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Get out of this now before you end up dealing with something equal to what his ex is going through.
After you leave him, but before you even think of dating again, you need a mental health intervention. None of this is normal and the fact that you were justifying his bs before he told you the whole story is really concerning. Everything about this guy is a red flag and you just excepted it. Healthy, functioning adults do not not behave this way or surround themselves with “people” like him.You will continue putting yourself in dangerous relationships if you don't get help. You are an abusive partner's wet dream.
Jeez, leave her alone, already.
I'm sure she has other friends, family, her friends family and friends she can lean on for support.
His doesn’t seem to? At least in the pic he sent me he looked hard and the skin was over the head there was even some hanging over it. In another pic it was rolled down but I assumed he did that himself
Thank you for taking the time to write this out. It’s much appreciated. That makes complete sense. I’m already feeling so much better and over it. I’m still going to talk to him about it because I feel like it’s very important that him and I are comply open and honest with each other.
My husband and I talked about him coming to the wedding with me, because he also gets along with B and would love to go. But he knows himself and knows that if he was in the same room as K that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from confronting him.
Naw I have stomach issues, I don't always know when they are happening and frankly I'm not giving myself a stomach ache to appease someone's delicate feelings.
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Lmao do NOT do this
Wow OP you have no self esteem and that’s sad
Maybe you can give her some credit for talking to you and committing to a plan that ensures she won’t work with him anymore. She is human and these are natural human feelings. It sounds like she’s doing what a great wife can do in order to remedy this situation.
I never used dating apps, these are just friends-turnt dates.
Honestly, I’d just laugh it off. He got caught spinning a tall tale and was embarrassed to come clean. Has nothing to do with you or your relationship.
You've been together 6 years. The honeymoon phase has worn off. People get comfortable in relationships. That sounds like what is happening. Why don't you ask him to start having date nights and doing special things for just the two of you?
You both in your 50s grow the fuck up, scary to think people like you are in charge lol
Oh jeezus you need to lose this guy.
You're only 27 and you haven't mentioned children so I GUARANTEE you are just as tight as you were in highschool. Unless you've been letting horse-hung pornstars run trains on you when nobody's looking.
This guy's just trying to shame/guilt you into giving him anal. I guess that's his kink or something but he doesn't seem to give a crap how uncomfortable you are with it or the medical problems it's causing.
Lose this creep. At 30 it becomes alot harder for a woman to find a serious romantic partner. Do not let this creep take the next three years from you.
He’s a CTO and also has his own IT company. He’s very frugal. I think it comes from his childhood, his family was struggling when he was a kid.
I think it would really throw you for a loop if you told her what you knew and instead of her being ashamed she doubles down on it. That combo has the potential for some violent shifts lol if it doesn't bother you I feel like you should probably just forget about it. I mean you've known about it all this time and are still deciding to marry her, so why rock the boat?
My boyfriend had this happen when we were in college. I still get in fights with these very pro-foreskin groups sometimes about the realities not being circumcised can cause. I am sorry you are going through this. Mine was too afraid to get the surgery even though it was free in Canada, and he passed away childless 5 years ago. I imagine that was why (I am 48).
I mean you definitely know this isn’t sustainable so what other decision do you have but to move forward. You set a clear boundary and she violated it. If you don’t follow through with that boundary, she will never respect you or any boundary you set ever again. It’s time to bounce and I’m sorry.
Men are not mind readers, nor are some of them the brightest.
Be blunt and ask him. Because if you don't & he doesn't take you, you're going to be pissed then this will be a big issue that could've been avoided.
If he doesn't want to, you need to stop asking about it. You will only pressure him and make the subject about oral something negative. Try to see it from his perspective. What if you didn't like giving head and your partner would ask about it, when he has been in the mood for 3 weeks? Wouldn't that hit a nerve with you?
Is it a deal breaker for you? Can you continue in this relationship without oral?
Two possible scenarios in my mind here.
My parents were super Mormon and dated in their teens. My mom literally broke up with my dad at 18 and moved across the country bc she was afraid she’d sleep with him before they got married. She lived there for like 5 years and then moved back and they dated again and got married. A little dramatic but a similar thought. So it’s potentially because she’s worried/ashamed of physical feelings towards you and is trying to limit that.
Scenario 2, she’s trying to distance herself because she wants to break up.
Y’all just need to speak honestly on the subject.
Very wise of you. Yes, please make a plan. Set money aside and have a deadline for yourself.
But also, I would advise that you put a line in the sand. In your mind there has to a be line where if he crosses it, you'll leave immediately, even if that means you have to ask for the help of friends/family/social services to get by for a while.
You're in a very precarious position, but you WILL get through this. And you will rebuild your life moving forward. Now is the time to be tough, calculating, and adamant. Don't give up on yourself.
Very wise of you. Yes, please make a plan. Set money aside and have a deadline for yourself.
But also, I would advise that you put a line in the sand. In your mind there has to a be line where if he crosses it, you'll leave immediately, even if that means you have to ask for the help of friends/family/social services to get by for a while.
You're in a very precarious position, but you WILL get through this. And you will rebuild your life moving forward. Now is the time to be tough, calculating, and adamant. Don't give up on yourself.
I’m torn on this because she has said she wants those feelings to return too
It’s clear that you are struggling with insecurity and I think a lot of people who are judging you have probably experienced this at least once in their life.
I think anyone can agree that it probably doesn’t feel great seeing someone flirt with your partner and to have them entertain that even if they claim they would never really be interested. Your partner isn’t shutting it down because even if he isn’t interested in them, he likes the attention. You’ve expressed that these interactions make you upset, yet he continues to engage. If knowing that he’s upsetting you isn’t enough for him to draw boundaries, then you’re not really a priority to him. Getting attention from other girls and protecting their feelings by not being firm with boundaries are more important than making you feel secure in this relationship.
I just thought I was being selfish expecting to finish every time.
The world has us pretty well brainwashed, doesn't it?
It’s hard to see when you’re in the middle of it. (Offers internet hug). You’ll be ok.
It’s so hard, but there is another side. Let yourself imagine life without him. Believe it or not, there is a lot of exciting shit out there that you may not have been considering because you were in the settle-down mindset! This is so fucking tough, but listen, while time is of the essence, you aren’t a spinster, okay!? We always see ourselves as older until we look back and think, “damn, I thought I was old??”. Breathe, go to therapy, get your support system in check. Let yourself grieve, but also let yourself celebrate yourself.
I hope his wife leaves him tbh. She probably meant it when she said she wants a divorce. I hope she does that and I‘d also suppert her financially to get away from OP. Her „admitting“ she had a „psychosis“ is probably her being gaslit into thinking something‘s wrong with her.