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Forget her and live a better life going forward. Not worth the effort bud.
It's not normal. He is a cheater.
You can do better
Penis in vagina isn’t the only kind of sex you could be having.
He sounds like a bad guy, endcontact with him, and take care of yourself move to a safe neighborhood. If you can afford it,
get some support from family and friends let them know that you’re finished with this guy, and take good care of your puppy.
separation anxiety is very common, and can today be fixed with some proper training and patience.
Let that scumbag stay down wherever the fuck he is and you take good care of yourself don’t throw away his stuff keep it in a Remove it to storage.
Well you say you went on an app made for strictly for hookup dating for more experience. You were seeking a hookup, experience, and even giving each other oral sex. these are literally your words.
The concern is valid however, you knew his age before meeting. Him being he’s in his 40s theres shouldn’t be a big surprise you’re old enough to be his daughter. It’s common sense, Meaning if this is a concern now, why didn’t this cross your mind before meeting with a stranger?
This is why my original comment said your too naive to be putting yourself in a situations you cannot control. for future reference so you understand, Expecting honesty from a complete stranger is dangerous, going into a strangers home is dangerous. Trusting a stranger on this level with your body is dangerous.
Have you acknowledged you feel he forced sex on you. You’ve seemed to be on good terms with him and even thinking about visiting again. This shouldn’t even be crossing your mind. Are you still responding to these sexual messages. Stop speaking to him. This is what you needed advice on. Yes it’s weird on both ends, he shouldn’t want to be with a 20 yr old and you shouldn’t want to be with a 40 year old. It’s been weird from the start.
Imagine what he will do when the stress of a marriage or a child becomes front and center. He is showing and telling you that he is dangerous. Believe him. Run. You are not the reason he can’t control himself. He is. Run.
Don't move in with this man.
Maybe he's planned something special for the weekend, and taking the day off would interfere with that.
Sounds like you were the psychopath. But now that he dumped you, I think he’s going to be ok. But you need therapy, ASAP
Go easy, be smooth
35
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My husband helps me with my nails. When I was using polish ( use nail polish strips with designs now) he would paint the designs with tiny paint brushes. Women customers always commented how their husband never did.
Stick with people your own age. He is an ass and you need to run
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I can promise you, your friend is a very ugly person. Nothing can overcome an ugly personality.
I'll get down voted to shit for my opinion on this but it sounds like she manipulated him into asking that in hopes of keeping him on the line.
Did he say, can we give it another shot and go out sometime?
Or was it phrased like “are you interested in me?” Because if it's the later I would say he might have just been trying to get clarity and was confused by her coming onto him on his wedding night.
He didn't cheat on you, nor maintain an emotional affair with this person. I completely disagree with a lot of the commentary here and I don't think this is worth ruining a marriage over.
If you really can't get over this though than please leave. Don't torture both of you. I'm sure after all the years you can find enough empathy in your heart for this man to understand he is imperfect.
Of course, he cheated with a footloose and fancy free 21. No housewife or mother duties weighing her down likely.
You've just got to talk about it. A lot of women don't enjoy it — it's a literal job (as you understand), lol. Jaw issues, gag reflex, momentum, taste – she could be inexperienced or had a bad experience previously and hasn't been eager to try again.
Whatever you do, don't push her head in that direction. I think a conversation NOT in a sexual setting is absolutely appropriate and is a great stepping stone to having a relationship filled with open communication, which is absolutely imperative for survival and longevity. Good luck!
I think it’s possible that it can all be down to stress. Some people cope by completely shutting themselves down. Is he acting normally with everyone but you or has he withdrawn himself a bit socially as well?
At the end of the day all you can do is calmly but firmly tell him that you’re at a breaking point with the lack of affection and see if he’s willing to make the effort to come to the table about it.
Don't rent to her unless you really want to give her free housing, because that's what will happen. You bought that two-unit for investment reasons, not to become a solution for irresponsible people. She needs to apply to all the low-income options, not only Section 8, but “affordable” rent buildings, the local housing authority, etc etc. I can easily imagine she will keep pumping out babies she can't afford. smh.
I have a really good female friend. We don’t hug because we think it’s weird. We have zero attraction towards each other
I’ve seen it in real life so I always take it serious.
No one is asking you to get over your feelings. This will take time. Just like all heartbreaks do. What we are advising you to do is to think about your future and what you want out of a life partner. This man has showed you he isn’t it, and years of cumulative experience from people of all different walks of life and age ranges know this is not going to change.
You can be heart broken for a couple months and then work on finding true happiness and healing. Or you can be heartbroken for the rest of your life because this man isn’t the type of person you want to be with.
Is there a way to save things? :/
Nope.
there's so much resentment and hate in her eyes
This is why. And why would she resent you? (Or hate, for that matter?)
I'm wondering why you didn't switch jobs since you only needed 30% of your sex-work earnings.
Couples that love each other go through patches and can come compromise, go to counseling, work on things. You don’t love him, what’s left to keep?
What you want is a roommate.
Sounds like he needs his mother, not a girlfriend.
We are not dating. I may have explained myself poorly.
This is a Tyler perry movie.
Ask your husband why he thinks so low of you that you can be influenced to cheat
My impression is this is more transactional than love. Kind of I’ll do this if you do that thing. Her idea that you paying is “attractive” to her is frightening, again more transactional than loving. If it were me, I’d seriously first end the idea of the two of you living together and possibly end the whole thing. If it can’t move forward, it probably will die a slow death anyway.
Checks subreddits name r/relationship_advice
Where is the advice in your comment? What is it meant to do other than try be a “gotcha op! You're a fucking hypocrite” attempt? Sure, he may have behaved like you're assuming he would have but what is the point bringing up hypotheticals here? If he is a hypocrite, he's just going to ignore you since they don't like their BS exposed to them, if he's not, then your negative bias is going to prevent him from engaging if he has any sense.
If you don't have anything positive to contribute, don't.
Socially people get conditioned to believe you can cut everyone off, but family is different. They're FaMiLy °.○
It really pisses me off, because it's ok to cut them out. You don't owe you anything, if they're abusive you should do it. The issue is then everyone starts isolating you from the family so most people will go back.
People are encouraged to cut out toxic people, but those toxic people can procreate and have families. Then all of a sudden you can't cut them off..
People treat being in a family like a cult.
She should have told you. That is a major thing to not tell your partner. Especially if you're a religious type
I genuinely believe he doesn't have the time but I appreciate your consideration of that. Maybe an emotional affair but if that's the case I hope he's nicer to her.
Sounds like you’re being supportive and understanding which is great, but it’s important that you let her know how her actions (or lack thereof) are affecting you. It sounds harsh, but tough times aren’t license to treat others like crap. If she can’t balance a relationship on top of everything else she’s got going on right now, or if she needs something different than what you’re doing, she needs to communicate that instead of just going radio silent.
So couples therapy or divorce.
The sexual incompatibility will destroy your marriage if it isn’t addressed.
Let it go as in the relationship or the expensive things I co own with her.
It was his idea to wait to have sex, I agreed and told him I’m not interested in having sex with someone that I’m not in love with but I also don’t think waiting for marriage is a must. This was around the third date, way before the virginity thing.
EXACTLY. I swear, half the posts in this sub are “I asked my partner how many people they slept with and now I'm upset.” Like??? Don't ask, don't tell – just make sure you have a clean bill of health. Would solve so many problems.
Ya, I think running from him is a good idea.
Its bullshit if a man does it, and its bullshit if a woman does it too. Who cares how many people you slept with, you weren't together yet. This is a confidence issue on her end. Please don't feel the need to apologize when you've done nothing wrong
Just a point. I have meet women that are obese that oozes sex appeal and I have meet ugly women that are the more stylish and attractive I have seen.
The most important thing is to have a good and loving partner.
I understand that masturbating is a normal thing and I don’t look down on him for that. My issue was doing it while I was sleeping next to him… it’s a bit violating. Specially since I’ve been hinting at wanting to have sex. I’ve tried to help him get the ball rolling but he heavily relies on me to initiate it so I’ve been taking a step back to see if he would even make an effort.
Naw, I support my sister, not take a deep dive into uncovering her secrets like an evil Nancy Drew.
You are Dancy Schrew.
Someday when you are finished your sister will be totally exposed!
Muahahaha!
You sound like the wicked evil witch of the west.
Ill Get you my pretty!
Never really thought about it then, it just crept up in my mind over the years and I couldn't shake it. I wouldn't mention it then but after years of it creeping up I thought I should mention it. It didn't really help
Simple. You have to break up.
She’s content with where she is at and you aren’t.
No is a word. Just tell him no.
????
i see! honestly, i don’t think it’s worth fixing. of course, i’m saying this with a very small glimpse into your relationship, but it’s very likely resentment towards you would build on his end with marriage.
Christ, no. I approached him AFTER the point I turned 18. Purely in a friendly manner. I knew who he was before that but I did not interact with him. I am also the one who initiated anything sexual. It was not even remotely sexual/predatory prior to that, I assure you. He did not hit on me at all. Nor does he make comments about how “mature” I am. I know I didn't provide enough clarification but don't jump to such conclusions. I completely understand why you would, given the age gap, but I promise you that's not the case. And I am also not purposefully seeking a “daddy.”
Your bf is full of shit. He's having a emotional affair with her and she's in love with him. So or he cuts her off or you leave, also next day you hang out with them call them out on their bad behavior, “saying hey guys I'm here, not the 3 wheel, can you include me in the conversation and be decent human being. It is much apparicated. Plus show to you AH bf this post, because he and this girl are toxic.
He's just not that into you as he is into Kelly now :/
Are u sure? Sounds like maybe not.