This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I throw a pretty big Christmas party every year. A few years ago at one I threw my friend Tara met my former co-worker Tony and they hit it off. They dated for a while, and two years later, once again at my Christmas party, she showed up with a ring on her finger and they announced for the first time that they were engaged. I was super happy for them.
They got married this past spring. I didn't get invited.
When I was sending around invitations this year, I didn't see any reason to invite them back if they didn't think I wasn't worthy of making their guest list. I have known them both for years, basically introduced them, and they literally announced their engagement at a party at my home.
It got back to me today that they're very upset with me for not inviting them this year, that my party is something they consider special and they think I'm being petty. A couple friends mentioned it was a smaller wedding and they feel like I'm just punishing them.
It wasn't though. I knew at least 50 people at that wedding, and I was a little surprised at some of the names that made the cut over me. I didn't make a stink about it or anything, but I don't see why I should welcome them into my home again after being snubbed like that.
My partner thinks I should just let it go and invite them back, but I don't see a reason why I should.
This is absolutely true for some people. I started when I was 15, just turned 60 and I've been 175 days without smoking and that book is totally what helped me the most.
Be honest and tell him that the things he promised to change haven’t changed. Even though you both missed each other, you had conditions for getting back together and those weren’t met. Maybe he is as miserable as you are but thinks you will be destroyed if he leaves. And he managed for a year and a half without you so he can do it again.
This is the most likely explanation. OP is so obsessed with proving that his kid isn't good enough to beat his wife that he's plugging their moves into a computer to get an objective evaluation of their games. He frames it as “I just want her to be honest”, but he sounds so fixated on “proving” he's right that I'm guessing there might be a reason she doesn't want to admit whatever is really going on to him
They stopped communicating…FOR NOW. He's not a machine that you can control. You can't keep track of everything he's doing all the time. If they have been friends for 17 years, it doesn't just stop like that.
Jfc you sound exhausting. You guys weren’t spending enough time together and broke up. It honestly sounds like you want him to be miserable now? Why? You guys were dating for barely a year and you’re in your thirties. That’s not a long time. It sounds like he is moving on with his life with a positive attitude. You should be grateful for the time you guys had and do the same.
Maybe, just maybe, he's happy. You said it yourself; it was mutual. You both wanted to end the relationship. He wasn't happy in the relationship so obviously he's more content with being single. Don't take it personally. He's moving on and healing.
Why wouldn’t she be bitter? She had children with a man who didn’t respect her. She’s tied to him for life whether they’re still married or divorced. He took advantage of her and it’s having lasting, likely permanent consensus.
He showed you who he is. The only good thing about this experience is that now you know. Don’t give him any more chances to blame you for the audacity to be human. End it before he even comes home. And they must be very lucky that they can eat pizza, drink beer, yet never poop. It’s a miracle!
I see things in a different light when you clarify how you believe she experiences my behavior, perhaps i am colored by my own experiences during the weekdays i have spent at home to fully realize that she may well experience entirely different things.
We usually spend 1-2 hours every evening with each other, and the same amount of time before falling asleep.
Different relationships and boundaries, just because one couple has no problem with watching porn, doesn't mean another couple might feel the same.
Watching porn in a relationship is only ok as long as parties talk about it and agree with it. OP clearly isn't comfortable with the idea, has voiced that feeling to her partner, and he's gone and done it anyways. OP has the right to be upset, at least in my opinion.
I can’t find any evidence in this post that you like your husband, and your husband DEFINITELY doesn’t like you because you’re way out of his league and he knows it and is trying to sabotage your self esteem over it.
i dont think there is really a right answer here, or even really a problem – he was uncomfortable going past the hot women, you were uncomfortable with the dogs. one of those things is not more important than the other.
the way to solve this kind of thing going forward is to be independent, make choices for yourself, and be willing to do things differently than your BF.
“im really scared of those dogs up there, im going to walk the other way and we can meet back at the car so you can avoid the women” would have been the play here. no anger or frustration, no asking permission, no need to do every little minute thing together. if this is very hot for you to do, that totally understandable and totally ok – being assertive in a cordial way can be nude for alot of people, but regardless, if its naked for you, its something you should work on.
if your BF would have a problem with that, thats a big red flag for controlling behavior. if your BF refused to walk a different way in a situation where there is no downside whatsoever, that would be a shitty thing for him to do, but in this case, you both had concerns that are totally valid and ok to have, but are also concerns most people would see as a bit of an overreaction. this means its time for each of you to be independent and go after what you need, but not be angry with the other person for doing the same.
Firstly, breaking up at 24 is easier than breaking up at 44, it'll hurt but you will survive, however much it might not feel like it.
That said, ultimately this is your call, you're in the relationship, you know this guy, we don't.
From what you've said here though he's got several negatives.
He's got a problem with honesty, he got caught doing something he shouldn't and he denied denied denied, that isn't trustworthy behavior at all, is this normal for him?
He objectifies women to the extent that he uses not seeing your sister as a person as a defence for why it wouldn't have been a big deal to jerk off to her.
You've said he's been a good partner, you haven't elaborated on that, so you need to spend some time looking at this objectively. Who is this guy really? What are the pros and cons of our relationship? Is he trustworthy? Will this relationship make me happy?
Take some time, figure out how you feel, you've had a shock, take some time to process and figure out what it means.
He could not bring the children BECAUSE one of them was sick! If you don't believe him, then you don't trust him, and you should end the relationship. I know sick children don't want to move, especially to make you better.
If you have the password to his phone take it and get the video or give the whole thing to the police and give them the password. This is monster level behavior all bets are off.
I (18f) have been dating a guy (20m) for roughly a month
You already have your answer. Don't wait on a relationship you're not even that invested in yet. Besides, one month with someone you clearly don't know that well, versus 18 to 24 months inside? There's a lot of drama you don't need to invite into your life.
Yeah no, this one's on you, if it was just sex as you describe then you could've picked any number of other people but chose one that your partner didn't like for what reason exactly?
This is a great way to start. Make sure to have this conversation *not* while trying, but rather when you are relaxed and just spending time together.
Also make sure to bring up the oral.
Please don't think you are being unreasonable. You should be able to enjoy a good sex life with your partner
It's smaller town people talk that she has slept around she introduced me to her kids and all that but that just puts me off should I risk it
she doesn't hate me and I would like to check on her like she's one of my friends, is it that bad?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I throw a pretty big Christmas party every year. A few years ago at one I threw my friend Tara met my former co-worker Tony and they hit it off. They dated for a while, and two years later, once again at my Christmas party, she showed up with a ring on her finger and they announced for the first time that they were engaged. I was super happy for them.
They got married this past spring. I didn't get invited.
When I was sending around invitations this year, I didn't see any reason to invite them back if they didn't think I wasn't worthy of making their guest list. I have known them both for years, basically introduced them, and they literally announced their engagement at a party at my home.
It got back to me today that they're very upset with me for not inviting them this year, that my party is something they consider special and they think I'm being petty. A couple friends mentioned it was a smaller wedding and they feel like I'm just punishing them.
It wasn't though. I knew at least 50 people at that wedding, and I was a little surprised at some of the names that made the cut over me. I didn't make a stink about it or anything, but I don't see why I should welcome them into my home again after being snubbed like that.
My partner thinks I should just let it go and invite them back, but I don't see a reason why I should.
This is absolutely true for some people. I started when I was 15, just turned 60 and I've been 175 days without smoking and that book is totally what helped me the most.
u/shadowKilzz, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
its so stupid to pay mortage i'd rather have them write up a rental agreement and pay via that so im not sol
Np! There’s nothing you can do except own your mistakes and do better in the future. Best of luck to ya!
Scummy
Remindme! 5 days
Its not you, Its the people your meeting.
Be honest and tell him that the things he promised to change haven’t changed. Even though you both missed each other, you had conditions for getting back together and those weren’t met. Maybe he is as miserable as you are but thinks you will be destroyed if he leaves. And he managed for a year and a half without you so he can do it again.
This is the most likely explanation. OP is so obsessed with proving that his kid isn't good enough to beat his wife that he's plugging their moves into a computer to get an objective evaluation of their games. He frames it as “I just want her to be honest”, but he sounds so fixated on “proving” he's right that I'm guessing there might be a reason she doesn't want to admit whatever is really going on to him
Did you mean to say male babysitter?
Bad
They stopped communicating…FOR NOW. He's not a machine that you can control. You can't keep track of everything he's doing all the time. If they have been friends for 17 years, it doesn't just stop like that.
Jfc you sound exhausting. You guys weren’t spending enough time together and broke up. It honestly sounds like you want him to be miserable now? Why? You guys were dating for barely a year and you’re in your thirties. That’s not a long time. It sounds like he is moving on with his life with a positive attitude. You should be grateful for the time you guys had and do the same.
Maybe, just maybe, he's happy. You said it yourself; it was mutual. You both wanted to end the relationship. He wasn't happy in the relationship so obviously he's more content with being single. Don't take it personally. He's moving on and healing.
Why wouldn’t she be bitter? She had children with a man who didn’t respect her. She’s tied to him for life whether they’re still married or divorced. He took advantage of her and it’s having lasting, likely permanent consensus.
He's not, no.
He showed you who he is. The only good thing about this experience is that now you know. Don’t give him any more chances to blame you for the audacity to be human. End it before he even comes home. And they must be very lucky that they can eat pizza, drink beer, yet never poop. It’s a miracle!
I see things in a different light when you clarify how you believe she experiences my behavior, perhaps i am colored by my own experiences during the weekdays i have spent at home to fully realize that she may well experience entirely different things.
We usually spend 1-2 hours every evening with each other, and the same amount of time before falling asleep.
Different relationships and boundaries, just because one couple has no problem with watching porn, doesn't mean another couple might feel the same.
Watching porn in a relationship is only ok as long as parties talk about it and agree with it. OP clearly isn't comfortable with the idea, has voiced that feeling to her partner, and he's gone and done it anyways. OP has the right to be upset, at least in my opinion.
Can you see her wait on her tables and ask the host “who’s section is table 101— they asked me to grab their server”
I can’t find any evidence in this post that you like your husband, and your husband DEFINITELY doesn’t like you because you’re way out of his league and he knows it and is trying to sabotage your self esteem over it.
Please don’t let him.
i dont think there is really a right answer here, or even really a problem – he was uncomfortable going past the hot women, you were uncomfortable with the dogs. one of those things is not more important than the other.
the way to solve this kind of thing going forward is to be independent, make choices for yourself, and be willing to do things differently than your BF.
“im really scared of those dogs up there, im going to walk the other way and we can meet back at the car so you can avoid the women” would have been the play here. no anger or frustration, no asking permission, no need to do every little minute thing together. if this is very hot for you to do, that totally understandable and totally ok – being assertive in a cordial way can be nude for alot of people, but regardless, if its naked for you, its something you should work on.
if your BF would have a problem with that, thats a big red flag for controlling behavior. if your BF refused to walk a different way in a situation where there is no downside whatsoever, that would be a shitty thing for him to do, but in this case, you both had concerns that are totally valid and ok to have, but are also concerns most people would see as a bit of an overreaction. this means its time for each of you to be independent and go after what you need, but not be angry with the other person for doing the same.
Firstly, breaking up at 24 is easier than breaking up at 44, it'll hurt but you will survive, however much it might not feel like it.
That said, ultimately this is your call, you're in the relationship, you know this guy, we don't.
From what you've said here though he's got several negatives.
He's got a problem with honesty, he got caught doing something he shouldn't and he denied denied denied, that isn't trustworthy behavior at all, is this normal for him?
He objectifies women to the extent that he uses not seeing your sister as a person as a defence for why it wouldn't have been a big deal to jerk off to her.
You've said he's been a good partner, you haven't elaborated on that, so you need to spend some time looking at this objectively. Who is this guy really? What are the pros and cons of our relationship? Is he trustworthy? Will this relationship make me happy?
Take some time, figure out how you feel, you've had a shock, take some time to process and figure out what it means.
He could not bring the children BECAUSE one of them was sick! If you don't believe him, then you don't trust him, and you should end the relationship. I know sick children don't want to move, especially to make you better.
Go to the police with the information you have
If you have the password to his phone take it and get the video or give the whole thing to the police and give them the password. This is monster level behavior all bets are off.
I (18f) have been dating a guy (20m) for roughly a month
You already have your answer. Don't wait on a relationship you're not even that invested in yet. Besides, one month with someone you clearly don't know that well, versus 18 to 24 months inside? There's a lot of drama you don't need to invite into your life.
Yeah no, this one's on you, if it was just sex as you describe then you could've picked any number of other people but chose one that your partner didn't like for what reason exactly?