Unfortunately I don’t believe in therapy.
100%
As a queer gal who has been to strip clubs, I've never seen the dancers try to grab anyone's crotch or feel anyone up. This sounds nothing like a standard lap dance. Client clothes stay on.
And the idea that the wife is orgasming from a dancer… doing what, rubbing her mons against the wife's? I have slept with my fair share of ladies and tribadism has never been on the to do list. It seems as pointless as humping someone's armpit. You just can't get precise clit stimulation by tribbing.
OP has never seen a strip club irl, and is assuming what he sees in porn is how strippers and lesbians are in real life.
Biology is crazy. Lots of people get diagnosed as 100% sterile and then have children.
You don't know that for sure. This also wasn't an all at once thing, took a bit for it all to come together. Still have been too long.
CONVINCING ! Thank you
This is what I was sensing as I was reading. Made me think she was thinking of breaking up with him and that his effort with the spa day showing love to her made her break down.
You do realise that your ex said you could catch up “that very night” was because you were in a vulnerable emotional state and his intention was to take advantage of it. Taking you from bar to bar and doing drugs. That ex is NOT a friend.
Thanks for your comment. How do i note the difference in the future? He seemed also confussed when i was hurt
You need to leave her before those 2 years become 5 or before you start having kids. When you leave, make sure to tell her the TRUTH not just because it's the right thing to do but because it'll be less messy for you. She's gonna swear she'll quit drinking and she may mean it but it's not gonna happen.
Find good things to spend time on outside of your toxic environment. Friends, career, interests, etc. It just seems like you are dependent on your toxic environment because you have nothing else when you leave it. It seems like you don't have the mentality to be able to handle not being in a relationship and living on your own, then you need to start finding and creating things in your life to spend your time on.
It's a very different thing though. People in DV subreddits are there because they are suffering from DV. It's a group dedicated to people suffering. In this case OP doesn't think they are being abused (inferring, I could be completely wrong) and I think it's strange that so many people are going out of their way to say that his first hand account of his own experience is wrong. We don't have any insight into his life other than this small window of his wife at her literal worst.
It just sounds like he was tired. And him asking you to hold him was quite sweet, so I wouldn't worry.
I would draw a line in the sand, why is this even happening? Why does he think this is okay? You can say no to this!
It's all the same problem
Okay. I got sick, chronically, about 12 years ago. But. I’m living a pretty full life now. Also chronic pain. I have a suggestion for that but it’s really expensive. If you want to reach out, happy to share because it changed my life. I think you leave. I believe it’s best for both of you. She’s given up and that’s probably been easier to do because she has a caregiver. You are far too young. You want kids and there’s nothing better than having children when it’s something that really want. I can’t imagine she would expect you to give up the rest of your life for her. That’s where things stand now. Maybe you leaving will be the best thing that could happen for both of you. She quit fighting. Chase your joy and give her a reason to fight again.
Yes I feel like she’s too comfortable so there’s no sense of urgency to resolve her issue. I mean I’m pretty much there all the time anyways so I don’t think that’s it and she’s not rude or anything I’m trying be honest as possible with this post. But yes I agree that’s why I wanted him to give her a deadline.
It’s a good idea for you to have therapy too for yourself. Right now you’re blurring the lines on who the monster really is. It’s not the baby. This baby is your children’s half sibling. Your wife’s blood. There’s love in those veins. Whether adopted or keeping him/her try and redirect your anger to the right person. With therapy. It’ll be good for you, your wife and all children involved if you go into this in the right frame of mind.
Have you considered that your behavior is relevant?
I'm a short man without a beard who has absolutely no idea who the crap Drew is. Without ever seeing you, with nothing but this post, I don't like you.
To answer the question in your title: no. You will never be able to prove to him his insecurities are unreasonable, even though they ARE unreasonable beyond any shadow of a doubt. You cannot fix or change these insecurities and controlling behavior, even if you tried your best and everything. This problem will not go away. Most people would not want to continue an abusive relationship like this, as evidenced by the overwhelming number of commenters urging you to get a reality check that this is a deal breaker.
Don't be plan B. You are young and a lot of road to walk. Start right, choose wisely.
Dump him. Im seriously do you seriously want to spend the rest of your fucking life risking hypothermia?
You arent falling for this are you? You're a secret. The thing he doesn't talk about. You haven't met his family he lives with or the friends he is in constant communication with. All you did was dig and find out the house is owned by his parents. That tells you nothing. Lots of young families move live with family for help with child care. He's acting like he has a hug secret. Other family is my guess. With all the excuses you are giving for him I am questioning why you are even posting.
OP was the co-worker, I think. And he was on the phone with someone telling hlthem he had plans with a co-worker when it was OP he had the plans with. So he's lying to her, and he's lying to many others!!
You guys should break up and find more compatible partners. Some people have different levels of acceptance. I would definitely break up for both of your sakes.
I got a positive on a dollar store pregnancy test 9 days after conception(2-4 days before my period would’ve started). Most people just don’t test until after they missed, unless they’re trying to have a baby or are worried they got pregnant by accident.
Thank you for the advice. I thought it would have been a good idea to split 50/50 where I usually cover the costs of mostly everything else outside the home. Like dates and vacations
Stop being empathetic towards her and start being empathetic toward yourself. Is the reason you’re working such crazy hours so that you can cover her half of the bills?
I think the problem is that he sees the chance of reconciliation as “ephemeral” and she seems to see it as more concrete and asking for further commitment.
Idk I think I’d suggest either taking the reconciliation seriously, or completely ending things. This limbo will they won’t they is a bit much for a couple that’s already married with three children. Just my two cents.
You're overthinking things. She's essentially telling you that apologies aren't necessary and that she was just being what a friend should be.
You might need to be a little more direct. “Hey, I'm asking you out on a date when I'm talking about going out to the movie. Are you interested?” Good luck.
He’s not cheating and there’s no need to be jealous of the friend – BUT- it sounds like he’s been pretty clear and straight forward about what his priorities are. And it sounds like you’re not going to be one of them.
My question for you is- WHY do you want to continue to date someone who told you straight to your face that you aren’t on a list of his priorities?
It’s on to be proud of his progress! It’s ok to mourn the relationship you had together before his studies
But you said it yourself: His priorities were gaming and nothing else Now his priorities are school/studies and nothing else
It sounds like you haven’t been one of his priorities in 2 of the 3 years you have been together.
The problem here isn’t the girl coming over to study. The problem is that you are seeing yet again how he had the chance to spend time with you, and yet again put you on the back burner with no apologies at all.
This isn’t going to change. He’s showing you who he really is. He isn’t the same person you started dating years ago, and he’s not excited or seemingly even interested in the relationship ship anymore.
Do yourself a favor and find someone who doesn’t treat you like the worst chore on their list. It will be HOT to do, but you deserve someone who doesn’t repeatedly ignore your needs and emotions.
Thank you, I’ll have a better look this week.
Really appreciate it
This has to be considered cheating
That's entirely for you to decide. Do you consider it cheating? If so, then you've been cheated on.
He loves you and is showing you he will help u work through this…. he understands the trauma. Just continue to be truthful with each other you guys will get through this.
His feelings are valid. Some men would look at you not disclosing this earlier on as lying by omission. There are men that dislike a lot of makeup because they view it as a lie. It sucks that your self image is hurt by this, but that's not his fault.
Your feelings are also valid. You don't see this the same way as he does and find it hurtful and you're happy with your additions.
I think this needs to be a larger discussion between you two. You also need to know this may lead to a breakup depending on how strong his feelings are on this area. This is also a learning opportunity into how men think and feel. Some men will see your fake boobs as a lie and be turned off by them. It may be best to bring up the fact you have fake boobs earlier on so this doesn't happen again if you and your bf do end up going your separate ways. Nothing wrong with fake boobs, but not everyone sees it the same way.
Don't move in with him. You've told him, he doesn't stop, you get to a point of visible upset, and are feeling suffocated. This will not magically get better when you move in, only worse.
At his age he should know better.
Don't believe the lie, he deserved it.
Wel we have been together for 10 years so she’s never really expressed she doesn’t like the bed made lol. it’s well known I do. If stated otherwise I’d do what makes her happy but she doesn’t have a preference. She knows mine. It just feels like she’s going out of her way to trigger OCD in a bunch of different areas. And when you’re in a relationship/a team your guys problems are eachothers. Financially, emotionally, and physically.
Go away
To each it's own
I don’t think it’s cavalier if you use other effective contraceptives instead. Nor do I think young people are particularly more open to an unexpected pregnancy. I’m not sure why you feel that way
it all comes from a place of love and adoration. Yeah, No. It doesn't.
He deliberately and explicitly: Distracts you from studying, encourages you to lie around and eat poorly, interferes with your sleep, discourages you from working out. Wants you to get drunk and party to the detriment of your job…..I could go on.
This is not love and adoration, Friend. This is pulling you down to his crappy level.
Sure, you make your own decisions. But that doesn't mean he is not openly, expressly, being a bad influence. That is not what a good partner does. A good partner tries to lift you up, support good choices.
Would you hang out with a group of friends who routinely undermined all the good things you are trying to accomplish?
Also note how undermining this is for you. Your self-esteem and confidence.
Just…No.
And to answer your question I'm happy because I have given her all my love which for isn't easy to do. But in a way I feel absolutely distraught
Scat is shit play, sometimes including urine. Please don't Google it. Your algo will be screwed up for weeks.
You could do the mid-2000s thing of posting on facebook with a like “HELP ME FIND THIS PERSON AND REUNITE HER WITH HER NECKLACE!” and try to make it go viral. But it's kind of a stretch and also a very public way to go about it.
Fuck bro it’s just so crazy because now that would NEVER happen whenever I bring that stuff up she feels so bad and has like cried and we’ve had convos about how I feel weird bc now I’m much more secure in my own self and if I could go back I would have just broken up with her but now it’s so good and the longer I’m committing to the relationship the longer I’m saying I’m COMMITTING to the RELATIONSHIP when she’s my first serious girlfriend and she pulled all that at the beginning so like am I gonna be 23-24 years old in my career staying committed in my 20s knowing I stayed solid and all this happened
I’m so glad I realized how big of a mistake it was too!! So not worth the trauma.
Doggone bullcrap is right!!
Your current fiance deserves better than you.
You are easily swayed by this creepy reveal? Your friend Clark was going to propose to you after high school, but you two weren't dating? Creepy.
You two just randomly find an engagement ring? That's conveniently creepy.
You want to drop everything so quickly is quite telling. Your fiance should run for the hills
You have no power to make him something he is not. He fundamentally does not like who you are.
Are you telling me that if it had been you to get my wife pregnant that you’d expect me to raise YOUR kid for you? Yeah you sound like a wimp bro. If you’re not ready to raise a kid, don’t have heterosexual sex. Period.
It should be 100%. Also I'm the emotional support person for my ex and vice versa. YOUR EX SHOULD NOT BE YOUR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PERSON !!!!!!
Honestly? Pick the person you can't live without 5 years, 10 years, 20 years down the road. It does seem that you would be better off with a boyfriend/fiance who is accepting of your platonic friendship. That would take a very secure person, but that may be what you need.
I thought you were just accusing OP of being a troll with changing stories, but now that you mention it…that's fucking ironic lol
Yeah your tone is the problem. You clearly have issues. Back off. Your dick isn’t big enough to get into a pissing contest with me
“What should I do.”
?
I’m so sick of that question from men and women who have been cheated on. You already know what you should do, you just want validation from strangers on the Internet.
Dont do it and you and the friend wont get together, it would be social suicide.
Read the first paragraph of the results. Clearly states that one woman left the study due to loss of libido. Also, sample size with 101 women is rather small and only over a period of 6 months. Also, this study is about one product not all implants.
Don’t be an asshole.
Is she at all attractive?
What advice are you looking for? What did he say when you sat down with him and explained that you'd like him to stop because to you, it's not funny, and asked him to stop making such jokes that aren't funny?
Expressing something and having a dedicated conversation about something are totally different. Also for the record I’m autistic but I’m glad you decided to make a blanket generalization about autistic people
I get why you’re asking about the extra emotions – but it’s not that. Men (you) can be abused too.
She’s jerking around your emotions, blaming you for fights she causes, controlling what you wear, tracking you when it’s not an emergency. It’s only been one year – a healthy, normal relationship would not make you feel on edge. This girl is unstable and is abusing you.
Your plan: – Don’t move in with her. – Change your passwords. – Turn off your location/app – Text her it’s over – Block her number and social media accounts – Get physical support/safety from family and friends
But I'm not a “baby”. I'm a 25 year old woman. I know that I have more life to live but I want to do it with him.
I think an ultimatum is in order. I don't want to spend another year engaged.
She I your wife, sit down and ask her to trust you, ask her pointed questions about the event and then about your relationship now.
It never gets better if you do not communicate.
Literally don’t know how they didn’t have alarm bells ringing
Your mind and body aren't broken at all.
What he said was mean, condescending, meant to be hurtful. Whatever his reasons are, you don't deserve to be treated in this way. People like him will continue to be like this, because they think they are the “clever” ones, “strong” and “superior”.
Don't let anyone step on you like.
” How to lose a 6 year relationship in two easy steps”
In what world does one take a subject with such emotional distress and force them to confront their situation, in THEIR OWN HOUSE ( that you now have the address to), and WITHOUT discussing it with them first.
Who do you think you are? His therapist? You don't get to dictate how his relationship with his failed mother ends, and by forcing it, you've irreparable damage to you own, if not destroyed it… And you have Noone to blame, but yourself.
Harsh or not, you F'ed up big time, and deserve the consequences of your actions.
You're only 25, OP. It's the perfect age to be single and build the life you want, so it may be time to spread your wings and fly away. Have a good long talk with your partner first, but if he's not willing to take your relationship to the next level after three years of dating, it's probably not going to happen. Of course it will be sad to break up with him – all breakups are sad – but it will also set you free from feeling stuck and angry, the way you feel now. I can virtually guarantee that you will find a special and lasting love again in the future, whereas I can't guarantee that you will ever have a better opportunity to follow your own individual dreams, wherever they may lead. Good luck!
Run
Updateme!