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Did you not see them for three years? You did abandon him if that’s the case. Really selfish attitude to take to your child and will take years and years to make up for with stability consistency and building trust. This is your responsibility to fix.
“I can’t do anything right” is a manipulation tactic to get you to go “no no it’s fine it’s not that big of a deal” or otherwise complement him, change the subject, or not being it up again. He’s borderline abusive from the sounds of it. Seriously that’s NOT okay in a relationship and having someone get upset that you’re not comfortable with something is a massive red flag.
We have been together for 10 years, we have a house, I am almost 30 and I would like to have kids one day. I always hoped it would get better. I'm comfortable with him but except that I don't really know..
It sounds like both of you are satisfied with this frequency and that's all that matters. It's only unhealthy if one or both of you are unhappy, because that leads to frustration or resentment.
You need to stand up for yourself. Like now. She played you.
You posted this 3 hours ago, you're telling us you already broke up with her because you didn't like that she couldn't sleep?
It's very possible to be a christian and not be a bigot. Lots of people do it. Thete are even gay priests! OP's ex-friend made a choice. He could have chosen a non-bigoted church, but he didn't
Why does everyone say they’ll go to therapy when they’ve cheated, just stop being a selfish ass and think of other people and not yourself.
Just get him a few gift cards at places you know he'll shop.
Seriously: these people sound like delusional teenagers. It totally normal for mature adults to not hate eachother after a breakup.
Yes, it tends to come naturally. But there is always some aspect of asking for and gaining consent. What that looks like varies from couple to couple, though.
You're not really saying anything about what you actually argue and fight about. Almost like you can't admit them to yourself.
Spoiler alert: everyone read the entire post before commenting. We're all just coming to the same conclusion: he's not that into you.
Nope
It depends on the recording laws in your country. Reddit can’t give you an answer to this.
I've always walked away from people that keep enemies to our relationship around
There is only one ultimatum here and it's for you to apply on yourself
“Am I putting up with this anymore”
That answer was always no for me and meant I left those people with my self respect intact
I dont even make the threat these days as I learned that pushing and policing my partners actions around keeping people like this around, just trained them to hide things more
Just walk and let him work out why, I'm sure he'll have his ex to bounce it off
Several things going on here and I guess you’ll get diverse opinions on this one. First of all, I totally agree with the fact that you (as the sole breadwinner in that household) need to make time for exercising and decompressing a little bit, your wife and kids will be having a VERY HOT time if you’re not around. Second, why don’t you safe yourself some money stress by creating a schedule with both grandmas so they can help your wife with the children? Paying for a nanny when there’re 3 women that basically depend on your income in the house seems like a waste of money, the grandmas are there to help your wife so it seems like a stretch to have a nanny as well. Third, by reducing nanny expenses you can suggest your wife to use that money to see a therapist, go get a massage every now and then, etc. that might help with her situation and the lack of motivation she’s currently having. Honestly, I think you’re doing your best as a husband, father, son and son-in-law.
Several things going on here and I guess you’ll get diverse opinions on this one. First of all, I totally agree with the fact that you (as the sole breadwinner in that household) need to make time for exercising and decompressing a little bit, your wife and kids will be having a VERY HOT time if you’re not around. Second, why don’t you safe yourself some money stress by creating a schedule with both grandmas so they can help your wife with the children? Paying for a nanny when there’re 3 women that basically depend on your income in the house seems like a waste of money, the grandmas are there to help your wife so it seems like a stretch to have a nanny as well. Third, by reducing nanny expenses you can suggest your wife to use that money to see a therapist, go get a massage every now and then, etc. that might help with her situation and the lack of motivation she’s currently having. Honestly, I think you’re doing your best as a husband, father, son and son-in-law.
Agreed. I just didn't really say anything before.. but now it's starting to bother me. I tend to make excuses for others . I'm too nice. An idiot if you will. And so yesterday i tried having a lil talk with him.. he was like “why this now? It's like the 4th day in a row we have these conversations” which wasn't even true.. we had a convo on Saturday, initiated by him.. coz he was high and thought i was gunna break up with him. Then yesterday.. and still we got nowhere and I quit bcoz i felt like it was going nowhere. Ughh… I love this guy and i think he's just codependent and loves the idea of me. ? Damn! He said he loves me more than he loves himself and i have a major problem with that!! This is really what I hear instead.. “I don't love myself, therefore I can't love you” Ooooff this is tough!
Agreed. I just didn't really say anything before.. but now it's starting to bother me. I tend to make excuses for others . I'm too nice. An idiot if you will. And so yesterday i tried having a lil talk with him.. he was like “why this now? It's like the 4th day in a row we have these conversations” which wasn't even true.. we had a convo on Saturday, initiated by him.. coz he was high and thought i was gunna break up with him. Then yesterday.. and still we got nowhere and I quit bcoz i felt like it was going nowhere. Ughh… I love this guy and i think he's just codependent and loves the idea of me. ? Damn! He said he loves me more than he loves himself and i have a major problem with that!! This is really what I hear instead.. “I don't love myself, therefore I can't love you” Ooooff this is tough!
No joke, my ex told me that I had to call my Alexa by a different name because she convinced herself that my friend of the same name (who she never met) was out to sabotage our relationship.
People are going to remain friends and their future partners are going to have to deal with it. This is your problem not hers. You've said that she's not cheating. It IS controlling to expect your partner to change friendships because you're uncomfortable. It's your problem to solve within yourself.
Should I look for a penny or a dime?
This.
I feel for you. To save yourself it's likely best to emotionally move along. She's going through a divorce and flirting w another guy you don't like. It's a whole lot going on for her and you're likely to be hurt. She's getting divorced which is a big deal and. She's likely going to need time to really figure herself out. You being there as a friend sounds more like you're waiting for her to change her feelings for you. I've been on both sides of where you are and neither are fun. Find someone that's really interested in you so you can enjoy a fair feeling relationship. This one will likely cause you pain.
I don’t think you should argue about Tom and Sami’s marriage any more. The point here is that it’s inappropriate for Mark to dictate who you can be friends with or not. His argument about your character is bonkers, because if anyone knows your character it should be your spouse. If he can’t tell that you are a good person even if you are friends with someone he thinks is doing something “wrong” then does he really know you?
Thank you.
I used to do this to my partner until he pointed it out and then I was embarrassed and stopped
Oh no, I wasn't asking about going to dinner with him or anything. I was trying to explain, in probably too many words, that I felt low on his priority list. I didn't expect him to cry about my cat (he did btw, which was sweet of him) but I had hoped he'd show up for me a little more. I recently lost my little brother too and he knows all about that so I just thought I'd have more support while I was going through another loss. Are you saying it's not a good idea to ask for support from a partner? Genuinely trying to understand what to do here.
You don't want to be an unpaid babysitter at his party.
I don't know what his real reason is for wanting you to be in the room but going to a party just to babysit young children sounds exhausting.
stfu, when did he say he didn't give consent?
Thanks so much for offering advice rather than being rude & ignorant like most of the comments. I actually talked with my sister today and she apologized. We are going to spend time together tomorrow and I am looking forward to it!
It would better to engage the services of a therapist and/or marriage counselor rather than talk to friends about something so personal. With a therapist, you won't have to worry about tongues wagging and gossiping about something so personal.
Whether you decide to divorce her or forgive her, you need time to weigh your options. Please do not rush this decision.
Thank you this was sweet ??
Cut your losses now. You do not want to stay with someone like that.
If you stay with her you need to let her know that behavior like that will not be tolerated going forward. She made plans with her friends, if she couldn’t afford to go out she should’ve stayed home. Not your problem.
Do not apologize for anything as you did nothing wrong. You teach people what you will and will not put up with.
Your kids are going to ruin Santa for a lot of other children.
What
Do you really think women can just “waves hand” forego unwanted harrasment? You are living in a bubble! Your fiancée is afraid to be more vocal about her boundaries because she KNOWS the situation will escalate and it can become very dangerous for her. You need to support her and be more understanding, not paint her as some flirtatious easy woman. Jesus I'm mad on her behalf at how you're treating her. YOU need to do better, not her.
Yeah, you're allowed to buy laundry baskets. You told him you had one each, since he put his laundry in the right basket. You didn't spell it out that you'd only wash your stuff, which you could have done, but you apologised immediately and that should have been the end of it. Well I suppose you could have reminded him where you keep the soap and softener but that would have been babying.
OP this is not normal please heed everyone's advice here!
Well, it sounds like you have months of free rent before your bf returns. Take a minute to catch your breathe. Spend some time thinking about your next move. But most importantly, stop being his secretary.
Those men you knew were good fathers who made a very hot decision. OP’s dad is only a dad in so far as he donated DNA. He threw them out. He hasn’t paid child support. He hasn’t been there. He is a deadbeat. He doesn’t deserve to be there unless OP really wants him there.
Thing is, I've spoken to him about a lot of things. At this point, i feel like I'm going to come off as insecure and needy. I've spoken to him about feeling jealous, worried about the relationship and more. Every time I voiced a thought that worried me, he said it made him worry too