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He sounds like a nice roommate but. It a romantic partner.
If you don’t like it now, it will get worse with more time.
It is certainly a firm boundary for him and that’s ok. I don’t see it as controlling, but even if it was, you can decide for yourself if you are ok with him feeling this way.
You are both very young and it’s always difficult at that age to maintain a relationship with someone as you are both still formulating your friends etc
With regards to this particular situation I get where he is coming from as from what you have said it sounds like he and his friends locked this up with each other some time ago to go and see the new Avatar 2 movie.
If he was trying to cut you out or trying to put obstacles in the way of you from going to watch it with him because he either didn’t want you to go or didn’t want you to go with him and his friends then he wouldn’t have even invited you in the first place but he did invite you and said you could go with him so I certainly don’t get the feeling that he is trying to shut you out. Now you say that they are going to the midnight screening of the film and I get that you have an exam the following day but to be fair to him here, the film Avatar 2 is only being released in the cinemas here in the UK last night at midnight all across the UK (currently 5:37am here in London so it was released 5 or so hours ago) so I expect the exact same thing to have happened in the USA and his booking with his friends at a midnight screening would be the same as it is a worldwide release the same time, my point being that it isn’t a case that he has booked this at midnight the early hours before your exam just to be difficult or to put an obstacle in your way so you don’t go and to be honest here he probably didn’t even book or suggest that time in particular and it’s a case that between him and his friends they all said let’s book the screening as soon as it’s released.
Now bearing in mind that they have booked the first possible screening on its worldwide release I think that it’s very safe to assume that they have all been waiting for it’s release together and therefore I well believe that this was something that him and his friends had previously discussed some time ago.
So personally I would swerve this particular situation as a point of issue, however that doesn’t mean that your situation and your feelings are invalid because they are totally valid. I get what you said about arranging going skating and he was a bit meh about it and you feel they you both don’t do anything together outside of catching a movie at his or yours. I also understand that you feel that you are always arranging things but you both don’t end up doing anything which makes you feel like second best because it would make you feel like that, it would make any of us feel like that. I do wonder though based on what you said about arranging skating with him and he wasn’t anywhere near up for that if you are arranging things that he simply just doesn’t want to do, NOT BECAUSE OF YOU but because of the activity that has been planned.
So my first piece of advice is for you to stop planning things with him, anything, just stop right now. Instead the next time that you are both together at his or yours then take 20/30 minutes out of what you both would normally do and instead get two pieces of paper each and two pens each and both of you write down 10 different activities or things to do together outside of the house (eg. Go to the zoo, go for a meal, go see a show etc) and you both tear up the piece of paper into 10 separate pieces so that each piece has the name of an activity – So you have 10 pieces of paper with 10 separate activities written down and he also has the same, so you have 20 different folded up pieces of paper and you both put them in a jar or a box and shake them up and one of you picks out a piece of paper and then that’s the first thing that you are going to do together one day the following weekend. Then when you have finished that activity the following week then the other person gets to pick out a piece of paper and you see what is written down and you both do that thing one day the following weekend and you both keep carrying it on each week.
This way you are guaranteed a full day together each weekend just you and him and no friends of his
You also get him to do things with you together because ultimately he has put 10 activities or things that he wants to do with you of his own choice and naturally he would have written down 10 things that he actually wants to do so it’s not like you possibly choosing things that he either doesn’t like or doesn’t want to do, he knows that he has put 10 things down that he wants to do.
Also this stops you from having to arrange things and plan stuff and then feeling let down, he is equally involved.
You must though make sure that you get him to commit to both doing whatever activities come out from the random choice and also to commit to putting aside a day each weekend to do them together with you so it’s a regular weekly thing and without fail. It’s also advisable to draw the lucky piece of paper the day before because you might pull out going for a meal so you will want notice to get dressed up for it or it might be something that needs booking.
Anyway the point is to take the responsibility off of you planning stuff but to also get him to actually choose things to do which he will like and set some time aside for each other. The thing is when you get to the last piece of paper you can do the same again but normally you are in a rhythm then to sort things out yourselves
girl i met (im 17m) and am texting
I am glad you’re thinking more about boundaries based on this response because this comment sounds very like what happened to my sister. She was assaulted at a high school party and reacted and a very similar way by seeking out high risk situations. She had therapy and even forced hospitalizations because of self harm and running away. What I want to stress is that she got better when SHE was ready. You can suggest all the therapy in the world for her but in the end only she can decide when she’s ready to heal.
Sometimes TIME is the biggest factor-and I’m talking years. My sister had so much love and support but that could not make it better. She had therapists and doctors who could not make it better. Ultimately it was time and space from her traumas and her own decisions that led to her getting better. She’s now mid 30s with a family and successful career and as sisters we are closer than ever. But there was a time in our lives when we were not in contact because I could not continue to watch and feel responsible to someone who made self destructive decisions again and again.
My sister got better when she was ready and the therapists and doctors were helpful at that time and not really before (they may have helped with harm reduction but not lasting change). Likewise, you cannot help your girlfriend if she’s not ready. No matter how much you love her. So you need to decide how invested you would like to be in this relationship because ultimately you have very little control over the outcome.
I think further involving yourself in this mess might further entrench you into this weird circle of people.
As others have mentioned, it’s a weird place to be if you don’t have tangible proof for the husband. Also, it seems like you wouldn’t be able to let him know anonymously since the wife would know it was you.
My two cents would be to leave it alone and move on to new things ASAP.
Just get your car keys back, there’s no need to “talk to him” about this. He’s going to argue or try to make it a discussion or negotiation.
It’s your fucking car. I wouldn’t let him regularly borrow it anyways since your insurance will take a hit if he gets in an accident.
Also, you dad just sucks. Why is he telling your boyfriend that his own daughter is being “controlling”? That’s just weird.
One of the reasons guys are hesitant to date single mothers , stupid EX's
Absolute shocked that a woman who you met when she was a literal teenager had the audacity to gain weight as she became a mature woman. Cant believe that could be. Wow.
Nobody likes being jerked around. First you say no, then 2 weeks later you come back? I wouldn't have even taken your number
What makes you think she’s using me versus trying to figure out if she’s interested in me? Usually when I talk about these things to her she’s always sweet, but also a bit evasive.
Here’s your answer
How is the top comment on every one of these to throw away the whole relationship?
Let's be honest here. The attraction for the coworker is in part because she seem energetic, eager, has made you a priority at work, makes time for you, does not challenge you, never argues all of which is because she is 22 and your coworkers. Those things are temporary. She is not your escape plan. If you pursue that relationship then you are doing it for purely selfish reasons.
You need to work on your relationship. Draw very hot boundaries and start counseling if possible while fiance does the same. Or break up and still do the above.
I definitely get the sense there was more to this.
yes as well as overthinking problems and i think that’s the issue
Ya so most women with relationship experience who are past naivety would realize what a creep this guy is. I read this post on this subreddit like 20 times a week I swear. Basically, he went for you as a teenager because well most young women do not realize how disgusting older men who prey on young women are. Additionally, they can pretty much get away with anything in the relationship like unlimited sex, emotional dragging, objectification, free childcare, live-in maid (unfortunately sounds like you are generously supplying some of these). It's sinister and underhanded, part of me wants to come down harder on you for enabling this but also so little of this situation is your fault. Basically, you can probably be with this guy and live out your life taking care of his child, giving him “some ass”, bringing him his morning coffee while he “jokes” about cheating on you (god that one makes me sick) ORRRRRRRRR
You can find an actual partner. I promise you, there are great people out there and there is a future where you learn love you never knew existed before and you life does a 180 for the better. Unfortunately, the likely outcome is that you will read this, get upset, and put it out of your mind and delete your account. Your choice.
This is no way to live. He should be doing 50% of the housework and child care if you are both working full time. And he should speak to you respectfully, and treat you like the goddess you are. Know your worth and ditch that AH.
I just want to add that the age gap IS a big deal. Not with older adults, but with a 19yo, and a 36yo, it is. A grown man hooking up with a teenager is gross, and he probably had to find someone young and naive to put up with his bullshit, because women closer to his age have the life experience not too.
It was longer than 5 minutes, that’s an obvious caricature of an otherwise serious topic.
I personally don’t like giving blow jobs. Unless you’ve had a penis down your throat it’s very hot to explain that giving one isn’t a comfortable experience for some people. I give my bf bjs because he likes them and tries to engage me also.
Maybe you guys have completely mismatched libidos and the fact that sex is painful to her and she doesn’t like receiving oral makes her not really want to give oral either. Instead of just jumping to giving her “69 tips on a mind blowing blow job”, you may need to start with having an open and honest conversation about your sex life in general. There needs to be a “how can we improve our intimacy” conversation before there is a “how can you improve when my dick is in your mouth” conversation
Ask her on an actual date. Not that complicated.
Maybe you should explain to her that every $1000 you spend on a ring is that much less that you can spend on her future. Ask her which she wants. If she doesn’t understand, you might want to rethink this
How long have you been together? Is there a history of inappropriate behavior?
Is this one of those, he’ll change for me kinda things, girl guys will do what they want and obviously he wanted to see his ex and not you, that should speak volumes.
He won’t get a new job, he loves his job and there’s no jobs here in his sector anyway. He doesn’t want to move any closer to my family as the area isn’t good. I don’t mind the distance but we’re not close to public transport (I don’t drive) and I would like to move close to a train station so it’s quicker to get places.
I am doing tutoring but I can only manage a couple hours a week because of my studies, my household responsibilities and my disability. Money isn’t the issue, we have £100k in savings and my husband makes £120k per year, more than enough to buy a decent sized home and still put away savings in case we have to move.
What did your wife say/do to convince you?
I’d print out the texts and leave them on the table at home. He’d come back from work and I wouldn’t be there. I’d wait until I had divorce papers drafted up and I’d go. Blindside him and tell him I deserve better
Question: why do you live in such a toxic environment? You sound like someone who has common sense and decency. That kind of sheltered environment breeds the next generation of jerks, especially if their mother is willing to engage in a heinous lie to “protect her status.” Make no mistake, it’s all 100% about her. Gross.
That‘s such a wholesome comment honestly, I hope I get to find a man who appreciates me the way you appreciate your wife❤️?
You’re just a bitter middle aged man who doesn’t want kids so you can spend time with your girlfriend. Pretty nice to have them around huh?
Stop wasting your time with her. She uses anger and tears to manipulate you. She is controlling. She lays in bed in her house obsessing about you being up late hanging out with your friends. She wants you to text her every 10 minutes. That's not normal at all. She's had her chance to stop, but she won't. Life is too short to spend it in a bad relationship.
I'm sure. But it seems that OP has known she's essentially a prisoner since about 3 months into the relationship.
Do you think the difference between sharing nudes with friends and keeping them on your camera roll is a semantic one?
He lumped both his notes app and his messages with friends into the same group of privacy, which they are not. When you share the thoughts you're writing in your journal with friends, you are publicizing those thoughts on some level and if those thoughts are shit-talking your wife and turning your friends against her, that's not the same thing fundamentally as writing down your frustrations in a private journal that only you see.