Op please don’t listen to them, I replied earlier but I really want you to see my comment. Don’t listen to them, it’s not you were just looking to find an 18 year. You just had a connection with them.
If you were 35 and you bf 29 it wouldn’t even be an issue. Most of these women here date dudes that older than by at least 4 years. The average age gap for couples is 3 years almost.
I think she wanted a reason to leave, otherwise she has absolute zero sense of humour and if thats the case then you are probably better off without her.
That’s actually quite disgusting. You are standing in a pool of your urine. How are you showering if your feet are dipped in urine? Do you know how gross that is. How about when you get out and she has to go in next and she knows you peed in the shower? It’s like the whole washing your hands after using the bathroom. Imagine rubbing urine on your hands before eat something. Envision that. This is why I don’t shake peoples hands anymore.
A few weeks ago my (28M) wife (28F) was prescribed an SNRI (Duloxetine).
I don't have experience with Duloxetine, but I used to take another antidepressant for years and it did take awhile for things to stabilize.
OP's feelings and needs are important too, but I think it's far too early to tell whether the less-than-desired impacts of the meds are something long-term.
There is a notable difference from my understanding, even if its minor.
I dont like casual sex, but I still feel sexual attraction to people I just met. From my understanding, those that identify as as demi just. Dont feel that attraction at all.
This is his gf posting this;; I was reading your post & I had taken this before!!! I did not at all like Duloxetine at all when I was on it, I went from having intercourse literally all the time 5x's a day or more too (Completely NOT at all) & that was NOT me, It also started messing me up when I couldn't have a Org***! Literally started having NO feelings at all & did not care too! Started getting Tired (Very bad I couldn't hold my eyes open), Started losing weight, & getting very bad Headaches, Not hardly having a appetite at all!! I stopped taking the medication on my own & called the Dr & told her what was going on, She said that's good I stopped taking it or it could have gotten worse!! After that I did NOT take anything else that had too do with depression because a incident occurred while being on the medication as well & i have kids & I knew right from the start that (Inside my body was NOT ME AT ALL) After that incident orrurred I was scared to death about taking anything else at all!! So I talked too a professional! Calmy explain to your wife how you feel, Sit down & talk to her about it! I hope everything works out for the both of you & hope she gets the help she needs & the depression goes away & stays away on her end bcuz that is nothing too mess with! Goodluck to the both of you!
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And he actually did get it for her. He ordered it. But when they had their talk in the first week of December they both thought they were breaking up and not going to exchange gifts, so he cancelled the order before it arrived.
He couldnt reorder it in time because when they almost broke up it was already first week of december. If you order in December you aint getting your package until after Christmas. He waited until she said she was dissapointed he didnt get it to order it again, and thats likely beacause he still wasnt sure if they were going to break up or not and so didnt want to spend $150 on a gift that will take a while to arrive and may show up after youre dumped.
I'm attentive to brushing and flossing too since my teeth are cavity prone, it sucks! my dentist believed me though and prescribed toothpaste to help with my enamel, and I use a fortifying mouthwash when I'm courageous enough (I hate the taste lol).
This is an awful advice? What good will come from confronting them? OP need to make a plan in order to be independent and hold on to this plan like a mental life buoy. Don't confront the abuser, just keep a low profile and do what's needed to gtfo, get a part time job, study naked to finish the education ect…
I wish I never met him. In the beginning he was such an incredible guy and super respectful. Then he turned into a fuck boy when he started working as an emt. I feel like I need so much therapy after everything he’s put me through. He was the only guy I’d ever trusted to do anything with and I’ve never been more hurt
He's only 21 and you're only 19. You may not legally be children, but you essentially still are. You don't have to get married in 4 years or even 10. You don't need to have anything figured out. So long as you can pay your bills and keep food in your belly, that's all you need right now.
Let me start by saying I’m the first person to come here and say that opposite sex platonic friendships can absolutely be fine, including with exes. But like anything else, context matters.
I tell you this so that you understand that I’m not coming at this with an inherent bias in thinking communication with an ex is an automatic deal breaker and that’s that. I truly don’t feel that way, if there’s no residual romantic feelings and they’re truly platonic friends.
The problem here is that’s not the case. He told you he was in touch with her which I suppose is something, but you made a mistake by not asking what the nature of their relationship was. You subsequently learned that they don’t operate as friends and that their dynamic and conversations are inappropriate.
You bring it up (as you should), and he shuts down. Here’s where you make a mistake, and it’s unfortunately the case in many other situations; you back off out of fear of being controlling.
So let’s talk about that. Demanding your partner end or limit friendships based on nothing more than your own insecurities is controlling. That would be you being the problem. However, demanding boundaries after obtaining legitimate evidence that a relationship is inappropriate isn’t controlling; it’s something you should expect with the confines of a monogamous relationship if you’re not going to make the choice of leaving the relationship outright.
So to confirm your feelings, I do believe this is emotional cheating if for no other reason than his lying about it. As for advice? Leave. There’s nothing to overcome. Live! and learn and don’t allow yourself to be treated this way going forward.
You need to tell him exactly what the smell is. Some people above have mentioned this could be linked with a health issue. If he does end up going to a professional (if the issue is THAT serious), he should know what the smell smells like.
You’ve been together for 4 years. You should be able to tell your partner more than what you’re telling him. “Hey babe, remember when I asked if there were changes to your hygiene and you’ve got a weird smell? Well, I’m really sorry to say it, but it smells like pee. It went away for a little while after that talk, but now it’s back and really bad. What can I do to help you?”
Also. Maybe consider he has a pee fetish and he’s getting that need full-filled from somewhere else.
Very easy solution. Leave if you don't want to have sex with him. You have no obligation to give him your virginity just as he has no obligation to stay in a sexless relationship.
My husband is a thrill seeker with many of the same hobbies as you. I am more reserved and generally have less adventurous hobbies. We also have hobbies we both enjoy and do together. We both enjoy our hobbies separately and then talk about them with each other. After 10 years together, it's still a positive thing we have our own interests.
This would be an absolute not. My husband would not return to a wife if he went on a vacation with another woman. Full stop. Add to that you’re pregnant and he is putting off doing the nursery and making renovations so he can go galavant with with another woman. This should be a deal breaker for you.
I suffered for nearly 50 years w depression /anxiety and adhd. This year, I learned how to regulate my nervous system and I am med free for the first time in my life. I hope you can see in yourself, what he sees in you?
I purchased a home when my husband and I were dating / living together. My name was on the mortgage, and he has always split 50/50. Later on, when we refinanced the house for a lower rate, the paper work was re-done after we were married. I still did not list him on the mortgage. However, he was included as a resident and signed off on some of the paperwork. Any changes to the mortgage or ownership of the home, he is notified. This protects him as a resident of the home, but he does not have any ownership of the home.
Here's some advice. Give her a break :). Delete her and block her on everything. If she wants a break give her a permanent one and work through those emotions and find you someone better who won't make you question yourself because if you get back together the thought is going to torment you so better to save yourself than let het double the damage
I mean… you can certainly try to talk to him in a very frank and direct way about this, but you’re all adults here and it’s his call what he wants to deal with / settle for. The last time I tried to talk to someone in a rough marriage I was cursed out and told to never ever broach the subject again (same stuff, too… wanton infidelity and everything).
Some couples reach an “understanding”, and unfortunately that understanding is that they are slightly better off (socially, economically, legally) married than single. So they marry someone. Anyone. It’s not great, it’s just a little better than the alternative (living at home / being homeless, not getting / having to pay for sex, not being insured when you have a chronic health problem).
Don’t press too naked. No one is being abused from the sound of it; so you’re free to ask questions but you might not like the answers.
I have some work friends who are tattooed everywhere I don't notice it unless there wearing clothes that show their skin. It might just be because I don't see them often enough.
Op please don’t listen to them, I replied earlier but I really want you to see my comment. Don’t listen to them, it’s not you were just looking to find an 18 year. You just had a connection with them.
If you were 35 and you bf 29 it wouldn’t even be an issue. Most of these women here date dudes that older than by at least 4 years. The average age gap for couples is 3 years almost.
I think she wanted a reason to leave, otherwise she has absolute zero sense of humour and if thats the case then you are probably better off without her.
Not if it’s on your own property?!? She can easily say she was recording something else and he happened to be speaking at the time and she caught it.
That’s actually quite disgusting. You are standing in a pool of your urine. How are you showering if your feet are dipped in urine? Do you know how gross that is. How about when you get out and she has to go in next and she knows you peed in the shower? It’s like the whole washing your hands after using the bathroom. Imagine rubbing urine on your hands before eat something. Envision that. This is why I don’t shake peoples hands anymore.
This is fucking nasty.
Oh, no the very first sentence states:
A few weeks ago my (28M) wife (28F) was prescribed an SNRI (Duloxetine).
I don't have experience with Duloxetine, but I used to take another antidepressant for years and it did take awhile for things to stabilize.
OP's feelings and needs are important too, but I think it's far too early to tell whether the less-than-desired impacts of the meds are something long-term.
There is a notable difference from my understanding, even if its minor.
I dont like casual sex, but I still feel sexual attraction to people I just met. From my understanding, those that identify as as demi just. Dont feel that attraction at all.
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This is his gf posting this;; I was reading your post & I had taken this before!!! I did not at all like Duloxetine at all when I was on it, I went from having intercourse literally all the time 5x's a day or more too (Completely NOT at all) & that was NOT me, It also started messing me up when I couldn't have a Org***! Literally started having NO feelings at all & did not care too! Started getting Tired (Very bad I couldn't hold my eyes open), Started losing weight, & getting very bad Headaches, Not hardly having a appetite at all!! I stopped taking the medication on my own & called the Dr & told her what was going on, She said that's good I stopped taking it or it could have gotten worse!! After that I did NOT take anything else that had too do with depression because a incident occurred while being on the medication as well & i have kids & I knew right from the start that (Inside my body was NOT ME AT ALL) After that incident orrurred I was scared to death about taking anything else at all!! So I talked too a professional! Calmy explain to your wife how you feel, Sit down & talk to her about it! I hope everything works out for the both of you & hope she gets the help she needs & the depression goes away & stays away on her end bcuz that is nothing too mess with! Goodluck to the both of you!
Hello /u/TopMine8651,
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And he actually did get it for her. He ordered it. But when they had their talk in the first week of December they both thought they were breaking up and not going to exchange gifts, so he cancelled the order before it arrived.
He couldnt reorder it in time because when they almost broke up it was already first week of december. If you order in December you aint getting your package until after Christmas. He waited until she said she was dissapointed he didnt get it to order it again, and thats likely beacause he still wasnt sure if they were going to break up or not and so didnt want to spend $150 on a gift that will take a while to arrive and may show up after youre dumped.
I'm attentive to brushing and flossing too since my teeth are cavity prone, it sucks! my dentist believed me though and prescribed toothpaste to help with my enamel, and I use a fortifying mouthwash when I'm courageous enough (I hate the taste lol).
Leave her…too many red flags
Sorry I haven't posted here before and just wanted to get it off my chest, I don't know tbh I feel like I'm in too deep and am too afraid to leave
His manipulation skills have apparently improved, but I fear little else.
They seem like the type to say “you should be happy your parents are still in love.” And change nothing.
This is an awful advice? What good will come from confronting them? OP need to make a plan in order to be independent and hold on to this plan like a mental life buoy. Don't confront the abuser, just keep a low profile and do what's needed to gtfo, get a part time job, study naked to finish the education ect…
I wish I never met him. In the beginning he was such an incredible guy and super respectful. Then he turned into a fuck boy when he started working as an emt. I feel like I need so much therapy after everything he’s put me through. He was the only guy I’d ever trusted to do anything with and I’ve never been more hurt
No this can’t be real. The birthday dinner?
He's only 21 and you're only 19. You may not legally be children, but you essentially still are. You don't have to get married in 4 years or even 10. You don't need to have anything figured out. So long as you can pay your bills and keep food in your belly, that's all you need right now.
Let me start by saying I’m the first person to come here and say that opposite sex platonic friendships can absolutely be fine, including with exes. But like anything else, context matters.
I tell you this so that you understand that I’m not coming at this with an inherent bias in thinking communication with an ex is an automatic deal breaker and that’s that. I truly don’t feel that way, if there’s no residual romantic feelings and they’re truly platonic friends.
The problem here is that’s not the case. He told you he was in touch with her which I suppose is something, but you made a mistake by not asking what the nature of their relationship was. You subsequently learned that they don’t operate as friends and that their dynamic and conversations are inappropriate.
You bring it up (as you should), and he shuts down. Here’s where you make a mistake, and it’s unfortunately the case in many other situations; you back off out of fear of being controlling.
So let’s talk about that. Demanding your partner end or limit friendships based on nothing more than your own insecurities is controlling. That would be you being the problem. However, demanding boundaries after obtaining legitimate evidence that a relationship is inappropriate isn’t controlling; it’s something you should expect with the confines of a monogamous relationship if you’re not going to make the choice of leaving the relationship outright.
So to confirm your feelings, I do believe this is emotional cheating if for no other reason than his lying about it. As for advice? Leave. There’s nothing to overcome. Live! and learn and don’t allow yourself to be treated this way going forward.
You need to tell him exactly what the smell is. Some people above have mentioned this could be linked with a health issue. If he does end up going to a professional (if the issue is THAT serious), he should know what the smell smells like.
You’ve been together for 4 years. You should be able to tell your partner more than what you’re telling him. “Hey babe, remember when I asked if there were changes to your hygiene and you’ve got a weird smell? Well, I’m really sorry to say it, but it smells like pee. It went away for a little while after that talk, but now it’s back and really bad. What can I do to help you?”
Also. Maybe consider he has a pee fetish and he’s getting that need full-filled from somewhere else.
Very easy solution. Leave if you don't want to have sex with him. You have no obligation to give him your virginity just as he has no obligation to stay in a sexless relationship.
Sounds like you two are not compatible.
You don't sound compatible.
My husband is a thrill seeker with many of the same hobbies as you. I am more reserved and generally have less adventurous hobbies. We also have hobbies we both enjoy and do together. We both enjoy our hobbies separately and then talk about them with each other. After 10 years together, it's still a positive thing we have our own interests.
Thanks for this! I think I agree. I’ll be looking into therapy.
This would be an absolute not. My husband would not return to a wife if he went on a vacation with another woman. Full stop. Add to that you’re pregnant and he is putting off doing the nursery and making renovations so he can go galavant with with another woman. This should be a deal breaker for you.
Ok old lady.
Stop giving advice because you are never right.
I suffered for nearly 50 years w depression /anxiety and adhd. This year, I learned how to regulate my nervous system and I am med free for the first time in my life. I hope you can see in yourself, what he sees in you?
I’ve tried to speak to him, but he ignores me. I don’t want to reach out to any mutuals in case of “airing our dirty laundry”
I purchased a home when my husband and I were dating / living together. My name was on the mortgage, and he has always split 50/50. Later on, when we refinanced the house for a lower rate, the paper work was re-done after we were married. I still did not list him on the mortgage. However, he was included as a resident and signed off on some of the paperwork. Any changes to the mortgage or ownership of the home, he is notified. This protects him as a resident of the home, but he does not have any ownership of the home.
Here's some advice. Give her a break :). Delete her and block her on everything. If she wants a break give her a permanent one and work through those emotions and find you someone better who won't make you question yourself because if you get back together the thought is going to torment you so better to save yourself than let het double the damage
I mean… you can certainly try to talk to him in a very frank and direct way about this, but you’re all adults here and it’s his call what he wants to deal with / settle for. The last time I tried to talk to someone in a rough marriage I was cursed out and told to never ever broach the subject again (same stuff, too… wanton infidelity and everything).
Some couples reach an “understanding”, and unfortunately that understanding is that they are slightly better off (socially, economically, legally) married than single. So they marry someone. Anyone. It’s not great, it’s just a little better than the alternative (living at home / being homeless, not getting / having to pay for sex, not being insured when you have a chronic health problem).
Don’t press too naked. No one is being abused from the sound of it; so you’re free to ask questions but you might not like the answers.
I have some work friends who are tattooed everywhere I don't notice it unless there wearing clothes that show their skin. It might just be because I don't see them often enough.