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i think it would be a good idea to end the poly relationship and reevaluate that for now, she has already broken the trust of it and its only the beginning so take time to think about it. I would say read the messages to see how far they went with the affair, that way you can decide from there if you wish to stay or go. Also therapy for your wife and you to get through this if thats what you want and to set stronger boundaries. Looking at the messages could both hurt you or it can help get past the affair, it would give you the full picture of what happened and then you can make a decision based off of that. But personally if she had an affair i would consider leaving because she has cheated once so it will probably happen again
Never claimed that I was. But you’re clearly not.
At least think about your husband for once. He deserves to make an informed decision about his own life. All you care about is you, your feelings, your affair, your discomfort and your marriage. The letting it go is also to protect YOU. Not once did you care about your husband. He deserves better than a selfish and disloyal partner like you. I hope he finds out and chooses better.
Honestly the best thing to do would be the two of you sit down and lay everything out, what happened, why it happened, how you can get past it, and future expectations, then take time to think about the conversation and make a decision with all this being out there.
Nah, honestly the best thing to do is throw the whole man out.
The bf broke up with her without any proof of cheating, just because his friend told him so.
He is a walking talking red flag.
Im so sorry OP is having a shit afternoon.There comes a time in every western girls dating life where she meets an amazingly principaled man from a strick religious or cultural background (who says hes not into “that” anymore) and before we can picture ourselfs in a foreign land wearing traditional African dress or a Sari, POOF he's off to marry the bride his family picked out for him decades ago. Turns out you were just an appetizer.
Western women looking for romantic love are often ignorant to how the rest of the world operates in regards to marriage. While this is not the case 100% of the time, I error on the side of caution when dating men from certain backgrounds, because while I might be totally down to have a Briss or fast for Ramadan, it doesn't mean that his family is open minded enough to include me in their future plans for the next generation. I don't blame them, but realize that that is just the way it is.
I don't really believe there is a one size fits all on this one. Everyone wants different qualities in a wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend. What makes a person marriage material for one, could be vastly different for another. I think the best thing to do is just be the best version of yourself and be honest with yourself and those you are dating/considering. If you find someone that you can BOTH be your true selves around, that's the one.
The “we are both adults” made me laugh out loud. Clearly neither of you are. Yeesh.
The fact she thinks Daisy is her friend is insane. Daisy is trouble.
I totally agree. It’s also not as if she wants to be a pot head. She is wants to have a little when she goes to Amsterdam. I can understand not wanting a partner who drinks if you’re in recovery or not wanting a partner who drinks excessively or smokes weed excessively, but I think this feel controlling. She isn’t able to experience life like many of her peers and have these types of interesting experiences.
She gives me a timeline to do it. So I'm guessing she wants it on Xmas or new years eve. I was engaged for two years and planned on getting married this upcoming summer so I'm still shooting for that, even though it's with someone else
Come on OP, have you not read any posts on here from people who's parent chose their stepparent over them or let their stepparent treat them like crap? Guarantee that will be your kid in a few years. It's a wound that doesn't really heal. You're messing up your kid and for what? Some bitch who's jealous of a kid? You can't even buy your own child a birthday card?? Where the hell is your backbone? Your wife is a grown woman! Your child is the one who needs protecting and needs her father. Your wife thinks your daughter is the brat? Your wife is the one acting like a brat and you allow it. You make decent money but don't save any for her college? Wake up OP, your child will soon have nothing to do with you when she's 18.
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It is not safe to talk to him or to tell him that you've discussed his behaviour with other people.
It is not safe for him to think that you're even slightly considering leaving him.
She could be naive or be lying.. but you are more mature than her op.. have some self respect and just nope the fuck out
Do you try to dispose of the mail you open though?
That’s where what OPs wife did went from understandable to wrong.
INFO: is she going to have bmi restrictions for every other person your child interacts with as well?
She needs to support you here. Making you feel less than because of your weight is not being fully supported. Time to stand up for yourself, you're worth it!
I 100% think thats what happened lol
Dude, I was a single Mom and I’m telling you,ALL of this is a no, immediately NO. This is a grown woman who should be supporting her own kids and securing her own financial future or getting kids Dads involved. She is USING you, run.
Use some common sense and don't hang out the opposite sex alone especially with alcohol involved. As far your bf. Tell him he was making sexual advances and you don't wish to see him again because of that. I know you're young and naive but many will take advantage of that if given the opportunity.
Then, the issue isn’t that you don’t know how to communicate this, because you have communicated it. But no matter how well you explain something, you can’t make someone listen if they don’t want to.
I don’t think you’re going to get any empathy over this.
If you want any chance of earning a relationship with your daughter, you need to see things from her perspective, acknowledge where you failed and apologise.
Try having some empathy for her first.
Snap to it. You’ve got 25 years to apologise for.
You have to try it before deciding that you don’t like it and never want to do it again.
What your GF is doing is called “trickle truthing”
They slept next to each other. Only kissed.
Oh now, he went down on her.
Next week, well of course I had to give him a bj afterwards it’s only fair.
A week after that, oh we only slept together once! He couldn’t stay hard so we never tried again.
Month later, oh yeah it was only a few times. We always used protection.
Month later, nah we raw dogged it. It’s how I got the clap for the first time.
You’re taking everything she’s telling you as truth and fact. She lied to you by omission. She lied to your face that they only kissed.
What makes anything she says true now?
She’s giving you little hurts at a time in hopes you’ll be able to just get over it and move on. It’s a manipulative tactic
Your husband enjoys and is in the possession of child porn. What kind of advice are you see king exactly? Because if your looking for sugar coating, no one (save for trolls) will give that advice here. Take is serious, VERY serious! This is a police situation.
She hasn’t, because I don’t think her partners before me knew the full extent. I’ll update when it happens.
I'm going to brutally honest. She's a bitch.
Trust is so important to me, I want my kid to trust me and come to me, and lying to them for no reason just doesn't sit right with me.
I appreciate giving your perspective on this. I might go with your approach. Although I don't like the idea of my kid not having as much trust in one parent than another, I think it's going to be the compromise we end up having.
Line up local hotels that you can just roll into if needed,
The moment they turn up if they start, have your pre packed hidden bag ready
Walk out and tell your bf they will be gone tomorrow or you will
The rest is up to him
These people should never have been allowed to visit you in the first place
He goes to them or he keeps them away, anything else shows you he will throw you under the bus for them
Dont allow it even if it means putting the relatioship on the table (its him that's actually done this, your actions are the consequences of it)
You are fighting for a childless short term marriage with someone who cheats, lies ,cheats, lies and trickle truths.
I’ve made it quite clear if I find out anything else (which nothing has happened since the last time I found stuff) then I would leave him and file for divorce.
You shared all of your cheating trauma at the start but he wasn't worried at all about you leaving when he cheated, he still won't be now. He is just going to be much better at hiding it.
Unfortunately it sounds like he is trying to isolate you because you may end up not meeting with your friends just for a peaceful life which will not me ok.
It seems common now but I still think it’s a red flag if someone is checking your phone just to assure themselves you are faithful. Even if it’s subconscious you’ll manage what’s in your phone because you know he’ll see and having to explain every communication you have just to alleviate his insecurities is also not ok.
He should trust you enough so that what you say is enough, everyone feels jealous and insecure but it’s how you manage it and he sounds like he’s not managing it well.
I also want to add that having ADHD isn’t a blanket excuse to not do things or completely disregard your partner
What part? The part where he’s stealing from his parents or the part where he’s trying to be a drug king pin to middle schoolers?
Hey OP… you are a teacher, you have a job. I bet your boyfriend is leeching off you and that’s why you can’t afford nice things. Cut him off.
All that needs to be said. Are you willing to listen?
She's expecting you to give up a lot yet she's not willing to give up anything to help make it work.
Unfortunately you need to tell her that you don't see any way of it working out.
See, I believe that the love we've known since the beginning of time is an illusion. The true love is when the heart and soul of a person connects to such a degree that it creates a source of self, which then connects to the heart and soul of the person they're meant to connect with.
You got paid to get laid.