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Unfortunately, her style of living is messy and that’s how she likes it. She apparently was never motivated to clean her living space, and without expectations being set in advance, there’s no reason she would assume that she needs to change her ways.
I would have a real talk with her about your needs when it comes to living comfortably in a shared space with someone. Find a way to meet in the middle when it comes to responsibilities and tasks, and make a chart, and give her time and positive reinforcement to get used to new habits.
Same with the dogs. Sit together and agree on a schedule for her, and a schedule for you, and if she can’t follow through, she’s not willing to be an equal partner in the relationship and that will cause a rift.
It’s not unreasonable to ask for her to not let the dogs pee and poop on the floor. She’s setting them up with bad habits and it’s causing sanitary issues in your home.
Make a plan together and work on it together.
If she just wants to sit around in a mess, not take care of the dogs and can’t grow with you, then down the road a happy relationship just won’t work.
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I got two very different points.
The first is people come and go in life, but an SO is a rather permanent position.
If you need the approval of your friends to feel secure in your decisions, how are you ever going to be your own person?
The second is if mh is already a struggle, what business do you have trying to make this decision, right now.
You gotta be the center for your own self confidence and emotional stability to have a shot at being happy in life. Period.
Until you figure out how to do that and be perfectly stable solo, you won’t have the tools you need to not see the world in shades of rose or flip side, you’ll continue to be influenced by others.
So trust what you know. It didn’t work out once. People don’t change drastically in under a year. Maybe physically, but never mentally which means you’re going to fall into the same patterns that lead to a breakup. It’s a waste of time.
That time is better spent on yourself at the moment. Get the mh right, then build your self-confidence in your own decision making.
Brain kinda turned off when I saw “fur babies”.
What kind of wild straw man bullshit is this? They listed multiple issues with the friend’s marriage and suggested there are more and you not only stick solely on that one but hypothetically attribute the friend’s actions to him? What?
It’s not a “free cheating pass” either lol they’re not dating. His friend didn’t cheat on him. Ending the friendship over that is not necessarily unreasonable but it’s something that should 100% be his choice, not his wife’s. That’s wildly controlling and ridiculous to expect unless the finer details of the story bring OP and/or his wife into the fold in some way.
I live in a small city and we have a murder outside a bar at minimum 3x a year.
It's nice of you to help, but there is no “we.” He needs to figure his brain put. He has to want to. Driving him to appointments, picking up books, getting prescriptions, etc. Are great ways to support someone. But you can't fix him. And the next time he even looks wrong in your dog's direction you need to get the dog out. Then you can think about why you're dedicating all your time and energy to someone's else's wellbeing.
We do. I’m not saying it’s his fault. I’m saying we’ve tried and honestly he’s done nothing wrong and I, me, am still feeling stuck.
You guys all sound trashy. How do you know how many men she slept with during a given timeframe?
As someone who’s played Stardew Valley, there aren’t that many options to choose from. That games been around a while now so he’s probably just marrying and divorcing everyone because there’s only like 5 people (last time I played. It’s been awhile lol). Maybe you should play Sims or something.
Good grief. I seriously think your all-nighter has been overblown. You stayed out all night. Oh well. Dealing with a drunk boyfriend is annoying, but it’s hardly a breach of trust. That you lied about what you were doing isn’t good, but you also weren’t snorting coke with hookers. Your gf wasn’t sitting around waiting for you. You didn’t blow her off.
Cancelling the trip is a power play on her part. She didn’t want you to go, and using her outsized anger & your contrition was the perfect opportunity for her to get her way. This was extraordinarily manipulative on her part.
Don’t be surprised if she bars you from your next trip as well. It’s too bad that you caved so quickly on this point.
No, this is the stupidest idea that may get you raped, beaten badly or killed. Go to the police TONIGHT, do NOT open the door and let him in to get his shit.
What the fuck did I just read lol. I'm not lying when I say I legitimately stopped reading after:
Then, that turned into him feeling like he would have to hook up with a couple people casually to feel like he was on an even playing field with me to be able to date me. Then, his friends found out about my past and dating became fully off the table.
This is gonna get me downvoted I'm sure because I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, but women on here really need to fucking respect themselves. Wtf would you continue with this useless dude. From the very beginning he gave you every single sign AND action to show exactly who he is and you ACTUALLY STILL CHOSE to continue getting close to him. You chose to continue to screw yourself. Come the fuck on.