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?Take off pants? [Multi Goal]
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?Take off pants? [Multi Goal]
You might be the definition of “in denial”. Look it up.
Just because you think he is amazing doesn't mean you need to be in a relationship. To me this sounds like you honestly love him for the person he is, but you aren't in love with him.
Also the way he makes you feel now while in a relationship isn't really fair for him. Honestly after reading this I think you two are better of as friends. you're still young, you'll find someone to fall I love with. It's just clearly not this guy.
Why do you feel the need to track him? How many times a day do you check his location?
That is such a naked to read sub. So deplorable to see all the “pity-me” perspectives in there. The ones showing true remorse, I'm proud of them, but 9/10 of those posts carry a sentiment (I even saw this phrase written three times in my hour long browse) of “this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me”.
but she insisted it was the only time she has ever cheated on me in our entire relationship
One time too many. Like this would change something? Delusional
She seems very remorseful and her tears seemed genuine
Yes – they seem genuine, but not for the reason you think. My advice is to cut contact . There is no trust anymore.
Look sweetie I can give you names if you want but at the end of the day its up to you if you want to believe it or not. But also there are some people out there that are frauds or just want views, just be careful. And I suggest you have a serious talk with your boyfriend and get some help, just to help what you're going through
Umm…. whats wrong with asking him directly OP? You're 28, you can do this.
Well, marriage is about depending on each other, so, good luck with doing your own thing and not understanding why you aren't supported.
These posts have to be be trolls at this point with all these ridiculous age gaps and groomers
I hope your mom isn't kissing you enough to say she likes the feel your beard? Lol I'm kidding (kind of? ?)
In all seriousness, shaving is not that naked of a self care thing to do to keep the person you're kissing (or other things) if you like it maybe it is tike to move on to a girl who likes it too, if that sounds shallow, you are right because that's how it sounds to me too.
I'm sorry lol but there's no excuse to cheat (unless someone is being abused and feels too unsafe to leave). I've said this a million times on this sub, and I'll continue to say it: cheating is well-documented to traumatize people and cause ptsd very commonly. It is not a small mistake. It is a decision to traumatize someone else. Your friend is a pos.
Plus, you realize that one of the most common reasons that people cheat is because they aren't being sexually/emotionally fulfilled, right? Your friend's situation should not be an exception to you because her reasoning isn't an exception to the common reasons. So, if you excuse her, you're excusing a whole lot of cheaters, dude.
If someone is in a sexless/emotionally unfulfilling relationship, there are plenty of things that they could do such as…idk..maybe fucking leaving?? Or idk…maybe communicating, seeking couples therapy, and then leaving if the issue doesn't get fixed when worked on. Cheating is not excusable. It doesn't fucking matter if it's your closest friend who did it.
Your friend is an immature, unempathetic, inconsiderate coward who did something that commonly traumatizes people. There is no excuse, and you SHOULD be taking a naked look at the company that you keep because being friends with people that are shitty, and making excuses for those shitty friends reflects who you are as a person as well.
Your wife has good reason to not want you to be friends with this woman. She's in the right here. I wouldn't want to trust someone that willfully did something so cruel either, and I wouldn't trust my husband if he was excusing that person either.
You picked a bad egg and this will only get worse. It's a lot worse than you think. Removing the money from the joint account without telling you is a giant red flag. It's not ok. He doesn't have the right attitude about how to make a marriage with an equal partner rather than a live in maid, cook and caregiver.
You need to speak up now, calmly and reasonably and let him know none of this is ok. Depending on how he reacts, it sounds like it will be in your best interests to not marry him and leave and work out child support and custody. If it goes badly in trying to get him to listen to reason, Speak to an attorney about dealing with child support and visitation.
Do you have family to help you/move in with until you get on your feet if he won't see reason?
This is a troll post for sure.
but he works in law inforcement
Don't do anything. Block him everywhere you can and disappear. It's not worth putting yourself into this
Thank you, that's also why I'm uneasy. He knows I'm thinking about it so he could be starting to cover his ass already while keeping me on the line. I trust no one.
He sounds interested, but remember if he is into you and cheats with you, that means he will also cheat ON you if you end up together. You are going down a slippery slope.
I've been down this road before….. he is love bombing, he will slip back to his old habits in a month or two, and try to wear down your boundaries and make them conform to his wants.
This 100% depends on the two of you. Some people are uncomfortable and can look the other way. Some don't care at all. And some consider it a deal breaker. In your circumstance I don't know where you fall in that line but if she's truly stopped using it, it sounds like it wasn't a big deal to her anyway. It's not something you should beat yourself up over if she has stopped at your request. It means she loves you more than she ever liked porn and chooses you. Sounds like a great partner to me.
Assuming she's not a nutty passive aggressive person, if she declines your help, you should accept at face value. OFFER to help, but accept it when declined. Offer to help with clean up. Again accept if declined. Many people feel that guests should not be imposed on when hosting. Also, for all you know, cooking food may be this woman's “love language” and the way she shows she cares for other people, like her family.
Bring a small hostess gift – bottle of wine or flowers. Nothing too excessive as many people feel that gift giving/receiving creates an obligation and is actually a burden. Something they may enjoy without feeling like they have to share it with you. Offer to take them out to dinner. Even people on diets can find something to eat in a well-chosen restaurant. Don't be under foot. Leave for a couple hours to allow them time in their own homes to relax – even if it's for something as small as an evening walk for an hour. Be a courteous guest and clean up after yourself.
You sound incredibly dramatic and attention seeking. You need therapy.
In general, when someone has been married four times, they're usually the problem. If he hasn't learned to be a good partner at his age, it's never going to happen.
Jesus Christ, no. Don’t do this. Wtf.
She did more than make out, she may be remorseful but a good bet she is keeping back the dirty deed for fear of you would let it slide if it was “just making out”…..and it happened twice? Hmm?
So if this has happened often, why didn't he recognize the phone? You'd presume if they live together and this is happening constantly, he'd have learned what the phone looked like by now. That's why I don't assume this doesn't happen often
And I wasn't accusing you of anything or implying that you had a bad relationship in any way. I was using specific scenarios that you mentioned as they might apply in their situation. At no point was I speaking about you directly other then when I asked you a direct question. I was taking to specific scenarios you mentioned and applying them to a general context. I don't know you, and I don't know own your situation. For you, going out may be once in a blue moon, but for others, it may be something they do weekly. When I said “something you do often” I wasn't saying you specifically. It was general. But I can also see how that might be confusing. I should have chosen my words better.
Obviously, I don't know them or the specifics of their lives. I can only assume based on the information presented, which you have also done quite a lot of too btw. Your whole point at the end was predicated on the fact that she forgot to tell him which you don't know if she did for certain. And if she didn't forget then she made a choice not to mention it. And you're also right she doesn't have to tell him. But you can't tell me her life wouldn't be a hell of a lot easier right now if she had.
You've also accused me of twisting your words and putting words in your mouth but did exactly that to me. When did I claim she was intentionally betraying, disrespecting or being malicious to him by not communicating about the phone? (I claimed it was poor communication which can happen to strong couples). Or, for that matter that you have bad communication with your partner or criticize the relationship you have. And it would be a “courtesy” because courtesy means showing politeness and its polite to inform people of things the may be unaware of.
And just a side note I only mentioned the AH thing because I got so many downvotes
Why was your dinner getting cold while you were doing the dishes? Why not eat first? Was he forcing you to do it if so then get out fast. If not then why on earth couldn't they wait till later.
Anyway hes depressed and needs professional help most likely. Probably also stressed from the career move as well as paying for a majority of stuff. Seems like a time for you to get out and him to figure stuff out alone. After just a year things being that bad, not a lot of hope for things to get better.
No it’s the fact that she got all defensive about me asking about her day (a normal question between us) and said she sat around on her phone all day when she quite clearly wasn’t which makes me feel like she’s hiding something. Does that make more sense?
You don't even live together so how can you know whether or not you're compatible. And you're already not on the same page about timing.
It honestly sounds like you're more focused on being married than who your partner is.
Yeah, I think you’re right and it’s just who he is. He’s always joked about being a douchebag like he’s proud of it or something. He does have good moments, though. I just wish he was always nice and loving ?
Seriously, your boy friend claims to be a genius and thinks that an IQ test is something he can just give you and get an accurate result?
Unless you have been assessed by an actual psychologist, you have not had a real IQ test and the results are totally fucking meaningless.
NTA and your boyfriend and his friends are insecure jackassess
Is there a possibility that she is financially motivated to be with you?
If u wasn’t attractive I’m sure men would actually wanna be my friend but that’s just the way it is for us on this side
Women that don't like _____ are just iNsEcURE!
Dude we are not falling for this bullshit line any more. Yes, she feels insecure because she does not feel secure. She just had a baby, and found photos of him having sex with another woman. It doesn't matter when they are from. The primal part of your brain is still going to react to it. Just like her husband looks at it and his brain gets turned on. His reaction is not “oh that is from 6 years ago, and it is just pixels on a screen”. Who are you kidding? InSeCuRE my ass.
Are you saying that if you found photos/videos of your partner getting drilled by someone else that you would feel fine?