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If she's already trying to see other guys then the love's not there anymore. You say she can do what she wants with her time apart, but if she wants someone else with her time apart then it's not worth it
Some people cannot function if someone is yelling or saying hurtful things to them. Usually if people fight emotions are high and i think it's best solution to take some time to cool off to talk when you are calmer. It can be 5 minutes or 1 hour or entire day it depends on person and how long it takes them to cool. Obviously you wouldn't want to wait to long and it's important to fix things otherwise one can buld resentment.
Also try not to do stuff that your parents hate. Obviously in moderation. Both should make some boundaries, what you hate the most and your partner shouldn't do that.
You aren't going to forget that.
As an animal lover, I can't even read the rest. Leave him immediately. I can not even believe this is a question. First get the kitten away and then you get a way. People that abuse animals should be in jail. Take the kitten to a doctor.
I agree. You should look for therapy/counseling
Best solution: Leave that trash bag and experement with dating decent human beings.
What this means is, that your boyfriend is a major douchebag who does not want to make time for you to listen to what it is you want to talk to him about. It especially means, I hope you see you deserve better than that and find some other bloke who will be your boyfriend AND best friend and who will make time for you the way you deserve. And vice versa, of course.
I think you need to honestly ask for help. Ask your landlord about breaking the lease and just be honest. Maybe there’s no way out but it won’t hurt to open yourself up and be vulnerable and say it’s not a healthy situation (you don’t have to say more than that)
Same with your job – say you’re in a tough spot can someone who has been around longer than you offer some guidance? It’s possible that someone will be happy to offer ideas.
I'm sorry you went through this. Take your time to recover and move on in life. Get all the help needed. See friends and make sure you aren't alone.
And don't let her try to sneak into your life again. Cheaters don't change.
The relationship is over, I don’t know how anyone can come back from that.
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That definitely is something I'd also hold against her. The fact that she made you go to therapy for your issues and she won't do the same is very unfair and hypocritical. Bring this up if/when you have a conversation with her.
This is coercive rape hun. Why the hell are you allowing it?
Get out IMMEDIATELY and go to a women’s shelter.
The reason he told you not to tell anyone is because he knows what he's doing.
He's being controlling. He is being abusive.
This is not okay.
This will escalate. It's not a matter of if but when.
Would you be happy for any one of your friends if their partners were forcing them to be available 24/7 as…what? Proof of their fidelity?
You're so young and I realise it may seem harmless in a way for you, because as you say, you have nothing to hide; the issue is that you should have trust regardless.
He does not trust you. He doesn't even have the bare minimum of trust necessary to be in a relationship.
This is textbook controlling behaviour. I beg of you to rethink this relationship.
No but like literally, this guy kinda sounds like an absolute ejit lol
Having kids leaves the biggest carbon footprint. You both will be in late fifties when the child will be going through teenage. Can you afford college for all kids?
Are those things ok with your wife? If she still wants, then think through more.
Let go of your oldest worry that he doesn't want to hear baby crying overnight. S/he is probably a teenager or getting there, and their worry sounds sincere. So figure out how to work around that. Use earplugs, maybe?
Babies are fun. Work, but fun.
I know that it's really really naked to handle a teenager in 70's from a friend. So it's possible that your wife is sensing the end of your time (of making more babies) coming closer. But that's just my guess.
I have inverted nipples. Every guy I've been with where it has come up as a subject (either when having sex or not) has given the impression they haven't come across it before and that it's not the usual thing. I wouldn't say they're making me feel back about it or deformed or whatever but they do need some education around it ie just because they're inverted doesn't mean they're not sensitive and can't be played with. In fact they're even more sensitive possibly as a result of being tucked away so go at it.
I guess the words “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse…” would’ve been lost on you. Give the guy space and support, not a dang count down!
minding his mood, having to think about his needs, doing basically more physical and emotional work than I can handle.
You’re not ‘the bad person’, you can’t destroy your own mental & emotional health to try save him or keep him comfortable, even though you love him, sounds like you’re not desperately in love with him anymore. Even without these mental health & alcoholism challenges – people sometimes just grow apart, and ought to need to separate / divorce. Sometimes very very sadly, but it just can’t be helped. Don’t sacrifice or martyr yourself and your life for others. And I advise, don’t tarry, don’t draw it out. Just go. Or what, stay, and be a 40 yr old with a kid, deteriorating mental health, increasing resentments & bitterness & then co-parenting between 2 different countries?
It sucks, I know, I had similar-ish situation, after 8-yrs relationship. He had significant problems, I couldn’t help I couldn’t stay I was dying inside & heartbroken. And had to go. We were living in another country not my country. I disposed of loads of belongings, crated some up for sending, and went. Took 6 months off to travel SEAsia & India to keep myself occupied & busy with all-new stuff so I couldn’t wouldn’t stew on it or spiral downwards or die of heartbreak or backslide. It was tough, but we both made it, went on to have happy lives apart.
Idk, loads of women these days are having kids into early 40’s – you still have 5 yrs left to have kids – don’t waste these years, go now. Even if someone else loves you but you’re miserable, go. Best of luck!
why didn't you tell her or think it would be an issue?
Uh let’s talk about how he told you that you were his last option. Time to break up.
Yeah, I guess I need to make it more like that. Bizarrely, he's actually the most extroverted person I know. He has dozens of friends – far more than I can keep up with. I guess for me it's like someone who's afraid of heights but only when it comes to tall bridges, or something. But I agree, I can't change it. I'll try to keep in mind that “how can I help” thing more. Maybe it'd be best to try to make a rule about only mentioning things that actually can be helped
Please dump her, it’s only going to get worse
They shouldn't have ever even asked her. If you get married and have a monogamous relationship you do not get to ask for an open relationship.
He just feels like it can wait.
so it doesn't get boring
This is the reasoning that bothers me. I know there are poly people who find spiritual connection and fulfilment in having more than one relationship, but to me boredom seems a trivial reason to trash the deep trust and connection in a long-term monogamous marriage. Boredom could be his trigger to explore within the marriage, not outside it. There's huge potential for personal growth if you make that choice.
I can see it working but I’m not sure if I’m willing to put in that much work/ build up again. But we’ve been together for a while and I do love him, it’s just naked bc I know things can get better. I wish I could take so much back
Good then tell her mom what her lovely daughter is doing so that she can make plans for your wife to get some shit packed to go stay with her. There is no reason you should be forced from your own home because of her behavior.
simple answer he is not attracted to ur body anymore.. sorry but that's the harsh truth.. yes guys a visual, if he is turn on by u he doesn't need any other visual aid to get off..
When there's no respect in a relationship, you can't come back from that. She doesn't respect you at all. She's only apologizing because she pushed too far and you stopped enduring her BS.
She has a personality disorder bruh
I mean this seriously and with respect- have you ever given any thought to swinging?
He's lying, it will never be different.
Thank you, good advice. I think we do need to do things like this. I will suggest it. Thanks ❤️
Why are you with him??
On all your posts you have not said one nice word about him at all
But made sure everyone knew his bad points
Yes, I do believe she clearly withheld that information on purpose. Probably because of how you react to even the small body count she already disclosed. I don't believe that automatically means her every single word to you is a lie, like some people are already suggesting. The reality is people sometimes make up these white lies if they don't wanna deal with some needless bullshit. You can of course go all reddit-righteous on her and break up because of that if you want, it's fully up to you. I personally wouldn't.
I think I am a little resentful subconsciously, but not because of the ex. I mentioned my cat Andy in the post and before he passed I moved into a house that had an aggressive cat and the guy was terrorizing my buddy. I asked my partner if he’s be willing to house him for a little since Andy was so old and I was worried about his stress. My partner told me he didn’t want a cat, that it was too much work. Andy passed within 6 months and shortly after the ex messaged asking if partner wanted his cat back. He said yes, when I asked about it and brought up my andy he said that he already had a connection to his cat and loved him a lot. I know Andy was my responsibility but it does make me really sad that his last few months on earth were spent being scared and attacked but exceptions were made for his cat.
Let me make sure I have the timeline right, Op.
You and this young woman have hung out together for some time now. And it was cool and enjoyable (I Googled second base. Lol.) But it wasn't a “date”. Am I correct, Op?
You officially set up a date for lunch on Saturday. Yay!
BUT then YOU had to reschedule. But she was understanding and accommodating.
She agreed to meet you on Sunday. She double texted you (your words) to confirm.
BUT You responded late because … you were busy. (lol)
At 3AM she agreed to the time.
You FINALLY replied when you woke up.
When YOU texted her to confirm … she did not reply.
Well, what do you know, Op. She isn't willing to be at home twiddling her fingers waiting on you.
No no no, hun. This is highly inappropriate for work. First of all, he’s of higher authority. He should not be treating you this way at all. Friendly is fine but the way he is touching you, talking to you, complimenting your body and looks, etc. It’s all highly unprofessional and completely out of line.
Report him to HR. Save those text messages, recount every encounter you can.
I agree, I'm a person who likes to work through issues where possible, but in this case I would have to agree with everyone on this thread. You don't like his personality, this is who he is! No amount of wanting to fix things would change that, so it's time to say goodbye.
Don’t stay with someone you don’t like
Lots of people are circumcised. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s an unnecessary medical procedure most often done without the consent of the person. You do you, but I personally think it’s wrong, and it’s ESPECIALLY wrong to do without the consent of the other parent.
Given your current state of your relationship I’d break up with her if I were you – at the very least postpone moving in together. Your relationship doesn’t sound healthy and neither of you seem too committed from what you’ve posted, but having a lease/rent agreement in the mix would just make a breakup even messier.