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Your girlfriend needs to get a counselor to complain to. The fastest way to destroy a relationship is to treat your partner as your therapist.
Because he's pathetic and doesn't think he can get anyone else
He may not be able to help how he feels but he can certainly control how he acts and he's choosing to punish you for it.
If this was how my partner acted when I wasn't in the mood, I'd never be in the mood. So it's no shock that you completely lost your sex drive. Who would when sex becomes “do this or I'm going to treat you like shit”?
We all need a sounding board sometimes! Good luck.
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Has she cut contact with him? Are you sure she has cut contact with him? Because unless and until she does the two of you don’t have a relationship to rebuild.
If you don’t want to have sex, don’t force your self into it just to make her happy. And if she is refusing you, try testing what happens if you reject her instead. Or have a convo about it if possible.
I’m confused how she feels guilty due to religious reasons if she begged you for sex? But doesn’t want to engage when you initiate… that’s weird
Honestly, it may not always be something you can control in this matter.
The fact is you two are different people. He is clingy by default, and thus more codependant. While you are naturally independant.
This causes a lot of conflict and irritation, as these things continueously cause disruption in your relationship; causing the “good things” in it to become less significant as the pile builds up.
He needs someone who matches him the way he loves you. And while you love him too, it is not in that same way.
Basically, right now you two are speaking two different languages, and you can't understand each other very well.
That doesn't mean there isn't a solution. But it will take a lot of very hot work, and both of you to compromise.
To balance codependancy and independancy; we call this “interdependance”. You'll both have to compromise a little to reach that middle point.
This will require some really strong communication from both of you. And you really both need to take the time to LISTEN and TALK to each other about this.
That said, the way you act on this is your choice and in your control. But the way he responds is his responsibility, not yours. If he doesn't cooperate or wont put in the same effort; it isn't going to work.
At that point… save both your troubles and acknowledge the differences will remain just that. You both deserve better at that point.
This is so weird to me. Granted, I’ve been out of the dating game for a really long time. But I can’t imagine being in pain over a separation and WANTING to go sleep with other people on top of it. If I love the person I’m separated from, I feel like fucking around with new people would be the furthest thing from my mind.
I know, do you guys split 50/50? Or do some bills get covered by one party? I am concerned that he does not see the urgency in having this upset you. If bills don’t get paid, then you owe late fees. So what little money you do have now is even less. I mean, him losing his job at any point for attendance should be a wake up call that he needs to work on it.
I don’t suggest giving him an ultimatum, generally those don’t work. But I do suggest that you start looking out for yourself and setting some money aside. I am sorry that you are going through this. You should not be worried about paying bills like this, especially works. He probably has a job just to have one, that’s why he doesn’t see the urgency of being late or not showing up. Eventually they will just hire someone who will be on time. Everyone is replaceable in the workforce. I hope he gets a wake up call.
This is definitely all true. I don't think it's fair to say someone in enabling their own abuse though haha. But what your saying is facts. I do need to talk with her or she'll never change.
God damn this is a lot of assumptions about a total stranger that would have cost you $0 not to write out.
Move out so they can’t control you?
Lol maybe he’s dreaming that you are dreaming l
Thank you.
I really don't think that's what this was. Carrying a torch means you champion that person. She moved on and stopped championing him. She stopped keeping track of him. If she really actually had a torch for him there would've been facebook stalking etc. She'd have already known about the relationship/engagement. But she didn't. So she very likely doesn't “care about him” like that anymore. She had a fond 'different life path” feeling about him. Perhaps he wasn't mature enough or perhaps he never wanted to get married. She was with him from 22-26 you said. She probably thought/hoped they were going to get married, have kids. 4 years is a long time for women, especially if we're wanting to do those things. I don't know who broke up with who, but I can certainly guess that she broke up with him when she realized he wasn't someone who could/would give her those things. And she probably got through the very hot choice by acknowleding those things weren't compromisable. It's a radical and sudden change to her 'life story' that she walked away from a ltr, if he was 'incompatible' for those reasons, and come to find out, no, it was a whole new set of unknown reasons, that he was able to settle down and/or change, just not for her, leading to thoughts that maybe it was her who was the problem and maybe she still is because she's not married or engaged herself. It's not about her feelings for him, but about her ego/insecurities. And let me know if I'm wrong, but how far progressed is your relationship? Have you talked about marriage/kids? Do you know what she wants out of a long-term relationship? She's 29. Women have a lot of pressure put on them to settle down and if that's something she wants, it's just kind of a blow to realize that she wasn't good enough to have it with someone she was with for so long. Feelings of wasting time would lead to anger. Anger leads to insecurity. Insecurity to tears. Literally has nothing to do with how she feels about him or about you, but her own “life path”.