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Platonic or not. Do you have boundaries? Emphasise on your limit and consequences of her actions
I mean he isn’t on a Time click but you are. If he isn’t will to do the IVF then find a sperm donor if you are still eligible. If not then maybe IVF in a surrogate but I know you may want to experience the pregnancy and birthing as well. He’s 40 and still doesn’t feel like his life is together? Like no life will be perfect. People grow up with much less than what you alone can provide. You guys should have an honest conversation to see if he even really wants kids still because you are running out of time
Be honest with her.
You don’t need to be blunt, but you do need to be honest.
“When we were in school, I wouldn’t have imagined we’d be friends* now. I still have some uncomfortable feelings about what you said. I knew it was high school and everyone says foolish things, and I know you’ve changed since then, but it’s really gnawing at me.”
*: assuming this is a friendship and not more than that, not a fan of /r/SapphoAndHerFriend moments
Don’t ascribe blame. Just acknowledge your feelings because your feelings are legit. Hopefully she will be just as open.
It’s common enough that a queerphobic person is, themselves, that flavour of queer that it’s all but a trope. I actively keep that in mind when I engage in derad and someone in a homophobic, transphobic alt right space asking for help guiding them out confides that they questioned their sexual or gender identity.
You don’t need to give her forgiveness or absolution if she offers an apology, since a sincere apology does not need to ask for such things. That’s up to you.
But you won’t get anywhere until and unless you speak.
LoL all you uptight Americans blow my mind. You never stay friends with someone you've slept with? Or made out with your friends?
Just cut off all people who have touched you or seen you naked, like it never happened. Like an ostrich with its head in the sand.
I'm so sorry. Moving on is naked but you have to remember that she is not who you thought she was. The person you loved does not exist… This person is a liar and a cheat. My God she lied to your face for years!
Stop calling her to get answers. Nothing she will say will justify what she did. And whatever answers/lies she tells you will only hurt you more. See how she's already blaming it on you not hyping her up as much as you used to?
This happened to a friend of mine. He was devastated. Every time he called her, the story would change. At first it was that she had sex with the guy just once. Then it was 3 times. Then it was that he pressured her. Then it was that the guy was ready to settle down and have kids and my friend wasn't ready at the time. Every phone call just made him feel worse. Sorry OP ?
ooighhheag aghhh ahhh i got sucked under my peloton ahhhhh oouhhhahh
So she lies, you can't have constructive arguments, and from your post it implies she doesn't work… What does she bring to the relationship? What do you get out of it?
How long were you dating before you got married? It's not unheard of for someone to put up a front until they get the ring. Like for some reason they think they've “got you” and you're not going anywhere.
Sounds stupid right? Cuz it is. Nobody has time for that nonsense. I'd cut your losses, you're too young for this crap.
Get out now. You say that you don't want to be in a polyamorous relationship so get out. Tell your girlfriend that this isn't what you want, dump her & move on with your life. 1
Get out now. You say that you don't want to be in a polyamorous relationship so get out. Tell your girlfriend that this isn't what you want, dump her & move on with your life. 1
I totally understand having a long day, but then can you understand if you came home and you had that kind of exhausted demeanor and then she had to ask you about a bracelet and then you blew up on her saying that everybody got it but she had no idea and she had to ask about it – why she is upset about it lol?
Don't be passive. Don't wait to see what develops. Your marriage is the most important treasure you have. Defend it. Many of the other commenters have suggested how, with many different implicit assumptions. Only you can decide which path is correct and command your defense.
However doing nothing seems like a bad option. The trajectory you described is not good. It may not be a problem now, but if you do nothing it seems likely to become a problem. Marriage is not a steady state that that once achieved requires no sustainment. It must be constantly refreshed, rebuilt and defended. Don't take it for granted.
My own sense: (1) It is not acceptable for a married person to go out for a drink alone with a colleague of the opposite sex, and your wife shouldn't have dropped that fact when telling you. I don't think this is an unreasonable boundary to set. However, there seems to be a generational difference on this. I've (62M) been with the same woman for forty years and I'm pretty sure she'd be furious if I did that, and I can't imagine her doing it. Millenials will use their favorite vocabulary and call me “insecure,” “manipulative” and “controlling,” but I'm still married to a woman I love and many of them are divorced. This boomer's OK.
(2) My sense is that the dying bedroom is a symptom, not the problem. Therefore toys and tricks in the bedroom won't solve it.
(3) There are too many tragic stories on Reddit that start out with the story you just told. I often think when reading them, “why didn't you do something to defend your marriage when you could, before it was too late?” Make your ending different.
Brilliant, you the assume the blame for the relationship ending and work,on yourself and she gets a pass! Brilliant!
No it’s not a normal thing to say. And, for what it’s worth, my partner and I are both neurotypical and we both wore ear plugs when our son was an infant. Not a weird thing to do at all.
If you have had already a conversation with him and he become so defensive about it or try to shift the blame on you for reading his messages then that’s your cue to leave him.