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This is not a good idea, we do this for folks in the hospital I work in…. folks who are seriously unwell and on-line in a hospital. Hiding toilet paper is not something you do to someone who is well enough to date. She definitely needs professional insights though.
For starters, has he ever apologized?
If he hasn't already done so, then he should write a heart felt apology. That could go a long way to soften your sister's heart.
When a person acts like shit, they shouldn't be too surprised when people try to get as far away from the 'stench' as possible.
This will work. You can always “change your mind” after inviting sil if your mom really wants a friend to come, and they are super adamant about it.
You’ve got to be a troll because no way a man lets his own dad hit his girlfriend’s ass repeatedly. The fact your father touches your sisters’ asses is weird too, he’s a weirdo and you let him harass your girlfriend??
very much agree
I think you are trying to answer too many questions at this point.
First goal is to stabilize the situation for yourself and your kids. If that means asking her to leave, then you ask her to leave. If it means trying to work it out, I would recommend individual counseling for both of you to begin with.
As to your kids, I do not think I would lead with their mother cheating on you unless you both agree to meet with them and present the same narrative with them. Even then, I would phrase it that you two have irreconcilable differences in many personal areas that you do not want to pester them with.
Please do not lean on your children to be your emotional support system- set up another one of your own including a counselor to guide you through these initial stages.
Make an appointment with a FAMILY LAW lawyer- not some jane/joe smo that does everything or advertises on the back of a bus. Make list of questions ahead of time- they can't give you guarantees but can give you a road map. Then you figure out what to do.
The feeling I get here is that you want a Dad in your life and that is totally normal. However the risks here of it going badly for all of you are high.
However saying that I would give him a heads up because if anyone near him does a 23 and me test you will pop up eventually, so I would advise him as your mother may never have told him either.
It might be better to not be on there for his sake.
Pretty easy, skip this part ” but also I should apologize for pointing out her behavior and making HER feel bad ” and youre are good to go.
Easier said than done thos, shes a VERY manipulative person, and so far it works. You need to put an end to it, IF she feels bad because she's benn mean to you, its HER problem. If she's not mean , she wont feel bad, so its HER fault, not yours.
That's where my biggest struggle is. So when we first started this I asked him what needs I'm not meeting and his response was “well that defeats the purpose” and I had to kind of drag his needs out of him because I feel like the purpose isn't for you to just be like “no my needs aren't being met” without some sort of guidance as to what needs aren't being met and why. So I'll ask him what I could be doing better and get kind of work around responses. I worry he's trying to spare my feelings and i understand but in the same sense I feel like it'd just be nice to have a better idea as to what it is I could be doing better so I don't struggle with the anxiety.
But I think you're onto something. I haven't asked him to give me specific examples so maybe I can do that instead of a general “what can I do better” so thank you.
That's where my biggest struggle is. So when we first started this I asked him what needs I'm not meeting and his response was “well that defeats the purpose” and I had to kind of drag his needs out of him because I feel like the purpose isn't for you to just be like “no my needs aren't being met” without some sort of guidance as to what needs aren't being met and why. So I'll ask him what I could be doing better and get kind of work around responses. I worry he's trying to spare my feelings and i understand but in the same sense I feel like it'd just be nice to have a better idea as to what it is I could be doing better so I don't struggle with the anxiety.
But I think you're onto something. I haven't asked him to give me specific examples so maybe I can do that instead of a general “what can I do better” so thank you.
I mean, does this bother you? I wouldn’t put my life on hold for them but if you’re not losing out what’s the problem?
I don't see anything wrong with that behavior personally. It's better to let your partner know in advance about these kinds of things because otherwise they may get the wrong idea once the see it on accident.
So good lmao
That I cannot tell you. You typically can’t help someone that doesn’t think they need it.
If the change was sudden you have to address what caused it before you can fix the symptom (no ambition, lack of interest in previously shared hobbies).
It could also be as simple as she’s comfortable And doesn’t feel the need to move further in life. Plenty people are happy with how their life is with no need to move up in jobs or excel in hobbies
I totally understand your POV. I can’t relax with a messy kitchen or if there are things to do. Do you and your bf have a share of chores? It might be helpful to keep each other accountable.
If you double your body weight, that is absolutely lack of effort. I was 120 lbs at 20 years of age. Now I’m 145 lbs over 20 years later. And I don’t even work out. I could easily get down in weight with a little effort.
She has let herself go 100%
I agree with everything you said, except OP didnt specify if she told her bf about her past. Or was it somewhere in the comments? Anyways, if he knew she doesn't like it then he shouldn't have done that.
OK your relationship is one of your primary relationships in your life so pick somebody you’re attracted to. If you like anime looking girls picked up, but whatever it is that you like pick it. Because the beginning of the relationship is the honeymoon the first couple of years, and if you don’t feel like you’re falling for her, then it will never grow into any significant relationship.
With this girl, I would break up with her and just let her go on-line your life and you go on
Okay. Let me flip the switch for those of you not getting it. If you have a friend who broke up with someone, how do you know? Hell, if you know anyone close to you, how do you know they broke up with a partner?
I had an abortion and the experience was traumatic and I think about it all the time. There, my anecdotal experience negates yours so you can shut the fuck up now.
When they remove your cervix it made a difference,at least it did for me and I was speaking for myself not ANYONE else..
There wouldn’t be any family drama if she was dating a man. I don’t agree with my family being homophobic, but I can’t change them.
I agree with you that the person you responded to is incorrect is saying “there's never a good time to have a child.”
But I think you overcorrected when you said:
It is 100% possible to be completely prepared and ready for a child and then try for a child.
There's lots of people who spend years preparing and getting ready to have a child and when that child finally comes it's most certainly a good time for those people.
However, speaking as someone who was/is one of those people, I don't think anyone is “completely prepared and ready for a child.” There's always going to be things you didn't expect or plan for about having a child. Nobody is Batman when it comes to parenting.
Dump your bf who listens more to mommy than to the woman who supports him. The last thing you need is a bf who says “if you do t get an abortion you will be s single Mom”. Your bf does not want to marry you and is hiding behind mommy. If you get the abortion dump your bf. If you do not get an abortion dump your bf and sue them for child support.
get your shit sorted first. then do that. you first. then that.
Stop cooking for him.
This sounds like a man beaten into submission, and walking through life as a zombie designed to his fate.
I would love to hear his side of this story, and how he came to be someone who just absolutely doesn’t care about life anymore.
Considering the fact that you seem to know what’s going on in his personal therapy sessions, which should be private, coupled with you flagrantly stating he’s crazy for expressing things he experienced, this sounds like a frightening case of gaslighting on your part.
Please just leave this man alone and divorce him.
I don’t think I’ll ever trust a woman again.
Don't be a dipshit. This has nothing to do with women. People cheat.
Go and do your own thing. Your partner can’t be your amusement 100% of the time, she’s not a performing seal. Get hobbies, interests, work out, visit friends, practice your own self care and deal with your anxiety. Couples need space from each other.
Yes. I completely agree with that. It's not that I consider her a child. She's free to do all she wants, it's her life her choice. But if her decisions today has the potential to affect our relationship in future, then I should be thinking more about it. Shouldn't I?
I've seen relationships being ruined because of health issues. My parents have already retired with almost no pension, and they are getting old. I will need to take care of them in future as well, hence that too will take a hit on my personal finances. If my girlfriend also ends up becoming sick, I'll have to take care of her too. It's definitely not gonna be easy for anybody involved. I'll be torn apart between my parents and my wife. Will lead to fights and arguments. And yes, I've seen this happen in my own home.
You'd be dumb to move past it. You should move past the entire boyfriend. But dumb girls like you will stay for whatever reason. Can't you date someone that is NOT violent, and where you won't have to move past things that make you uncomfortable
Ok, that's valid. I don't know who told him what. I was going off of his post.
Unless you can do therapy, not much you can do except give him a safe space.
Does he have ADHD? The way he acts is sounding kinda familliar.
I don’t recall any of my friends getting all hot and horny either over it. Other different reactions, however. Lol. I agree, this whole thing is a shit storm, maybe OPs taking away lesson ought to be no more open relationships in the future.