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Addicted to shopping is way worse.
Too
He is definitely an AH because his over-reaction is not okay, and if there’s an underlying issue he should be using his words and communicating that. On the other hand, have you ever asked to borrow his pillow or have you just been assuming that you’re welcome to everything since you online together? Do you only do this with pillows or does this “what’s yours is mine” mentality extend to other things just because you online together?
I’ve seen cooks outside with their clogs on a lot. What do you do for smoke breaks or whatever?
I was on team husband until you mentioned that he bought a gun that's more than your ring that he promised you. I'd take his gun and hide it somewhere til you get your ring ?
why do you think she would get offended? is she the type to take offense to something minor like that?
i think you’re projecting emotions onto her unfairly. you girls are coworkers not best friends.
even if she does take offense why does that bother you sm that you’d be willing to stress yourself over feeling trapped to keep her happy?
a lot of the dialog people gave you are good to use with her. if you’re still unsure read up on conflict resolution online for some tips on dealing with intrapersonal relationship issues
she’s not trapping you, you’re trapping yourself by not speaking up out of fear of disappointing people. it’s okay to tell people no. it’s not okay to abandon yourself to meet a coworkers’ needs to socialize after work (when you’re drained)
First off, he’s an asshole and single handed my driving you toward an eating disorder. Second, it does not matter if he is intentionally doing this or aware of how horrible he is. The fact is he is doing it, and it REEKS of immaturity. Quite frankly, he should not be married. What is he going to do if you get sick and are bedridden, have a baby, need medication, etc. all of which will make you gain a more significant amount of weight??
It was the nonsense around it that made it rude. Telling someone they need therapy is definitely not a kind thing to say when you say it like that.
And you're right but I am actually sick in bed, binge watching some awful shows, and trying to figure out my relationship. Hasn't been allllll I've been doing hahah.
Unfortunately she may never get over sexual abuse experiences. You aren’t responsible for her past and apprehensions of going forward. She needs therapy to heal emotionally and be more open and demonstrative on what contact she is comfortable with. Without this you are just dangling in the wind and need to move on.
Things like this are incredibly difficult. Being betrayed by your partner is incredibly painful and trashes your self-esteem. Just realize that this behavior is on him, not you.
My advice in these situations is to stay single – don't rush into another relationship – and work on yourself. Spend time with your friends and/or family. Take time to think about your wants, needs and expectations for a future partner, and accept that you deserve these things. Don't ever allow yourself to be mistreated by your partner – and good for you for making cheating a deal-breaker. Excusing cheating is never a good idea.
The bottom line – figure out how to be happy while you're alone, and that will make you a better partner for a future BF. Before you commit to another BF in the future, make sure it's a healthy relationship and that he's truly who you think he is (which is impossible sometimes, but you can still try).
Best of luck!
I mean you’re about the marry this guy. You should be fairly comfortable bringing up tense/uncomfortable topics with each other.
You can even start with that. Tell him that you need to talk to him about something that will likely be a bit tense, but you’d appreciate him letting you get it all out first, and then he can say his side, and then hopefully you can both (together) figure out what the next course of action is. That’s how the marriage should work. You should both be able to listen to each other’s concerns, validate the feelings, but then work together to find a solution or compromise.
Remain calm. Don’t play the blame game. It may feel good, but it never works. Just be honest. Hopefully it’ll go ok!
because in a lot of age gap relationship the older person seeks a younger, naive person to basically mold into their perfect partner. they will “teach” you things, because of course they are older so they must be “wiser”, and “they know better”.
knowing that, can you really not be able to see he’s trying to make you into what he wants? he’s instilling all these new habits in you, things you seem to resent, because you’re a blank canvas to him. he’s not accepting you as you are, and only seems to support you when he’s rewarding you for following his guidelines. that’s not love.
Most of the civilized world frowns upon murdering trespassers.
Then there's Texas, where everyone runs around like Joffrey Baratheon, trying to put heads on pikes.
As an extension of that, it's a reasonable force thing. If the guy is just sitting on your couch, and you beat him until he has brain damage, yeah, that's a bad thing. Judging by his own description of events, and the part where his girlfriend had to stop him because he was clearly carried away, yeah. In a lot of places you get in shit for that.
Theft is a really low level offense compared to putting someone in a coma.
If they have a shared phone bill, that might be a decent place to start. I'd just be a lot more observant for a while and keep tabs on phone usage when the partner is around. There's no way this doesn't turn into something eventually. The situation sucks if the letter is true, but it still sucks if it's false.
She isn't yet thinking of herself as a partner in a couple..And she sounds like down tbe road she'll want you to support her because she thinks that's what men should do. I think she's approaching this in a very transactional way. I don't think you should move in together at this point.. BTW, I'm a woman.
Leave.
Anyone who doesn’t think that both parties in a relationships opinion on sex are important is not worth your time or energy.
You fix it by telling them the truth and taking the consequences of your actions.
And even then depending on what else they have done to discipline your sister, your relationship with her might never be the same again.
” I really don't understand why it's such a huge deal when men want to know that the baby they are about to raise for the rest of their lives is 100%, without any doubt, theirs.”
That, in and of itself is not a big deal, and totally valid.
Case by case though, it becomes a big deal when it causes a rift in the relationship, for whatever reason. In this case, it makes OP feel like her bf doesn't trust her.
Trust is the biggest currency in relationship, there is no substitute for that, so that absolutely makes this hypothetical paternity test a big deal.
You're free to disagree and take the same side that OP's bf takes, that paternity tests are all fine and valid and shouldn't be a problem for anyone, I'm not debating that, it's not my point at all.
My point is that for OP at least it is a problem and in this case there really isn't a room for compromise, it's kind of a do or don't situation. So… this couple has much bigger problems then whether or not paternity tests are okay.
And by the way…
According to studies I have found and read now, of the men who felt they had good cause to take paternity tests, only a third found out the child wasn't theirs and in total only about 2-3% of all men end up with children that aren't biologically theirs…
So it isn't like this is some huge problem in desperate need of a solution, the way you make it out to be.
Don’t marry him. He’s abusing you
She saying that she wasn't being mean and that her definition for mean is something when she says something to hurt someone and that I been using my dyslexia as a excuse and that it's my fault for not double checking and that I don't do the same thing with my ADHD and that I'm lazy and that I should have been counting down down as soon as the month started and that I blame it on my dyslexia and that I wasn't trying
Neat! Did you write about it in your journal of things that are neither interesting, nor your business?
What were you expecting to happen? People are using your own words to point of the issues. Stop blaming the comments for making your morning worse.
Do you know what the word unreasonable means? It means not rational or not inline with what the average person of sound mind would think.
Needing someone to strictly adhere to plans/agreements despite being able to find an easy work around is not rational. It's also not something that the average person does not need.
We're all unreasonable sometimes, it's not a judgement, it's human nature to have individual emotional needs even when they're silly or inconvenient.