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It sounds like she’s making no move to end her current relationship. I don’t think it’s fair she’s expecting you to wait around.
I would highly consider moving on. If the opportunity presents itself in the future, your future self can decide how you want to proceed.
However, what she’s doing to her current BF isn’t fair to him. Who’s to say you won’t be that BF in a few years when she falls for someone other than you? …just a thought…
Seems harmless to me, but I don’t have kids. Sounds like it set of an alarm bell for you, so I’d trust that and just ignore the request, and keep an eye out for any other potential alarms
Asked you if she could get more? Who are you? Her father?
She can get them if she wants, you can either choose to accept her for who she is or move on.
Also, if she knows EVERYONE knew but her for who knows how long? That betrayal would be even worse than this stress
It's weird tbh. If it's something important to you (which isn't important to everyone), the usual approach would be to be just as active as before.
But if that's not an option you gotta tell him straight that this is the only way you two can be together. No evasion, no letters, no subtle hints. A simple adult talk.
You're either very naïve or are deliberately trying to minimise your actions because you know you fucked up.
So you went out in a group of 4, where you were the only female, and none of the other males were your bf, until 4.30 am. Do you really think that was the wisest thing to do?
You want my honest opinion. Ok, you'll get it, but I don't think you're going to like it. I think whatever you do, you're screwed.
If you don't tell your boyfriend and he later finds out, he's going to think the reason you didn't tell him is because you cheated.
If you do tell him the whole story then he's going to think more went on than what you're saying and he'll think you cheated.
If you do tell him anything, I'd just tell him the bare minimum, no mention of the other guy being in the same bed and him spooning you. I'm not saying to lie. Don't say that you were alone in the bed. Just tell him that you slept in one of the beds in the place. Except of course, your bf will probably ask for more details, so then you'll be in the same boat.
And either way I hardly think he's going to be happy to learn that you were out until the early hours of the morning with 3 guys and went home with one of them. When he told you to go out and experience more things, I'm sure he meant with both male and female friends, and in neutral, non-threatening settings, during normal hours.
So tl;dr? I would tell your bf the whole story and hope that he believes you that nothing happened between you and this other boy, but be prepared that he'll break up with you.
Oh, and this boy at whose house you stayed at? Cut off contact with him. That'll help prove to your bf that he means nothing to you.
There is no amount of anything that can ever make this right. He pointed a gun at you. It was more than likely loaded and he prob had the safety off and his finger on the trigger. That’s the reality of your situation. Ten years of him will get you no gold because there was never a rainbow.
Put yourself first. Fk him. Change the locks. Take his stuff pack it up and leave it for him somewhere not close to your house. Go stay with someone you feel safe. Absolutely ghost him. He deserves nothing more from you.
Don’t go to therapy with someone you suspect is manipulating.
Unless it effects the divorce… Why wouldn't you?
Are you going to give you brother a choice like you supposedly gave your wife ?
How is this real life? He's jealous because someone helped break your fall so that makes you disrespectful.
She isn’t your best friend anymore. Sorry.
How are you going to pay for a wedding much less start a business? He sounds like he is super insecure. Not a good look.
Sure, sure. But the point is, when you're alone and something happens, you're well… alone. There are very good reasons to not be alone.
You should be asking yourself, what is driving him to put you through those tests. He wants to know that you value him and miss him when he is not there.
The testing however is childish and he should learn to express what he is feeling or thinks he is not getting from you.
Like saying, I do not feel like you miss me when I am away. Or, I would like you to show me that you want me to be around when I go out or away, etc.
Now if the expectations are made known, you know if you can do things to meet them or discuss if it is not reasonable to some degree.
Otherwise it is just a passive aggressive way to try and see if you care for him or not. That is not a good cycle to remain in.
Okay, this kind of thing is what I was alluding too in asking about other issues. Somebody that torn up by the one that got away is often a narc or sociopath and bringing it up as a method of controlling the other person. OP, take this as a gift. Spin it as him breaking up with you and you not being good enough for him and leave. This way he may just let you go without violence. Call family and friends and domestic violence resources for help getting out safely though. There are resources pinned at the top of r/relationship advice
Weird stunt on the THIRD meeting? He was weird on all three! Bailed on you on the first date, then cried and confessed intimate details that same night. That's a pretty big red flag. First date is supposed to be easy, casual, low key.
Second date he confessed his love to you, essentially asked you to marry him and have kids? WTF? That's psycho.
Then the third “date” is just you showing up and him being drunk and crazy and angry and also having another person there on your 'date'?.
I don't know you, but I do want you to know, you deserve better than this guy. His life is a mess, he's total chaos, and he's desperate for someone to drag down with him. Don't be that person. Find someone who is good for you.
You’re judgmental and choosing to believe a clearly insecure controlling dude, over a woman who isn’t even here to speak for herself. Is it fun being so judgy and bitter?
I didn’t care about her feelings because at the time I was just selfish and wanted out of the marriage. I missed the bachelors life at the time
I also feel like their age and how long they’ve been together is a huge factor they’re not addressing. I have been with my BF for almost 2 years (similar ages to OP too) and while I love him wildly and can’t imagine myself with anyone else, I feel like we still have a lot of bonding and understanding each other to do before marriage. I will never understand why so many people in their young 20s need to get married so quickly and then are stuck figuring out this marriage they likely were not ready for. There’s nothing wrong with dating for a while before putting a ring on it. OP’s husband should have communicated his feelings long before suggesting divorce but I’m not surprised he says he doesn’t know himself. He married this girl he was with for 1 year and is now in his young 20s living a domestic life with her. Maybe he’s realized he wants to live! a little more before settling down.
Yeah there might be info which is being left out too or unknown to OP. Is this friend’s family religious or homophobic. He may say he’s not gay to reconcile with the beliefs with which he’s been brought up. Then due to the fact he’s engaging is sex with a guy he’s feeling guilt and confusion.
Could be like a sub drop or as someone mentioned post coital dysphoria and may need aftercare. Cuddling and kisses could help.
Who knows what the friend is thinking, unless it’s discussed further.
Coming from a fellow dad: you wake up early and go before work. Assuming you have a 9-5, your absence is least felt if you're doing it before everyone is awake as opposed to during the after-work rush and getting home 60-90 minutes later.
It was a compromise I had to make when we had kids, and honestly, I'm better for it. It's actually allowed me to be more consistent with my fitness routine in the long run. I do work out after work now (albeit in a well-equipped home gym), but I still get up at 5AM and just go to the office first, out by 2:30 since we allow for flex scheduling as long as you're there for core hours of 10am-2pm most days.
Why didn’t she have access to money? If she’s a SAHM with no access to money that’s financial abuse. You also are downplaying the fact that it sounds as though you weren’t together at the time.
I work weekends, so I specifically planned to be off this weekend for my birthday.