I know, I’ve been there. It’s nude to hear. But just keep in mind that your perception of the current relationship might be different from his. If you’re in love, I think he’ll get there too, he just needs time. Definitely have a good conversation with him
Turn him loose to find that 20 something partner. While he is out looking, get out there and online the best life ever. You are in the prime of your life. You will have no problem finding suitors who will appreciate you for who you are.
You never expressed your feelings so it's not a him thing yet.
“I would rather you stay home and hang out with me.”
“Enough games come to bed with me I miss you.”
Express yourself men can't read your mind. That being said if he isn't willing to at least compromise or blows up at you then it's a him problem and you need to leave.
Playing Devil’s advocate here, but he had his age set at 26 on a dating app because why not. You can choose who you search for and are most attracted to, if someone that age matches with him then everyones happy.
If once he knew your age he instantly split up with you then fair enough but instead he said he thought you looked very youthful and then carried on with the relationship as normal.
Not everything a guy says is a lie and deceiving. If a guy says how great you are and that he’s not that serious about the age thing maybe he really does think you’re great and isn’t that serious about the age thing.
But ultimately if you’re not attracted to him anymore then break up with him but he hasn’t done anything wrong at all, even morally he’s in a very light grey area at worst.
What you feel is normal for women dating. Understand that typically men are affectionate when alone, we feel uncomfortable when other people can see us showing it to our SO, we show affection with actions, not words and gestures others can see. I think your depending on him for happiness and completeness, those come from within, too many men and women make that mistake.
I have a disability as well so I understand what your going through.
You could trade ciggs for vaping. It smells better and does less damage to the house. My husband switched over and I love it so much more and he smells better. Plus vaping is cheaper than ciggs too.
Why do you know so many details of your female friends marriage? Her sex life, dull marriage etc etc etc. How often do y’all get together to discuss your marriages?
That sounds like a good plan. I, too, am a generous and caring person and also had to learn how to balance my generosity vs feeling emotionally responsible for others. Pulling back and giving yourself some space to think clearly is smart. I hope you and your friend will find equally generous and financially stable partners in the neat future. Never settle for less than you deserve. You deserve as much as you have already given to others.
If you came to this sub for support in your insecurities and to be told your impulse to break up with her is correct, you came to the right place. Just be aware that that advice is coming from teenagers and people who’ve yet to have a successful relationship. The other option is to ignore the knee-jerkers and listen to the more mature people who are trying to explain the complexity of human emotions.
No, he's being ridiculous. It sounds like a simple misunderstanding, and you probably are both partially to blame. But his reaction is way over the top. Does he often treat you like this when something goes wrong, or is this out of character?
There are numerous aspects to this situation that are concerning.
The age difference isn't immediate cause for concern, but the difference combined with the fact he is divorced and has a child while you're still a college student is enough to warrant questioning his decision to date you instead of finding someone his own age.
He refused to wear a condom and privileged his “sexual pleasure” over your reproductive health and wellbeing
He immediately blamed you for a pregnancy that his refusal to wear condoms certainly contributed to
He projected behavior from his ex-wife onto you as his current partner, without merit, OR he did the exact same thing to her that he did to you and didn't take responsibility for it
I can't tell you to leave, because that's your choice. But this relationship sounds very unhealthy and imbalanced, and you deserve a partner with whom you are compatible in terms of maturity, life stage, and experience, in addition to a partner who respects your sexual and reproductive boundaries and takes accountability for their misbehavior.
Thank you! I cannot believe how few people are saying this. I’ve read hundreds of infidelity stories on Reddit but this one is just another level.
There is a difference between “we know each other’s passcodes” and “I can dive into his phone and read whatever I want whenever I want, and am justified throwing it in the toilet when I find him having an admittedly tame conversation” (let alone “I religiously watch his location tracker when I’m not with him, freak out if it goes out for any amount of time then breakout then ping data and the red string & cork board.”) This is not a true crime podcast. That is not normal. And behavior like this does not just come out of nowhere.
A few times a week to a 3 month drought is a pretty big drop. Any chance he's depressed?
Yeah there are things that help sex drive. Essentially anything that boosts testosterone boosts sex drive. Kegels also help. That said, this sounds like more than that. I'd go as far as suggesting he might want to see a doctor.
If he isn't interested in working on it…well, you're 21. Choosing to online a sexless life at your age seems like it would be a mistake.
man, I don't know what else to say then that I'm so sorry that y'all are going through this
I know, I’ve been there. It’s nude to hear. But just keep in mind that your perception of the current relationship might be different from his. If you’re in love, I think he’ll get there too, he just needs time. Definitely have a good conversation with him
Turn him loose to find that 20 something partner. While he is out looking, get out there and online the best life ever. You are in the prime of your life. You will have no problem finding suitors who will appreciate you for who you are.
Age is nothing but a number.. had a good relationship with my ex for a year.. I was 35 she was 21 … don't worry about what others think
I Yell at and threaten my cats with kisses guess I’m an abuser too ?
You never expressed your feelings so it's not a him thing yet.
“I would rather you stay home and hang out with me.”
“Enough games come to bed with me I miss you.”
Express yourself men can't read your mind. That being said if he isn't willing to at least compromise or blows up at you then it's a him problem and you need to leave.
Playing Devil’s advocate here, but he had his age set at 26 on a dating app because why not. You can choose who you search for and are most attracted to, if someone that age matches with him then everyones happy.
If once he knew your age he instantly split up with you then fair enough but instead he said he thought you looked very youthful and then carried on with the relationship as normal.
Not everything a guy says is a lie and deceiving. If a guy says how great you are and that he’s not that serious about the age thing maybe he really does think you’re great and isn’t that serious about the age thing.
But ultimately if you’re not attracted to him anymore then break up with him but he hasn’t done anything wrong at all, even morally he’s in a very light grey area at worst.
Yes. It’s completely reasonable to increase rent as living costs increase. It’s reasonable to re-negotiate terms like smoking indoors.
You should also mention to him that his tenancy has an expiry date of 3 years, so that he knows and can plan.
He needs to forgive. You need to forgive yourself.
You both need to stop seeking validation outside the marriage. If this doesn't stop, then yes your marriage is over.
What you feel is normal for women dating. Understand that typically men are affectionate when alone, we feel uncomfortable when other people can see us showing it to our SO, we show affection with actions, not words and gestures others can see. I think your depending on him for happiness and completeness, those come from within, too many men and women make that mistake.
I have a disability as well so I understand what your going through.
You could trade ciggs for vaping. It smells better and does less damage to the house. My husband switched over and I love it so much more and he smells better. Plus vaping is cheaper than ciggs too.
Why do you know so many details of your female friends marriage? Her sex life, dull marriage etc etc etc. How often do y’all get together to discuss your marriages?
That sounds like a good plan. I, too, am a generous and caring person and also had to learn how to balance my generosity vs feeling emotionally responsible for others. Pulling back and giving yourself some space to think clearly is smart. I hope you and your friend will find equally generous and financially stable partners in the neat future. Never settle for less than you deserve. You deserve as much as you have already given to others.
If you came to this sub for support in your insecurities and to be told your impulse to break up with her is correct, you came to the right place. Just be aware that that advice is coming from teenagers and people who’ve yet to have a successful relationship. The other option is to ignore the knee-jerkers and listen to the more mature people who are trying to explain the complexity of human emotions.
Dueling pistols at dawn.
No, he's being ridiculous. It sounds like a simple misunderstanding, and you probably are both partially to blame. But his reaction is way over the top. Does he often treat you like this when something goes wrong, or is this out of character?
There are numerous aspects to this situation that are concerning.
The age difference isn't immediate cause for concern, but the difference combined with the fact he is divorced and has a child while you're still a college student is enough to warrant questioning his decision to date you instead of finding someone his own age.
He refused to wear a condom and privileged his “sexual pleasure” over your reproductive health and wellbeing
He immediately blamed you for a pregnancy that his refusal to wear condoms certainly contributed to
He projected behavior from his ex-wife onto you as his current partner, without merit, OR he did the exact same thing to her that he did to you and didn't take responsibility for it
I can't tell you to leave, because that's your choice. But this relationship sounds very unhealthy and imbalanced, and you deserve a partner with whom you are compatible in terms of maturity, life stage, and experience, in addition to a partner who respects your sexual and reproductive boundaries and takes accountability for their misbehavior.
OP should get the jump on her and suggest it.
Thank you! I cannot believe how few people are saying this. I’ve read hundreds of infidelity stories on Reddit but this one is just another level.
There is a difference between “we know each other’s passcodes” and “I can dive into his phone and read whatever I want whenever I want, and am justified throwing it in the toilet when I find him having an admittedly tame conversation” (let alone “I religiously watch his location tracker when I’m not with him, freak out if it goes out for any amount of time then breakout then ping data and the red string & cork board.”) This is not a true crime podcast. That is not normal. And behavior like this does not just come out of nowhere.
This woman sounds absolutely exhausting
She’s spooky.
Is it just his sex drive.
A few times a week to a 3 month drought is a pretty big drop. Any chance he's depressed?
Yeah there are things that help sex drive. Essentially anything that boosts testosterone boosts sex drive. Kegels also help. That said, this sounds like more than that. I'd go as far as suggesting he might want to see a doctor.
If he isn't interested in working on it…well, you're 21. Choosing to online a sexless life at your age seems like it would be a mistake.
I mean neither of us had even had our first kiss before we met so it definitely wouldn't be good ??????