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OMG block this guy. He's a red flag factory all by himself.
You were very nice, respectful and direct with him. He, in turn, tried to push himself to be your “friend” while not caring at all about you. A truly nice guy would have said “I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to overwhelm you, I'm just looking for friendship, what is the frequency and length of communication that would be comfortable to you in order to pursue just a friendship?”
Instead what he said is “I'm the eight wonder of the planet and you DARE to refuse ME and you even dare to make your long time friends a priority, instead of making ME, that you just know me, your absolute priority, and you should know how mistaken you are to not make your life revolve around me”. He really is not worth your time or your guilt.
I think you’re right to be nervous. Were it not for the move 10 hours away, you wouldn’t even be considering moving in together.
You are going to be so. Fucking. Busy. And she isn’t. These 2 days a week you do now? Ha! Don’t see that happening as a resident. And she isn’t going to know anyone so what is she going to do? Is she super independent or is she going to be stressing you the eff out wanting more attention?
And it’s been 10 months of 2 days a week. That’s just…awfully soon at your ages in my opinion.
I think you should plan to focus on your residency and try LDR or she can move and get her own place so you two can keep DATING.
If you do get a place with her, I’d keep it to a shorter length.
I dunno.
When I was about your age just graduating college, I followed my then BF of 10 mos overseas. I’m not opposed to the general idea. But we were on the same page and you two aren’t.
my gf and I agreed about it, I told her that she'd be able to work. We said it to our friends before leaving who were chill about it. We both recognized that it was not a good idea to bring them, and in the end it was my idea. The reason behind this is that my friends wanted to go there together for new year's eve and I told them that my family (who owns the place) didn't want them alone, that at least I should be there (which is understandable). Even though we recognized it wasn't a good idea and I apologized for it, the issue remains that they are no longer in a good relationship and I'm sitting on two chairs here.
As a victim of domestic violence and solo parent I can tell you you will do far worse damage by staying.
I've been raising my kids alone for over 10 years and they are doing well. I can't imagine how they would be if we stayed. Our life would be hell.
You don't need to put up with this. Document every with your BF and his dad. Comments, everything.
Contact a lawyer.
Does she ever spend multiple hours a day on video games and hobbies while you’re on duty with the kids, chores, etc?
In general, how much time per week does she get to just do her own thing while you hold down the fort?
Who is doing the cooking, cleaning, doctors appointments, laundry, grocery shopping, etc?
Renting a hotel room is way over the top. If he wanted to meet how about a restaurant, bar, etc. It is the hotel room that he needs to explain. He panicking due to the fact that his queen is about to walk. He cannot justify his actions, there is no excuse. Did he say why he thought you were taking to your ex? Or is this another excuse he is using for his behavior?
I think you're right to say this!
Are you really sure you want to do this? How did you meet these guys? How many people is not a lot? Sounds like they talked you into this. Big age difference. Taking advantage of her naivety.
You seem to have a shitty girlfriend. You should reevaluate your relationship with her.
Either she is stupid or she thinks you are.
Yeah it probably is. If not fake that's some outrageous shit straight from the Z category movies.
He wouldn’t have to get over it. There is a difference between secrecy and privacy. It was none of his business. I hope this is a lesson
dude, the fact she wasn't 100% on living with you and rather on-line with her friends for a year is a red flag if you have been together for more than a year or so and both feel the relationship is progressing.
Then to screw you over on letting you get the apartment you both agreed on?
She deceived you.
Pretty sure she's trying to act single when you ain't around.
You were the backup plan.
Honestly, I think it was a reasonable assumption to make. This is why I try to tell my partner everything, even stupid little things like that. Because you never know what's going to spark something or cause a miscommunication. She didn't tell you about the friend leaving the phone with her on accident, so what were you supposed to think finding a random phone you've never seen with texts from a dude on it? And while you were wrong to jump to a conclusion like that without asking her first I think a lot of people would have made the same assumption. Especially with how easy it is for people to cheat nowadays.
She has a right to be mad, but this whole situation could have been avoided with a “hey ____ left her phone with me on accident it's charging in the bathroom.” So she's not blameless here either.
I'm pretty sure it's the same troll that keeps posting that all her kids are from an affair partner. It's the same kind of energy and attitude in the comments, and I think that one sometimes has twins too.
Queen, you shouldn’t have to be with someone who you know won’t even try to listen to and understand you! And for your own sanity, just know that you’re being totally reasonable. He ignored your calls to talk to a woman and then admitted that he’d be upset if you did the same. How is that fair at all? And if if travels a ton, how are you supposed to even trust him 🙁
You should have 4 banking accounts
Your checking account
Your savings account
Joint checking 1/2 and 1/2
Savings if you wish. 1/2 and 1/2
Make sure you have paperwork on all deposits and withdrawals.
Can put those in a safety deposit box
She didn't have a relationship with him. She had a oen night stand while intoxicated on alcohol and drugs. Much different than if she actually had a relationship with him. I do agree that at some point she should've told him but this was stupid drunk teenage sex and I'm sure sh really regrets having done that
She didn't confess out of guilt and had a three year affair. And you don't even know if she's remorseful or in love with you. I'd bail. I know you want the youngest to leave first, but it'll never be the right time, and excuses will constantly come up to delay. Just rip the bandaid off and file. I'd also tell the kids what happened, they're adults, and deserve to know.
If it damages their relationship with her, then so be it. She's the one who jeopardized everything, and she's had three years to come to terms with it. Just state the facts and let them react accordingly. Your wife didn't just betray you, she did it to the entire family.
I'd also recommend getting tested. This sucks to say, but there may have been overlap, given the affairs duration. I wouldn't bother reconciling unless you think it's the right decision for you. Not for the family, not for her, but for you. Be selfish, does she make you happy, or is staying just the convenient thing to do?
Tell them and find out their reaction. If they are happy for you, then it's all wonderful. If either start to complain about your pregnancy, let them know that if they want to be kept informed, or in your life, that they need to keep their negativity to themself. If not, let them know they will be placed on time out with increasing duration for each transgression. And then maintain an information diet. Go LC/NC if needed. Your family, including pregnancy, are what matters – not anyone's negative opinions.
How does he get on a work? Sooner or later someone is going to complain and it will be the boss’s job to have that conversation. Tell him this will happen and also tell him how you feel. Be supportive and kind but firm. Ask him why he doesn’t want to go to the doctor’s if there is something easy to remedy this aspect of your lives.
Dump this abusive piece of shit asap. What a garbage human.
Self respect. You need to have some. How humiliating is it to say out loud “sorry we can't be friends because my boyfriend won't allow me to have male friends”?
Anyone this jealous is controlling and coercive. Also, what kind of friend does it make you?
I think it's fine to acknowledge that in person if it feels organic within the conversation. I wouldn't belabor it too much but letting her know that you recognize things moved too quickly probably wouldn't go amiss.
Why is this a discussion? You and your SO are both 30 and presumably will be married soon. You two decide what you want to do and stick to it.
When this happened:
So I told my mom that I think we’re getting engaged this year and she said he hasn’t asked her and why not?
You should have just told her you guys aren't interested in doing that (if thats the case).
She said it’s traditional, respectful, and he has to. I don’t agree and I don’t know why she is adamant about it.
Who cares why she's so adamant about it? You don't want to do it. So don't do it. Tell her you guys mean no disrespect, but this is not a tradition you want to have within your marriage.
Do I make him ask her or just stand my ground and not make him ask?
Do you honestly think going around and making your future husband do things he's morally opposed to will be a good start to your marriage?
If SHE wants to save the marriage couples counseling asap. She is putting a lot of blame on you here when she's the one having an emotional affair at minimum.
They have both lied to you. Broken trust is really naked to repair and the work to do that is on her.
She also needs to stop the DARVO tactic now.
What you need to do is decide if you want to stay with her. If you can ever trust her again.
That's not a crappy way. Unless you're dealing with an unreasonable asshole.
When something sweet happens to me, my absolute first thought is to send it to my gf.
Even more gray areas I want to tell her. I want to tell her everything. I had a drunk younger woman grab my pecs and tell me to come find her after I get my drink. First thing I did was brag to the gf lol. And she loved it. Because she's confident and not an asshole. And she knows me telling her is safe