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Quick question, is he taking anything for hypothyroidism?
I wouldn’t be her first time. For something to be special it has to be rare. Diamonds are valuable cause it’s rare. Is she had the same experience with 10 other people what makes you think you (her 213th time) doing it will be special? There’s just no specialness to it anymore. No one tips on “going slow” or “use lube” “kiss and foreplay” now it’s just looser ass sex.
Wtf is wrong with you? You’ve deliberately kept a father from his child, and your child from having a dad in his life for 18 months. That’s so wrong. This man has rights to his child, abs you are hurting both of them. You need to tell him right now.
Find a man that only has eyes for you and is loyal and respectful to your feelings and opinions, then start observing yourself getting bored of him and eventually dumping him because he is too much of a nice guy and “you don't want to hurt him”
You did everything right after understanding what went wrong.
Forgiveness is a thing but if she can’t, fighting for her approval is like bailing water from a boat with a hole in it.
Find a new boat. (Figuratively speaking.)
I understand that now that everyone has been telling me it. I just thought because I told him I'm not ready to date and then him treating me the exact same way when we were dating he had crossed my boundary.
I also, am realizing that yeah I did do a lot of things to him to make it seem we were flirting. I guess I got comfortable around him again and then when he reciprocated I was like why the fuck are you touching me?
Just adding a bit more of the same theme. Yep you are being used. This is emotional manipulation and it is very harmful to your emotional well being. Its not only that she has you as a backup. Its also that this relationship as itnstands does not allows you to move forward and seek happyness. Plenty of good women out there looking for good men. The thing is that because you are on call this wont allow you to see other people. It is very selfish of her.
Dont set up dates when you have workouts planned beforehand
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But if you were aware of how much was supposed to be going in or out, you’d have noticed he didn’t pay. You definitely need a different system.
Don’t post on social media, it’s just going to be obvious to him that you’re doing it to get his attention. Just cut contact, work on yourself, and come out a better person. Don’t watch his social media stories, don’t like his posts. The best thing you can do is to stay away from him, and make him wonder how you’re doing and realize how bad life is without you.
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How much do you love and know her? I know by now that if there's a high value item on offer (like French fries lol) and my partner says they don't want any, I still buy a few extra because of this – if they really didn't want any then I have extra for later, but chances are they'd smell the food and want some. It's happened so often it's kind of a running joke by now.
I mean, you're not the AH for doing what you did, but a few extra dollars here and there just smoothes the relationship over in the future. Is this the hill you want to die on? (to be clear, I'm not sure you need to apologise, seems a little petty to demand an apology for following her orders)
That’s a very simple comment but made me think outside of the tunnel vision I had… just not sure how I’d make it work given I couldn’t do both financially and would feel like I’m not being the best partner when I’ve made this commitment
And this comment is exactly why this sub is a joke.
Porn addiction? Based off what? He likes his ass played with? Give me a break.
Yeah that’s understandable. Thanks. Before him, I worried I was asexual. I didn’t feel an instant desire for anyone on dating apps. Then he came along and wow I felt desire. And now after breakup, I don’t feel it for anyone and I hope that’s not a permanent thing haha
You don't have to do anything to “mend” this. You're good. It's their responsibility to come around to you. You're an adult in your own home. if they don't come around, that's on them.
But why? I want her to be happy and not lie? She may not want to date her but she's friends with her as they both do same course and both in same lectures?
Don't go by what others say. If you feel better then you're a ten.
Personally, I can not stand clingy people in my relationship but this does not sound bad. I think you are in safe territory. If I feel like a potential partner is being to clingy the first thing I will do is pull away and create space. Be watchful for that and keep up good communication.
This was beautiful, and I think you’re a good person. Thanks for sharing this story. I appreciated reading it. ❤️
Your GF is right. If she’s smart, she will never buy anything with you. You’ve infantilized your ex wife. She’s a grown woman, she is just manipulating you.
I agree, this was rape. She was way too far gone to give consent. Don't blame her for this. You need to support her because she's probably devastated to learn this happened, and having you blame her, OP, is going to make her feel even worse. Lean on each other, you've both been victimized by this criminal.
I don't really have expectations to be fair. I agree on the therapy part, would help.
He can't switch the insurance, title over due to the DUIs and interlock system in there. Claims it is mine in August (words from my stepmother) I pay the insurance.
The norm is for us to not be on good terms. Am I in the wrong you feel?
Yep. This is the right answer.
I've been a family lawyer for nearly 20 years I say this with the experience of hundreds of divorces.
You need to butt out.
Your parents are adults. They are in a completely disfunctional, abusive marriage. They need to get out of it NOW. Unless you are an seer you do not know how they will react separately.
Additionally, it is not your mother's or your responsibility to care for your father. Pressuring your mother to remain in this marriage for your father sake/so you don't feel like need to care for your father is enormously selfish. If he dies a miserable death that is due to his own choices. You cannot load this responsibility on your mother nor should you take it upon yourself. You cannot save ppl from themselves.
it was more so me saying i want to break up with her that did the damage. she says she cant see me the same anymore and that she is too sad.
Does she have no interest in you or the kids? NOOO acts like how we can fix it? you can't, she is bouncing to her ex-husband's body too? You don't need evidence, just an exit plan. that means pulling all the money and just dolling it out a little. File and be nice, and move on.
He is abusing alcohol and abusing you. Leave.
The government doesn’t force people to take on private student loans. How is this the government’s fault? She chose to go to an expensive private school that she couldn’t ever afford.
There is this:
It’s my own insecurities making me feel this way. Nothing that she has done.
And this:
She expressed that my feelings were valid but she’s a grown woman who can do as she pleases.
But also this:
She said she wanted to stay together but pose live like we broke up to make her seem available to draw in more clients.
You are both crossing lines here.
On your part you can absolutely be against this OF account, that's a totally valid feeling. But if she is passionate about it beyond just money, she is genuinely interested in pursuing this, then it's worth considering supporting her in pursuing this.
On her part, she could easily just omit whether she is in a relationship rather than specifically saying she is single. Or she could even say she is still with you, I don't think people interacting with her are necessarily bothered by that, she gets to describe when she last had sex, what she did, and what she plans to do, and she could even involve you in the account.
You’re not ready to be in this relationship. I lost my first husband at 29, when our kids were 6 and 3. It took me a long time to work through his death, and I didn’t really date much until the time when I met my current husband eight years later.
By that point, I had healed within myself and moved on in my life. It has to be something you’re ready to do. One thing I have never, ever done is compare my love for my first husband to the husband I have now. I changed so much between when he died and when I met my current husband that, really, it’s apples and oranges.
I was a different woman when I was with my first husband, and he was the love of her life, but my husband now is the love of my life as the woman I am today and have been for the five years we’ve been together.
This is also incredibly damaging for your children to see. A naked truth is that, no, they probably won’t remember your wife. They were too young. But that doesn’t mean they should feel guilted into not having a mother figure at all.
My husband is as much the father of my older children (12 and 14 when we met, 17 and 19 now) as is of the son we have together. Yes, it hurts me that their dad never got to see them grow up, but I love my husband even more when I see him teaching them to drive or helping with homework. That you feel anything but grateful that someone would step into this role for your kids means that you are not ready.
I don’t mean this cruelly. Grief is complex, and it seems you jumped too quickly. Seek out therapy and see if you are able to continue this relationship with help. I wish you the best.
You are such a great boyfriend! Get her favorite snacks and drinks and order favorite food! Best of luck to the both of you!
It’ll get worse. If you can’t handle it now, marriage to this man would mean 10x the frustrations you have now.
Have you met in person and do you have a relationship already in terms of friends or mutual friends, regular social interaction or crossing paths?
Or did you creep in this person and think there is something there, when they don’t even know you exist?
Obviously you are entitled to your boundaries but there's not a lot of men that age that are going to actually avoid porn. And as long as we aren't talking about human trafficking or abuse in porn, I honestly don't see what the issue is with it. You will probably be happier going forward if you don't feel threatened by porn. That being said, the way your boyfriend is handling this is immature and unsexy. No one likes being badgered for something like that. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
FYI, it's “losing” not “loosing”
Isn’t weaponized incompetence when they do it partially or poorly with the intent of their partner just giving up and doing it? This is just refusal.
That’s a pretty big leap.
I think your issue runs deeper than this gym debacle. Communicating with your partner wouldn't hurt.
Heres your learning experience: never tell a girl about past trauma because the first thing she will do in a fight is use that to her advantage. Do you think that this is normal behavior for her or something shes done in previous relationships? I highly doubt it
Nobody needs to be told not to cheat or not to physically assault someone in a relationship, that is a basic understanding of monogomy and basic human principles.
Any sort of breach of these basic principles is grounds for immediate breakup. Im sure you know that as well, the question is do you have the balls to stand up for yourself and end things
I think because she’s younger than you and because she’s not working. There’s an implication that you are supporting her in some way – maybe not literally giving her money, but definitely paying for dates letting her crash at yours or something like that. When a guy supports a woman it’s seen as more socially acceptable than the opposite. It’s seem as the guy’s choice. So people are seeing this situation as something you have chosen despite not being comfortable with it. She is telling you that you have anxious attachment style which is usually true of people who choose uncomfortable situations. But it’s incredibly manipulative because really, if she is thinking this way then she should be the one to leave the relationship.
My advice to you is to drop her. This is manipulative behaviour that can easily escalate to gaslighting and emotional abuse if it isn’t already. She’s not “just being honest” she is twisting the truth and acting as if you are chasing her. When really she could leave if she wanted to. She’s not leaving because something about the relationship is benefitting her
I got the “ick” reading your post. Why would you want to be with that? I dunno OP, 3 mths in, it’s not long, I would move on if I were you. Good luck.
Just so you know (because bi people can’t really grasp this), for straight people the idea of “experimenting” with the same sex is gross. For women is less so, but still gross.