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There are mental health issues that can cause this as well
I think this is the best reasoning straight to the point thanks
Your eyes have been opened, but you're reading the scene wrong my friend. Your relationship is a childhood relationship that isn't working out as adults. That's ok. That's normal. You don't have to stay with her because it's scary to leave. That being said, your friend is harassing you and ignoring your words and boundaries, and ultimately disrespecting you and being entirely immature. Feel wanted all you like but that's a bullet you need to dodge. Jumping from one girl to the next to feel desirable is not a good habit to get into and will lead you to some bad places.
Why are so many people here acting as if he just disappeared without a trace?
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You should leave or at least seek counseling and also stop putting your tampons down the toilet if you are.
She chose this, she’s for the streets. Cut her loose.
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So what exactly do you expect to gain from this “relationship”? He obviously doesn’t care about your concerns or boundaries and to find out they were sleeping together… no. I think you need to cut your losses.
He’s practically still in a relationship with her. You just sound like the other woman tbh.
Good point. I worry more for her than for him, since he’s a serial cheater and is quite manipulative. But I’m struggling to decide whether it’s my business to tell her or not (even though I recognize my part in the past cheating)? It all just feels more real now that they are engaged, especially since my partner and I have been having marriage discussions lately.
Indulge my pedantry:
A bedroom community is a suburb or neighbourhood designed for people who pretty much only sleep there—few amenities, no industry or office blocks. Residents tend to commuters, WFH, or SAHPs.
Old school logic of doing the “honorable thing”. He’s 40. He was influenced by baby boomer parents and Great Depression grandparents where if you knock someone up you marry them, because they thought it was the right thing to do to not leave a woman as an unwed single mother.
This is why it happened.
IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH THIS KIND OF SEX, DON'T HAVE IT. Your wants and needs are JUST AS IMPORANT AS HIS. Explain to him that this just isn't doing it for you, and tell him about the pain. If you aren't compatible sexually, it might be best to end this. Good luck to you OP.
How am I transferring the anxiety over? By like asking so much?
Congratulations on being single man.
Yeah she needs to seek treatment for her issues. She needs help.
How does she even manage her period if she's so repulsed by her own body?
The opinions of your friends/family on what to do are effectively redundant here – as this affects only you and your wife.
What I believe should matter most to you here is two things – now you know, your trust is badly damaged, can you learn to trust her after hiding this from you for all this time? It doesn't matter if it's 10 years or 2 weeks for you, this is “fresh” and discovering infidelity at any point will always feel the same. For her and others they'll only think of this as “but it happened X years ago!”.
Second, what is it that upsets you the most about this – hiding it? doing it? Is this a matter of you being able to forgive it and work on Therapy/Counselling to trust again? You need to be able to first agree to climb the mountain, then be at peace with this – it will take time, commitment and not be instant.
There's personal views on this from those that have been on the receiving end of infidelity, as well as those who haven't – but each situation is unique and you need to decide for yourself what you “want” and how to accomplish that.
I can't tell him because he will 100% leave me ? I really really love him
Very naked and since she's already in her 3rd trimester, we're on a time crucnch.
your right, thanks
True, I knew she hadn’t deleted texts in over a year. She never was that type to hide shit. But then again she led me along saying she had no feelings for my friend for years.
I guess i make excuses for them because they were my best friends and roommates for the last three years. It’s naked to get up and leave that.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Even if she had her own room, if she wanted to cheat she could. It's just that sharing the same room, I think it's playing with fire.
We've been together for 10 years and I trust her, but I have to admit that I don't really like this situation. I didn't tell her because I don't want her to feel bad about going, especially since it's an event she's been waiting for 2 years (covid).
I was wondering how what would be your opinion/reaction to a similar situation? Not sure how I should react
[EDIT] Thanks everyone, just confirm me that this make no sense. Will talk to her this make no sense to me too but I googled about this before posting here, and I saw many posts saying “I trust my gilrfriend/boyfriend” but really, this is not correct for both the employer and her
[EDIT 2] Absolutely not lying here, her employer is the Government of Quebec.
[EDIT 3] I talked to someone who travel a lot with sport teams. She told me it was common for her to share a room with a coach and that it was all about trust. She said it was common for all other sport teams she know too. It's the first and only person I found who told me it was common….
[EDIT 4] Forget the same bed thing, I have no idea so let's consider it's 2 beds per room
Thanks!
Honestly it was a perfect message. It explained your reasoning and expectations clearly. The expectations are clear and reasonable. You didn't give anyone an ultimatum, or try to prevent him from coming (even though it understandably makes YOU uncomfortable). He's the one creating drama for no reason. Good riddance.
Yeah, I guess that’s what I’ve been thinking as well. No i certainly don’t want to push him into this. It should be something the both of us wants to do. I’m guessing this is my issue or dissapointment. I want him to want it. Thanks for your reply
You choose.
Your best friend, who isn’t really a friend, he’s just been biding his time until he thought he could get you.
Or your BF.
Because there is no way to have both. Your BF will leave you if you continue a friendship with someone who disrespects you and him and your relationship like that.
(Give you a hint, if you choose your friend, you will likely regret it)
If she came home full of hickeys then i presume you under no illusion that she was with another guy. Is she the only women you've ever been with is that why you are worried , is it a comparrison thing?
The fact you want all the details and mention you thought you were her 'only' seems like you think her 'viginity' is her value in some way.
Why does it matter if she fucked him or not? What difference does it make now, you knew at the time there was someone else. Its telling you have no interest in if she liked him or not.
You don't seem to give a shit if she was in love with another guy so long as you can be sure he never put even the tip of his dick in her.
The fuck?
He was in the comments complimenting other women and even fishing for selfies and you think that's okay?
Wow.
Is this your behaviour as well? Is your wife aware?
Very good. You'll potentially look back on today as a turning point in your life. And remember there are resources like Reddit you can use to touch base and for some real talk when you need it. As you can see everyone supports you and wants you to escape.
That sounds awfully difficult. My heart goes out to you. I remember being bone tired trying to share nights with the baby and laying bricks during the day. It did get better over time though.
Have you tried a woman's counciling phone service in your country? I use them sometimes in Australia. I've spoken to some beautiful, wise people.
No problem here just callin em like I see em. see it’s not so fun when it’s directed at you. Hope you learned something?
You gave 8 examples of disrespect, any 1 of which would have been a dealbreaker for me. Your boyfriend is either spineless and/or he agrees with the way his parents treat you. His behavior is just as disrespectful as theirs. You deserve and can do better than this. Please move on and do not marry this man. You’ve just gotten a glimpse of your future if you stay. Even them staying for a few weeks is too much- you should not feel like an outsider in your own home for one day.
You can date from 2 hours away. People pull it off all the time. Do you think he wouldn’t?
But if you give up a huge opportunity for a guy who ends up leaving you, you’ll regret it for a long time.
If this is how he deals with issues – regardless of what they are, then you are better off without him in your life. What's next? You hairstyle? Clothing? Job? He listened to your story, made a decision, and that's it. His way or the highway. Period. You don't want to live! your entire life like that, do you?
Well, when you file for divorce, tell him to be sure to focus on WHY you did it. What an ass!
Friend (F) husband is exactly like this. They have been married 10 years and have an almost 10 year old. Now their daughter is doing the exact same thing. Does not help, dismissal, gaslighting, and uses their culture as an excuse (both Mexican- Americans) to not do the work. I told my friend HE WILL NOT CHANGE. You have to decide whether you love both of them enough to do this the rest of your life, or divorce and find a partner and hope you can alter your daughter’s behavior. I hurt seeing my best friend become so dependent and depressed.
How often do you get invited? Of course you aren’t obligated but we do give in our relationships if it matters to our partner?
He's breaking several laws. I think you should make a police report and then ask for a police escort to go retrieve your belongings. Then stay far away from him. Don't go back to work there. Change all your passwords.
It's not healthy to be working “basically 7 days a week” and the fact that you are still having money concerns really just makes you wonder what's the point of him working that much.
Is it not possible for him to work during the weekdays, so you guys get to spend the weekends together. That way you could arrange for little trips here and there…?
Renting is less ideal than buying, of course, but you guys need to sit down and have a conversation about getting a plan together. Both for how to live! going forward and for how to spend quality time together
I did, I talked with my mom and told her that I've gone past the breaking point.
She understands and fully supports my decision
She sounds exhausting.
Straight to the point! I dig it.
Ok, as someone who was once young and foolish enough to fall for the older guy and wasted far too much of my life, I have a few things that are really worth thinking about:
You may be mature for your age, but there is no meeting in the middle here. You feel you are dating someone older because you are mature, he is dating someone younger because you are both on the same level. What does that say about him? – He is a 48 year old man equal in maturity to a 25 year old woman. He is in no way capable of having a successful adult relationship. There will come a point over the next few years where you will outgrow him, because at 25 your adult life is still in its early stages, you will continue to mature, he will not. This is as mature as he gets, it's all downhill from here… You are the only adult in this relationship. Trust me, nothing is a bigger turn off than realising you are being a parent instead of a partner. Think about all the things you do for him; running the household, looking after HIS child, making his meals, cleaning for him. It's easy to see what he gets out of this relationship, but what are you getting? He doesn't want more children. He has already finished that stage of his life. He is 48, he is starting to realise there is less time ahead of him than behind, there is no way in hell he wants to spend his retirement years raising children. He will keep putting you off, he will keep delaying, he will keep stringing you along for as long as he possibly can because you have replaced all the duties his ex used to do for him before she wised up to his BS. He is not with you because he thinks you are smart or mature or talented, or any other quality you bring to the table, he is with you because he can manipulate you into putting your own life on hold while you mother him. Again – what are you getting from all this? He is with you because he doesn't want to do anything for himself. He wants someone who is nurturing and maternal and who is young enough to not see what is happening when he redirects all that desire you have to start a family and demands that you spend all that energy only on him.
Please, Please spend some time seriously reflecting on just what kind of future you have with this guy. You are at an age where you should be just getting started – progressing your career, building connections with your peers, starting a family, saving for a house, travel, having fun…. How much of that are you wiling to give up? He is already past those stages of his life, by taking on the role this relationship demands of you you will miss out on it completely. And at the end? you will nurse him into his old age while all his worst traits become stronger and stronger until you finally have the relief of finding yourself alone. You know you have already sacrificed so much for this guy, don't give up on your own life to be his mother. The whole “relationships need sacrifice” concept is utter bullsh*t. Relationships need connection, and respect, and equality, and mutual goals. When all those are present then neither partner has to “sacrifice” their own wants and needs to keep their partner happy.
I did.. I just would have liked to try and get more responses by re-posting it once more
Hi OP, it would be a good idea to mention how long you’ve been seeing each other in the post. I don’t believe wanting to spend time with your partner has anything to do with your gender, but it has everything to do with love. If your partner truly likes you, he will make time for you. Have you asked him if it’s just stress, or boredom that is keeping him away? If it’s not, then maybe you should discuss with him and take a break (or break-up, that’s fine too) But you’re not being unreasonable!