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That was probably pretty essential info I left out lol. It’s TBD, but neither of the guys are ones we’d want to date. Does everything else look alright?
He’s just having remorse. Let it pass. He’s also extra emotional. Let that pass too. You are entitled to be upset but don’t overthink it.
Yes, they taste like chicken.
First don't have kids with her until you resolve this. Double up on birth control. Second, and this is more practical. Do you have friends or relatives with kids that you both can spend some more time with? It might help her to see other people who trust you around their kid and she can see how you are around kids and ease her mind a bit
I’ll check it out, thanks!
Maybe you should try slipping her an adderall
He’s not a good or trustworthy friend… I wouldn’t bother unless I was bored. Catching up over coffee isn’t the same as “all sorts of plans”. That sounds like “expectations”.
If you're afraid of confrontation, pack and leave when she is gone
Yes
YTA for sure, OP. This first time having sex with a real life woman? Jesus fucking Christ.
You let him pay all of the bills for you and your kids. He’s not equal to you, and you really have no leverage in demanding your name be on the house.
When you were growing up, what would happen if you did something wrong? Did you have an extremely critical parent who would bring it up constantly?
I have no idea if you have narcissistic traits (and, frankly, it was a low blow for him to say that). However, it does sound like you struggle to deal with mistakes. Working with a therapist to address this could be really helpful, both for your relationships and your own happiness.
Nope. You are bending words to fit your narrative. You are on some kind of a crusade. What are you? A 30 year old dating a 20 year old?
We say that at 20 you do not have much common ground with a 30 year old because of a lack of life experience. We also say that a 30 year old going after a 20 year old is odd, either ill intentioned or immature. Not very attractive traits in any case. Also, there is no mention of gender as it makes no difference.
What he did to you is a serious crime, in most places in the world. Where I online, what he did is a felony called Deprevation if Liberty. I know someone who was charged with this, because they didn't let their partner out of the car while driving, and took them where the partner didn't want to go, and that person served 4 years in jail.
You need to leave this man, instantly. This is not acceptable, in any way, shape, or form. Not only is their a crime, but it is a truly heinous act, to have your right to choose taken away from you…he could do it again at any point in time.
You simply cannot stay with someone who would do that to you, no matter the circumstances behind his choice.
I'm a big advocate that everyone should go to therapy, just to deal with the stressors of everyday life.
Trust me, you don't want him to come to you about everything. I've had partners that have tried to use me as a therapist in the past, and that kills the relationship.
Her issues aren’t your issues. Don’t stay with someone because you worry about what actions they will take. You need to watch out for yourself and your own mental health b
No, you see Reddit has a list of rules you have to follow and relationship check mark boxes you have to check before your relationship is real and legitimate.
/s
He isn't going to understand your logic because this isn't about keeping you accountable. This is about control. What I'm trying to say is that it really doesn't make sense for you to rationale it out the way you are, because he is closer in age to these guys than you are. So, in his mind, he doesn't see much difference between him and them. However, that is an insecurity talking. An emotionally mature and confidant person would just trust you and find zero problem with you going. An insecure control freak will create a problem in an attempt to manipulate you.
Maybe stop being such a bitch?
Glad it worked out. I read the first post. However, this update is ehhh, in the sense that I notice when people do updates, they always try to “correct” a “misconception” when that's not what they said originally.
Now you're saying she doesn't blurt out about her sex past, but that's exactly what you made it sound like. And I still don't understand how her sharing this would “light up” any conversation. Why is she going this in depth about her life? I don't see why any average person would find this interesting.
Then she's gonna keep it for people who ask? Who is going to ask this directly? What does her “hoe” (using this word from your prior post) phase have to do with her accomplishments? Honestly, this still makes no sense, but this is your relationship. It sounds like she just wants to keep talking about it & I don't know why. It's so strange to me.
Would they feel safe around him if they knew he was looking at that? Doubt it. Trust your gut.
I am 17…..
Bro cmon
The men who purchase sex workers are there by choice of their own free will and their own decision. A large portion of sex workers cannot say the same. That is the difference. And a big dose of hypocrisy because a lot of the guys that use sex workers don’t have respect for them even though they themselves are the ones paying for sex work.
Did he have one girl he used repeatedly?
Yikes
It won’t get better, this is his Value System. Truly good, generous people treat everybody, from the Tycoon to the janitor, the same- with respect.
He’s telling you that his values divide people into 2 groups- the good (him, and so far, you)who are deserving of benefits, and Others, who are Not.
Today. You end it today. You owe no explanations, she'll already know.
Haha thank you. I found his reply pretty funny. Thank you for your reassuring words.
I really hope you're wrong. But I might ask him to show me his phone
You are 23 Don't burden yourself with someone that keeps dropping you like this. Nothing of value was lost if his parents decree if he can be with someone.
Trusting her is not the same thing as allowing her to do things that you have expressed make you feel uncomfortable. You're not trying to control her by feeling uneasy about some guy that neither of you know very well.
This guy is married. He is not an established friend of her and they have, presumably, no longstanding history with one another. There is literally no reason to engage with him at the cost of upsetting her boyfriend.
This isn't about you not trusting her. This is about her not respecting you.
Sounds like he ain’t dating material, sis
This is great advice! One that can applied for all situations in life. ?? OP heed this advice
And the picture was sent to me out of spite by someone else, and the ultimatum came after I found her messages with him and the dirty talk. And before anything is said we discussed that I have an insecurity of being cheated on so we both had each other's passwords for that reason and in case we just simple needed to use it.
hell no, you should absolutely have a second account. and tbh, i don’t suggest it, but he doesn’t actually have control over that; you could open an account without his knowledge if you actually wanted to. but as a woman, it’s necessary to have a second account with your own money. he’s convincing you that wanting a savings account on the side means you have no trust. but to me, needing to have a joint bank account means he has no trust. if he trusts you, why does he need to see everything you buy? a joint bank account is really only necessary for large purchases or if one party is unemployed.
The friends are key here. They see what she doesn’t. If it was a balanced, loving relationship otherwise, I don’t think they would push her to get paid for helping him with his business.
Big time.
Yeah no he cheated. Sorry
A really good book to read is The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. I'll warn you that it can be a hot or triggering read at times if abuse had happened to you but he goes into some traits and behaviour patterns of abuser and stalker types etc and it was s great read.
I'm also currently reading Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, who works with abusive men and this book is aimed at pointing out the things you partner does to devalue you, turn things around on you etc. Again, potentially triggering so be warned.
Listen, if you are so stressed out about it, just stop. Tell all the other girls that unless you get the help needed, there won't be a party.
ight i see, thanksss!! ill tell him tonight.
If you run now you might not forgive yourself, if you just try to behave as if nothing happened it will always be there.
So the facts seem to be that she was not happy. The love was there, but she felt that your family and religious differences where so strong that this trumped it. So then she tried relationships with men without those differences, but it sounds like the love wasn't there either.
So if the two of you want to come together once more, you should fix this issues. Maybe with the help of couple counseling. Work out agreements how to handle your family, and how to handle the religious differences.
All the best!
Not controlling just expressing his view’
Cheaters love volunteering information to give themselves plausible deniability.