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How is it that as a woman, you weren’t able to understand the deeper issues in their sex lives and see why his wife might have issues with him jerking off and watching porn so often? It’s fine to have a high libido, but it’s not ok to use your wife as a masturbation toy. Their sex life isn’t about intimacy or about her needs. It’s about OP being able to sleep and him using his wife as a means to an end. he’s asking his wife for sex every night not Bc he wants her or wants to connect with her or to pleasure her. It’s just so he can sleep. He literally doesn’t care if she’s getting off or enjoying it. he doesn’t care that she’s just giving him sex out of duty now. How shitty must it feel for her? he literally tried to negotiate how many times she’ll give him sex. And her offer wasn’t even good enough because he needs to sleep 7 days a week. He is incredibly selfish. he didn’t mention anything about how his wife feels or what kind of sex life she would want. So as a woman, how do you not have any empathy or understanding of his wife? How do you not see that his masturbating/porn addiction literally IS having a negative effect on his sex life. Her insecurity is being caused by OP and how he treats her and how he attempts to control their sex life. It’s gross.
You ask her out or let it go.
That’s pretty normal for work retreats. The last one I planned, 2/3 locals stayed at the hotel with us. It’s a matter of these are people he interacts with regularly but doesn’t get to socialize.
It’s huge to be able to build those bonds on a different level and he’s left out of that if he goes home.
Be happy he is advancing his career.
If your cat is chipped. Call the police.
WTF is Jane contributing? Why can't she get a fridge or a microwave?
This is a YOU problem. You jumped into a new relationship and are already entangling finances with the new girl without untangling them with your ex. Jane sounds like she sucks here.
Also, if you’re splitting costs in 3, there’s a blood test she can do now to test baby’s DNA instead of waiting until the birth. I think it’s around $500 in the US…might be covered if she has good insurance.
It's a tricky one here. Because I feel for him but my gut tells me I really don't like this. We just got over a big fight that took us days and almost separated us and it was also related to women. So I don't want to rock the boat at least for now, but I might try seeing later if he could change his mind. The thing is he's very big on freedom and starts feeling angry if he's feels “controlled” or restricted. The aforementioned fight btw ended in my favor, I guess you could say. But it certainly left marks on us so I'll just give it time. He's been really sweet and super attentive these past days :/
Even my gf said this is sus but it isn’t cheating.
I just think it’s dumb
Yeah. Somewhere I agree with her. But I guess it’s difficult to take criticism.
Thank you for your comment!
I think you're right.
What name a kid has is a really strange thing for him to threaten no contact over. It really makes him sound fickle and like he doesn't have much love to give.
Either he's a shallow asshole or else he's manipulative, in both scenarios you should not give in.
Treated like a princess!?
She really doesn't know how princesses were treated. They were forced to be married to a stranger to seal a deal. Their husbands almost always had several mistresses and children out of wedlock. The princess were expected to raise the children.
If she wants an easy life, are you sure she is going to have that on your expense?
Depends where she’s traveling. If she is in an area with high poverty or high crime, she wouldn’t wear the ring.
Of course. Speaking as a afab myself, I'd only be interested in a partner who likes and is attracted to what I have. If my SO wished I had a penis instead and didn't like what I was naturally given, I'd be heartbroken but I would move on.
When did you last see her?
Let him keep your stuff instead of repeatedly using it as an excuse to talk to and see him.
I feel for this guy. Clearly it's compulsory. He means well, and may infact mean that he disassociate a great deal of it. But if it's a deal breaker for you, you have to do what's best for you.
Remember marriage is about committing for life. If you see this as a serious grievous, better to pull that bandaid now. Separating during marriage will be worse.
Worse yet, if he can't stop, imagine him getting caught by a family member or (heaven forbid) your child.
Do what you think is best for your future.
Best wishes.
Seriously! What is your obsession with this?! We were sure because it’s almost ALWAYS the case. ??
I think it’s fucking telling that you are more concerned with sticking it to everyone about being wrong about the age gap rather than being concerned about a terrible dad throwing his kid out like a damn dog who peed on the carpet. What is wrong with you?
Do better.
No, absolutely not. I’d honestly reconsider the girlfriend, personally, because that level of entitlement and expectation is difficult to manage.
He‘s gaslighting you.
I wasn't thinking when that happened, but I can see it now
Perhaps you need to spend less time with Jane since you have conflict with her and don't like spending time with her. I don't think an intervention over dinner is necessary. Just minimize the time you spend with her one on one (or two on one).
Some people are perfectly happy not “experimenting”, it’s almost like people can accept one another’s past without being jealous
My best friend gf pulled this same excuse. I screwed him because I know you were cheating on me. We were deployed together and zero cheating going on
Nope nope nope. This kind of treatment even one time is grounds to leave Immediately. I have never in my life been talked to like that by romantic partner.
And he HAS gotten physical with you. This behavior will escalate. But even if it doesn't, don't stay. This language is vile and abusive. No more I'm sorry, no more chances. You've waited, it hasn't stopped. Leave and don't look back. He will beg, he will swet talk you, he will love bomb you. These qre manipulative tactics to control you.
That happens, trying to emphasize and add to your point.
Honey, you can DO so much better, PLEASE believe me! And you're just starting your adult life, sO much left to ON-LINE and find love! Just imagine if you HAD gotten into a relationship with this scuzball? Once a cheater (especially being a relative NEWLYWED) ALWAYS a cheater! You REALLY dodged a MISSILE with this guy, thanks to your friend!
Tell him if he doesn't stop HARRASSING you that you'll either file a complaint with your HR department OR tell his wife! Make sure you keep any texts or eMails to back up your claims! Best wishes and many Blessings for your future!
The question isn't about who I'm “choosing”. It's my gf easily, the thing that bothers me is that I have to choose at all and my gf won't admit that's what she wants. Seems unfair
Side chick/booty call hour
Find a new boyfriend who prioritizes you.
I've used condoms to masturbate into to keep things clean when I know I'm in a fluid-bonded relationship and no longer need them
Are you guys teenagers?
What the heck is this Walmart? People date and have relationships all the time at work as long as there's not some type of conflict of interest. And even then it's not the end of the world.
Dude needs to grow a pair. You are both humans, you both have feelings, you both get sexually attracted to people. And alcohol makes you not think about things before you do them so you just acted on how you felt.
This seriously sounded like a deer in the headlights moment for him
If he was truthful he would have sat down and gone thru his tinder profile with you to settle your nerves and then you could both delete it properly together
That's what normal behaviour in a relationship looks like
This reminds me of the Simpsons where Homer forgets his anniversary and when questioned he denies forgetting and then races upstairs out the window and down to the quick e mart.
months? she's not going to abstain from having sex be it me or someone else i can almost guarantee it
I don’t want to continue anything with him anymore though and have told him twice in lengthy messages.
Stop explaining. You said you don't want to continue seeing him, that's the end of it.
He’s asked what specific reason we can’t be friends.
No reason necessary. JUST BLOCK HIM ON ALL CHANNELS. (Document his messages, it sounds like you might need them to build a case against him for harassment.)
If they wanted to offer market price then they shouldn't have asked their friends. They're looking for the trust that friends provide for the price that untrusted strangers offer