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Wow dude….who shit in your Cheerios this morning?
my ex was like this, turns out she was keeping me around because her real bf was flaky.
Well I dont think that and in no way did i try to convey that message
Also what i am saying goes for both men and women imo. Doesnt matter who. If they exclusively date(d) people that I dont like for whatever reason it would make me think that the person can identify with these people. Therefore i wouldnt wanna date them either.
In this specific post it was about a woman tho.
Red flag *”we live! in *my apartment”????
Yeah , I keep hearing that stat, doesn’t make it more appealing.
Two months. Two.
Yes, his ex is apparently making poor financial decisions. But it is his choice to lend her money or gift her additional money.
I am going to be a bit harsh: you are not building a future with this man. You barely know him and are still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. You live! in different cities, so I’m guessing you are unable to spend significant and meaningful time together.
Honestly, at 27 yo, you need to step back and truly consider the implications of dating someone 13 years older than you with a financially irresponsible ex wife with whom he shares a child. The ties will never be severed, and he will always lend or give money because it impacts his child.
You’re too young to be entering into this. Again – two months.
How is it obvious
I totally get it. I know I am the one to blame. I am not really good into relations and people, I wanted to validate that this is really what I should resolve this. Breaking up is rational, I just know we both will be devastated.
I might have used a wrong wording when it comes to “all this stuff”. She cares for me as much as I care for her. This is what I've meant here, and you might got the impression that the relationship is one sided. She is just at another emotional level, I care for her as much as I can.
She cheated. That she told you, supposedly feels guilty about and all of that, means nothing quite frankly. No amount of apologizing, promising, confessing to people, or tears will erase what she did. Your trust in her is shattered, and now she wants to be single “for a while to figure things out.” She put you on hold and expects you to sit around and wait until she's done either deciding if you're worth it, or until she's done trying out more with the guy she cheated on you with (or some other guy(s)).
Her being bipolar depressive isn't an excuse. She did everything, from the flirting to hiding it from you to screwing that guy, willingly. She did it because she wanted to. It wasn't a mistake, it was a whole series of choices that she purposefully made to let that other man step in front of you… the guy she said “yes” to marrying. And every single choice she made was an instance her cheating on you. Keep that in mind.
Maybe she is really upset. Maybe she really does regret doing what she did and ruining the relationship. But to be blunt, she shouldn't get a say in whether you stay or go. That's entirely up to you now. You're the one she hid things from, lied to, and cheated on. You're the one who has to live! with the memories of her actions, the anxiety/stress of wondering what else she might have done with that guy (but didn't tell you), and that niggling little mental worm of wondering what/who she might be doing when you're not around her.
Only you can decide what comes next, OP. But personally, cheating is a “one strike and you're out” deal for me. The moment it happens, the relationship is over. Period. So now you have to chose whether to stay with someone that you'll likely never trust again, or move forward without her in your life. And if you do break up for good, block her. Don't stay friends or in touch. Just walk away, heal from her betrayal, and find a more faithful partner when you're ready to.
Given that you were in a long-term relationship together, you should make proper plans for moving out. This doesn't mean having to financially support him, but you should at least make him very aware & informed about your upcoming plans and change of circumstances instead of leaving him to just “figure it out”.
I know you say that he's no good with saving money (and just wants to be young & free) but this doesn't mean that you should end up getting roped into a semi-parental role (which I think you kind of have), always taking care of all the bills, responsibilities and life admin. Your Ex is a 30 year old man, and yet he's acting like a teenage child whilst effectively expecting someone younger than himself to worry about and take care of his needs. Is it not true that if your Ex had been someone financially dependable, you wouldn't have ended up in that work situation, taking on all those excessive work hours so that you could afford yourselves some financial security?
“I love him still and we want to get back together”- If it feels like a breath of fresh air being away from someone, then that should be evidence enough that this relationship is was good for you. I personally think that once you've moved out, you'll quickly move further & further away in your life, feeling less & less desire to ever re-enter the dysfunctional dynamic again. If you have to say to people “This relationship isn't as awful as it sounds, trust me”, then perhaps you should consider whether it really is that bad. Sometimes we can love people very dearly who simply aren't good for us.
You sound like a really sweet guy, clever, thoughtful and very hardworking, but you also sound like you're having some difficulties putting your own needs first. My advice would be to not feel guilty for wanting your Ex to go but to also approach leaving him in mature and collected manner. This is your life, you need to prioritise yourself and your needs more.
Why do you want to stay with a manipulative cheater? No, really…WHY?
OP is male.
Would you have picked up the phone and chatted when you were so busy with work? Texting, to a lot of people, is much more convenient cause your not being pressured to reply instantly like you would on a phone call.
Sounds like the beginning of one of those scam/con documentaries or podcasts.
its not about the gift not being for me, its about the thoughtfulness behind it.
Follow the advice you'd give your friend.