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I’m sorry but don’t ruin your marriage over your sister being selfish and stubborn
from someone with bipolar
Oh honey… I hope you find the strength to leave and never come back hugs
She won't regret shit, except getting married so young.
I love you
Mangos, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
Mangos, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
?♀️ miscommunication all around. You’re right, it shouldn’t have mattered but the truth of the matter is we all have insecurities.
How old are you both?
Well first it’s clear that she’s obsessed with u and can’t handle the fact that your moving on etc. She wants u to come back to her and is doing everything possible to contact you, make you jealous, etc. my advice would be to document everything and possibly do a restraining order. Obviously avoiding her is the best option but clearly that hasn’t done very well. She wants u to feed into her. My honest advice would be to start documenting everything and form a restraining order.
I am going to be blunt here. She did you a favor by breaking up. Count your blessings and run. You. Are being manipulated, abused, and most likely cheated on. Please don't go back.
My ex was something like that. Fight and break-up whenever there was a chance of meeting a certain “friend” and after a good weekend or a few days of fun and then later on pretending like there was no fight or argument and making me feel guilty of not calling and checking.
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The heccccc….
OP. You can dye your hair and straighten it if need be.
It's really NOT about her hair.
Your ex does not seem to even like this coworker, but he's not going to be rude toward her and assume she has a crush on him.
Actually, you can just block coworkers who aren’t respecting boundaries.
If your sex life is already incompatible then I would move on. That part isn’t going to get better and you will both end up frustrated. Sex isn’t everything but it is still an important part of most relationships.
Not true, people compare classmates, family, friends, you name it people will compare. So stop acting like you’re both just passive victims of that comparison and start looking at better ways to manage that comparison that works for both of you. Not just how you think you need to shield your daughter. And to do that you have to talk to your daughter about what she needs, and advocate for what you need, and look for solutions that work for you both. And family therapy would be a great place to start.
If she needed “life saving surgery” for a stroke, I sincerely doubt she's in any shape to ask for her phone let alone use it. I've cared for a few people post stroke, and none of them have been “100% mentally there” for weeks after the surgery and they definately didn't have then fine motor control to use a cell phone.
Someone's butthurt they got dumped ? This isn't even a good type of petty, this is pathetic.
A McFlurry voucher
No, i get upset with him or annoyed and i never yell. I can be annoying or stubborn but i dont think its a good reason for him to react like this.
I also read this before so I’m also giving you the same advice. Not only is she not leaving Ohio, she is not leaving her parents’ house. She will never move in with you even if you on-line next door to her parents. She can’t cook or shop or take care of herself so you will have to treat her like your child, not an equal. How did you even meet her or get in a relationship with her? I assume she goes out on dates with you because you say you have chemistry and you have fallen in love with her, but she is happy with her life and doesn’t want to change it. So yes, it is a lost cause. Move where you want and meet someone there.
His deception about money is unlikely to change without financial counseling. I'm married to a guy like this and it sucks. I strongly recommend you don't combine financial accounts.
Get into therapy and maybe a life coach. You want to get into the modality of thinking people are competent and have their own way of doing things or in some cases not doing things right away or even ever. There is no RIGHT way.
If y’all can appreciate each other and your differences, it could be a beautiful relationship.
The wedding will be a big test. Will you become a Bridezilla? How will you act on the day of with your mom there needling you about the right way to do things. Will you repeat her behavior or will you conquer this thing and have the marriage your mom didn’t have.
Also suggest meditation and 5 min journal.
Good luck!
Names are a “two yes, one no” situation. Both of you get a veto.
” After they didn’t speak to her for months while she spent every day texting my fiancé every transgression he’s ever done to her and what a bad person he is.”
If there is a name that your future MIL despises, I would be inclined to name the baby that out of spite because I'm petty and don't like accommodating unkind people.
You might want to join r/JUSTNOMIL.
SIGH.
First, don't ask a question that you can't handle the answer to. Think about that and think about what that means for your maturity.
Second, she is with you. She chose you. If she wanted those other guys, or any other guys, she'd not be with you, Yes?
Next. And this is from my own experience:
I've been with a lot of men, and with a lot of men comes a lot of different penises. One was very small. A few were small. Most were average. A few were really big. Two were stupid big – like, 'don't point that thing at me it might go off.'
But you know who I had best sex with? The very best oh-my-god-orgasms I've had before or since? The guy who was about my height (so short for a man), with a smaller than average dick. Sex with him was mind-blowing because he made it mind-blowing.
It's not about any size – penis, breasts, whatever – it's about being attuned to your lover. Being, as Dan Savage says, Good, Game, and Giving.
Pull your head out of your ego. Ask your girl what she wants. Try it and ask for direction. Play. Have fun. Use toys. Concentrate on her pleasure knowing yours will come, if anything because you satisfied her.
You are 30 years old, OP. Not 15.
Good luck.
Yes, I am trying. I definitely need to get a new job so I can have some more time on my hands to explore and enjoy the city. The meeting friends part is definitely the most difficult thing for me
? dear me
Next time she’ll be taking their ? since you’re good with this
Oh yeah, 100%. They've got a lawyer and all that jazz.
Look no offense but I don't understand why people insist on playing a silly little game where they both have to divine the right time to start exclusivity and then get mad at each other for guessing wrong. This whole thing could have been avoided if you'd just used your words. I'm sorry you feel bad, but also, do realize that you put yourself in this position.
It seems like you're reading a whole lot into a dating style that happens to be different from yours — I think it might help to remind yourself that her approach here is a pretty normal way to date that doesn't actually say anything about her feelings for you.
Tell her that moving in is a joint decision requiring a buy-off from both people and you don't feel comfortable yet. She needs to respect that or else you shouldn't be together at all.
He realizes what he said, he just assumes he won't be held responsible for it.
I feel like something happened to make you dislike her smoking suddenly, and whatever that thing is, that’s what you should probably be posting about.
Maybe this dude just got into bitcoin or ethereum early on. And hasn't fucked things up
Something is up. Before confronting him or make any decisions, maybe wait and see if you can collect more concrete evidence
Even so I came for sound advice, there's plenty of ways for y'all to say “you're being an idiot” without actually saying that. There's no way I'm taking advice from grown men who initially insult me
YUCK, times a billion.
How do men like this even exist, I work in a dirty environment, dusty, long hours, nude work.
I shower when I get home, cut my nails, wash my hair, wash my clothes, brush my teeth,
It takes like half an hour,
If a human cannot do this, they are more like an animal then a man, how would they even sleep, it would be so itchy,
Some people are bridge trolls.
Tell him, if you don't change, today, I'm leaving, I get to say at anytime “shower” “brush your teeth” “wash your asshole” and you do it right away or its over.
You probably have so much poop in your bed, literally that can come to life and take over your brain, parasites in shit, get in your brain, and they make it seem like its ok to make a nest for them in the real world. Your boyfriend is infected, you need to make him change 100% or leave in the next 15- 20 minutes.
Your husband is nuts. For your health and safety you need to get out from under his thumb.
Is he getting therapy? If he's bipolar he is going to have these episodes a lot, forever.
Sooo, just curious, what would he do if you set up a Tinder (or any swipe account) and just had a go with all those (& there will be a lot) available men?
Not that you would but doubt he’s even considered you rightly could. He’s so focused on getting his jollies, bet he hasn’t even considered the reverse.
Darlin’ I’m not making light of a sad situation for you, just want you to see his selfish behavior for what it is. You deserve someone who appreciates all you have to offer. He no longer is that deserving person.
Yeah, I'm siding with your friend on this one. She's waving a bunch of red flags that you're willfully overlooking. You said he felt cold, but honestly that's what you needed. You've known her one year, just got out of a bad break up, had a brief break up with her, had a failed pregnancy, and she doesn't like the one person trying to wake you up. And despite all that, she already wants to put you on her house! Honestly, I think you could probably try some alone time before trying to get into something serious with anyone.
It's off putting because of the origin of the tradition. Adults who want to be in a relationship together are not adults if they think they need to get a permission slip signed by mommy and daddy.
Buy a cheap phone with a really good case to protect it and stop giving him your phone.
He is a big boy and needs to deal with his own phone.
Divorce rate is nearly 40% in the US bud. That's a 40% chance she'll lose half. Only an idiot WOULDN'T get a prenup.
It depends. We don't know the gf's circumstances. Maybe the parents are supporting her financially or something like that. If that's the case, it would be stupid to fight her parents and lose their support just because she wants to go on a trip with her bf but that's just my opinion lol.
Does he have diaper rash?
This is one of those situations where you can't get out of it without hurting someone, I'm afraid. Be as kind as you can and always communicate honestly. Unfortunately I don't think any of us can help you beyond that, but good luck.
How would her insecurities be his fault unless he's insulting her?
This is his partner. These are her insecurities. This is right now the way she is comfortable enough to have sex. Does he want her to also have “amazing sex” like he's said he's having with her?
Because he could not be having any sex with her. Would HE find that to be an improvement?
hi, thanks for the advice. he has depression. I didn't want to argue at first as I thought maybe that was depression talking. but picking on me 10 times in a roll is more than I could take.
Can he save the joint for after dinner/chores are done?
Even people with the best intentions get couch-locked.
I do not think a divided list until he builds the habits is a bad idea, “simple” or not.
Was the betrayal watching pornography?
They are into the thrill of doing something they aren't supposed to, the conquest, the newness, etc. Some people aren't built for monagamy and when that is the case, how “hot” the spouse is doesn't matter.
Etc etc, though I don't have a source, I've heard the same claim before, and I don't find it surprising.