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Go to couples counseling! It's a betrayal, it's damaged your trust, it's shifted how you imagined the relationship starting, it's changed how you see him… you need the help of a professional to wade through this mess. It's a big mess, not unmanageable. Yes you can save this, but counseling will help you unpack the betrayal and decide if you actually want to. Ideally, go to someone who works with affairs (betrayal trauma is its own niche of couples counseling).
My husband raped his sister and impregnated her with an incest baby, is this ground for divorce?
Seriously?
Either this is fake, or you're in severe shock and not thinking clearly.
If it is the latter, you need to take some time away from your husband and his family, and get things clear in your head. Because that shouldn't even be a question.
REEFER
I doubt it was anything sexual (she wasn’t on incognito mode) but it may be an xmas gift?
You don't need to wait. You guys are broken up. You don't owe anything to him.
if he broke up with you a week ago,
I never trust a man that doesn’t like animals. Don’t you even threaten to get rid of her dog. Grow up and leave her alone if you can’t be a decent man to her.
God forbid a woman in a relationship hangs out with a friend…
His reasons are perfectly valid. They are only 'excuses' to you because they don't fit YOUR plan.
Here is your simple answer:
Your bf does not want to move-in/ online with you.
A guy that says he doesn't want to move-in after 6 years because he is light-sleeper is looking for 'reasons' because “I don't want to.” is nude to directly tell someone.
I suspect that if you hadn't moved closer to him your relationship would have casually died out.
Time to start looking for someone who wants to progress in a relationship.
He won't be there for SEVERAL YEARS and even the, maybe not with you.
Sorry, but you both have different goals.
I was married to this guy- the tantruming, spiteful, and passive aggressive one. It sucks the life outta ya and keeps you so focused on yourself (“what am I doing wrong here? It must be something I’m doing, or not doing. I’m not trying hard enough. There must be some other way”) that you overlook all of the things that you shouldn’t be tolerating at all.
All I can say is- greener pastures. I’m with a partner, not child now, and wow. Level up
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You don't get her back. You lied and treated her like crap.
i mean it could be but i think “my kid is having sex-phobia” is very common and most parents would be uncomfortable with these kinda jokes regardless of sexual orientation. cool that your family is different i guess.
I sometimes (1 in 1,000?) say incredibly inappropriate things when I'm extremely nervous. But I also apologize immediately afterwards.
Right my kids always ask me about my pregnancy with them
Fair enough.
But you are allowed to be offended even if he isnt.
Why would you a not asexual person get in a relationship with an asexual person? This seems to be a recipe for heartache.
Thank you so much dear for the support. You comment also made my heart warm!
Break up.
End it. I could provide detail all day here, but you need to understand that it's not necessary. This is a situation you run from.
I'll say this though. Is it normal? Normal is relative, but in healthy relationships, no, this isn't normal. Separately, ask yourself this; do you want to online like this forever?
Then you say that every time this gets discussed it leads to a break up. You're four months in. You've apparently broken up multiple times. Healthy relationships don't generally break up even once. So again, run.
Right?! Maybe she can get a job and make some money? Why is it okay for her husband to work insane hours and have no relationship with his kid…
Would you want to be around a pampered chef party, or probably one of those sex toy parties?
Personally, I'd be out of the house for the entire duration and then some so I didn't have to hear women squealing over whatever toy the salesperson is showing.
Is it both of your houses? If so, while it's kind of inconvenient from time to time to leave to allow your spouse to have the space without you, it's fair of her to ask from time to time in my opinion. She may not feel totally comfortable for you to be around when her friends are there because she or they won't be able to be fully free with their discussions knowing you are in the area.
Do her and her friends have a rotating girls night that she has to host from time to time? I think that's reasonable for her to ask for the space in a situation such as that for a few hours once in a while.
I understand what you mean but honestly it’s not about sex it’s about trust. If you truly trust someone you will show them all that you are. I almost always comfort her in terms of arguments and such just when I want to put my foot down I don’t, to show her I’m serious about something.
So I'm pretty sure that your bf broke up with you in a state of shock but then wanted you back 2 weeks later but never really came to terms with you cheating, hasn't really spoken to you about it properly and is therefore doing this to “communicate” how he feels about the whole thing.
Best would be to take a break from each other at this point.
This is who he is. If you aren’t happy, break up. It was all a show. This will destroy your self esteem if you stay.
Yeah exactly and Op wrote its actually her friend.
Its time to start asking question if they are really just friend.
Omg that person gave terrible advice but it’s not their fault or a reflection of them, that they got cheated on! Blaming women for mens actions is pretty lame
Neither of us have mentioned it. The morning after she texted and apologized for blacking out, but didn't mention the other girl. I don't know whether she was truly blacked out when with the other girl, or if she was just pretty drunk. She seemed in control and aware of her actions, but it's difficult to say. I was planning on at least asking her if she remembered the girl next time we hang out and going from there.
Who hurt you?
Thanks for reading. I am in therapy now, actually! It’s been a really big issue for me, and I couldn’t really handle it anymore.
Maybe comfort and security is a huge factor in this. I just mentioned in another comment that I really don’t have much time to start over in the dating world (or, at least, I feel like I don’t) because of my career.
I have told him that he isn’t getting any more chances, and he has been improving a lot. He is putting effort into us, but I just can’t get over it. That fear is never going to leave, and time is really healing anything for me. It’s been over a year, and I’m still extremely upset.
Update
I don't wear my ring much because I have sensitive skin and I find rings uncomfortable. Once in a while I like to wear it though.
It doesn't seem like he “forces” you, he just asks you to. Tell him what I said, and also what you said about trusting you.
Stop being flirty with her and just fucking pull the trigger.
“Girl I really like you and want a relationship with you, I don’t meet you to commit now but just know what my intentions are. You are the only one who doesn’t think you are beautiful everyone else sees you for how amazing and gorgeous you are. We can move at your pace and I hope you see me the same way I see you”
You don’t have to say all that but that’s a good summary of just pulling the trigger. Goood luck and don’t miss out. Fortune favors the bold
Stop being flirty with her and just fucking pull the trigger.
“Girl I really like you and want a relationship with you, I don’t meet you to commit now but just know what my intentions are. You are the only one who doesn’t think you are beautiful everyone else sees you for how amazing and gorgeous you are. We can move at your pace and I hope you see me the same way I see you”
You don’t have to say all that but that’s a good summary of just pulling the trigger. Goood luck and don’t miss out. Fortune favors the bold
Hi, ADHD person with ADHD husband here. He's selfish, he doesn't enjoy getting you off and uses his ADHD as an excuse. You can try exploring kinks in the bedroom to spice it up or use sensory deprivation to prevent him from getting distracted, but I doubt it will help. I would just sit him down and talk to him about how you are fed up with how there are no changes after you repeatedly asked him to put a little more effort into sex. Whatever you do next is up to you. My husband always gets me off, and he has the attention span of a golden retriever puppy.
OP,
What I have learned is that your not the problem, they are. Instead of talking with you that there is any issues, they use that time to talk with someone else. This is why it is called emotional cheating. All this time they use to talk with someone else is taken away from you to find/fix any issues with your relationship. Then they get closer and it turns physical.
It has nothing to do with your looks, your skills in bed, your giving all to her. IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU AT ALL, it is all about her. She failed you, she failed herself and she failed your child. Right now you can not see this, All you see is the blind rage of what she has done.
What you need to do right now is work on yourself, If you can please see a therapist to assist with you moving forward. Work out, go for a walk, a run, a job, trekking in the woods, biking, anything. Meet new people, do things you have wanted to do but didn't or couldn't do. PUT YOUR SELF AND YOUR CHILD FIRST.
Nothing says you have to move out, kick her out etc. Make her get a job, sleep in separate bedrooms etc. If you only have a small apt, make her take the couch. You can grey rock her all day long, only talking about your child needs.
I wish you the best of luck
(2/3) So Christmas Eve came and I was expecting a message saying are you still coming early or something like that but nothing came so around 2 hours before we agreed I would go in which was like 3 hours before my actual shift started I messaged her asking if I was still okay to come in 3 hours early to watch the film and get some food. Which she replied to acting like she didn’t know what I was talking about and like we only agreed I would come in like half an hour or an hour early. I played it cool and said okay I’ll just do that then, when I got in I asked about our plans not happening and she basically said she doesn’t remember making them and then said she must have made them while drunk (she wasn’t drunk at the party, the plans were made a week before the party and she was talking about them with me before she started drinking at the party) again I played it cool and was like fair enough but I was really hurt because it’s a shitty thing to happen to you on Christmas Eve especially since I had other thing going on meaning I couldn’t even spend Christmas with most of my family and this was the only real plan I had for Christmas as I wouldn’t really be celebrating it this year. But like I say I played it cool however there was this horrible awkward vibe for the time I was with her and I was kinda glad when she eventually left. After this I saw her 2 or 3 more times before she had 2 weeks away from work and those 2 or 3 times it was weird she wasn’t like the way she was during training (the person I really liked) but she wasn’t as blunt or rude as she was just after just a kinda middle ground with me. Also just to mention all of these shifts where we would talk and chill longer than our shifts would last it was just turn up and one of us would say do you wanna stay for an extra 10 minutes or so to chill and that was what we would do. But when she came back after the 2 weeks away, on her first shift with me she messaged me without me messaging her (the first time this happened since meeting her) asking me to come in an hour early to “keep her company” I could be reading into that wrong but it’s a weird thing to write to some guy when your in a relationship imo and so I did and this has been happening every time we are in together for the last like 4 months. I won’t go into detail for everything that happened during that time but as a kind of overview, we got closer and she messaged me on everyone of her shifts that I was also in but only those shifts if she wasn’t in with me on that day she wouldn’t message me (to this day we haven’t really spoken on a day I wasn’t working before or after her) and we have played games on the work computer together, she told me she likes us working together because she ‘enjoys spending time with me’ which again I could be reading wrong but is weird to say to a guy when your in a relationship and she even started joking about me liking her. All this time we spent together she never really spoke about her BF I still wouldn’t learn his name for a while after this and there was never a story about them, something they did together the past weekend or anything like that (I would sometimes get little facts about him like if we was speaking about something for example we was on about hero’s and she just said oh my boyfriend likes Spider-Man and those little facts was all I would get about him that entire time) but she never really spoke about him but I did know personal secrets of like her best friend that she probably shouldn’t have told me and other stuff the only thing she never really spoke about openly was her BF. And during this time I truly fell for her, I have never felt this before, I couldn’t sleep or stop thinking about her and the last few times she leaves after her shift I get a horrible pain in my chest and my life has become waiting till the next time I’m on shift with her, I don’t believe you can love someone your not actually in a relationship with but this is close enough to what I imagine it is to love someone and it’s the worst thing I have ever experienced. All this has been building up and eating away at me until on one of these shifts I was with her she said she was doing something I really wanted to do with her that we was even talking about but with her BF but she said his name for the first time since meeting her (I’ll call him Scott, not his real name) and without thinking I asked who Scott was even though I had already put it together and when she said my boyfriend I just shut down and couldn’t function. I would say I am fairly confident and social person and it takes a lot to break me or make me speechless but the second she said who he was that’s exactly what happened, I broke and I just went quiet and distant. After a while she asked if I was okay and what happened and without thinking I said she should just go. I just wanted to be alone and I was instead with the one person I just didn’t want to be with in that moment and I told her she can go home if she wanted and I tried to play it off as me being kind saying she doesn’t have to stay any longer but it was obvious something was wrong and she got silent and started getting her things. I was still out of it mentally and still couldn’t think straight but I knew I had to say something and confess my feelings so I did and I told her I liked her, but before I had a chance to explain why, how long or how much she just said I have a boyfriend and walked out. I messaged her trying to explain but did a horrible job of doing so but she replied basically saying she has been with Scott for 3 years is in love with him and is happy and that we just get along that’s it which hurt me because I thought for sure we was at least genuine friends not that we just get along.
Just ask her if you can look at it. Her reaction to that alone would be very telling.
Is there a neighbour or relative like a sister or brother that she still remembers? You might need someone she trusts to help you. Another option is to call an ambulance, get her to the hospital and assessed.
Dementia can have lots of causes and it doesn't have to be the classic gradual brain deterioration. My BIL was delusional and the ambulance got him to hospital they found he had cancer and his blood profile was highly abnormal. Once they corrected it he was back to normal, albeit having to cope with cancer. So it could be your mother has some other condition causing her delusions.
An option also is to phone her doctor, tell him what's happening and take his advice.
When a couple that are monogamous, go open, the marriage is over. It may take a little while for it to dwindle down to nothing but the other person wants to cheat. There are so many stories on here about exactly the situation, and they never turn out well ever. Open relations that start out like that. Don’t even fare very well, but some people make those work. He doesn’t want to either your marriage is over. You guys need to find a way to compromise or you let it go get a divorce and move on with your life.
Don’t cheat it will destroy what little of his self-esteem he probably has around this. Also, don’t do it. Don’t try to open it up with the person that doesn’t want it open.
What I mean is that I didn’t wanna break up with him and say “hey i’m breaking up with you because you stink like shit”, I wanted to be able to have a reason that didn’t make me feel as bad personally. maybe that’s dumb of me but I just don’t like hurting peoples feelings
It's a dealbreaker. You're only 4 months in. Cut your losses
Happy cake day stranger
If my (m35) friend talks about having small boobs and challenges to get bras and I see an ad for a store selling them I'll definitely send it to them. Whether appropriate not has to do with your relationship. Based on the other things you added it does seem like you are having issues in the group and are looking at a reason to get out of it.