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He's cheated before so I think there's always room for concern.
I have absolutely no idea what the question is here
You could shower together.
Most places don’t let you just evict people at random. You need cause.
Remain friends and what??? Separate, huh?? Religion?? I am no longer a Christian for this very reason. I pray to God. God does not put up with this BS. As for you, are you a valid person who happens to be gay. Are you anything less? That's not religion, and that's not a friend.
Thanks for this really nice and insightful reply. I am glad that you seem to understand where I am messing up.
I think I do need to keep two journals – one to remind me why I'm angry, and one to remind me to send funny memes at a more appropriate time.
6 month relationship? Jesus. She needs to back the f up.
I don't start conversations much, because it makes me uncomfortable and like I'm getting on the nerves of the person I chat with, even though I know we are friends. I just can't, it won't go into my head. Sometimes I can go weeks or months without wanting to start a conversation with anyone per chat, but if they text me, I feel the need to answer because they took their time for me to text me and I appreciate that so much, even if they know I don't start… and I enjoy the conversations every single time
He says he'd get kicked out if he did that but I don't think that'd happen tbh
OP, you can just show him your post, or copy/paste it into an email and clean it up a bit. You expressed yourself perfectly here.
BUT.
You and he aren't compatible. You don't have the same values. His religion treats sex as either “just sex” as you put it, or as procreation, and for him to see sex in any other way would require him to break away from his religion. If the only way you and he can move forward is for him to break away from his faith, you need to end it and move on. It's not fair for you to interfere with his faith and it's not fair for him to allow his faith to deprive you of love.
Well… Catholic churches don't exactly have a stellar reputation when it comes to sexual manipulation. I don't mean to offend you or the church you're going to, but it being a church rules nothing out.
The thing is her birthday is next week and in my mind in case of rejection that would makes thing awkward for my entire family so I am preferring to way it pass
What's the difference between love and passion? How can you reliably separate them here?
I don't think any of this is a red flag, but will you feel the same at 40, 50 and 60 etc. There are tons of things I didn't care about until I did.
Also, I'm all about prenuptial agreements due to I don't have soft places to land if all hell breaks lose and I never have great supporting partners that truly helped get where I am…basically, my relationships are roomy situations with benefits. The reason I say this is because money doesn't comingle to nobody has ever paid my bills. Therefore, I believe in statics of most marriages end in divorce. This only protects myself.
Lastly, if you are the breadwinner, it seems logical you pay for most of it. I can assume he doesn't have the money to pay for what you can pay for, but it also isn't a priority to him. I would think someone I marry would make it a bit more of a priority than pay for my family and a couple other things. Does it not bother you that your priorities don't really go with his?
Again, what you find important now may not be important later and vs. It took me almost a decade to realize I do care about getting married I do care if a partner makes that a priority and sacrifices more for it just as I am (not a fifty percent/fifty percent) but the okay I'll do it because you care but don't care this a priority for you. Therefore, won't do much. It's not about money and a wedding…but your priorities only matter to him …very little apparently.
Example…after my dad died…my cat died…all 47 days a part and I was ready for another animal that is more for therapy and animal companion and my bf didn't find that to be important or a priority. I didn't get a cat for two years…so told him when I buy a house I'll get my cats…and he didn't believe me…umm..got approved for a mortgage and house hunting for me and my cats…he thinks he has a say…I said my money and will get what I want…we aren't married or kids…took a decade to realize he doesn't give a f about what I want or make me a priority. I adore him but it takes effort to make a relationship work and actually caring about what your partner wants. Therefore, caring means well you do everything and I'll show up. Screw that!
But this is your relationship and your marriage and your only 27 …wait until 37…47… 57…will he still act like this? Acting like your priorities don't matter ?
She knows you are worried about stirring the pot. She's fully aware of this, and in turn uses it as a way to quiet you. Don't stay quiet, don't fear her fits. You're feelings and opinions are just as valid and important as hers.
I was 17 and was sleeping with a 32 year old. Showered me with gifts, took me out, gave compliments, etc.
When you don't have a stable home, or role model to look up to for healthy relationships, it's extremely difficult to tell the difference until you're already caught in the web.
Took me moving three states away and having friends in actual healthy relationships to see what a shit storm the last two years of my life were. So I try not to judge, because I've been there and had no one to help me see the errors.
It doesn’t matter if she understands WHY it’s a problem. The key is is that she understands it’s a problem and therefore you’re not doing it.
I keep hearing about the eggs, I bought some yesterday for 3.88, I don’t think that’s more than usual?
You about to trap yourself into paying someone else’s rent. Buy yourself something nice, you don’t have to get baited into this lady and her money choices. It’s obvious her ex should have been helping with the money for that child, not you. Don’t trap yourself cus she makes you horny
Question; how does he react/support you when bad things actually happen to you in real life? Or how does he handle his own stressful life events?
You. Are. Still. Doing. It.
Narcs are known manipulators. It wouldn't serve you to be diagnosed, because part of your narc supply is being a victim of narc abuse. You haven't stopped talking about all the ways you're a victim, or how your triggers are so unique and intense that you're allowed to act however you want.
You were very comfortable going all in on 500mph narc abuse on your “best friend.” Then post it, and didn't see how you were wrong. And are still trying to deny what was right in front of our faces. You've not shown any empathy for how you treated your friend at all–everything is me me me.
I have a few friends who are competition weightlifters and I have watched complete strangers flip out, puff up their chests, talk shit, and try to start fights simply because we all walked into a bar past them. This happens all the time.
It is WILD how insecurity projects, even in dangerous ways.
It's confusing to me how you went back when you're already in a new relationship.
If your husband has already fixed his issues, maybe but he's still working on it.
From my point of view, you've already lost your love for your husband and just chained to the conceot of marriage.
You’ve discussed this with a professional?
It sounds like you don’t really know this guy at all. You’ve only been together a year, some of that being a LDR. You don’t know his family or friends and he actively hides you from everyone he knows. Who is he talking on his phone to that he’s obviously trying to keep you from seeing? There is no good reason for this level of secrecy.
I agree with quietly looking into him. He’s definitely hiding something.
If he's truly up to no good and she's not exaggerating or just jealous that he's looking at bikini pics, she needs to get sole custody and serve him with papers. She just tied herself to this dude for another 17+ years.
Ride or die relationships are toxic. He can take care of himself and get all the therapy if he really wanted to, but you have a baby and a dog who have no way to protect themselves and they are the ones who genuinely need you to advocate for them. Your boyfriend is abusive. Your loyalty should not be to him, but to your child and the defenceless dog. People are angry because you are witnessing this abuse and you’re too busy being ‘poor boyfriend, poor him, he can’t help it, he has XYZ and never got ABC for it’. He is an adult now. He can address the shortcomings of his childhood for himself, you should not be pushing for him to do better. You should gather yourself and your child and get out before he does permanent damage to either or both of you, and on the way you should be calling animal protection.
Well the bigger issue is, you'd go to the wedding, and still be alone. As if your parents or brother or any other family member will happy to see you, this is all an orchestrated act by them to look 'perfect'. And God forbid you bring up your graduation, you'll be grandstanding the wedding! ?
OP, it's time to think long and hot about going low or no contact with these people. They don't love or care enough about you, it's time to care about yourself and leave them behind
Not agreeing to the threesome wouldn’t have had any effect on the previous years of clandestine infidelity. That relationship was destroyed years ago.
If anything, going through with it got him some crucial information that he can now use to put his life on a new track. If he had refused, the two cheaters would have gone back to business as usual, and OP would still be in a broken marriage, none the wiser.
Not agreeing to the threesome wouldn’t have had any effect on the previous years of clandestine infidelity. That relationship was destroyed years ago.
If anything, going through with it got him some crucial information that he can now use to put his life on a new track. If he had refused, the two cheaters would have gone back to business as usual, and OP would still be in a broken marriage, none the wiser.
There's nothing wrong with you. It's all her.
I wasn’t lacking sympathy in that situation, simply being logical. Also cut that age gap bullshit, I love my girl and am not with her just for the sake of sex. She’s not an annoyance, but in this specific sit of circumstances she might’ve been. I understand she’s young, but she’s not a child, at 24 I wouldn’t have done something like this.
Yk what I’d really like to know; If you had a man and he called you to pay a 1000$ for the dinner he had with his friends would you just throw that money away and call it a day instead of making the logical suggestion of him telling his friends to split the bill.
Nah she said she’ll be driving her kid to school now and “X will miss their morning soccer games” meaning that they won’t be at the bus stop at all anymore
“I thought he would grow up, but it's been 5 years, and he still didn't.”
We see a lot of posts like yours, unfortunately. There's a quote, often attributed to Albert Einstein: “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
You knew what he was like, and you chose to get married to him and chose to have kids with him anyway. He's not going to change.
What do you do? You leave him. Or else you get in a time machine and go back and stop yourself from getting into a relationship with him to begin with.
Stay out of it. He needs to learn to back off, you can't teach him that
That’s my thinking too and he knows there’s not a lot of trust now but he says sweet things to me, it won’t happen again and that he wants to marry me. I do believe him that it won’t happen again. His gf was manipulating him and he knew it was a bad choice to start with her so he never told me out of fear of losing me and we weren’t going out and hadn’t even met at this stage.
You can’t fix someone with an addiction issue. They need to work on fixing themself. All the love in the world will not replace their own desire to finally stop. If you leave you are not doing anything wrong. You said yourself you don’t feel safe, and it’s ruining your life to see her do this long slow decline. You have two choices here, and they are not stay or go. They are: 1. let her go with the knowledge that you will support her WHEN she decides to help herself, or 2. Let her drag you down into the abyss with her, because she absolutely will.
?
Hey, I just wanted to say that you shouldn't be so hot on yourself.
September wasn't very long ago. It sounds like you're struggling and it might make sense to see a therapist with some experience with grief and neurodivergency.
You're young and went through something really difficult. Don't force anything if you aren't feeling it.
I saw his “it's not so bad” as an effort to reassure you. Having had an early stage breast cancer myself, and fully recovered, I would have to tell you as much. My daughter was much more flustered about it than I was. To me it was just a bump in the road, something to deal with, but not terribly worrisome.
As long as your mother follows her prescribed treatment plan, her chances of a complete recovery are very good!
Try to adopt the positive outlook, both for your own sake, and so you can convey optimism to your mother. And be sure to be there for her, if only virtually until you can travel to her. This would be the wrong time to break up with your BF for being unempathic, which I truly don't think he was.
Sorry but really? Why? Why? Why would you want to stay with a guy who treats you like shit?
Don't be nervous, dear. He's right in what he said. His mother will always love him more than his wife (You for the moment). In the future, once you have a child, you'll surely love him more than his partner will. That's life. Just accept it and move on. It won't destroy your relationship with your partner.