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You should go to doctor. Never know what pain you could have.
She dodged the bullet.
Wow. This is tough. I can’t imagine your stress levels.
Although I too was in a similar situation where many things (external and internal) led me to spend an additional year getting my engineering degree. I remember the dread of having to tell my father. If this is anything similar, it is not good For sure…
Thing is. I’m not sure you have much of a choice. If your parents were at all like mine.
You have to flat out, ask them to sit down face to face privately, and tell then everything.
I mean, you have no choice. It will happen someday. And every day that passes it will be worse.
Telling them in 2 years time is a nuclear bomb. Forget that. Even a year time is bad. I mean, honestly telling them today is worse than back when you first knew…
So you probably know its best ASAP. Not even next week. Better know than living another week in stress and going through the same pain later.
——
But you need a plan. Face to face. Fully honest. Fully apologetic. Bring a plan. What will you change today? How will you now act to show you are on track? But also, an open discussion of if they can afford it, and your willing to accept alternative scenarios if they can’t. Maybe you can work weekends?
Welcome to adulthood to be honest. Problems are not avoided. But dealt head on. With an open discussion and head on.
Because you don’t have an alternative to be honest, do you?
——
If your lucky, maybe you learn that this honest responsible approach really works well on your parents and that, yes they’ll be upset, but showing that your moving is what they want anyway.
Even if you are not lucky? Still better to get it over with today than in a months time.
——
This suggestion of mine is no guarantee it will work, and it takes a lot of effort to do this when you’re feeling down.
I wish you the best of luck. I hope you find the energy to execute the best solution for yourself.
I’m sure that in the end you’ll be achieving your dream of moving ahead in the degree year by year, and soon in the future you’ll be the only one who remembers you took an extra year, and your parents will be really happy and proud you got your degree
Good luck
why do you give your ex that power over your relationship & space to get in the middle of you and your gf? sounds like you need to set boundaries and think about who you want to be with. you’re essentially putting your ex of higher value than your gf. have some respect for your relationship. so weird.
Ya I know bro it ain’t right
IMO there's nothing better than finding a porn where the woman looks/acts/sounds and/or has a body like my wife. I don't think that means I fetishize her, she's just my type. If OP is reading this, I don't think your first reaction should be that your life is a lie. People rarely make the kind of commitment you've described for a simple fetish.
Good for you OP on the update. You're still young but I'm glad you made the mature step to cut your losses to someone who, at the very best, does not respect your relationship boundaries. It may feel like a tough slog for a few weeks. But as long as you focus on self-improvement, you'll look back at this moment as proof of your self respect. Good luck! I used the memory of my cheating GF to routinely hit the gym!
What does that have to do with me though? I'm not her boss. Nor could I get her fired really.
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My advice for you is judge a man by his actions and not his words. Some men will tell you anything you want to hear to get what they want.
Some people advise to keep your goals to yourself but I advise the opposite. Tell a man you are looking for marriage and children in a first date, make it clear that you have a timeframe but can be flexible. Make it clear you are looking for the right man not just any man.
I’d advise that you do not move in with them until you have an engagement ring on your finger and a wedding date in sight, if you are both serious about commitment and building together the money won’t matter and the wedding will be reasonably priced.
For reference the above worked for me.
My husband knew my 5 year plan from strong independent woman to SAHM on our pre first date face time that I insisted on before meeting him.
Do not give away the wife package when they are only paying the girlfriend subscription and do not take him for husband material until he has a ring on your finger.
I made it very clear to my husband that I wasn’t wasting years of my 20s with him if it wasn’t going anywhere, I didn’t put a timeframe on it but I certainly didn’t let him get comfortable.
For reference, he came to visit one weekend after11 months and told me he’d spoken to a vicar and booked a wedding date 3 months away and at this point he hadn’t even put a ring on my finger.
With the right man you get everything you want with the most healthy compromises on both sides.
Because at this point youre probably not getting any “dark truths” even if there is some.
You studied “doctor skills” and at 24 are “waiting for an open doctor's position?” Uh huh.
Elaborate
How did it not hurt before you got married and had kids
Have you talked to him about it? I feel like you can point out to him that he's gotten worse. Is it possible he doesn't realize how bad it's gotten? You can say “Hey, I love you but you have been really snappy, mean, and negative lately. You weren't always like this. Are you okay?” Say it at a time when you're both calm + in a good mood. See how he responds. Maybe bring up all of the stress you're under. Maybe suggest ways for him to get away from it for a bit if you can. (And also take into mind that YOU deserve a break too.)
If he responds to you in a prickly way, back off, give him space, and try to come back to it in a few days. “I know you don't want to talk about this but at this point your attitude is really taking a toll on me. I love you and I don't want you to be miserable. And I also don't want to feel like I'm walking on eggshells around you half the time. So what can we do to help you?”
But I don't think there's a way to not let it bother you. It's normal that it bothers you– he's being a jerk! And I think that if he is the problem, he should also try to be the solution. Don't turn off part of your heart because he's a jerk.
Umm, what? I understand people have trauma with sex but at the beginning of a relationship the honeymoon stage is so strong of course he wants intimacy.
It is so unfair to assume that everyone remembers to wait and wait for the other person to initiate. They can say no. Its not “selfish” or “little boy” kinda thing, he doesnt understand the trauma
Thank you for this advice. I told my mom and at first, she said the DNA test made a mistake. She continued her act of confusion for about a day so I stopped talking to her to give myself a break. Now she's aggressively accusing me of accusing her. And to make the situation worse, my brother (38 yr old special needs) ordered a DNA test per my little brother's request and payment of it, and she kicked him out of her house. I only know because he told my little brother. We all just want to know who is related to who now because we used to all think we were full siblings and now that I know my little brother is half we are searching for answers.
Yet – for OP the pain is fresh. Time fixed things for her, but not for him. She lied every second, minute, hour, day and year for 10 years by not telling him and basically keep cheating.
So you're tell OP to just “move on” . Its almost like saying – “Ah man you broke your arm, just heal… I had my arm broken 10 years ago and its all fine now” .
Trust is like virginity – you can maintain it but never regain it.
So what's your question? You have to have one of those here or the moderators delete your post.
Choo chooooo…….. train wreck is inbound
Yeah, I commented on this right after it was posted and just came back and read all the new ones. Poor OP. Nothing she said is really all that weird and now she's dealing with all these uncalled for and nasty comments after her boyfriend just took off. These people are acting like she has decapitated cat heads and dried dog turds stashed all over the house. Sometimes the internet can be so…ugh.
Thank you for the information! Definitely a great resource for sure!
Yes
Do not change who you are for this idiot. Nothing is wrong with you, you two are just incompatible. That happens when you marry super young like you two did. You've both grown a lot in 10 years and you've grown away from each other, that's all. It's naked after so long and with the legal aspect but this is the time to break up. This extreme differing of values is the number one reason why so many people wait until their late 20s/early 30s to get married. If he changes his tune once you tell him you're leaving, please don't stay. He's shown you who he is and it's unlikely that will ever change. His feeling is basically that you are worth less than him, and that is an incredibly shitty attitude, no one is worth less than anyone. I hope you don't stay with him because this will only get worse from here on out.
He doesn’t like the younger stuff and it’s a turn off yet he has hundreds of files of it? Yeah no he’s into underage things and just tries to walk the line of it. Run for your life especially if you ever want kids.
Makes it so much worse
So you work two dead end mediocre jobs and got a useless degree you don’t know what to do with while she’s getting into law school?
You’re in over your head and this isnt going to last
I never belittled anyone. Why are you here? To get others perspectives? I gave mine. Good Luck.
Thanks for your advice
I'd be petty enough to replace the sex lingerie with regular sets like a good caring partner so my partner would have fresh underwear to wear.
Then be all naive like “Oh, I saw you accidentally packed your sex lingerie to visit family! Since you won't be there having sex, you won't need them!”
I wouldn’t involve yourself honestly. That’s for your boyfriend to figure out, if I was him I’d ask for a DNA test asap! Or when the child is born. If he doesn’t fight that, than something is wrong with that picture.
That's the funny thing. If you don't want to- you don't.
They absolutely hooked up.
He’s 29 and still wants to live with his parents.
I don’t see how this gets better any time soon. It sounds like you went to school for a career and he went so he could avoid real life as long as possible.
Maybe he’ll grow up. But I wouldn’t wait if it’s important to you.
The Legal Benefits of Marriage Employment benefits—health insurance, family leave, bereavement leave. Family benefits: Adoption rights and joint foster care rights. … Government benefits: … Tax and estate planning benefits: … Medical and death benefits: … Consumer benefits—discounts to families or couples.
people are coming at you pretty harshly so i want to empathize with you over what is a pretty shitty and difficult situation. at the same time, i think you need a bit of a wakeup call about your boyfriends behavior. steve is 1) racist and 2) actively antagonizing you by continuing to do something that upsets you. and your boyfriend is doing absolutely nothing about it. he’s completely complicit with his friend’s racist morals and bullying. this is NOT a small thing at ALL. my bet is that if you were truly honest with yourself you’d see a lot more examples of how your boyfriend is not treating you how toy deserve to be treated
I'll see if i can subtlely vouch for one I like. I wish we were close enough I could just say “homie you stink lets brainstorm”
Even if all your assumptions are correct her blatant disregard for her partners feelings is a massive issue and a breach of trust to lie. If my partner were to come to me with legitimate concerns over my actions I would adjust my behavior, not double down and blame them for me making them feel that way.
The nature of her relationship with this “friend” and the subsequent lying about it are huge issues. Trying to justify it to OP as if OP somehow is to blame is classic victim blaming.
ETA – autocorrect you're to your