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Ask him if he is ok if you start posting semi nude photos. It is the equivalent of what he is doing.
Are you fifteen? Everyone has a past. And you’re crazy by the way.
If you want to figure out a person's character, take a look at the 5 people they spend the most time with. If they hang out with scumbags, they are probably a scumbag. If they date scumbags, they are probably a scumbag.
I remember being that age when all the trashy girls in my hometown were 25 yr old single moms and constantly complaining that all men were awful… no the men you date are trashy, and they date you because you are trashy.
she hoped I could be happy for her and accept that it wasn't an easy decision and she said “maybe I just shouldn't have told you anything.”
This, right here, tells you exactly how much of a friend she is. “Oh, stop feeling betrayed and letting me know the drama and just be happy for me because that's what everything is all about: Me, me and me again!
I don't want to talk about being upset with Sarah behind her back
Why not? It's not “talking behind her back” because she damn sure knows that you're upset, and why. If it makes you feel better about it, make it public.
“I know it sucks to be left out but this is about supporting Sarah. You should be happy for Sarah.”
“So, I should support Sarah like I did the last couple of years by doing [x, y and z] so I can be the only one left out again? Which, by the way, yes, it does suck. A lot. And, yes, I am happy for her – but I'm also very unhappy for myself at the moment. And you collectively rug-sweeping doesn't help, either.”
Don't shit where you eat.
I’m sorry to say this, but you were broken up with three years ago… Thank your lucky stars, and move on.
We have talked about the situation multiple times, but the same gets said and nothing changes. She knows I forgave her and that im okay with it but I dont think that it would change her guilty conscience anytime soon.
You’ve always been an abuser. Clearly. This is a well thought out situation. You tried to specifically nude her psychologically…. Only an abusive person thinks in those terms AND acts on it. Bro- go ask a Dr for some help with your anger and be single til you figure it out
You can just tell tbh, i advise you just stop watching porn that should help the both of you with initiating sex, you just feel it and can tell by body signals. If you want to surprise him one day and just lay on the bed nude when he gets home I’m sure that will definitely spark his interest.
she’s probably asexual
I don’t understand why asking his gf is cool but him not asking the bf isn’t? Can you explain that one for me?
“that's my job, not his”
Yikes ?
/r/lostredditors
Give her divorce papers.
Ewwww
Yeah, I get that. Try not to harden yourself too much when you're trying to get into a relationship though. The right person really will just be totally accepting of you as you are.
My ex was how you describe yourself to be. Emotionally closed off, always had to be tough, wouldnt tell me when he was feeling insecure. I finally got sick of it and dumped him after he cheated on me. Found someone who is secure in himself and who he is.
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I had rhinoplasty surgery for a deviated septum that was restricting my breathing. Even after the bandages came off I had splints in both nostrils that couldn’t be seen. The upper half of my face was swollen for a couple weeks after. I didn’t look like myself. If she has any form of body dysmorphia be careful with how you discuss this with her. People can get addicted to plastic surgery.
I totally agree. And like I've said, I had to come over to stay the night yesterday and everything would be fine, including sex. So I really have no idea why she went batshit insane, cause she didn't get morning sex. Like grow up.
It’s been three years since my ex left me in almost the same manner. He is now married to someone else.
I don’t know when I will stop feeling hurt about how someone I considered so much more than a friend for 8 years erased me from his life. The pain you feel is normal. Her telling you she’ll stay in touch was a white lie.
We need to find within ourselves the acceptance to let this be as it is, and shift our focus to better things.
Grow up
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Red flags all over the place. This is a toxic, abusive relationship in the making. You’re a grown ass adult. You don’t need to “check in” while you’re with your friends. That behavior is only going to get worse. My favorite tidbit about drinking: alcohol amplifies attitude. Assholes become bigger assholes when they’re drinking.
Don’t walk, run. Get this dude out of your life.
You don't need to keep having sex with him btw. Go ahead and wait until you're comfortable with him.
Lying about what?
While it's true that she wasn't technically cheating, she was absolutely lying to you and has been lying by omission since.
If she truly felt that this wasn't a big deal, you would've known about it before, especially that she was having sex, but asking you to wait. That it's 'old news' for her doesn't lessen it's impact to you now.
You have to now deal with the fact she's damaged your trust in her. She also has to deal with that and stop dismissing your feelings. I genuinely don't know how you should proceed, except that she's hurt your relationship by changing its beginning and you both need to talk this out. It can't be ignored. Good luck.
I just can't see these things as equals. They are getting enjoyment while you endure something physically unpleasant or meaningless. That's more than a chore- that's a sacrifice. Chores need to be done to maintain a lifestyle or environment. The true chore equivalent would be letting the higher libido partner pleasure themselves; the deed is done and no physical demands on the uninterested party. Not the same, you might say, because sex is better between two people… but obviously not in OPs case where the husband is still missing the “human connection”. I would be tempted to remove myself altogether if he doesn't think our sex is human enough, he can do it himself.
I'm sure some people can say they feel it is ok for their partner to use them for sex when they don't feel like it, but it doesn't seem normal or healthy to me. That's my body, you don't get to use it for pleasure regularly if I'm not enjoying it. It feels selfish for him to think it's ok, and sacrificial for her to maintain it. You say satisfying relationship, but only one person is satisfied here. Sexual compatibility is important, but that means contentment for both parties, not just one. This screams therapy to me, to help realign the couples interests in healthier ways.
I'm just a bit shocked that people are so cavalier about this suggested arrangement when it's extremely one-sided.
The only reason that somebody would behave that badly it’s because they have something to hide. In the way that he called her and then threw you under the bus in front of her gave her info she needed to address the conversation. There’s something going on.
This reminds me of a Reddit post from a couple years back. The guy had a one night stand and she got pregnant. She wanted to abort, and he convinced her not to, by saying the same thing- that she would not be financially or legally responsible for the baby.
Now since she was smarter than you, she decided to make everything legal and airtight. She volunteered to paying child support, and legally waived her rights. She gave birth, handed him the baby, and started paying 125% of child support ON TIME every month. She also moved states so it was harder for him to have physical access to her.
Shocker, OP pretty much promised her that he would take over the baby because he was convinced her “womanly instincts “would kick in and she would end up refusing to give the baby over and he would have a baby mama and regular sex. He got really upset when that was not the case. He kept trying to get her to help him take care of the baby and she refused, so he brought her to court… where he got laughed out because they had a legal parenting agreement and she was overpaying child support on time every month. He loves his kid but he knows he screwed up.
You screwed up by not making this legal and depending on what state you are in he might have a chance of forcing a relationship if he has a sympathetic judge and a good lawyer. I’m hoping for your sake that you have some text messages or voicemails of his asking you not to get an abortion and that telling you that he will take sole responsibility for the baby. I have a feeling you never got anything in writing or saved them, but they would be crucial. (Assume you don’t live! in one of those hell-states we are abortions criminalized).
Find the sharkiest family lawyer that you could afford, because I have a feeling he lawyered up, and work on getting this status quo legal. Try to find any documentation where he agreed to this arrangement. Volunteer to pay child support (and expect to possibly pay back child support), and arrange to have it done through the courts so he doesn’t know where you live. Moving state so he can’t physically harass you or drop off the kid would not be the worst idea, most importantly, do not allow him to create any opportunities for you to have a physical or emotional relationship with his child so he can’t argue that there is a pre-existing bond.
Please update us, I’m curious to see how it goes.
And he’s upset that he can’t just come home to a magically clean house. ? Like, welcome to the world of working moms! This is how it is for most of them regardless of marital status – employed work and house work!
Ok you were correct. We met up with them yesterday after I convinced my husband that we can test the waters by hanging out at dinner for a few hours. My sister acted super jealous and weird the whole time I was feeding my kid. So I think my husband was right to be scared of her
Ah thank you, so do you! 🙂
I'll probably feel bad for a bit but I will have to just remember I'm doing it to keep myself safe. It sucks I have to hurt her feelings because we were friends for a good period of time.
I think I'll “stonewall” her and her boyfriend (who I don't appreciate knowing my private info) until I can block them both.
Thanks again for your help!
Why are you with someone who tries to humiliate you in public?
Unfortunately desire cannot be negotiated. It is there or it is not. You did do the right things removing porn and other things to help you get a clearer picture. You don't want to break her heart. Be fair to her. Sex isn't everything, but it's important.
She is going to find out, one way or another. This is her sister, not some anonymous girl you met on vacation.
Your relationship is already over, just a matter of when it happens.
I'd say the only reason you'd have to worry is if you used old pics or filters that are a poor representation of what you actually look like. If you didnt do that then youre fine as he had to have found you attractive to match with you.
He cannot legally prevent you from contacting any adult person except himself.
OP, I still remember the first time my ex punched me in the head. And I remember the last time he punched me and then held a knife to my throat. 12 years later. IT BECOMES A PATTERN.
I think you're right that people should be honest about their sexual experience and if the other person doesn't accept it then they aren't compatible but would you the same about the opposite side of the spectrum, should someone be honest if they are promiscuous and have a lot of experience since like a lot of people in this thread said they'd want to know.
I agree that op needs to stop lying, that is step one. Even aside from an addiction, just out of respect for their partner. Lying is never acceptable in a relationship. Period.
And yes I agree with the dopamine issue, however in my again anecdotal experience, it works better to stop the addictive substance and find alternatives rather than continue using. Other things that give that dopamine, a hobby, or even medicine like an ssri to help regulate emotions. If you were addicted to gambling they wouldn't suggest weaning off of it. Because you're an addict and can't control it.
For my husband, he quit and found healthy coping mechanisms with the help of his therapist. He also started an antidepressant. Rather than weaning, since he knew he couldn't control himself and that I would no longer tolerate his deep addiction.
In that case you'd have to figure out at least 3 months worth of income to live! on while there, and make sure you have somewhere to go back to whether that's your parents, or an apartment that you are paying for in your home country even though its not being used. Switching countries isn't some light decision, it's a life-altering experience that must be well planned out.
It did sound rather robotic. That’s above my pay grade.
Have the abortion
You think I am the asshole? Look into the mirror, you were the one looking for some ass not me☠️
Yep just another in a long line of embarrassing stories but the more embaressing stories always seem to be me getting outed in funny ways. Its a curse.
Dad became someone I could talk to about my sexuality and go to with problems regarding it but the way he found out wasnt pretty. He was looking for batteries one day and knew i had some, went into my room to look in one of the draws. One of the draws was full of sex toys. Im talking dildos, vibrators, buttplugs, hand cuffs, whips and all sorts of nasty stuff you dont want your dad seeing. The way he let me know he found out… he walked passed me in the hallway and said “the black one in your bottom draw is a little to big dont you think” and kept walking. I could not look the man in the eyes the rest of the day and he had a stupid smirk the rest of the day.
You wanted to fuck around, and now you've found out. Congrats.
They should have knocked. They owe you cake. Happy birthday.
Just be consistent and repeat it again and again.
Had ugly duckling syndrome since my elder sister kept on telling me how ugly I was. So I didn't believe people when they tell me I'm attractive. I also became really dense in the romance dept because I really thought no one thinks I'm pretty.
So he kept saying it over and over and also showed it through his actions. ?
This is too hypothetical, what actually happened here?
Being caught masturbating is embarrassing, regardless of the situation. There’s a good chance he’s embarrassed about being caught. If that’s the case, just move on. He may go to a different room to avoid waking you up. However, if you suspect he’s having video sex with another woman, that’s a huge difference. Don’t start throwing accusations Willy-nilly, wait until you have more proof. For the time being I’d take this at face value, you caught your man jerking it, and he’s embarrassed.
I've been totally honest with this other girl, i didn't sell her any dreams. That's what bother me the most. I don't think she will betray me in this may but i'm maybe naive.
I wanted to talk to her, that's why i tried to meet her without telling this reason, and when she answerd to late i proposed this other time telling her i'm uncomfortable with this situation and i want to talk to her face to face. And since (1day, so not so much, i think she will finnaly answer) she's ignoring this message.
Booo! Down vote OP’s post
I hear what you're saying, and thank you for the advice. However, this post was about me trying to find a middle ground for me and him. Relationships are about compromise and understanding, but at the moment, as our relationship is still very new, we are still trying to navigate it all. I do admit that I've caught him looking at other girls' pictures and posts, so there are slivers of doubt in my mind.
The issues that you refer to as drama are normal arguments that every new couple goes through in the first couple of months in the relationship. So, me trying to back off from it or ignore it would put a stop to our growth and understanding of each other.
He also knows about this whole situation because we've had a conversation about it, and he thanked me for telling him and trying to fix it. We encourage each other to be ourselves when we're at home, the problem comes with two opposing lifestyles of people who are used to only having to worry about themselves, now being thrown into another person's space there are gonna be conflicts and arguments.
On that note, I will agree with you that I will let him be himself, but I won't let him do it at my expense. We are partners, and we work as a team, but the team can't function efficiently if half of it struggles in silence.
That’s awesome! So glad it went well and that a possible great relationship works out for you ❤️
It's obviously not completely coordinated, but enough people are subtly (and not so subtly) pushing them together.
I've seen this play out before, and when women gang up on a man because they like to play matchmaker and they're pulling for a relationship to happen it can be coercive and hostile when it doesn't work out the way that they want.
That villainizing he's describing is a real fear.
I think that you – and many people on this thread – are downplaying this because it doesn't seem harmful and because there's a lot of plausible deniability in the case of 2 of them.
What I'm seeing is the potential for the relationship between him and his coworkers to go south real quick because he doesn't want to fuck one of them.
This is definitely time for a trip to HR to nip this in the bud. He's right, it's sophomoric behavior and to him it's rightfully interpreted as a ticking time bomb.
I'd love to see this where the genders are reversed and see how people interpret the man coming in to creep on a female coworker and three other male coworkers badger her about sleeping with him.
You have already summed it up: you can't trust him.
The measures put in place are not sustainable and won't be productive in terms of building a trusting and happy relationship.
You should not have to be the dick police to feel secure in your realionship because you won't feel secure.
As difficult as it is, you will save yourself more heartache by leaving sooner rather than later.
Also, I don't think he is straight.
He's basically handing out printed invites to the fight club, stomped on rule number 1 soooo nude.
You’re right. I’d feel weird asf if I woke up and a girl was using my hand to finger herself.
She asked for your consent and you gave it. Like dude. She was trying to communicate with you and you absolutely blew it.
You are 50 years old. Literally, talk to HER.
I agree with you, but you know her best and you clearly have a reason to think she would react in a harsh manner if it was you that did it. I personally don't think it's trying to teach people not to be hypocrites nor how to be respectful in your relationship
You should always spend more free time with your partner then with your friends. She does not.
Tell her you want her to spend her Sundays exclusicely with you, as you do not spend any free time together. You should tell her that if time us so limited she should prioritise her relationship over her friends.
Should she refuse leave her as you can't firce her to care about you.
Also would it be possuble for her to work 5 days a week?
So someone hacked into your boyfriends tinder account, used his pics to chat up chicks about fishing…. lol
Honey just leave? hes fucking lying
He is immensely annoying. You are very tolerant. Just make sure you respect your own limitations and lifestyle.
It's complex, but I don't think a friend cheating necessarily means the relationship has 'run its course' – they are not the same thing.
He will likely have to choose between his wife and his spouse, but if he was single / gay / his friend was gay / a man then this wouldn't be an issue.
That’s my worry, tbh. But, I’m trying to think of other alternatives for my one last hope of it working.
How do you “do your best in trying to remember”?
Why are you dating someone who regularly makes you feel bad about yourself?
A colleague? That’s super weird – no business will think it’s a good idea.
A super close friend to an expensive city with 2 beds? Sure I’ve done it (after being married for 10 years).
Very true :(. Lesson learned.
You didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't have done anything differently with your exgf. She's a pos who showed her true colors and you're better off without her.
Why are you willing to marry someone that relies on his mommy for everything? That’s the real question.
The shit I see women put up with always baffles me. I don’t know why you guys do this to yourselves.
To my knowledge he is a single man. But this has really got me thinking
I wouldn’t live! like that but who are we to judge his living situation without knowing his financial situation. Also yes there’s reasonable threshold for life but his might be different to yours or mine . Also tbf if she’s going to live with him and save half on rent that’s more than enough money to pay extra for utilities she wants in the house . Problem solved .
You asked him to promise to stop if you asked. You did, he didn't. Do rethink the relationship because he just proved to you that he's selfish, uncaring and can't be trusted.
She mentioned that she is an adult and doesn't like the idea of me looking at every little thing she has.
I can agree with that… people don't enjoy the feeling of being monitored or 'audited'.
However, these details are typically out in the open inside of marriages.
So, I wouldn't think that her hesitation automatically equates to being untrustworthy.
It can be a touchy subject for some, especially for those out of school with not so great finances. Could be that she is just embarrassed/ashamed is all.
Would recommend taking a more gentler approach on the subject.
Sorry you’re going through all of this, and I’m proud of you for ending it with him. You deserve so much better than that guy. Hope you have a great life and find someone good if you want to 🙂
It sounds like he's trying to coerce and manipulate you into back door stuff because he prefers it. And when it doesn't work he resorts to insulting you.
Please leave, you don't deserve to be treated this way. It's terrible
Yeah. I’d say it’s too late. You didn’t have a bad month or two – you had several bad years, where you didn’t care about her needs or happiness, because she said she wanted to be with you forever. As someone who has been pressed into the “mum” role several times in her life by partners…it is dead. There is no way of killing the spark faster than seeing your sexual partner as a child.
All you can do now, is learn some extremely serious lessons and don’t do this rubbish to the next woman willing to be with you.
You will put yourself at risk. He's a scumbag and she deserves to know, but don't put yourself at risk from him and other cops harassing you (or worse).
Aside from making you lose weight, what has he done lately that signals to you that he wants to save the marriage?
Ummm exactly what I was thinking. And the leg shaking? Sorry girl but I think you were exactly right about what happened and he’s lying. And then he blew it up to make you feel stupid so you would apologize.
I have guy friends, my husband has women friends, we're totally supportive of that. But he doesn't hide them for me or lie about how often they talk. I don't actually know how often they talk, I don't ask. But I've met them etc
Sorry OP, but of course it’s for your body. He’s been waiting since first meeting you at 17. Doesn’t it make you wonder why he doesn’t date girls his own age? This won’t be a forever thing. If the sex is good just enjoy it but please make sure and live! your life-your soon to be in your 20’s and that is such a great decade and you shouldn’t be with some guy long-term that is probably only dating you because he likes them young.
Fucking other people doesn't equate to watching porn lmao.
Because when he continued to bring it up even when they’d discussed it already, he then blocked her from leaving, not to mention the age gap,
Do you want some REAL advice or do you want some placating advice? Real advice would be to drop kick the old, set in his ways, man and find someone closer to your own age. Placating would be “pat pat there there”.
Your SIL sounds like she's after the money but you need to protect yourself too. Get a prenup and protect your assets in the event of a divorce. That money is a lifetime of financial freedom with or without your husband and you don't want him to walk away with half of it if something goes wrong. It's a safety net and I know some people go crazy when they get their hands on a chunk of money.
Be honest and upfront with your fiance and work through it together.
Don't know if it's very common. I am M48, wife F43, together for 24 years, married for 19, and I've got plenty of friends around my age, some of them from back in high school.
The reason she won’t say what happened is because he did something that will permanently break your relationship with your father if you knew. He obviously say nothing happened because it’s his word against hers. If your father is paying for your school she won’t jeopardize your future.
Cut him off. What are the benefits in keeping him as a friend? Come on now. Have some common sense.
Separation is something I continually think about but then I consider the heartache. My separation from my ex alcoholic about killed me. I fear for my emotional state after leaving…and worrying about him while gone. Addiction is so fucked up and is definitely a family disease, as they say in the programs. I have to remind myself one day at a time, but always plan 10 steps into the future and it all becomes more complicated. Where would I live!, who takes which Pets, how to afford rent with cost of living these days and what roommate wants multiple pets. Those thoughts deter more from moving forward on it.
Is this really the guy you want to hitch your wagon to? The guy who makes you feel bad about caring for your own family? Doesn't sound like a good long term investment if you ask me.
Y t a (for the OP, big time)
Or maybe he just got a little dick
I ain’t sayin she’s a gold digger…
I would probably not add her even after they get married. This ask is too much and suspicious as hell.
I mean i always like full communication from my partners and if I find out my partner hid a big part of their past from me then I’d feel pretty sad about it and like I’m not trusted or as close to my partner as I thought I was. Even if it’s something as benign as a partner being a really good football player or something. It just sucks to feel like you don’t know important things about someone you love
Don’t tell her.
He cries after and says I push him to the edge and I say horrible things that trigger him… but I know he had anger issues prior to me even.
Don't date people who believe wacky shit.
You both messed up. If couples counseling isnt an option anymore then I think arrangements to start co-parenting is best option. A child will have a better chance growing up capable of healthy relationships if they are given an example of that by their parent(s), and sometimes that means mummy and daddy are with different people.
Marrying a mama's boy is extremely stressful and unhealthy. That's why mother in law hostility is such a trope in our society.
I agree uninviting close family or breaking an engagement due to wardrobe choices is probably overkill, but if hubby generally backs his mom over his wife that is a much deeper problem than the color of a dress.
Like honestly jesus.. any woman that can support a man just abandoning a child… i cannot say i have any respect for her or him.
Im sorry OP lost her baby i am.. but that has nothing to do with this innocent child. If he believes she isnt his he can take damn paternity test and prove it and move on.
Bt to just pretend the child doesn't exist is cruel and makes him an absolute piece of crap.
it is chitty from your bf, but it is shitty from his ex too.
in fact it is shitty cheaty.
Last week, a woman made the news because she got punched in the face in public for saying she wasn’t interested. The fear of a violent, hostile, or even just mean reaction is ALWAYS there. Taking the number and deleting it feels far safer, especially because she didn’t give out her number.
The question should be Am I cheating on my wife…the answer is yes.
text him. What do you have to lose?
I'm sorry to say this but he understands what the word no means, he just didn't want to listen. People can be autistic and abusive and those have nothing to do with the other. He's abusive, and he uses autistic as an excuse. If he couldn't use autism he would just use something else. I'm sorry. Please stay done with him.
It is your hair… why the fuck do you need permission? He sounds like a controlling guy. Be careful
It sounds as though she's still grappling with resentment and the deeper fear that your words are hollow, that you may suddenly one day decide that you won't lend sperm to her frozen egg. This isn't about your lack of inquiry, it's a front for her fear that you aren't really on this journey with her. I'd forget trying to rationalize your lack of inquiry with her, instead, have a serious discussion with her about the future outlook and potential timeline for having another child. If that's shaky ground still, best explore it more in couples therapy.
Yes. He says he needs to take care of her and that if that’s how it is then the journey is done. He also says that when she retires then things might be different.
Ok make him look at it from this point of view. If she's so dependent on him, any time he ever has a holiday without her or any time she needs to go to a vet (which will happen at some point) she's going to be INCREDIBLY stressed and will be suffering from extreme anxiety. And that will essentially be his fault because he's not letting her learn to be independent.
I think u like to make big deals outta nothing for the sake of drama, I think he should divorce you, sheesh that's crazy u guys can't even watch a movie without u hitting the pause button for a discussion about stupid stuff.
Bf is not into monogamy. You each want different things in a relationship. Decide if you’re going to share. This will not be the first time this will happen.
Yeah I mean I get it somewhat, but people change. She is approaching 30 and women's bodies goes through a lot of change in their 30's.
Mate, pack your stuff and get you and your son out of there. Get home and sort your other stuff and speak to a lawyer and your family. Make it known that you are leaving due to her abusive and manipulative nature. Document everything. Don't delete her texts.
She should leave you.
First of all you didn't waste a year even though the guys a jerk and decided not to break up with you even though he was pretty sure he was going to move is wrong. He didn't waste anything. he got to have a girlfriend I assume regular sex so he was happy. He was dishonest. Every relationship teaches you something. You're only 20 so it's not like you are 32 then you would definitely could be upset about wasting time. Learn from this and move on.
Oh yeah, stop being his travel agent. Let him do his things for himself from now on if he tries to contact you.
She only told him after he asked why things were weird.
She never shut down hanging out together…
I think she just really enjoys making you happy and that’s awesome
Get over it.
Wtf. This isn’t ok. He should ask you first not his fucking friend. Fuck that, it’s your choice first and foremost. He shouldn’t be “adamant” about shit when it comes to you. This is not normal “guy” behavior speaking as one.
Where's the rest of your family? Your Dad, Grandparents on both sides, Aunts, Uncles, cousins? What about friends?
AND be pissed off about it! Not scared, not shy!
Practice what to say in the mirror and let this creep have all that anger with both barrels, it's ok to be angry, it's GOOD to be angry!
You have nothing to be ashamed of, he's gross.
Treat him like an annoying 12 year old boy.
It’s exactly what you were asking.
Tell him to get therapy or you’re leaving him
I’d take a pass…
Yes, he watches porn. Oral sex is normal, but of course you are free to decline.
Honestly the whole vibe OP gives off is… uncomfortable to say the least. He forced her to talk about it. He made it all about himself. He thinks her needing time is bs. He resents her for needing time. He is mad about not getting some for two weeks. He tried to wake her up for sex? Am i the only one who is bothered by all of this?
Does he need to work that much? Because I can’t imagine having energy for kids with a schedule like that
I have friends that I would love to see and am interested in their lives that I haven’t seen in more then 9 years. Why are you trying to prevent her from seeing this old friend??
Or she could make him prove how much he loves frogs by making him kiss every one she sees.
I’m sorry you feel this way and you lost your friendship group. That’s so nude.
I can’t comment as to her reasoning as it sounds a little self involved but each to their own.
but what I can say is if she extended the invite and you have the mental strength and want to – go and have fun and celebrate.
Peoples lives do change and unfortunately friendships can as well but if she invites She wants you there. I have friends I don’t see as often I used to be close to, but if an event arose I invited them.
But if you don’t feel you have the mental capacity, or want to let it all go in the last then don’t. Do what makes you happy.
Neither of y'all know how to argue like an adult
These are great, thoughtful questions. I can only speak for what I went through.
When I moved in with my partner is was tough for the first few months. I moved into his place which wasn't a great idea as he had lived there for years and it was set up to suit a single guy. I felt like an intruder and he did not want anything changed.
So my first word of advice is to get a new place to both of you where you set it up together. I'd also try to get more than one bedroom so that one of you can retreat to the spare room for some privacy as needed.
Also, we both had active social circles and that helped a ton. I went out to play tennis and drink wine with my girlfriends quite a bit giving him the place to himself and he did his thing. I felt like this helped us a lot.
If you set ground rules up before you move in it will also help. Who does what chores? Will you eat every meal together or do your own thing? How much do you each pay? Will you have a “date night” every so often?
We tended to do our own food thing except for Fridays when he would chef it up. He loves cooking. Saturday was date night and everything else was up for grabs with friends, tv, working out, etc. Yes, we occasionally had exceptions, but the routine helped us set up our lives together.
I also think you should discuss how to handle it if things don't work out. Who will move out and who will stay? What are deal breakers? Pets?
Give him space…. Don’t chase. Let things progress naturally and comfortably. But communicate where you are both at regularly. But pushing and chasing isn’t building a good foundation. Trust, space, support those are good foundations. If your feeling insecure do some self work. It’s not his responsibility to constantly reassure you
You know who this arrangement isn't fair to? Her boyfriend, not you. You're fully aware of the situation and continue to see her. You've willingly placed yourself in this position with full knowledge that she has a boyfriend. If she wanted to be with you and you alone, she would be. You need to cut your losses and go. This is genuinely not worth it as far as I can see.
You don't physically fight the people you love. This isn't a loving relationship
Thank you for the feedback. We live! around 3 hours away from each other so not that long distance. You know when you meet someone and you instantly click? That's how I feel about him, but I don't know how he feels about me which makes me nervous. I don't know how to describe how I feel, but I want all my first to be with him.
Yes you should tell him. He needs to know a potential partner is a cheater.
It sounds like both of you have a pretty good handle on this relationship.
The thing is that neither of you have a perfect view of eachother or yourselves, no one does. We tend to believe too much of our negative self talk, and people that care about us tend to see us with slightly rose tinted glasses.
It does sound like this stems mostly from your own insecurity. Him talking positively about you to his friends is a very good quality, and ‘expecting you to do well’ might be that he just wants you to succeed, talking positively or like he believes you can do something that you’re unsure of. (This is really nude to tell without knowing content and tone of what he says, but i am giving him the benefit of the doubt).
I think you might need to go a bit kinder to yourself, its something I wrestle with as well, and isn’t easy but it will improve your personal well being snd your relationship.
There is no “letting” you break up with her. You broke up with her, period, end of sentence.
It absolutely was too soon!
Block her on everything, and tell your dad to block her.
Is what your partner did as bad as what mine did?
Oh my, she would be absolutely livid.
As an adult, you’re allowed to set boundaries with your parents. You can say: “I appreciate your advice and concern, but this is what I’ve decided. I would love to have your blessing, but I’m going to be moving either way.”
You can say: “I understand your opinion on that, and I think you’ve heard mine. I’m finished talking about this for now. Let’s talk about (something else) now.”
If they’re rude or aggressive at any point, you can say: “I really want to have a good relationship with you, but I’d like you to talk to me respectfully, just as I’m talking respectfully to you. We’re all adults here. If you keep raising your voice, I’ll need to leave/hang up.”
Of course, all this is easier if you don’t live! with them or depend on them for financial support. There can be consequences fir standing up for yourself, including feeling their disapproval. The alternative, forever putting aside your needs and chasing their approval, seems so much worse.
Some people think it is an ok arrangement to contribute to household expenses based on the annual income. I'm guessing you are not one of them. Besides, in this scenario, the guy's rent would go up by $100. I'm not sure if she claims to be “entitled to his money”, her rationale is that he will basically pay the same thing after moving.
So just curious, if you were making $270k and your partner were to make $60k. How would you arrange the expenses in your household? 50/50?
And guess what. It’s also correct to say the Church of Islam when referring to the followers as a collective. Because once again, by the dictionary definition, it is a church
You know what? Its time to tell the kids that you guys are going on a little holiday (if you can afford it) . Tell him you need space. .what he is doing is not normal or healthy ok.
Wtf is he upset about?
Saying mommy is being stupid and using that as a justification for abandoning the kids is not OK!! You are terrified to speak to him. You need to remove yourself from this situation immediately.
He is a gaslighting narcissist. Read that again. Over and over .
She may have. We don’t know because Mr. ‘oh no, I have to penetrate her the way she likes’ is the narrator.
And this is why he went after a 19 year old when he was 26. I think he knows damn well he isn’t doing enough, but with you having no other frame of reference it would obviously be nude for you to call this out. He’s lazy is what it sounds like, and expects you to shoulder the weight for the life he dreams of. You are under no obligation to act as a bang-maid/babysitter, which is about what he’s treating you like. With you giving him allowances you honestly sound more like a second mom than anything else.
he's weaponizing your trauma. he is intentionally making you feel crazy. i suspect he has been gradually breaking you down in multiple ways for many years. you are not crazy.
Why shouldn't he let her know? What could be the harm? It seems like they're friends and also casually hook up occasionally when he is single. And so ghosting her isn't nice.
Are you going to move back with your family, and how are you doing mentally? It must be nude for you
Because it’s very clearly a made up dilemma like almost everything that gets posted here
This is rough. I'm sorry that you and your roommates had to deal with that tragedy and only to have salt rubbed into it by this guy's selfish action to go up and leave.
Was the groom also a roommate in this house and affected by this selfish guy's choice to leave? If not, then maybe you should be honest with the groom since you are his best man. Tell him how you feel and if you can find a way to avoid him during the trip. I'm sure he'll understand, he wouldn't want you to have a bad time either.
He shouldn’t be threatening to kill himself. It may be an attempt to get attention or see if someone cares. I’ve done that myself regrettably. Sometimes people say things in an emotional state but if you do want to continue your relationship, I would talk to him about it and suggest he seeks professional help. Especially if it’s over not having sex. Talk to him and if he doesn’t make an attempt to make a compromise for you then break up. People say nobody can change but if they truly love you, they will.
They are, I agree. Tell him it makes you think of him less attractive, and making you want to have less sex with him or something
This read as very very concerning, and you think that you've been vague enough but you can see from everyone reply that nobody believes you have 'healthy' intentions. Seek therapy, and communicate with your loved ones.
I think this is different depending on whether something just bothers you or if she did something wrong. Seems like she’s wrong regardless though.
If something just bothers you but she did nothing wrong, then I can see why she’d want to know so she can stop. But it also is incredibly selfish to make the issue about her being a victim bc she didn’t know sooner. As long as you aren’t blaming her for doing it in the time between noticing and mentioning it, then I don’t see the issue.
If she did something wrong, this is a red flag. I shouldn’t have to tell someone they did something wrong, and they definitely don’t get to make me the bad guy for not going out of my way to mention something asap when THEY were wrong.
This is manipulative. Everyone should get to have conversations on their terms, not just her. And she puts you on defense when you have an issue. I would explode if i had to explain myself every time I voiced a concern in a relationship. That means you never get to address your concern bc you’re busy defending your timing.
Will there be any update?
You don’t have to endure this, I really say that with compassion for YOU and your life. You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around your partner. You shouldn’t be the only one working on the relationship. You don’t have to live! this way
it would feel like she was a wife that would be “obedient” to her husband
You see her point?? I don’t even know where to start with this. There is NO POINT. Her premise is the foundation of a DYSFUNCTIONAL relationship! A relationship is team work while she made it adversarial.
Look, you think, like really believe, that being a people pleaser is ultimately a good thing. You have good intentions so what is wrong with that? No conflict is good. But you’re so wrong. People pleasing is to know the difference between right and wrong and still be convinced to do wrong. While you feel like you’re a good person trying to do right, your conflict avoidance makes you morally compromised.
You know what is right here. So stand up for that.