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Jane Michael Eren Chris Guts, 18 y.o.
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Fuck her it’s not like she’s entitled to have grandkids. Fuck.
But also, people will say all kinds of seriously shit things without thinking. I seriously doubt she really feels this way.
But also. She should definitely tell her husband, or tell her mother in law first and then her husband. Just mention that you heard her say it, can’t stop thinking about how offensive it was and you don’t plan on being there for Christmas. But (in my opinion) be open for an apology because I seriously doubt she meant any of that.
I mean I agree, but at the same time what sane man can't be without his phone for 10 minutes while there is literally a hard woman cuddling in his arms? Dude has issues I'm telling you. And coming from me, that's bad, I've worked with a psychologist for 10 years.
He's smelling your used wipes. I mean he's really sniffing them and judging you. Take from that what you will!
If your girlfriend can be influenced this way by a coworker, it tells you something about her personality and character. That's the real issue here for you. This is not simply a nose job issue.
She’s trying to appear single or already cheating. gEt yOUr aFfAiRs iN oRDeR
Make her tell the wife
It’s a rollercoaster dude. Some days it’s easier some days it’s not. Things won’t be as fun, food doesn’t taste as good. You just gotta keep trying. Eventually one day it’ll be okay again.
The key to this is just trying. There’s no easy pill for things to be normal again. You have to create your own new normal. The anxiety part sounds like a flag for yourself to get some help. Therapy to help figure out why it’s happening. It sounds like it was before your break up.
Sorry my dude, you guys didn’t work out. Just keep doing you, and don’t go back. It’ll be tempting talking again, but you’ll have to re-start this whole process again every time you guys talk. Kind of how like you feel like 2 weeks ago. Sending love and good vibes.
Once a liar always a liar
And you should not feel pressured to be with and sleep with someone who has XY chromosomes if you want a partner with XX chromosomes
Ok
there is nothing to get over – your wife needs to be in that position. if you have great communication, why are you annoyed by this? she is getting to know more about you.
Its pretty obvious she cheated. Here's how to handle this. Tell her the two of you are going to go to that address and speak to the person who lives inside and ask what she was doing there.
If she jumps on this as a way to clear it up, go for it and see what happens. If she hesitates/balks/messages anyone/asks for time/tries to blame shift, boot her ass out the door so hard it bounces.
NOPE
It sounds like you want a open relationship rather than poly one. In poly relationship you are in a relationship with multiple people rather than just hooking up or having a fwb.
Did you explain to your partner that you're just looking to hook up or is she assuming you're looking for a third person to add to your relationship?
My actual advice is to stay with her rather than break up because you want to hook up with people. Maybe try spicing up the sex life and see if that helps.
Yep me too
I had an ex do something like this too. He called me in the middle of the night from the roof of a parking garage, telling me he was going to jump off.
This might sound harsh, but I suspect your ex half-assed this suicide attempt to get himself into the hospital, get his mom in on the manipulation, and coerce you into taking him back. Common abuse tactic.
If you gave into this and took him back, it would teach him that this tactic works, and he’d do it again next time you leave him.
Make up sex/hate f**k tonight and kick her to the kerb in the morning ….
I normally just lurk on this sub but your relationship sounds so much like my younger brother and his wife that I found it quite upsetting.
You hear people say relationships should be 50/50 but I disagree, relationships should be 100/100 whenever you can give it. It's ok to dip on occasion, no one is perfect all the time, but you support each other through those times.
What is she giving? Because at the moment it sounds like about 180/20. For 5 goddamn years. That's absolute crap from a life partner. She's gonna burn you out and then move on to the next sucker.
Classic overthinking. Try taking turns being sexually generous and sexually selfish. First, make sure she gets off, so that you don't have to feel guilty about focusing on using her body to get yourself off. Banish all thoughts from your brain except for her body and your orgasm.
Maybe she wasn’t into you?
Update: I scheduled a therapy appointment for Sunday at 2. My boyfriend offered to pay for it. I also found a support group for women with trauma that I will be joining.
As soon as somebody says this it’s basically over even if you prolong it
UpdateMe!
I’m asking if it labels me as an abusive partner in general. As in has this whole relationship been considered an abusive relationship? I was being abusive in those moments yes, but the abuser in an abusive relationships have a consistent pattern and an intent to cause abuse and control the one they abuse…these were two isolated incidents, where my emotions overcame me and I made a mistake. I don’t feel good or powerful or gratified about my decision and I regret it more than anything. I’m mad at myself for not being able to control my anger in those instances. But I’m human and humans make mistakes sometimes in case you didn’t know. The rest of our relationship was fine and he never gave any indication he was afraid or that he felt he was in an abusive relationship.
This isn't something you are qualified to help her with. She needs professional help and to learn coping strategies with a professional. You could give an ultimatum that if she doesn't get help you are done, but mean it if you do it.
What do you want?
Do you want a relationship with him? Would you have liked him to have wanted to pursue long-distance with you?
Define what you want and state it explicitly.
It’s not a fair deal. He’s definitely got some problems. IME, splitting tasks almost never works out. Some days you just aren’t going to want to do them and those are the days your partner will expect you to and remember. But that’s no excuse for being irresponsible.
How do you not know all the details
I understand everyone sees me as a terrible person and I guess I am. Ignorance and false hope has blinded me from seeing that. I appreciate everyone commenting I was definitely in need of some brutal honestly. But I have one more thing. I want to send her a proper apology to at least try to make amends. Would this be a bad idea?
She had a child, knowingly, with a man who votes against women… Its going to take a lot to convince her. It seems she's already made up her mind to put herself and her daughter through this. Sadly telling people to leave usually makes them less likely to do so.
Um, all the legal benefits granted to married couples? Tax breaks? Automatically allowed into hospital rooms for ill family members? Automatic inheritance in lack of a will? Ability to share benefits? The list goes on and on, it's not just a piece of paper. Maybe those aren't romantic reasons, but they can make your life a hell lot easier.
Also, your kid will have your last name, they'll just have a second name appended to it. I don't really follow the logic here–you seem to think that including your wife's name diminishes your familial connection to your child? The whole point of hyphenation is to emphasize the child's connections to mother and father. I can understand your surprise, but you seem to feel threatened by the concept. Why?
Having said all that, your girlfriend isn't in the clear here, either. This is hella manipulative. She agreed that the kid(s) would get your name, but then reversed course after you got her pregnant. It is possible that she changed her mind once the hypothetical children became physically real–sometimes. But her next action makes me suspicious. She threatened to cut you off from your kid if you didn't agree?? What the fuck. What the flying fuck. And then you stay in the relationship because of this threat. Holy shit. She used your kid as a hostage to keep you with her. That's extremely fucked up, and Does Not Bode Well for the future.
I guess what I'm saying is, don't marry this woman. Not because of the hyphenation thing (which is a reasonable request), but because of the using your child as leverage thing.
Let the trash take itself out
OP is the third wheel in his own relationship.
Likely scenario: Bob is invited as a groomsman but Sarah pitches a last minute fit and Bob doesn’t show up to the wedding ceremony. That’s not going to be drama?
Wrong reply?
She doesn't want to so either you break up , accept it or pay for a massage.
Why are you with this person again? It sounds like you hate everything about him. Anyone holding a gun to your head forcing you to be with him?
You have a problem I could never imagine having becuase I don't date trash men. The fact that you need a reddit post and advice about whether or not you should date a racist and a sexist, someone who says women deserve to be SA'd, is WILD.
The fact that this man got past the first date with you with these beliefs that he has zero shame of, shows exactly how prefomative your political beliefs are. That you're willing to indulge a man who you admit in another comment that you would have to sneak away to get an abortion and lie about a miscarriage if it came to it.
The fact that those words came out of your mouth and you were still defending him in the same breath? Get some self respect instead of coming at me because you didn't like to hear the truth.
A great way to handle questions that feel open ended, or you're unsure of how to answer is to flip them around and ask back. It'll help you get clarity on what they're trying to ask, and why its important to them, possibly even making you feel more comfortable if they have to put themselves out there first. Examples:
Is therapy something that's important to you or has helped you in the past? I don't have much experience there. Its been a few years, since I haven't felt like I was in a situation that warranted a re-check. Is that important to you? What is your definition of love? Are you looking to be exclusive? Is that something you want from me this early? I feel like trust and vulnerability are built and earned through time.
If you were that level of crazy you should have kept it to yourself.
Good on him for ending things with you your behaviour is totally unacceptable and very odd.
You might need some therapy.
This from a s/o who’s ten years older than you? Sounds like projection to me.
Honestly it sounds like the conversations already been had. But driving tipsy is still completely irresponsible. I was young and made some dumb mistakes at that age, drinking and driving, even while a little tipsy, is one of my biggest regrets. I would focus more on that aspect of it than I would about how upset you are about the car. Good job dealing with it with an even head
If he decides to be with you in end…decide that your self worth and your dignity comes first. Don't let anyone treat you like an option.
It's only 10 days. Do something for her birthday before or after you get back. And call her on the day. It's really not that hard.
She 34. Is she really that childish that she has to have you there on the exact day of her birthday?
I think they call this 'main character syndrome', they are the only real human being in the world and the rest of us are just actors in their play.
Well I guess you're a lot like me. Nobody can tell me how stupid some of the shit I do is. I have to fall out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down before I figure it out. Enjoy the trip down the stupid tree, my friend!
No offense but it sounds like you were completely playing with fire by relying on ED as a form of contraception. It also doesn't sound like you've been doing things very mindfully either when in your OP, you muse over things like whether you should remind him that you're not going to take a Plan B (Etc).
What you were doing was dumb, end of. But you need to focus on working with the reality you have now. You two need a long talk together about what might be on the horizon and how you're gonna make that work.
Why are you still friends with the man who raped your best friend?
Sexual assault survivors often have complex reactions, with may blaming themselves or minimising the harm done to them. In time they become ready to talk about it.
You need to fully, and unconditionally, support your best friend. Be there for her. Believe her.
And dump the POS who raped her.
Dude. She is going on about how excited she is for the wedding, but has neglected to have a real conversation about why you aren’t a part of it? That’s kind of fucked up. Have you had a conversation where you ask her bluntly, “why am I not invited?” This is crazy to me.
Yeah it’s only really come to a halt within this last year. We were kinda floating through the pandemic just enjoying living together and this last year it kinda became “ok what’s the plan what’s the plan omg is it too late for the plan” etc
Leave the man alone. There’s a myriad of problems he could have had, been humiliated about and needed to work out by himself. For all you know, they might be 2 strippers who tag teamed him.
+,
Wow, this is probably the clearest example of I’m not mature enough to be married to anybody else I’ve ever seen
You've been together for 10 years. At this point he should know whether he wants to marry you or not. He should be happy and excited to marry you, it isnt something that you should ask him to do you know? It doesn't seem like he wants to marry you to me.
I think you should have a serious conversation about your future goals. If you want to get married and have kids, and he isn't ready for that kind of commitment then you aren't compatible. I don't know if waiting more years for him to propose is the right decision, you don't want to end up in your late 20s or 30s still unmarried or single, since at that age it is harder to date, and if you want kids I'd say right now its a good time to look for a serious relationship so you can be married or have kids (if thats what you want) in your 30s.
It's EXACTLY what you think.
Dang that sucks. I couldn't online without travel. When I met my wife, she has never been in an airplane (we met in our late 40s).
She was at least willing to try it, and now she loves it.
I hope your guy can at least try.
It doesn't always work out. That's okay. Just move on, he isn't the one for you.
She's emotionally checked out of the relationship. I'd have a conversation with her about how you feel and ask if her feelings have changed. Contrary to popular belief, distance rarely makes the heart grow fonder. Best of luck.
Get out while you can. I don't think he's going to change for the better about this. You'll just be the next woman he rants about
UpdateMe!
Idk, i have a pretty huge dildo from a bachelorette party. I think its about 12”
We used to have sex a lot as teens, but since we hit our 20s there's been little to none. I've tried to talk with her about it but she gets defensive and makes me seem like the “bad guy” in those discussions. She's recently had issues with depression on and off and was on medication for anxiety but stopped for a while. She's on the IUD and didn't seem to have much for hormonal changes because of it.
You're the one that said trans people deserve to be beaten so I said I could kick your ass. You're literally threatening to rape me and I'm saying I would destroy your genitals. I promise you if I'm ever in the UK I'll hit you up and teach you a lesson for all trans people.
It's very common for people to have a hard time letting go of the known to move into the unknown. It's comfortable to know where you stand, even if it's not standing in a good place.
The thing is, you can't have something better if you don't step out of the routine and choose it. You are wondering if you will regret the break up, but you pretty well know that you will regret staying, don't you?
So I don’t “allow” him to be treated the way they treat him and I have tried in the past to tell them to stop, and they turned it back around on me and also him at times (not to his face). I complain to my dad when my mum says something out of line to him and he will tell her off for it and goes quiet, but then turns it around and makes it my fault somehow.
I’ve mentioned in my post we’re currently looking for a house that’s affordable. We’re in the process of making an application for one house, and viewing another next week so hopefully we’ll be out of our parents’ homes soon!
Stay no contact and block her number. I had a rough breakup that took awhile to get over and reopening that door, even if it’s just a text, isn’t worth the pain that it could cause. Focus on yourself and your new girl
It is a school, but my classroom is on the complete other side of the campus. I will continue the no contact but I catch her looking at me during events where I have no choice but to be in the same room. That’s why you don’t mess with coworkers haha
Whatever her problems are (I would put my money on unresolved trauma), you two are incompatible.
End the relationship now, before it goes any farther.
Based on Mom and son's reaction, and dad moving out, this may not have been an isolated incident.
Hey hey,
Sorry. I deleted the app when we had sorted it all out but recently I’ve noticed a couple things again. He’s starting to hide his phone or he’s not charging it at night so he can keep it next to him. I tried talking to him about it last night and at the end of it, he just yelled and said “are they not my phones? Do I not lay the bill for them?” So I grabbed our daughter and we slept in the lounge room.
My friend who knows about all this is worried that he’s hiding things again. Do you believe this?
You need to get out asap.
Sorry you’re being downvoted. I hope that changes. And congrats!
Do nothing.
You feel loyalty to your friend but you also have loyalty to your wife and if you tip-off the friend then you undermine your relationship with your wife.
Do you want your wife to feel like she can’t trust you?
I know that this is hard and I don’t envy you but you might have to let Adam and Bonnie work this out by themselves or you and Zoe work on Bonnie to fess up.
Don’t put Adam before Zoe.
And yet you both keep getting older and he won’t commit. He proposed so you wouldn’t leave. He’s almost 50 he has a 10yo he doesn’t want another kid
dude it was like 4am in the morning where i wrote this. Some sentences doesn‘t even make sense but youre right. (I meant that she and her ex were together for nearly 5 years and she broke up like 1 and a half years ago)
Maybe she is washing her clothes and bedding etc but not wearing any kind of deodorant?
There are many reason people might not want to (skin reactions, aluminium etc), or don't know how to use them correctly (right after you shower for example) but there are a number of natural or skin friendly ones out there. Maybe gently say that you got a new one that works “so well!” and be enthusiastic and gently say how using it right after you shower had been so! Good! And see if she wants to borrow the spare you bought.
Other than that it's a straight up 'hey girl, you smell a bit can you sort that out?'
You are incompatible and should not be together. Do not consider this even for a moment. You are monogamous and will lead to enormous hurt on your part. And that’s before the giant, should never talk to him again after, red flag of him trying to manipulate you into something sexual that you do not want. End this and contact ASAP.
My only statement to a situation like this. No way in hell. Period.
Chalk it up to experience and move on.
Try to use the lessons from this relationship by being better in your next relationship.
This girl is not available any longer. Trying to win her back will just land you in the middle of someone else's drama.
Info: Why the hell did you think that the frequency of medication implies seriousness of disease?
I only need to take a puff from my inhaler when I work out too hard (so maybe 2 times a week). Obviously this is less often than what your wife has to take. But if I don't take that puff I could die. Do you think my medical problem isn't serious because I only rarely have to take medication?
People receiving chemotherapy often get treatment once every few weeks. Is their cancer not serious because they don't have to get treatment every day?
Damn this entire post would be a huge turnoff for me if I was the boyfriend. I told my now wife I loved her first, with no expectation she would say it back because that's not how this works, everyone is on their own timeline and to be offended that he's being true to his timeline is a HUGE red flag.
Get a grip, OP
Wtf is this ?
agree