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Anna and Nick, 25 y.o.
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? maybe some jujitsu would make your parents more chill with it
He keeps saying that we should separate because he doesn’t want me hurting.
I told him that this is an addiction already and it’s just inappropriate and disrespectful. Not just to me but to every woman we come across.
What can I do?
Are you dumb?
i honestly can’t separate as of the moment for financial reasons. i’ve been constantly sick so my money goes to my medications and he helps me with that.
No, you're just using him.
Break up with him and let go of the idea that the two of you can still be friends. You don’t deserve his friendship. It’s gross that even now, even knowing how messed up this situation is, you’re still thinking of how you can use this guy. Break up with him, cleanly and for good, and then leave him alone.
If the person is scary to fall for, find someone new. If the idea of trusting someone is scary, talk to a counselor – you deserve to be happy about things. But yeah, the idea of being glued to someone and having certain privileges removed because of it and new responsibilities and all that IS scary, and I think talking about it makes us feel like we sound ungrateful or unloving toward our partner? That would be why I don't publicly share my fears and nerves. Totally normal to have them, it's when it's preventing you from enjoying that falling in love feeling that it's a problem.
Yeah I know. It’s so sad to come to terms with that.
I'm glad to hear that you are prioritizing yourself and making the important decision to break up with your boyfriend. It was also very brave of you to open up about this struggle, and I commend your strength for facing these difficult times. Going through trauma can be an isolating experience, but it's important to remember that you aren't alone in this journey. Reach out for support from trusted friends, family members or professionals such as myself if you would like some extra guidance or reassurance on how best to move forward. Take care!
Good God, I’m done responding to you. I don’t get the urge to respond to the most niche of comment details, while ignoring the comment as a whole. I’ve given paragraphs of advice that you’ve ignored; if you wanted true advice, we’d be having a much more productive conversation right now, but you clearly don’t want legit advice. You want to be right. You say you want to grow and be better, but there’s 0 evidence in the comments.
If you truly wanted advice, you’d be answering my questions. But you don’t; you just want people to agree with you. Best of luck homie?
I'm a fat man too, 173kg. If she was around my weight I'd be worried but she was 75kg, the same asxmt mum currently, now sitting at 67kg. She's not at all overweight at all
He's in a situation where he can on-line how he likes and barely works and openly disrespects you. He's not a man of strong character by the sounds of it, so only a negative consequence will change his behavior if he ever changes. Clearly love for you and your children isn't enough to make him step up and be a present father and husband. You can impose a negative consequence by leaving for a few weeks until he changes his routine.
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Do not see him again, in person or otherwise. He isn't the one for you and you don't know him well enough to call him your soul mate. You don't know him at all. You've been dating a phony who had to lie to you to date him.
I agree with most of the other comments here so I’ll just add: finding a different body type attractive doesn’t me you don’t find HER body type attractive. Just because I like chocolate ice cream best doesn’t mean strawberry isn’t also delicious. It’s not an either or thing. I find my boyfriends body to be insanely attractive, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped finding other things attractive. I’m just choosing him. And you’re choosing her.
Try talking to her about it then. Make it safe for her to admit that she knew what he was doing. You don’t think she’s interrelated in him or anything, but you need her to be honest about it so you guys can clearly define boundaries and how you want to handle things like that in the future.
He excessively drinks when he's sad and it's nude to have a serious conversation.
Huge red flag. He should be on his best behavior this early in the relationship, but he's getting so drunk he can't communicate effectively.
and start a business with him on the side.
Red Flag #2. It is way too early for him to be suggesting you go into business together and tie your finances together.
He offered to support me as he sees a future with me and wants to start a family together one day.
Oh no no no. It is 2 months in and far too soon to be talking about marriage and family and relying on him as your support. Red Flag #3. Girl, GTFO today…now. This guy is bad news.
I'd say pin him down on what this is. Breaking up and keeping you on the hook is different to a couple having time apart for head space. You deserve an honest answer to what is exactly happening here. Being kept perpetually confused as to what is going on is just cruel.
Not just does it come down to “head space” vs “is this going to work” considerations but also… can I see other people? All important stuff and you don't want to be in a situation where you might get back together and his “break” means “fuck as many people as possible.” Not saying that's happening but you need to pin down exactly what's happening here and you deserve an honest answer.
This is something that may not work for you.
Personally, I take a very nude line when it comes to break ups. If we're broken up, we're broken up. And I'm single again, and behave accordingly. Not as a show. But I literally think of myself as single and start moving that way.
Over the years I've come to believe it's possible to do a break in a healthy way. But it does require intentionality.
I'd do this:
I'd give it a few more days and then send a text asking, am I single again or shall we create some expectations for this 'break'? A) How long do we want it to be? B) Are we dating other people? C) Are we sending each other's stuff back?
In other words find out what he means by a break…and tell him what you mean. If he refuses to engage in that conversation, I'd leave him. Send his crap back and start the business of mourning the relationship and getting on with my life.
?♂️
I can't with you kids.
That was the end of the conversation! There is nothing to respond to that. Conversation is over. Of course that is left on delivered.
Spark up a new one!!
Thank you for your help. I keep reading all of these things people have said over and over. Thank you so much i did not know that was a actual legitimate thing, the non remembering
That's the end of the relationship. Run far and fast from this one
Ok, what? You didn't agree! That's just fucking cruel dude. AND SENDING YOU PICTURES? that's malicious as fuck. That's not love? She literally sent you proof of her cheating…
I would respond on your own time. No obligation to respond on demand. If the flat mates are your friends they’ll understand you need to process your feeling.
When I was your age I got singled out at a party by a girl I had a crush on, later on someone “pocket dialed me” where I hear her asking someone for my number in the background, and by the end of that week we had gone to a couple parties and hooked up, only for me to find out they were trying to make an ex jealous.
That sucked, and I didn’t talk to her again for a couple years, but in that time she had emailed me a really thoughtful email showing a ton of growth and empathy but it had gone straight to my junk my at the time.
Didn’t see it until it was 6 months old.
All this is to say, it hurts and healing takes time. I’m 31 now and single and practice not getting hung up on anyone. I just don’t have time with work these days or to even entertain the idea of dating.
Ima let the universe take the wheel here, spent too much of my 20’s “chasing girls”.
I thought you meant metaphorically….
He'll no! Get out of there! She is not your friend. She would never be a good roommate. Roommates should have some respect and decency with each other and respect boundaries
If they cheat, it's over. Have some self respect.
And I'm sorry that you base your self worth and security in a relationship on how much sex you have. In mine, it's based on love, trust, and respect. That sounds like something you should work on. Good luck!
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your partner is being jealous & childish. He should apologize to you.
Excellent points
It’s your house you said so evict him. If you need to go thru the courts do so. If you on-line somewhere you can just pack his stuff up and put it on the porch do so. Change the locks when his stuff is gone.
Your partner
Still that’s pretty strange behaviour. Like nymfo shit.
You should be sick of it. She's upset for something you did before the two of you were even together. There is literally nothing you can do about it, so stop apologizing. She needs to get over it or she will continue poisoning your marriage with her irrational insecurity
honestly that makes alot of sense to me. its harsh but probably true. she used to be alot more active in the beginning of the relationship before she got on birth control. could that be a factor? i dont think ill leave her because i dont feel confident in my ability to find someone who would find me attractive enough to do all that. as a man id be expected to make all the initial efforts anyway and its really REALLY nude considering i have social anxiety and its pretty unrealistic for me to expect a girl to make the first move for me considering im not really conventionally attractive or what most girls physically speaking look for in a partner. thanks for you honesty.
I don't think you screwed up by forgetting about the airport drop off. You've either screwed up being reliable repeatedly and she's had enough and snapped or you screwed up choosing who to marry.
I basically do this with all my friends. Him and I also already discussed our interests beyond friendship and both agree, we don't have crushes on each other. The gifts I give are less money-valuable and more personal (like photo collages), so it's not like I get him stuff he cannot afford. Additionally since he earns a lot more than me, there aren't any things I could afford that he couldn't.