My son has been married 17 years to his wife. In year 7 of their marriage, her bi-polar disorder was first discovered when she began acting totally out of character and had an affair. Once diagnosed and on the right meds, they reconciled and all has been great between them the past 10 years. There are no issues with the kids.
I do agree with the suggestion that you tell her you need to put the wedding plans on hold and re-evaluate in 2 months. Let her know the exact reason you have given us here. Address each issue and decide what is able to be compromised and what is not. Do not give her any hints about your thoughts. Given the discussion, you can then determine if you are still compatible. On the food issue, tell you you understand her feelings and are fine with it. But no food is to be tossed as you can eat leftover for lunch, etc. and have no issue with doing so. On children, that can be a deal breaker. A friend and her husband had a discussion prior to marriage and agreed on no kids. Seven years later he has changed his mind. She has not. They divorced. Once you break the news, it may even be beneficial to discuss the issues raised at her parents house or something where they are able to understand and witness the following conversation in event her memory isn't in sync. Or you could record the conversation.
You mentioned that you are not often on social media and you refuse to post about her on your social media although she begged you to.
I think the seed of her insecurity is because she seems to be the type who finds social media to be very important and even connect it to your relationship, while you claim you don't.
She can't understand why you, who claim that you don't care about your social media platform, 1) refuse to post about her, as you can't fathom her wanting to be appreciated on social media 2) refuse to unfollow an ex (sure it's super silly, since you guys were basically just 'puppy loves' and you don't even talk. I'm just telling you what it seems like she's thinking on her side. Do you “get” why she thinks/feels that way? Or do you just want her to accept your way of thinking, as in you refuse to 'indulge' her in her insecurity and that if you start now, she'll not be happy?
I think that you guys have a very different outlook on things. Almost an incompatibility. It can be a dealbreaker for some, you know. Since you guys are just dating, you can just break up. She can't see your side, it's not up to you to 'educate' her and she'll always assume you don't care about her as much as she cares about you. Hopefully she grows up and starts to view things differently but not via this relationship, that's something she needs to realize on her own.
Sex is an activity that requires immense trust and vulnerability. Despite what many people say, it is (to varying degrees) a bonding activity that creates a connection between you and your partner. In a very intimate way, you are getting to know/becoming closer with the person you have sex with.
This guy who you abused cares about you. He likes you. Despite everything you’ve done to him, you’ve cultivated a bond that makes it easier for him to forgive you and look past the horrible things you’ve done to him.
Asking Reddit why he could possibly go back to hooking up with you after all that you’ve done to emotionally manipulate him into feeling connected to you is pathetic and absurd. Take a moment to seriously ground yourself and put yourself in his shoes. What you choose to do has an impact on people in both positive and negative ways.
Stop toying with people’s emotions through sex and acting dumb about why they keep coming back. You are being emotionally manipulative.
Dude stop whining, stop wanting someone to take care of you. What is wrong with starting over. You want the easy way out and if that case shut up and marriage her.
You don't need to articulate anything. You're broken up and you owe him nothing else. Dude is just trying to control you. Next time he reaches out, tell him that you've said what you've needed to say and you don't want to talk about it or to him anymore. Tell him to stop contacting you. Then block him everywhere. If he continues to try contacting you, reach out to a trusted friend or even the police. Dude sounds unhinged and you dodged a bullet.
I get what you're saying but you cannot on-line your life on someone else's promises. You see the whole point of being with someone and being in a relationship is that you're with someone who wants to do the same things you do and wants to help and support you in what you want to do in life.
The next adventure needs a partner though and I don’t know how patient I should be.
Please keep in mind that if you stay or do nothing, at some point in the future you're going to be looking back on your life and feeling sad or resentful you didn't do the things you really wanted to do in life. You're the one who's been making some pretty big decisions in your life, such as buying a house, starting a family.
These are not small or insignificant choices, are they? See part of the process of making decisions and choices is being prepared to deal with the consequences and outcomes. When you make a choice or decision there are always consequences. All too often in life we make choices we think are going to work out but they don't, or they result in consequences and outcomes we didn't envisage.
You probably know this yourself. When a choice or decision you made doesn't work out you often have to step back and rethink things and try something different. But it's also true that when your choices and decisions, and the plans you make involve someone else, and there's no follow through. What I mean here is that you're getting words and promises, but nothing in the way of meaningful action, you have to reconsider the relationship.
Not knowing you, your history or your relationship, like everyone else here I can only guess and write about generalities. Reality is multi-dimensional. When you're in a relationship with someone you have two realities to deal with. You have your own reality as an individual and you also have your own reality as a couple with your boyfriend that you're also living.
If this was just me, who could fall for myself, impregnate myself, I would have just bought the house to do it in by now.
This is where we come to the issue. I don't doubt that if this was just you on your own you would have done the things yourself and there wouldn't be a post here on Reddit. But see buying a house with someone else is major. Starting a family with someone else is also major. I don't doubt that you would make an excellent mother, and would be proactive in raising your kid, but the kid is also going to need a father.
I get that you've made certain sacrifices to be in the relationship and to make it work, but what about your boyfriend? What has he sacrificed for the relationship? What has he given up? What is his actual commitment to your relationship? From what I can see (and I could be wrong here) all I see is that he's let you live in his house, you've made the sacrifices, but life for him is pretty much the same as it was before there was a relationship between you. So then I wonder just what your role is in the relationship. Are you an actual couple who sleep together, wake up together, live! together and you're both happy with the life you've built and the commitments you've made to each other? Or are you just some extension to his lifestyle, some arm candy, and there to tick off another box on the bucket list that he's in a relationship with someone? Where does your vision for the future line up with his?
I still get the feeling that you've jumped into this relationship with both feet, you've made sacrifices, but for whatever reason it's just not working out for you. You should not have to give up on your life and who you are just to be with someone, especially if you're not getting anything out of it. This is all I'm pointing out and suggesting you think about.
He's already told you that he can't get over you doing drugs at all. He also doesn't sound like he wants to date you anymore.
Stop being the obsessive ex and move on.
My son has been married 17 years to his wife. In year 7 of their marriage, her bi-polar disorder was first discovered when she began acting totally out of character and had an affair. Once diagnosed and on the right meds, they reconciled and all has been great between them the past 10 years. There are no issues with the kids.
I do agree with the suggestion that you tell her you need to put the wedding plans on hold and re-evaluate in 2 months. Let her know the exact reason you have given us here. Address each issue and decide what is able to be compromised and what is not. Do not give her any hints about your thoughts. Given the discussion, you can then determine if you are still compatible. On the food issue, tell you you understand her feelings and are fine with it. But no food is to be tossed as you can eat leftover for lunch, etc. and have no issue with doing so. On children, that can be a deal breaker. A friend and her husband had a discussion prior to marriage and agreed on no kids. Seven years later he has changed his mind. She has not. They divorced. Once you break the news, it may even be beneficial to discuss the issues raised at her parents house or something where they are able to understand and witness the following conversation in event her memory isn't in sync. Or you could record the conversation.
You mentioned that you are not often on social media and you refuse to post about her on your social media although she begged you to.
I think the seed of her insecurity is because she seems to be the type who finds social media to be very important and even connect it to your relationship, while you claim you don't.
She can't understand why you, who claim that you don't care about your social media platform, 1) refuse to post about her, as you can't fathom her wanting to be appreciated on social media 2) refuse to unfollow an ex (sure it's super silly, since you guys were basically just 'puppy loves' and you don't even talk. I'm just telling you what it seems like she's thinking on her side. Do you “get” why she thinks/feels that way? Or do you just want her to accept your way of thinking, as in you refuse to 'indulge' her in her insecurity and that if you start now, she'll not be happy?
I think that you guys have a very different outlook on things. Almost an incompatibility. It can be a dealbreaker for some, you know. Since you guys are just dating, you can just break up. She can't see your side, it's not up to you to 'educate' her and she'll always assume you don't care about her as much as she cares about you. Hopefully she grows up and starts to view things differently but not via this relationship, that's something she needs to realize on her own.
Sex is an activity that requires immense trust and vulnerability. Despite what many people say, it is (to varying degrees) a bonding activity that creates a connection between you and your partner. In a very intimate way, you are getting to know/becoming closer with the person you have sex with.
This guy who you abused cares about you. He likes you. Despite everything you’ve done to him, you’ve cultivated a bond that makes it easier for him to forgive you and look past the horrible things you’ve done to him.
Asking Reddit why he could possibly go back to hooking up with you after all that you’ve done to emotionally manipulate him into feeling connected to you is pathetic and absurd. Take a moment to seriously ground yourself and put yourself in his shoes. What you choose to do has an impact on people in both positive and negative ways.
Stop toying with people’s emotions through sex and acting dumb about why they keep coming back. You are being emotionally manipulative.
Dude stop whining, stop wanting someone to take care of you. What is wrong with starting over. You want the easy way out and if that case shut up and marriage her.
You don't need to articulate anything. You're broken up and you owe him nothing else. Dude is just trying to control you. Next time he reaches out, tell him that you've said what you've needed to say and you don't want to talk about it or to him anymore. Tell him to stop contacting you. Then block him everywhere. If he continues to try contacting you, reach out to a trusted friend or even the police. Dude sounds unhinged and you dodged a bullet.
Get out.
This has to be a joke, right?
My mother and her don't look alike too much but yes, I guess he has a type. If he'd find a woman my mothers age, I wouldn't have a problem with that..
I get what you're saying but you cannot on-line your life on someone else's promises. You see the whole point of being with someone and being in a relationship is that you're with someone who wants to do the same things you do and wants to help and support you in what you want to do in life.
The next adventure needs a partner though and I don’t know how patient I should be.
Please keep in mind that if you stay or do nothing, at some point in the future you're going to be looking back on your life and feeling sad or resentful you didn't do the things you really wanted to do in life. You're the one who's been making some pretty big decisions in your life, such as buying a house, starting a family.
These are not small or insignificant choices, are they? See part of the process of making decisions and choices is being prepared to deal with the consequences and outcomes. When you make a choice or decision there are always consequences. All too often in life we make choices we think are going to work out but they don't, or they result in consequences and outcomes we didn't envisage.
You probably know this yourself. When a choice or decision you made doesn't work out you often have to step back and rethink things and try something different. But it's also true that when your choices and decisions, and the plans you make involve someone else, and there's no follow through. What I mean here is that you're getting words and promises, but nothing in the way of meaningful action, you have to reconsider the relationship.
Not knowing you, your history or your relationship, like everyone else here I can only guess and write about generalities. Reality is multi-dimensional. When you're in a relationship with someone you have two realities to deal with. You have your own reality as an individual and you also have your own reality as a couple with your boyfriend that you're also living.
If this was just me, who could fall for myself, impregnate myself, I would have just bought the house to do it in by now.
This is where we come to the issue. I don't doubt that if this was just you on your own you would have done the things yourself and there wouldn't be a post here on Reddit. But see buying a house with someone else is major. Starting a family with someone else is also major. I don't doubt that you would make an excellent mother, and would be proactive in raising your kid, but the kid is also going to need a father.
I get that you've made certain sacrifices to be in the relationship and to make it work, but what about your boyfriend? What has he sacrificed for the relationship? What has he given up? What is his actual commitment to your relationship? From what I can see (and I could be wrong here) all I see is that he's let you live in his house, you've made the sacrifices, but life for him is pretty much the same as it was before there was a relationship between you. So then I wonder just what your role is in the relationship. Are you an actual couple who sleep together, wake up together, live! together and you're both happy with the life you've built and the commitments you've made to each other? Or are you just some extension to his lifestyle, some arm candy, and there to tick off another box on the bucket list that he's in a relationship with someone? Where does your vision for the future line up with his?
I still get the feeling that you've jumped into this relationship with both feet, you've made sacrifices, but for whatever reason it's just not working out for you. You should not have to give up on your life and who you are just to be with someone, especially if you're not getting anything out of it. This is all I'm pointing out and suggesting you think about.
Ah ok or he might just been really busy or ill that he hasn’t got round to replying
Info: where’s the money now?