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I on-line in the Netherlands, it doesn't matter here what broke up a relationship/marriage. All that matters are the names on the contracts.
It's a fetish post probably based on all the weird details
Never be with anyone who tests you. They are the ones who fail.
At minimum just leave her some nice texts to read and don't call so she can just come to you when she feels she has the right space or admit some things to you. “Hey beautiful, I love you heading to the store to grab snacks and I'll be thinking of you I miss you haven't been feeling good lately” and you can call her out on not calling you things too girls like when you notice things like that. Distance is good unless one of you really messed up but it's up to that person to try and mend things. So you try distance (but loving) while she comes to you or tries to mend things. You do have you own life so focus on your personal development. I see a lot of people not grow themselves because they're left waiting in the same spot their partner left them.
I saw this video on IG where this African man was at the shop or something, and this cashier, who is a black woman, was pouring compliments all over him, as he was looking all sharp, wearing a suit, she kept praising him like omg you look like a president and it just kept going. The caption was something like – ‘us African people need to uplift each other more’ and I just started balling. In my head I’m thinking, if there was a woman telling my boyfriend this, there’s not a doubt in my mind he would be willing to risk it all and go for this girl. I told him that, he was like ‘African women have been moving to me for the entirety of this relationship, that’s not the point, if I wanted an African girl I would have one already’. So it’s like, yeah, it’s all the same as it were before the conversation, I know what I bring to the table and there’s nothing for me to worry about, but at the same time – THERE IS. He literally told me my race is not enough, and now I find myself in this situation where minor things like that trigger me.
OR if I see anyone mention ‘black love’ – again I’m all in tears, it’s like I take it personally against me, ‘give us more black love and less of that interracial nonsense’
When children have marriage fantasies….. and old men don’t.
The reason we start doing better after something like a long term break up is bc we are becoming happy again. Picking yourself up from rock bottom takes time but the growth and glow we get from it last a long time. The reason he is probably messaging you now is because his life is falling apart, he is now hitting his rock bottom, and he’s come to realize that his rock bottom started when he left you. The difference is your rock bottom and his are completely different. You had to learn to love yourself again after losing what you thought was true love vs his which is more on par with learning to move on after making a life changing mistake. He’s at the phase where he still thinks fixing the mistake will change where he is but it won’t bc the problem was never fully the mistake the problem was the confidence you gave him caused him to make the mistake he did. Until he learns that he won’t ever grow.
My advice is to just let that message sit and age. You’ve come too far in your growth to let a man who hasn’t even begun his hold you down.
fake tits turn me off too, kinda the whole mentality of it, needing surgery to boost your ego and feel good about yourself is kinda ew. imo. self love should be an inside job, not an outside job. just my take. flame me internet… lol
If she’s actively trying to harm herself you cannot be responsible for guarding her mental health, she needs professional intervention. You are not qualified to do this job and it’s far more responsibility than a partner should shoulder. Is it possible to call for a well check or report she’s suicidal? I’m not sure where you are but social workers and law enforcement where I on-line WILL get involved for mental health reasons, even if it’s just to have her evaluated. A good therapist might be able to help her figure out how to leave her abusive situation at home.
He didn't know it was wrong….. Really?
Ok in that case why didn’t he just let you know immediately afterwards that he had slept with someone else? It shouldn’t have been an issue if the relationship wasn’t defined. That’s your right to know who else your partner is sleeping with for the sake of your sexual health (case in point – HPV)
You know as well as all of us that he’s saying it because he’s trying to minimize it.
Look up the term ‘trickle truth’. Here’s a hint for you – the friend he slept with is the one that you know off (the info that you btw had to pry out of him, he didn’t offer that info). There are women he has slept with during your relationship that you don’t know about yet. The OF thing confirms it for me.
I read your post hoping to find a reason you’ll give as to why you’re even here or having second thoughts about breaking up. I couldn’t find one. I see no reason to go to therapy and build trust with someone I’ve known only a year, hell I am not sure I even know this man.
He has lied to you about multiple things already, things you had specific issues with, hid that he slept with someone, tried to divert blame by saying he didn’t think know it was serious (ok then tell op that you slept with someone?), and none of this info was offered to you – you had to dig it out. If you ignore that these red flags then you’re pretty much bringing it only yourself what will happen next
Man… it honestly sounds like you're dating my ex. I have no advice except get tested for STD's and leave his ass if this is a boundary for you.
It's somewhat crazy, that that's the standard. Women shouldn't have to communicate that they also want to climax, when it's the standard we provide for men.
I don't know if you intentionally did this, but you worded it such that the premise is loaded. It's generally understood that everyone wants to climax. However, it's not generally understood what it takes for an individual to do so. THAT is why the onus is on you to communicate what you want/need.